Sad Songs for Dirty Lovers
by Robicorn
Summary: What happens when you cause the ultimate betrayal? Family loyalties are tested when Emmett asks his brother Edward to watch out for his girlfriend Bella when he enlists in the Marines. This is the story of the games that play us.
1. Chapter 1 Guess I'm Falling for You

**SM Owns. **

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**Chapter 1: Guess I'm Falling for You**

_When I look into your eyes_

_I see sunshine_

_The clouds are blown away_

_I hope you're here to stay_

_Cause I've got me needing more of you_

_Guess I'm falling for you_

_-Michael Buble_

**BPOV**

The music is loud, the house is dark, and I can't seem to walk three steps without bumping into someone causing the beer in my red plastic cup to spill down my arm. I hate beer, but it's the only thing to drink at these frat houses.

I'm not the type of girl that does frat houses or college parties, but my best friend Alice is. It took a lot of convincing and pouting on her part before I relented. Here I am left alone to wander, waiting for her to be done. Her boyfriend Jasper is a brother here at Pi Kappa Alpha, at the University of Washington. It didn't take long for them to lock themselves in his room putting an article of clothing on his door knob; a sign that lets everyone know to stay the hell out. My feet stick to the floor as I try desperately to find someplace that I can get some personal space.

I walk outside to the back yard. It's cold, and I wish I didn't leave my jacket in Jasper's room. The lawn is littered with these plastic cups, and some ass is shirtless with big blue letters across his chest, PKA. I roll my eyes. Typical frat boy.

A few girls are flirting with him shamelessly, as he shows off. I can't deny that he is good looking. He has got a killer body. My eyes linger on his six pack. I'm not paying attention and he catches me staring. I blush. He smiles. I remember thinking his dimples are so pretty, pretty enough to take my eyes off his chest. I am positive he could get anything he wanted simply by flashing his smile.

Then, in true Bella fashion, I trip. I'm fortunate enough not to fall on my face, but the red cup is empty, beer covers my bare arm. Not that I care, I hate beer.

I look up, mortified. He is laughing. At me. I do the only thing I can think of, I laugh with him. I walk towards him, and he jumps down from the table he was just acting like a drunk ass on, leaving behind his fan club of girls. His landing is graceful, and the smile on my face grows wider.

"Okay, there Beautiful?" he chuckles.

I purse my lips, and nod, "I think I'll survive."

"Emmett Cullen," he tells me holding his hand out in greeting.

"Bella Swan," I respond offering him my hand. He doesn't shake it though, he brings it to his mouth and kisses it, he looks up at me through his long eyelashes and my heart skips a beat. I've never felt this way before. I love how his smile reach his eyes.

"Beautiful Bella," he whispers.

I try to think of a lot of reasons to leave or excuse myself because the last thing I want is some drunk frat boy trying to cop a feel, or force me to sit on the disgusting couches that God knows how many naked asses sat on.

But, I never need to. He is a perfect gentleman. He see's that I am cold, the goosebumps on my bare arms make it hard to deny.

"Yeah, I left my jacket upstairs," I shiver.

"Let's go get it," he offers.

"I'm afraid the room is being occupied," I explain.

"Ahhh," he says. He turns around to the chair behind him, and hands me a blue hooded sweatshirt.

"Thanks," I say pulling it over my head. I try to discreetly sniff it. It smells amazing, like Acqua Di Gio, a hint of wood with an ocean breeze. I savor the smell and commit it to my memory as a scent that would always bring me back to this moment.

He hands me another beer, and asks me about myself. There isn't much to tell. I'm a junior at Seattle Pacific University, my major is marine biology. Because I would live underwater if I could. I tell him I am from Arizona, and how I miss the sun. He tells me, that I am the sun. I've brightened up his night.

Every time he smiles at me my knees feel weak.

He tells me he is a senior, and after this year he wants to join the Marines to become an officer. That his brother is his best friend, and how much he is going to miss him when he leaves. He tries to use words to describe how much he will miss him when he is gone, but he is unsuccessful. I understand how that feels, because I left my whole life behind in Arizona. My parents and all my friends.

I know I can always go home though. They will always be there for me. That's what makes families so supportive. I could go a week without speaking to my mom, and know that she would be there if I needed her no matter what. I tell him all this and that it gets easier, and I think he feels a little better about leaving his family behind, especially his brother.

We go back inside, because it's getting late and I want to find Alice and go back to our tiny apartment. When we finally manage to get into Jasper's room, she is out cold. I shake her, I yell for her, but it's no use. She's out for the night, completely trashed.

"You can stay," Emmett offers, but I cringe at the thought. I have a huge aversion to sleeping in house where my shoes stick to the floor due to all the spilled beer. "Or not," he smirks upon seeing my face.

"It's not that far of a walk," I tell him grabbing my leather jacket off the desk chair. I don't put it on, because his sweatshirt is warmer...smells nicer. So, I just drape it over my arm.

"Let me walk with you," he offers. He leaves me standing downstairs while he finds another shirt. He jogs down the steps two at a time, and I never saw a white t-shirt in more glory. He grabs a jacket out of the closet and slips on a gray Gatsby hat over his dirty blonde hair then holds the front door open for me.

As we walk down the sidewalk, the street lights above us buzz. We approach the storefront my apartment is above and he becomes shy. He scratches the back of his head, he looks so boyish.

"So, Beautiful Bella, do you think I could call you sometime?"he asks.

I bring my bottom lip between my teeth and nod. I try not to look so excited, because I don't want to get my hopes up. I'm shy, and It's not as though I have never been on dates, or kissed boys before, but when it comes to dating I am still new to the game.

He pulls out his cell phone, and I tell him my number. He presses send, and my phone rings. "Now you have mine," he tells me.

He leans forward and his lips fall gently on my cheek. "Sweet dreams," he whispers to me as he walks away backward smiling his beautiful smile at me. I can't tear my eyes away from him, and he can't seem to either. Not until he trips over the fire hydrant.

I lose, it. I laugh uncontrollably at his blunder. He laughs with me, and I go upstairs and sleep. I have sweet dreams, and I don't take off the sweatshirt. I wrap myself with his scent as I replay the best kiss of my existence. Even if it was just a peck on the cheek.

I try really hard not to think about him. Not to get my hopes up. He may never call. All I may get is this one perfect night, and I don't want to ruin it by worrying over whether or not he will call. Stupid games.

These games we play, it's one of the major reasons that I don't date. I can't stand the rules. I hate that guys seem to think they have to wait three days before calling a girl back and asking her out again. Or the difference between, dating, hooking up, and going out. It's just too many rules with too many exceptions.

Emmett Cullen though, I would give it a chance for him. Because all he had to do was bat his thick eye lashes and smile at me, and I was like putty in his hands.

The next morning on my way to class, my phone rings. My stomach flutters when I see his name across the screen.

"Hello," I answer trying to keep my voice even.

"Beautiful Bella," he coo's.

"Emmett," I smile into the phone.

"Coffee?" he asks simply.

"I have class, after?" I suggest, because I'm not playing the game. I never did. I never will. I'm a straight shooter.

The week passes by with innocent touches and sweet touches and lots of coffee and even a little bit of ice cream. All while holding Emmett's hand.

I'm sitting in my kitchen with a cup of coffee one Saturday morning, sheathed in Emmett's hooded sweatshirt and short boxers the faint smell of ocean and wood is still there. The door bell rings. Alice is expecting Jasper, she scurries down to let him in.

I stand up to wash out my mug when they walk in. I smile at Jasper and my smile grows even bigger when Emmett appears in the door. It's one of those moments that feels like slow motion.

"Hey," I breath out. The excitement of a new relationship is the best feeling, and not one I have experienced much. I'm a bit embarrassed for him to see me shamelessly wearing his sweatshirt. The look on his face tells me I shouldn't be.

He grabs the material by my stomach and pulls me close to him. He pecks my lips, and I push him away playfully. "What are you doing here?" I ask him.

"Jasper said he was coming over, so I decided to tag along. I wanted to see you," he tells me leaning against the kitchen counter next to the sink.

"What are you doing tonight?" he asks me.

"I made plans with my boyfriend, why?" I tease him.

"My brother, Edward is dying to meet the girl that's captured my attention. I thought maybe we could have a few drinks with him at Kaleidoscope."

"Sure, I'm excited to meet him." I hear Alice laugh. "What?" I ask her.

"Nothing. You'll see soon enough," she smiles. I take this as a warning to attest to Edward's character. He can't be that bad, he is Emmett's brother. His best friend. I want to give him a fair chance.

"I'm gonna go get dressed," I tell Emmett. He stops me and shakes his head no.

"I like the way you look in my clothes," he whispers against my neck.

I blush, and something clicks inside my head. I want to be close to him. I get bold. I tug him back towards my bedroom. I feel comfortable with him. I feel like everything between us is clear cut. I'm not thinking this boy is going to call another girl as soon as he leaves my presence. I'm positive his actions and motives are genuine.

I don't wonder if I'm his hook up, or just a girl he is seeing. It's not high school. I don't need him to say I'm his girlfriend to know that is what I am. Every touch, every word, every intention tells me I am. It feels nice. He feels nice. I want him alone.

As soon as he kicks my bedroom door shut, his lips are on mine. "I'm glad you came over," I tell him as he walks me backward towards my bed. It's the most physical we have been, and I don't want it to get to out of hand.

I have had sex a total of three times. I'm in what feels like my first adult relationship, and as an adult I feel like sex is just expected. But I can't just have sex because it feels like something a grown up would do. As far as relationships go, I might as well be sixteen-years old, instead of twenty-one.

I fall back on the bed, and I think I should tell him I don't want to get to carried away. I don't want him to get his hopes up and be disappointed with me. I can't seem to find the right words though. I don't want to sound like a child.

So as he hovers on top of me, I let him do whatever he wants. His hands wander up his sweatshirt, I tell myself if they touch a breast I will move them. But they don't. He just wraps his large hands around my hips and feels my stomach.

His lips never go lower than my neck, and even though I feel his hardness against me, he never grinds it into me, I think he is even making some sort of effort to keep from touching me too much.

I feel his stomach, his hard abs contrast his soft skin and he feels so good.

Later that night, I slip in my skinny jeans, my favorite concert t-shirt and my chucks. Alice hates them. She tells me they are childish, but I don't care. I love them. Emmett holds my hand as we walk into the small trendy corner bar a few blocks away.

He walks me up to a table where I assume his brother is sitting. Good looks must run in the family because his brother is breathtaking. Even with his messy bronze hair that doesn't look like it has been washed in days and the five o'clock shadow on his face.

He stands up to shake my hand, his flannel is wrinkled, and the buttons aren't buttoned right. Emmett introduces me as his girlfriend, and it makes me smile. I'm happy. I have a boyfriend. I have someone that cares. He seems nice enough. His eyes are green like anemones plants in the ocean, and they captivate me like Emmett's smile does.

Edward is charming. He orders us drinks and toasts to me and Emmett. We talk about school, he is pre-med. He disagrees with everything. From global warming, to the salaries of CEO's, and whether religion causes wars, or gay marriage rights, and I swear to God, he is arguing just for the sake of arguing with me. Soon, he is excusing himself to flirt with a leggy blonde in short black dress and she makes me feel inadequate. I feel relived he isn't there to argue with me anymore.

He brings her over, and introduces her as Tanya. He makes out with her in the booth across from me and Emmett, I have to get up because it's making me uncomfortable. Emmett follows me to the bar where I order another drink.

"You okay?" he asks me, sliding money onto the bar to cover my drink.

"Just don't want to watch your brother grope that girl," I shrug. I sip my drink, and Emmett wraps his arms around me.

I excuse myself to go out and have a smoke. Emmett hates that I'm a smoker. I tell him I will quit, but don't really mean it. I let the smoke out of my lungs when I feel a presence next to me. I look over to see Edward.

He lights a cigarette and smirks at me as he brings it to his mouth and sucks back the nicotine. "You have a problem with too much PDA?" he asks letting the smoke escape his lungs.

I roll my eyes, and take another drag. "Just excessive, in your face, get a room PDA," I tell him in annoyance.

"I bet you're a prude," he states. I turn to face him, angry at his assumption.

"Just not a slut," I tell him with an edge to my voice. He chuckles.

"Obviously, Emmett hasn't had much to say about the sex, which only means there is none,"

"Maybe it's n-none of your business," I tell him putting out my cigarette with my chuck.

He checks out my ass, and smiles. "I'd hold out for the chance to tap your ass too," he says flicking the ash off with his thumb.

I'm stunned. I don't know what to say. How to respond. Who the hell does this guy think he is?  
"Pervert," is the best I can do, before I storm back inside where Emmett is waiting at the bar.

He slides my drink over to me, "What's wrong?" he asks.

"Your brother," I huff, bringing the straw into my mouth to suck more alcohol down.

**EPOV**

I wake up in what's her names bed? Oh right, Tanya. She's out cold, the sun is just rising. I swing my legs out of the bed and slip on my jeans that lay on the floor. I pull my shirt over my head and make my escape.

She lives in Rosalie's sorority house, and the last thing I want is to see her. If I had known she lived here, I would have never come back to her place. Rosalie is Jasper's twin sister. The only girl I have attempted to have a relationship with. But, she is too controlling, so I ended things. Only she still calls and asks to come over some nights. I'm not the type to turn down sex, so, I let her come over when I stay at my parents houseboat on Lake Union in Seattle. I know it gets her hopes up that I'll settle down or whatever, but I won't stop. Why destroy her dreams and deprive myself from sex?

She thinks I'm some lion she can tame. That she's the one that can make an honest man or something out of me. Just because she's Rosalie Hale. Five foot nine, a hundred and ten pounds, blonde hair, blue eyes, with breasts that put Jenna Jameson to shame, isn't enough to tame me.

It's a few houses down from Emmett's. I can walk there to go back to sleep, because it's way to fucking early to be awake. Jasper and Emmett share a room. I am positive Jasper is at Alice's, so I know his bed will be empty.

I push his door open, and I smirk. Bella's in his bed, her creamy leg hitched over his hip. I see her boy short underwear, and the way they hug her ass cheek. I try not to get a woody over my brothers girlfriend, I have to admit the girl has got killer legs. But she's such an awkward thing. She bites her lip, and rolls her eyes, and she has all these nervous ticks. She argues about everything, and when she gets flustered she stutters.

Now, that Emmett got laid, I hope I don't have to put up with her much longer cause she really just rubs me the wrong way. Everything about her, minus her legs...and ass...and eyes...irks me.

I sleep until eleven. When I get up, Emmett is gone, but Bella is still asleep. I rub the sleep out of my eyes, and scratch my head with a yawn before slipping my shoes back on and going downstairs.

It's not even noon, but this is a frat house, and a few of the guys are playing quarters in the dining room. I know where to find Emmett, he's in the basement working out.

When I go down, he is doing pull ups in the door frame, he lets himself fall to the floor and I smirk at him. "How was she?" I ask.

He shakes his head at me, "It's not like that, dude. She's different," he tells me.

"So, you mean to tell me you just slept?" I ask shocked. I couldn't just sleep with a girl who was only in her underwear.

"Pretty much," he shrugs. "I'm not looking for an easy fuck anymore, Edward. This girl...she's the type of girl you can bring home to Mom. I really like her, and I'd appreciate it if you were nice to her," he tells me with a pointed look.

"I'll try," I tell him. I'm not sure I can resist the urge to argue with her. Because it's quite amusing to watch her get her panties in a bunch. She is wound up tight.

We head upstairs, and Bella is awake. One of he guys in the house is pointing her in the direction of the basement.

Emmett walks to her and wraps his arm around her waist kissing the side of her head, "Morning, Sleeping beauty," he's making me queasy with this girl.

She shoves him away, "You're all sweaty and gross," she laughs.

I chuckle. "As if he wasn't getting all sweaty with you last night." Her face gets red, and it amuses me. "Although, my brother prefers thongs to the boy short underwear you are wearing," I tell her just to get a rise out of her. It's way to easy.

"You-you're such an ass," she spits out a bit spazzy, I suppose it's a better comeback then pervert.

"It's nice to see you too, Bella." I say with mock enthusiasm when Emmett gives me a warning look.

Emmett says he is going to take a shower, and tells us to play nice. I lean against the wall with my arms crossed and look at this girl that has my brother by the balls.

She is wearing one of Emmett's long sleeved Henley's tied at her hip showing a sliver of her stomach.  
I can see her black bra through the white material, and the three buttons are open. Her tits aren't big, but they are nice.

I tell myself to stop checking out my brothers uptight girlfriend. She crosses her arms over her chest and huffs, I guess she caught me checking out her tits.

"Calm down, there little miss prissy," I tell her. "I really get under that uptight skin of yours don't I?" I ask her.

"Please, don't flatter yourself to think that I actually give a shit enough about you to let you get under my skin," she turns to go up the stairs, I assume to wait for Emmett to get out of the shower and save her from me.

I still live at home, with my parents. It's better than a dorm, and when Emmett joined the fraternity I didn't really have anyone I wanted to rent a place with, so I just stayed home. It's not far from the Seattle campus, my parents don't try to control me or smother me. But, a few days a week I stay on my parents house boat in Seattle on the Roanoke Reef. It's just easier when I have early classes. Plus, it's so quite and peaceful. It helps me to stay focused. I tried to convince my dad to let me stay there all year, but he won't agree to more than a few nights a week, and never the weekend. It's not that he doesn't trust me, he doesn't trust my friends. 

I hope by next year, after three years of staying there a few nights a week without incident, he will give in and let me stay there during the school year.

I tell Emmett and Bella I'm leaving. I promised a special girl a date this afternoon. Bella of course rolls her eyes, I don't even bother trying to fix her assumption that I'm taking out a girl. There is only one girl I have ever called special, and she is six.

When my mom told us she was pregnant when I was fifteen I was stunned. The first time I held her, though I was in awe. She captured my heart, and even I will admit that she is part of the reason I stayed at home.

When I get to my house in Kirkland on Washington Lake, I go straight out back where I see her dirty blonde hair, her green eyes light up when she see's me. She is waiting for me on the small dock by our boat. "Edward!" she exclaims running towards me. I let her jump into my arm and I kiss her head.

"Hey kiddo, you ready?"

"Yup," she smiles up at me, a big gap where she is missing her two front teeth.

"Let's go tell mom we're going," I say ruffling her hair. I don't know why Emmett chose to live in that disgusting pig sty frat house when he could be here. Enjoying views of the lake, Mt. Rainier, and the city.

We find mom in the large white kitchen, she is bathed in the sunlight that is coming through the large windows along the back wall.

"Hey, Ma," I say giving her a hug. "Elise and I are going to the park." I tell her.

"Well, be back for dinner, your brother is bringing someone special to dinner tonight," she beams. We never bring girls home. She is excited.

"Ah, Bella," I say. "Pretty, but she needs to loosen up a little," I tell my mom.

"Edward, your brother must really like this girl to bring her home," Mom points out. She asks me about girls, if there is anyone special in my life. I tell her I am too busy with school to worry about meeting someone worth having a relationship with.

"We will be back in time," I promise before letting Elise climb on my back and head to the park.

"No later than four!" Mom calls after us.

Elise and I get back a little before four, and the house smells like rosemary and thyme. I head up to my room and check my email and Facebook. Rosalie sent me a message offering to come over tonight, I tell her that tonight's not a good night, Emmett's bringing his new girlfriend home. I end it by thanking her for the offer.

When I jog down the steps I hear Emmett introducing Bella to Mom, Elise, and my Dad, Carlisle.

"Hey," I greet them.

"Date over so soon Edward?" Bella quips.

"Well, we had to cut it short for this special occasion, isn't that right, Elise?" I let Bella know who my date was with. She looks confused and surprised and maybe even a little less like I am the scum of the earth.

Mom takes Bella into the kitchen when Bella offers to help, and Emmett comes with me outside to smoke, Elise follows us. "Do me a favor bro, and be nice to Bella." Emmett asks.

"Dude, I try but it's just way to easy to press her buttons," I tell him letting the smoke slip slowly from my mouth. 

"I like her, she's pretty," Elise announces swinging on the railing on the deck.

"Don't do that Elise, you could get hurt," I warn her.

Bella comes out, she pulls a pack of smokes out of her jacket pocket and lights up. She has two corona's and hands the one without the lime to Emmett. She balances her beer on the deck railing, and smiles down at Elise.

"How old are you Elise?" she asks her.

"I'm six. I just started first grade. And Edward helps me with my homework," she beams up at me. I wink at Elise, because Bella probably thinks I am not capable of doing such a thing.

Not that I give a shit what she thinks I'm capable of.

"Really? What kind of homework?" Bella asks her.

"Adding right now," Elise informs her.

"Really? Edward knows how to add?" she looks at me and smiles smugly. "I had no idea," she digs into me. I have to admit to being impressed at her ability to dish it back at me.

"Sure do, Bella. One and one is eleven," I laugh looking at Elise, "right?" I ask her for conformation.

She laughs at me, "No! It's two!"

"So, it is, guess your lucky to have such a smart brother to help you," I tell her.

Bella hasn't touched her beer, and I know if I pick it up and take a sip it will piss her off. So I do. I smile into the bottle as the liquid hits my lips.

"Yo! Get your own beer!" she yelps.

"Oh, I thought you brought this out for me." I tell her playing dumb while taking another sip.

"God, you are so-so-so...frustrating!" she huffs, putting her cigarette out and storming back inside.

I laugh, even though Emmett isn't amused. "What?" I ask him innocently. He just shakes his head in dissatisfaction.

Dinner goes well. Emmett and Bella seem to be happily floating in the honeymoon period, minus the sex of course. I wonder what her aversion to sex is, is she a virgin, or just a prude?

Later that week, after Emmett drops Bella off at her apartment, he stops by the houseboat to play the new Call of Duty with me. It's a Sunday night ritual.

I hand him a beer and we sit on sofa. I turn on the PlayStation. "Dude, is she a virgin?" I ask him.

"I don't think so, what's it matter?" Emmett retorts. "I respect her."

"Not even a blow job yet?" I ask.

"Not everything is about sex, Edward. I know it's a foreign concept to you, but Bella and I have more than sex. We have a relationship." he says it like I am a kid.

"I just think if your going to have a girlfriend you should at least reap the benefits of regular sex," I tell him.

"Just drop it, okay?" he warns, picking up his beer and chugging it.

"It's been dropped," I tell him. Honestly, it's just nice to have him hanging out with me. I've missed his company since Bella came around.

We always promised Bro's over Hoe's and I feel like I have been ditched...and for a spazzy awkward prissy girl.

**So, please review. Even if you already did on the joint account, because I don't want to lose them! **


	2. Chapter 2 Chasing Cars

**SM Owns. **

**GropeWorthyCullen is our awesome beta! **

**Strala is this amazing pre-reader. And I was super lucky to get a few more helpers for this chapter, Fiftylover. You know if she loves Fifty, she has fic taste!**

**We can't thank everyone enough for all the love. We srsly love you all. **

_If I lay here_

_If I just lay here_

_Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

_Forget what we're told_

_Before we get too old_

_Show me a garden that's bursting into life_

_Let's waste time_

_Chasing cars_

_Around our heads_

_-_Snow Patrol

__**BPOV:**

I'm lying in my bed staring at the ceiling in my room, thinking about all that has happened during the last few weeks since I met Emmett. My life has changed, and for once it's in a good way. Emmett is everything I could ever want in a man; he is smart, funny, loving, understanding and he is always there with his magic smile to cheer me up whenever I'm down. I am so grateful to have him in my life, I want to do anything and everything to keep him there.

I'm wearing his boxers and that blue hooded sweatshirt he gave me when we first met. I start thinking about him and the effect he has on me even when he isn't around. The simple fact that

his clothes are touching me make me tingle all over. It's as if he is touching me and whispering his loving words in my ear, as if he is lying right next to me. This man does things to me. Things that I can't control. I don't want to be without him.

Tomorrow is an important day in the Cullen household. It's Carlisle's birthday and Esme plans to throw a fancy dinner party for him. She's invited all the doctors from the hospital, all his friends, and family members...and me. I dread going. I don't know all the social etiquette rules.

Like when shaking hands, I never know if I give the right amount of grip. It shouldn't be too tight, but not flimsy. Then, when someone feels obligated to tell me they like my dress, I have the hardest time just saying a simple "thanks," and it's rude to blow it off. Which is exactly what I want to do. Then I worry if I am holding the wine glass in the correct position. I need to stop worrying. I'm going to give myself a stomach ulcer if I don't calm down.

I'm trying to figure out what I should wear. I'm more of a jeans and t-shirt type of girl, rather than a dress and heels type. Emmett insists that anything I wear will be fine, and that I will always be his "Beautiful Bella." He tells me I can even wear a plastic bag, and still be the hottest chick in the place. I laugh at his choice of words. Hottest chick. It is definitely a glimpse of the frat boy.

The thing is, Emmett is serious and that makes me feel special. I hope that it will always be like this between us, nice words, sweet kisses, and getting along all the time. We have our fair share of fights and arguments, but nothing too serious.

I am waiting impatiently for Alice to finish my makeup and hair so that I won't keep Emmett waiting any longer than necessary. I don't want to make him late for his own fathers party.

"Stop fidgetin' girl! You'll ruin all my hard work with your nerves!" Alice whines.

"I know, I'm sorry, I'm just nervous about the party," I try to explain

"You are so silly Bella, it is not like its the first time you've meet them, relax everything will be fine."

"Easier said than done Ally, I don't know how to act at things like this. Plus, I will be meeting the rest of Em's family, and I really want them to like me, he means a lot to me," I explain.

"Bella, seriously! The most important people in his family you already know, and they love you, so stop acting this way before I call Emmett to restrain you and remind you that there is no need for all your insecurities," Alice threatens with the the curling iron.

"Okay fine," I relent, blowing a piece of hair off my forehead. "Just hurry up and finish already!"

Once Alice is done, I put on my short purple backless dress and the with a pair of silver high heels. I resist the urge to put on my chucks. Alice will murder me. I make a mental note to bring them in case my feet start hurting later. I go downstairs and see Emmett. His mouth is open, and I assume it's because he likes what he sees.

"God, Bella! You look amazing, baby!" he compliments.

I twirl around and just as my luck would have it, I trip over my own feet and start to fall, but as usual my knight is there to catch me in his strong arms before I hit the ground and ruin all the hard work Alice invested in me tonight.

"Careful baby, I can't afford to have you hurt today," he whispers with a stern look. He tries to act annoyed when I stumble, but I know he loves saving me.

"It's the shoes. I really want to wear my chucks," I pout.

He laughs, "Then wear your chucks, Bella."

I hear Alice and Jasper laughing at my behalf and I blush bright red. Ducking my head I hide in Emmett's chest. Alice tells me not to even think about putting on the black sneakers.

"Let's just go," I mumble against his chest

His hands tighten around me and we make our way to his Jeep. Emmett has to practically lift me into the monster because I suck walking in sneakers, so in heels I am screwed. Once we are in the car, I put on the chucks. It's better than falling flat on my face and stumbling all night.

Too soon we are driving up the driveway that leads to the Cullen's large lake home, my heart is beating out of my chest and my palms are sweaty. I try to calm my anxiety. I just want everyone to like me, and I'm afraid I won't fit in. Fancy dinner parties are not something I do.

Emmett senses my discomfort. He holds my hand and starts drawing soothing circles with his thumb on my palm.

"Relax Bells, I won't let go of you for a minute, you'll be with me the entire time. So please stop worrying, my parents already adore you and so does Elise," he comforts me.

"Yeah I know, but Edward hates me," I tell him rolling my eyes. "I am sure he is telling everyone how awful your new girlfriend is."

I don't know why Edward hates me; I mean I never did anything to him. He isn't exactly my favorite person either. From the moment I met him he got on my nerves and I don't get why he treats me the way he does.

Emmett groans beside me. I look up to see him looking at me intently.

"He is not like that, trust me. He would never bad mouth you to anyone. He just likes to mess with people. Plus, he is a moody bastard and he's hard to understand at times," he defends his brother. I don't care that he defends him, I expect it even. It's one of the few things we fight over. I don't know why he lets his brother treat me the way he does sometimes. Emmett just says to ignore him, he is like a child and if we feed into it, he will never stop.

"Please don't forget to add that he hates me," I remind him.

"Ugghhh please Bella, drop it, he doesn't hate you, can you just forget about him tonight and have fun with me? Please? I can't wait to show off my beautiful girlfriend to everyone I know," he pleads with me.

Of course me being me, I blush tomato red at his compliment. It makes him laugh, I can't help it, his laugh is infectious and I start laughing with him.

The party is fun, everybody is dressed elegantly and having a good time. The music is amazing and the food is delicious. I am glad that I let Emmett convince me to come with him, it would have been a shame to miss out on such a great party with these people who are important to Emmett.

I spot Elise across the room swaying to the music with her eyes closed, and a small smile on her lips. She is the pure picture of innocence in her baby pink dress and ballet shoes. The girl is amazing, I loved her from the moment I met her, she is like the sister I've never had but always wished for.

We are standing with a group of Emmett's family's friends and he is talking animatedly with them about his plans to enlist after graduation. I dread the day he leaves.

"I'm going to go say hi to Elise," I whisper to Emmett.

"Yeah sure baby, I'll join you in a bit," he whispers back with a quick kiss to my temple, before going back to the conversation about Marine Officers and their heritage in the family on his mothers side.

I am really proud of him for going after his dreams and making his family proud. I can't help the wave of sadness that comes over me thinking about the separation we will have to face once he is gone.

"Hey there, little princess," I greet Elise.

She opens her green eyes and looks at me with the same dimpled smile Emmett has.

"Only Edward is allowed to call me that. I am his little princess, that's what he says" she tells me.

"Oh really? Um, let me think, what would you like me to call you?"

She giggles lightly thinking about it for a moment.

"I don't know, whatever you like Bella," she decides.

"Okay, how about sweet pea, how does that sound?" I ask.

"I like it, I can be your sweet pea, Edward's little princess, and Emmett's pumpkin," she tells me proudly.

"And don't forget, you are your parents' sweetheart," I add.

She smiles at that and blushes. Something catches her eye at the other end of the room and she excuses herself running to the other end.

I smile at how sweet and loving she is. I think for a moment about how rewarding it would be the have a daughter, as sweet and adorable as Elise is one day with Emmett.

I am interrupted from my daydreaming by a throat clearing.

I look up to see Edward looking at me with an amused look on his face.

"You owe me a thank you, Bella," he says smugly with his annoying lopsided smile.

"Why would I thank you?" I ask placing my hands on my hips. "Have you done anything besides humiliate me over and over again?" I ask irritated by his expression.

My response seems to amuse him more, and he gets this look in his eyes that tells me he is up to something.

"Well considering that you followed my advice, I believe you should be polite and thank me," he continues with his elusive comments, which I am positive will only end in one of two ways. And neither of them will be funny or amusing to anyone but him.

"What advice are you talking about? I'm not following you," I don't know why I am indulging him.

He laughs loud and then looks at me with amusement dancing in his green eyes.

"Well, I told you that Emmett prefers thongs to boy shorts and since I can't see any lines under your dress, you must be wearing a thong or nothing at all, which would be really inappropriate of you because you are in my parents' house," he says arrogantly.

I feel my face getting red with my increasing anger. Who does he think he is? Checking out my ass? Looking at his brothers girlfriend that way! Then analyzing what I'm wearing or not wearing under my dress! Ugh! I hate him.

"You are a sick bastard," I say between gritted teeth storming away in the direction of the bathroom.

I hear him yelling after me. "You are wrong, you know," I turn around to see what I am wrong about this time and he smirks replying, "I am not a bastard, they were already married before they conceived me."

He is so lucky we are surrounded by people, otherwise I would have kneed him in the balls and prevented him from having any bastards himself.

As I storm off, I bump into Emmett. He grabs my shoulders to steady me. "What's going on?" he asks me.

"Do I even have to say it?" I sigh, tilting my head in his brothers direction. I'm not surprised when I look back to see him laughing. "I really hate the way he is," I tell him. It's probably the twentieth or two hundredth time I have told him. He knows the nature of the comments. I don't need to tell him what he said about my ass tonight. His comments are either some dig about how I am a uptight cocktease prude, or about my ass and tits, or better yet my lack of tits.

"I'll talk to him, okay?" he tells me rubbing his hands up and down my bare arms. I nod at him, as he places his arm around my shoulder and we go outside so I can smoke.

Emmett nuzzles my neck while we stand out back of his house in front of the boat slip. It's freezing out so Emmett offers me his dark grey suit jacket. He looks really handsome tonight in his jacket and black and grey stripped button down shirt.

I wrap myself in the jacket, and don't hide the fact that I smell it. Emmett laughs. I look out at the water, and I long to be in the water, or at least on the water. I want to move somewhere that I can do that anytime of the year, like Hawaii. I'll settle for Florida or California, but Hawaii is my dream. The coral reef in Hawaii is amazing. Pink, red, and, orange surrounded by bright clear blue water. Here it's too cold. Too gray.

That's why the aquarium is my second home. I volunteer there a few days a week. I get to dive in the tanks and I love the live coral reef and swimming with the fish. I love the seals, the way they bark and clap and follow commands. It's all really amazing.

"When it gets nice, we can go out in the boat," Emmett tells me. He must have noticed the longing in my eyes. I smile wide at him, excited.

"Seriously?" I ask like a child that was just told they could have ice cream.

"Seriously," he repeats.

I keep telling Emmett he should be joining the Navy and be a diver, but he is so set on the Marines. He tells me he will learn to dive with me, cause I want to share all the beauty on the ocean floor with him.

Soon, Emmett's mouth is over mine, and things can't be anymore perfect. The night stars, the crescent moon, the lake, the warmth and comfort of his arms around me. I forget all about the party going on inside the house, and just let myself feel.

I don't mean to moan, but when his lips brush down my neck, I hum with pleasure.

**EPOV**

I see my favorite little girl across the room. She is charming one of my fathers residents with her smile and animated eyes. I make my way over to her, because I helped her with her present to our father.

With my mom's help, we get all the guests into the large living room, and I take a seat on the piano bench, Elise stands on the bench. She clears her throat dramatically and pushes some of her blond hair from her face before making her announcement.

"Edward and me, want to play a song together for our Dad's birthday, it's Debussy, _Clair de Lune_," she tells everyone as she sits next to me.

I nod at her, letting her know I'm ready when she is. Elise and I have spent the last two weeks perfecting the duet. She asked me to help her find something great for Dad. I offered to take her shopping, but she said she didn't want to buy anything, because Mom told her the best presents come from your heart. Who was I to argue?

We both started playing when we were three, music comes naturally to us. Emmett tried playing as well, but his hands were made for catching footballs not stroking piano keys. When we finish the piece, I stay seated while she eats up the attention and bows. My dad picks her up and kisses her, thanking her for the best present ever.

Everyone claps, but I don't care for the attention, so I slip away. As I walk toward the bar we have set up, I notice a red headed vixen checking me out. Her dress is emerald green, it's short, it's tight, and her gold strapy heels are the type I would make her keep on in bed. I smirk at her as I take my place beside her at the bar.

"That was cute," she tells me.

I shrug and act nonchalant before the bartender passes me my crown and seven that I have been ordering all night.

"I'm Victoria," she smiles at me with an extended hand.

"Nice to meet you," I say, giving her my trademark smile.

"You are Carlisle's older or younger son?" she asks, twirling the thin straw around in her drink.

"Younger," I tell her.

"Ah, pre-med. He is very proud of you," she tells me. I nod because I know this. "I'm one of his third year residents."

"Smart and beautiful," I flirt. I always get off on screwing older woman.

Bella walks up to the bar on the other side of me, and she smiles warmly at me. "You surprise me," she tells me.

I sigh, because I really can't stand to have her call me a chauvinistic pig or fuck up my chances to get this girl in bed. I'm not in the mood for her banter right now. I'm on a mission to screw.

"Bella, this is Victoria she works with my father, Victoria this is Bella, my brothers girlfriend," I introduce them. They exchange hello's, Bella gets her glass of wine, and turns to me.

"I really enjoyed _Clair de Lune_, it's one of my favorites. It was nice meeting you, Victoria," she smiles, and walks away.

I'm stunned. It's the first pleasant encounter we've had since we met. I watch her retreat, the dress is so low cut I can see the dimples in her lower back, and I have to remind myself to look away. If it weren't for her shoe's she would look really hot.

I think Victoria notices, she comments that I should be keeping my eyes on woman that are available, not girls that are taken. I like how confident she is. It turns me on even more.

Later that night, I take Victoria into my fathers office, bend her over his desk, hike up her dress, grasp a handful of her hair, and screw her hard, taking out all my frustration while doing so.

As we walk out of the office adjusting our clothes, Emmett spots us. "Yo, I have been looking for you," he says, ignoring Victoria. She doesn't stay. I like that she doesn't cling. She walks away and rejoins the party, as I try to tuck my shirt back in. I give up when only one side is in.

"What's up?" I ask him.

"I know you don't really think before you talk, but you keep saying pretty fucked up shit to Bella, and I need you to show her some respect. I don't want to hear about you making crude comments to her anymore." Emmett warns me.

I laugh. She is so freaking uptight. I think it's beginning to rub off on my brother. It must be the massive amount of cockblocking she dishes out. He has to be sexual frustrated. Emmett knows I won't magically grow a filter over night. It's just the way I am, but every time he asks me this I tell him the same thing. "No problem." Because I mean it. I don't want to piss him off, but old habits die hard. I don't know why I feel this way towards her, and what makes me angrier is that Emmett is always telling me to watch what I'm doing and saying. I wish he would tell her to try and tolerate me or whatever. I feel like we are growing apart since she came into his life.

The girl needs a backbone, Emmett is too accommodating to help her get one. I'm not. I think it will give her character.

She is so fascinated by the ocean. Which is a little ironic, because she is as spineless as a jelly fish. I have a feeling though, she can sting with the best of them.

"Do you ever go to a party and not get laid?" Emmett asks me with a slap on my back as we make our way back towards the party.

"Ah..no?" I say it like a question. "Don't you miss getting laid?" I chuckle at him. He says she isn't a virgin, so that means I was right. She is a prude. A cocktease.

"You just can't appreciate anything more than a fuck, I can, and I'm willing to wait for it." he tells me.

We go to the bar, and I order us two shots. Before I know it, we are two sheets to the wind, and Mom is making up his old bedroom for him and Bella to sleep in for the night.

"Just keep it down. I don't want you waking Elise," Dad warns us. Because we are drunk and young and loud boys.

I tell my parents not to worry. Bella won't put out for Emmett so they won't be making any noise. He tells me to shut the fuck up. My parents were never the type to push abstinence only to be careful, use protection. My mom always said to wait until we were in love, but really that's not a modern notion. I think she loves Bella even more now since she isn't 'easy'. I think my mom's exact words were, "I think it's nice that Bella respects herself enough not to take sex lightly."

I pretend to gag. Emmett tells me to shut the fuck up, again. My parents retreat to their bedroom. Emmett and I start to horse around in the hallway cause I pushed him when he told me to shut the fuck up for the second time.

I shouldn't mess with him, he is bigger. Stronger. But, it's fun. We're laughing and he puts me in a headlock messing up my hair.

"Dude, not my hair!" I yell, because I spent a lot of time making it look like a mess tonight.

Bella wanders out of the bathroom armed with a new toothbrush courtesy of my mom. She is wearing one of Emmett's wife beaters ready for bed, and no bra. I stare at her tits from my view under Emmett's arm.

"Who are you? Uncle Jesse or some shit?" she laughs upon hearing the aversion I have to people fucking with my hair. I take pride in my hair. I have a line of girls waiting to run their fingers through it.

He lets go of me with a final shove, and says, "Come on, Beautiful," I know he is saying it to Bella but I can't resist the urge.

"No thanks, Emmett," I laugh, heading into my bedroom. I notice Bella jump on Emmett's back as he playfully takes her to his old room...to sleep.

I wake up early the next day. The sun is just rising in the orange sky, I sit down at the piano in front of the large windows. The bedrooms are on the third floor, so I don't worry about waking anybody up.

I lift my left hand to the piano and play the first thing that comes to me. _Chasing Cars_. My fingers float over the keys and I lose myself in the calming melody. I let my eyes wander out the window in front of me, as I take in the view of the lake and the surrounding mountains that are bathed in green, thick with the forest behind the water.

That's when I see her. Bella. She is standing outside wrapped in a blanket watching the same sun rise behind the mountains as I am. I watch her walk back towards the house, and hear her come inside. I don't stop playing, when she comes in the living room, I smile at her as she curls up on the couch to my left, and she smiles back.

It seems like the only time the girl can stand me is when I play. When I finish, I look over at her and start to play _Thriller_. I smile, and she shakes her head at me.

"Showing off?" she asks.

"That would imply that there is someone here to show off for," I shrug, never missing a note.

"You're such an ass once you open your damn mouth. Do me a favor and keep it shut," she tells me.

"Now, Bella." I tsk. "You can't have it both ways. You can't enjoy my skillful hands and not my talented tongue."

"You really are full of yourself aren't you? Don't you ever get tired of yourself?" she asks me.

I don't answer her with my words, instead I fluently change the song to the chorus of _Beat It_. I smirk at her, and she leaves.

As she walks away, I think it would be funny to play _Oops I did it again_. So I do. She gives me the finger as I watch her retreating back.

Later, when everyone is up, she asks me how long I have been perfecting Britney Spears on the piano.

"Um, since my little sister asked me to. Plus, I can play from just hearing the song," I tell her, there wasn't much effort in playing it at all. She always thinks she can humiliate me, but she can't. And especially not in front of my own family.

Later that day, after everybody leaves and it is just me, Elsie and my parents, I get a text from Rosalie offering her services to me again. I really want her to come over but I feel really relaxed with my family and I'm not in the mood for her own personal brand of perfection; as she likes to call her body. So, in a rare Edward moment I decline telling her maybe another day.

I hang out with Elsie and help her do her homework before I head to the houseboat. I have to study, I really have a lot of reading to do for the next week.

I feel a lot of pressure, I feel like I am suffocating and I need to let it all out. When I get closer to the houseboat I get excited because in the driveway I see Emmett's jeep. I could really use a boys night. I'm relieved that I will be able to sit back, have a couple of beers, and just chill with my him. We do this every Sunday.

My boys night disappears when I open the front door and hear her laugh. My bro brought his hoe. Instantly I am annoyed. When ever we make plans together, she's with him. I wish he would just leave her at home every now and then. I am happy for him, I really am. I just want some guy time with him without having his uptight girlfriend tagging along all the time.

"Oh, I see you're here as well, can't Emmett go anywhere without having you attached at his hip?" I ask her annoyed.

"Edward!" Emmett warns.

Bella turns red, and it's not her blush, this is from anger. Her eyes start tearing up, she looks at the floor and starts mumbling something about having to go home anyway.

I look up to see Emmett glaring at me, I think he wants to hit me but he is holding himself in front of her.

We are both in shock when Bella stands up and looks at me, determination in her eyes.

"Wh-what have I done to you, Edward, huh? Why do you h-hate me so much? I think I deserve an answer," she yells at me.

It's so amusing watching her getting all worked up over this, so I decide to tease her more.

"Do you really want me to be honest with you, Bella?" I ask her, trying not to laugh

"Well y-you owe me an explanation, I-I just don't understand what is..._wrong_ with you, so, ah yeah. Please enlighten me to what I have done or h-how I have offended you to be constantly treated this way by you!" she demands.

"Honestly?" I taunt her again.

She huffs and puts her hands on her hips. She starts tapping her chuck against the wood floor, getting on me nerves.

"Well...Go ahead I am waiting," she says jutting her chin out, I can see all her patience dissipate from her body.

"Where should I start? I mean you're awkward and you are so transparent, I mean what kind of twenty-one-year old women still blushes?" I chuckle shaking my head lightly as I mentally go down the list of all the things I hate about her. "You stutter when you're upset, I'm amazed you still have a bottom lip with the amount of time it spends in between your teeth! And you argue for the sake of arguing!" I answer her raising my voice.

"Enough!" Emmett yells. I was beginning to wonder how long it would take him to tell me to shut up.

"She asked," I say throwing my arms up. I go out the door leading to the small dock floating on the water with Emmett hot on my heels. I don't look at him. I stare at the space needle in front of me and pull out my cigarettes.

"Why are you doing this, Edward?" he asks annoyed and angry

"I really don't know, Em," I say lighting up a cigarette. "I mean, Sunday nights we always chill. Why did you have to bring her tonight?" I ask him, finally looking at him.

"Since when did you start acting like a girl?" Emmett pokes fun of me. I knew he would, that's why I haven't said shit.

"I'm serious man. I know she is your girl or whatever, but I think you're ditching your friends for her. I know hoe's over bro's is a bit high school. But, dude, we always chill on Sunday nights. I fucking look forward to chilling, having a boys night. I don't say shit the rest of the week when she is around." I explain.

"We spend time together, Bro" he contradicts.

"No we don't, not since she came into the picture it is like you're a different person, all you talk about is her, all you want to do is be with her, I don't understand what is so special about her that you abandon your brother and best friend. Just one night." I tell him and turn to go inside leaving him behind to think about what I said.

"Edward, wait!" Emmett yells after me.

"Not now Em, not now, I'm not in the mood, just lock the door behind you when you leave." I say heading up the stairs.

I don't hear anything from him when I slam the bedroom door. I could have handled it better. Told him sooner how I felt slighted. It doesn't matter now. What's done is done. If anything I hope he realizes how Bella is affecting our friendship now.

**Reviews mean so much to us! Plus, we need help with some Sad Songs for these dirty lovers. Let us know what songs you think we should use. Review, then go to you tube and listen to Chasing Cars on the piano so pretty. **


	3. Chapter 3 The Best Day

**Sm Owns. **

**GropeWorthyCullen is awesome. We swooned over breaded Rob with his publicist Stephanie at Jimmy Fallon's Emmy Party. **

**HippieStarr, you are a kick ass pre-reader! I also had some other readers for this chapter, Fiftylover, thanks so much! **

**Chapter 3 The Best Day**

_I don't know why all the trees change in the fall_

_But I know you're not scared of anything at all_

_Don't know if Snow White's house is near or far away_

_But I know I had the best day with you today_

-Taylor Swift

It all clicks after that epic Sunday night fight Emmett had with Edward. Why Edward can't stand me. He feels threatened by me. I am taking his best friend from him. Sure, they will always be brothers, but I am quickly replacing him in the best friend department.

Part of me feels bad for Edward. He doesn't seem to have a lot of close friends. Sure, he has friends, but nothing close to the friendship he shares with his brother.

I figure all this out as my feet hit the pavement on my morning jog down the Burke Gilman trail. It's my favorite trail to run, because I can start at the University and take it up along the lake. It's quiet and flat. I try to go early every morning and keep a steady pace.

I start thinking about Emmett, and the progression of our physical relationship. It has left the PG and ventured in PG-13 land. Emmett is asking me about sex. I tell him I'm not ready and hope he is okay with blow jobs a little while longer. Maybe BJ's would be rated R...yeah probably. Sex would be like NC-17.

I can sense another runner behind me, I nearly jump out of my skin when a hand reaches out and touches my back. I turn to see Emmett.

I pull my left ear bud from my ear, and look at him with confusion. "What are you doing here?" I ask him as he slows down to keep pace with me.

"Didn't you hear?" he asks me. I shake my head no. "A girl was rapped yesterday running this trail by herself. I don't want you to run by yourself until they catch this guy," he warns me.

I'm thankful he is here. It's unsettling that a place I go to find peace is now tainted by crime.

"You gonna run with me every morning?" I ask him with smirk.

"Yup," he smiles back. "That is, if you can keep up," he winks before picking up his pace and running ahead of me. I'm always up for a challenge so I sprint after him.

I pass him and turn my head to stick my tongue out at him. "You're gonna be sorry!" he yells at me picking up more speed.

I squeal as he gets closer and I run behind a tree. We circle around it as I try to evade him. It doesn't take long before I let him get me. He grabs my hips and pulls me into his chest. He brushes my hair off my forehead, and I let out an unsteady breath of air swirl around us in the cold air.

He pushes his mouth against mine as he pins me against the bare tree, leaves crunch beneath our feet. I feel his hardness pressing against my stomach. The bark on the tree is scraping my back, but I don't care, because all I want is to taste him.

"Let's go back to your place," he says while he nibbles on my earlobe.

"I'll race ya!" I tell him pushing him away and running full speed ahead.

We get to my apartment out of breath and unable to keep our hands off one another. We kiss while I attempt to unlock the front door. I can't seem to handle both tasks.

"Need help?" he offers.

"I can do it. I just can't seem to insert the right key," I explain when the last key I fumble with glides smoothly into the lock.

"I can help you insert something," he says suggestively as we stumble inside the apartment.

I can feel myself getting excited..._down there. _I want to be more comfortable with sex. I do, I guess I just have to do it at my own pace. Gain experience or whatever.

Emmett peels off my shirt, leaving me in my black sports bra and tight black pants. His hands roam all over my stomach. I move my hands up his shirt, he raises his arms and his shirt lands on the floor next to mine.

"Stop," I tell him. "All gross and sweaty," I point out.

"So you want to take a shower together?" Emmett asks hopeful.

"I'll be really quick," I assure him.

I peel the rest of my clothes off in the shower and step under the water. I start washing my hair and as I am rinsing the cucumber scent, the door opens. I peek out of the plastic underwater shower curtain to see Emmett. He starts to take off his sweat pants and he has no underwear on.

"Mommy didn't do your laundry?" I tease.

"Let's not talk about my mother at a time like this...please," he moans. "I rushed out to catch you on your run, I was worried," he explains.

"It be really quick if we showered together," he winks at me as he climbs in. I'm not uncomfortable with him seeing me like this, I mean I'm not a _complete _prude. Damn, I would never hear the end of it from Edward if he heard me say that.

Emmett pulls my back against his chest and I can feel the hardness resting on my lower back. His lips move down my neck as the hot water sprays my chest.

Emmett doesn't try to hide his excitement and I don't want him to. It's erotic the way he is moving it against my lower back and ass.

He grinds it into me as his hands attack my breasts. Each hand completely cover my breasts. Soon my right nipple is being rolled between his fingers while he pinches my other one.

I arch my back in pleasure when he pulls both of my breast out by grasping my nipples. Soon his hands slides further down, and he begins rubbing me..._down there. _

I know he is going to ask if we can have sex. I'm not sure what I will say, because I don't even know why I am so hesitant. The three times I had sex, were not very memorable. Do you even count intercourse that lasts thirty seconds?

His fingers enter me..._down there_, while his thumb circles my sensitive spot. I wrap my hand behind me and around his..._thingy _and stroke up and down his lenght. I let my thumb sweep across the tip when my hand comes up.

"Baby, you feel so good," Emmett moans from behind me. I turn around to face him my mouth crashes with his as water runs between our lips. I miss the way his tongue moves against mine. It's soft and smooth and tastes like wintergreen.

He wraps his arms around my back, and lifts me off the floor. My legs wrap around his waist and his tongue finds the inside of my mouth as he pushes me against the cold tile wall.

"Let's get out of here," he breathes.

In a matter of seconds, he puts me down and hands me my towel, as he wraps another one around his waist.

Once we are on my bed, he is kissing down my stomach. His mouth is..._down there. _My hands hold the back of his head because it feels so good. I pull him up and I attack his mouth with mine.

He goes back to rubbing..._down there,_ and I shift my hips closer to his hand.

"Do you have protection?" he asks me.

I shake my head no. I have never bought condoms in my life. Ever. I am mortified when I bring tampons up to the counter at the drug store still. I can't imagine bringing up condoms.

"Don't move, I have one in my wallet," he smirks at me with a peck on my lips. I'm not ready. I don't want to have sex yet. He makes me feel really good, but I just don't feel comfortable enough yet.

"I can't," I barely whisper. Emmett rolls off of me. "I'm sorry," I tell him.

He stands up, and leaves the room. I want to cry. I wonder if I am defective. He comes back in the room, fully clothed, and I wrap a blanket around myself to cover up. I think my entire body might be red from embarrassment.

Emmett climbs back in bed with me, and pulls me against his chest. He places a light kiss on my forehead. "Don't be sorry...just tell me. I mean what's the problem? We have been pretty serious since we met. It's been like two months. I just don't know...what is holding you back?" he asks me.

"I-I-I mean, I don't know," I stutter. "I guess although I'm not a virgin...I'm not...um,exactly experienced either. I mean I have had sex with one person, a total of three times." I explain to him.

I was with Jacob for two years. I thought it was love. I mean, I guess for seventeen it was as close to love as anyone would expect. He wasn't going to college, and I was. He was going to go work at his fathers garage. The summer before I left for Washington, we had sex. I gave him my virginity. I somehow felt like, if he had that piece of me we wouldn't grow apart. We did it two more times that summer before I left. Jacob thought, I was his forever, because of the act. Not even sex could keep us constant. Not with the distance. Not with all the new places and people I have met. Not with all the dreams I uncovered since leaving home. Sex is never the answer. I learned that lesson the hard way. By the time I went home for winter break freshman year, Jacob and I hadn't talked in months.

We just stopped calling each other. Stopped talking. I moved on.

He remained constant. He was still Jacob, small town boy from Stanfield Arizona, population six hundred and fifty one. I was no longer his counterpart. I was independent. I was moving forward. It was obvious once I left, our paths were too different. I knew he was heartbroken. I knew he wanted me to tell him I would go to school closer to home, or that I would come back and live my life with him, but I couldn't. I don't want that life.

I suppose part of me is terrified the same thing will happen when Emmett leaves. I hope it doesn't. I would be heartbroken if he just left and forgot about me, like I did to Jacob. How was I to know if Emmett would leave and find this whole new life that I wasn't vital to?

I didn't leave Jacob that fall with the intention of leaving him behind. You don't mean to hurt people you care about, but sometimes it's just unavoidable.

All of these thoughts are swimming in my head. I think it's too soon to be feeling this way. I mean two months with someone, should I be worried about whether or not I will be vital to their future? It scares the crap out of me. I want to tell Emmett all of these things, the stories of my past, but worry it will scare him.

"Beautiful?" he asks, tearing me from the panic attack that began bubbling to the surface. I turn to look at him and force a small smile. "You gotta tell me what's going on in that beautiful head of yours." he insists, his fingers graze my jaw than trace my lips. "I'm falling in love with you Bella, and I'm starting to wonder if it's completely one sided."

I feel my heart expand at his words, then ache for making him think my inability to have sex has to do with my feelings.

"No, Emmett." I tell him shaking my head. I need to assure him. "It's the opposite. I feel so much, and it's so fast, and it scares me...cause I'm falling in love with you too," I tell him, before his hand cups the back of my head and he pulls my mouth to his. The kiss is slow, languid. His fingers tangle in my hair, and I move closer to him.

He pulls away and looks at me, "Then what are we waiting for?" he asks me.

I tell him what I am scared of; that I'm afraid he will forget all about me when he leaves, and if I give him all of me, I won't be whole anymore. He will have a piece of me I won't ever get back, and it scares me. I tell him about Jacob and how I just forgot about him, hurt him, and how I didn't even shed a tear.

"Bella you were eighteen. You are entitled to grow up, and sometimes that means growing apart. We are adults, and I don't see myself without you," he tells me.

I let go of the blanket that I'm clutching to my chest, letting it drop in a pool below me. I turn to straddle him, and with a sure voice, I tell him I'm ready.

In seconds his clothes are in a pile on my bedroom floor. He hovers on top of me, brushes my hair from my face, and he says, "I love you." I feel him at my entrance, and he pushes in slowly. He fills me, and he moves slow, while I adjust to the feeling of him being inside me.

Sweat drips down his brow. My nails scrape against his back as I try to get as close to him as possible. My legs lock around his sides as he pumps in and out of me. I feel myself come undone. Stars flash behind my closed eyes, and my legs go tense around him. I spasm around him. My teeth sink into the skin on his shoulder because I don't want to scream. I release him and let my head fall back on the pillow, my legs loosen, and he smiles a victorious smile at me.

He rests his forehead on mine while he uses long hard strokes. He pushes in hard one last time, and with a grunt he comes.

We lie in bed wrapped up in my sheets, a tangle of arms and legs. When we can't stay in bed any longer, we take another shower together, I wrap my legs around his waist while he enters me again. He pushes my back against the shower wall and hits the perfect spot inside me until I mumble, "stars, stars, stars."

Emmett stills his movements and just holds me. His head rests on my shoulder as he catches his breathe. "Stars?" he finally asks.

"It's what I see...ya know..when I..." I can't say it.

"Orgasm?" he laughs. I feel the heat rising in my face. I nod.

After we get dressed, I tell him I need smokes. I meant to get a pack on my way back from my run, but he distracted me. There is a corner store a few blocks away, it will only take five minutes to walk there.

I slip on my favorite matchstick jeans, one of Emmett's wife beaters, and my low top chucks. I rush out the door, armed with only my keys, five dollars and a lighter in my back pocket. I don't want to be away from Emmett very long.

I enter the store with a jingle, that signals my arrival, I go right to the counter and wait behind a few people for my turn.

"Pack of Camel lights," I tell the clerk.

"ID, please," he tells me, and I want to kick myself. I don't have my ID. I always buy my cigarettes here, they know me. But this guy is new. I understand I look like a kid. The fact that I'm wearing chucks doesn't help my cause.

Maybe if I took Alice's advice, and dressed less like a teenager and more like an adult then I wouldn't be in this situation.

I groan in frustration. "I forgot it," I tell him. He doesn't care. He won't sell them too me. I don't blame him, he could get fined, lose his job. I grab my keys off the counter and turn to leave, letting him know I will be back.

That's when I crash into Edward. He holds my arms steady, and moves past me to make his purchase. "Bella," he smirks. "Trying to walk and chew gum at the same time again?"

"Very funny Edward," I say pretending to laugh.

"Can I get two packs of Camel lights?" Edward asks the guy, sliding him money and ID. I leave, completely frustrated.

I'm walking briskly back towards my apartment when I hear him calling after me, "Hey! Spaz!" he yells. I turn to see him jogging towards me. I stop and wait wondering what the hell he wants from me. When he gets closer he tosses me a pack of Camels.

"What's this for?" I ask weary of his nice gesture.

"Well, I wasn't going to give them to you since you left so abruptly, but I'm feeling generous," he tells me hitting his pack against the palm of his hand, then ripping the cellophane from the box.

He pulls out two cigarettes and hands me one.

"Thanks," I tell him as we begin to walk at a slower pace as while we smoke. I offer him my five dollars, and he tells me I have offended him.

When we get to my apartment, I tell him Emmett is there, and ask him if he wants to come up.

"I'd rather gauge my eyes out with hot pokers than subject myself to you two," he tells me. He doesn't say bye, he just keeps walking.

I can't say I'm not relieved that he didn't take me up on my offer to come up and hang out. I didn't ask because I wanted him to, I asked because I felt obligated to.

When I get back upstairs, Emmett and I make plans to go out for dinner. The day quickly turns into one of my best days ever, despite running into Edward and being called a spaz.

**EPOV**

Things with Emmett are better. He apologized for making me feel like he didn't give a shit anymore. He told me he didn't think it would upset me to bring her over to see the houseboat since she loves the water so much.

He loves our boys night too, and doesn't want to lose them either. Last Sunday, he had a lot to say. Well, not as many details as I would normally get after he got laid. After a two month dry spell none the less. I thought I would hear all about her. Nope. What does he want to talk about? Being in love with the chick.

I tried to refrain from gagging, but it was no use. I can't say I was surprised at his admission. I saw it coming. I knew that it was only a matter of time when he said he was waiting for her. I told him I was happy for him...but not for being in love, for getting laid.

I am happy for him. He is always smiling when she is around, and his eyes have this new light behind them whenever he sees her or even talks to her. I appreciate her for that, but it still doesn't mean I have to like her.

I spend endless hours in the library studying. I have to take the MCAT this year, and it's do or die time. The pressure is on, and all of my hard work and dreams of becoming a doctor could crumble with this one test.

I'm cocky, so I tell people I am pre-med, I mean why else would I major in biology? If I don't pass the MCAT and if I don't get into medical school, I will disappoint my parents. I'll feel like a failure. I can't _not _get into med school. Failure isn't an option, not for me, it is not.

A loud bang, followed by a half yelled "_shit._" takes my attention away from the books in front of me. I look up to see Bella. Figures. She must have tripped and dropped all the books and papers she was carrying. She is down on her knees attempting to collect everything into her arms. Huh...I wonder if this is how she looks when doing something else?

Some guy laughs and steps on a pile of papers she is trying to gather. She gives him the stink eye, as he keeps walking. It pisses me off. I mean what happened to chivalry? Helping people? I know I can push buttons, but at the end of the day, I think I am a decent guy. I hold doors, I offer my hand, and if a girl drops her shit in front of me no matter how much she annoys me, I help her pick the shit up.

With a grunt I push away from the desk and kneel down in front of her, helping her with the things she dropped. She looks up at me and gives me a small smile.

"You really need to watch where you're going," I tell her. "That guy was an ass," I add. Once she has everything, I stand up. I offer her my hand and pull her up.

"Thanks, you didn't have to do that," she tells me.

I shrug. "I know," I tell her going back to my spot. I mumble under my breath when I see her set down her messy pile across from me. I don't lift my head, only my eyes silently asking her what the hell she is doing.

"Mind if I sit here?" she asks.

"It's a free country," I tell her.

"I just think we kind of got off on the wrong foot, and I was hoping maybe we could try to be civil or maybe even friends," she offers.

"I can try to be civil," I tell her, because I don't think I can honestly handle her clumsy, spazzy, awkwardness long enough to form a friendship.

"What are you reading?" she asks, and I tell myself to breath in and out. I need to remain calm. I close my eyes in annoyance and look up at her. I let out the breath I was holding in my lungs before telling her I am at the library for the same reason she is, peace and quiet.

"I was attempting to study for the MCAT's until I was interrupted by my brothers clumsy girlfriend," I say with a fake smile.

"I-I was-" I stop her.

"Look, I don't have all day to listen to you attempt to talk, if you want to sit here, could you please be quiet?" I ask her a little too loudly. A few people shush me.

She doesn't respond. She nods at me and opens her books. After a few minutes, I peek up at her. Her pencil is between her teeth, her eyebrows are knitted together in what seems to be confusion, and her leg is shaking under the table.

"Do you mind?" I ask her. "Your jerky movements are shaking the table," I tell her with gritted teeth.

"I, um, I can't figure this out, and it's kind of stressing me out," she tells me. I feel my eyes bug out as I look at her. Is she serious? Does she think I care?

Obviously I do, "What can't you figure out?" I ask her.

"Molecular biology," she sighs.

I pull the book from in front of her and look at it. I go over the page, and with my tone laced in annoyance I explain it to her. "RNA is synthesized, In this diagram, the top DNA strand is the sense strand, and in sequence would read the same as the RNA except with T's instead of U's. The bottom strand is the anti-sense strand, and acts as the template for transcription." I tell her pushing the book back to her.

"Oh thanks," she mumbles. I think she gets it. I don't really care if she does. I want to get back to studying, but really we are looking at the same thing right now, so helping her isn't distracting me much.

So I help her. I explain things to her. And every answer I give her or explanation I can't hide the annoyance in my voice. I honestly don't know why she keeps asking me.

We wrap things up, and I offer to walk out with her. "So, I heard you and my brother finally did the nasty," I say to her raising my eyebrows suggestively.

"And I was just wondering what happened to the Edward I have come to hate and despise," she says staring at me with her brown eyes.

"He can't stay away too long, it would be no fun if he did," I wink at her. "I'm just sad I can't call you a cocktease anymore," I give her a frown.

"Right, well...ah...thanks for your help. It was tolerable up until a few minutes ago," she says before waving tensely at me and walking away quickly.

"Oh Bella, don't be so transparent!" I call after her. I pick up my pace to catch up with her, turning my body sideways to get between two girls that I noticed checking me out. I smirk at the blonde as my body brushes against hers.

Bella doesn't turn around, she does what she does best, flips me the bird. I guess it's easier for her than speaking.

I should be honest. The girl is smart. I'm impressed by her ability to learn. She picks things up quickly once she understands. She just isn't graceful with anything.

I finally catch up to her, and she glares at me. "Don't you know how to button your shirts?" she asks.

I look down and notice it's uneven. "I work hard for this fresh out of bed look," I tell her. You couldn't tell, but my slim fit Seven for all Mankind jeans cost almost two Benjamin's. I live in them.

While Emmett is clean cut, the picture perfect image of Abercombie and Finch, I am more comfort. I like to look rough around the edges.

And surprisingly, it's the one thing Bella and I seem to have in common. Except I'm comfortable in my skin, and she isn't. Or if she is, she hasn't let me see that side of her.

Emmett calls and invites me over for a party at the frat house, I have nothing better to do, so I agree to go. When I spot him and Bella at the beer pong table, I grab a beer. Emmett and I do the half handshake half hug thing.

"Bella," I say with a nod.

Emmett stands behind Bella, his arms are wrapped around her waist and his head rests on her shoulder. He is kissing her cheek and down her neck. She is giggling. I don't know why I am staring. I sip my beer and look away. It's not a full out party since it's a week night, so the house isn't packed.

Emmett runs out of corona, and tells us he is going to run to the store to get some more. He asks Bella to go with him, but she says she will stay with Alice and Jasper. Emmett asks me to keep an eye on her. I didn't know she needed a babysitter, but I shouldn't be surprised. She is prone to accidents.

When I go to refill my beer at the keg, I see Riley. "Hey man," I say. "How's it going?" I ask him.

"Just checking out that fine piece of ass over there," he says pointing to Bella.

"That's Emmett's girl, dude." I inform him. I want to tell him she isn't worth his time, once she opens her mouth she loses all points, but I won't. Simply because she _is _Emmett's girl. As much as everyone likes to think I'm _that _guy, I'm not. I wouldn't talk shit about her to anyone. Talking shit on her would be like talking shit on Emmett.

"Where is he?" Riley asks, scanning the room for him.

"Beer run," I tell him.

"Well then, she is fair game," he says with a smirk.

"Dude, You'll stay away from her if you know what's good for you," I warn him lightly. It's just the way guys are, but I won't have some asshat trying to move in on my brothers girlfriend. I don't care how much I can't stand her. You don't fuck with my brother, and if you fuck with his girl, you fuck with me. I hope he gets the message I am trying to convey without starting an actual fight.

We tire of beer pong, and Alice suggests we play suck and blow. I like the sound of it, so I'm in. Bella says she doesn't want to play without Emmett, I tell her to stop acting like such a prude.

Alice takes out the joker card from a deck on a nearby table and says she will start. She puts the card to her lips and sucks to hold it in place. She brings it to Jasper and blows so he can secure it on his lips by sucking it. Whoever lets it drop, has to drink. The hard part is you have to keep your hands behind your back. You can't use them at all.

It goes around the circle, and I have to pass it to Bella. I lean down and press my lips against hers the only thing between them is the flimsy card. I can feel her suck in and I let myself stop and blow out.

I cringe, because I didn't realize she was standing next to Riley. She stands on her tip toes and brings her mouth to his. He doesn't do what he is supposed to and he lets the card slip away, making contact with her lips.

She pushes away really fast, but he grabs her not letting her go. "No hands asshole!" I yell at him as I shove him off her.

He stumbles back, but as he walks forward his fist collides with my jaw. I charge at him, punching him in the gut. He is bigger than me, but I am faster. I feel Jasper trying to pull me back, but I push him away. It distracts me and Riley gets me in a head lock. I try to move and push him against the wall even though he has a tight grip on me.

His fist makes contact with my left eye, I can feel blood dripping from my face. Things start to get blurry. His hands are tight around my neck. I feel my body hit the ground with a thud, and I cough trying to catch my breath. I spit out some blood and wipe my face with the bottom of my shirt.

When I look up, Emmett is kicking his ass. Bella is kneeling in front of me. "Holy shit, Edward! Are you crazy?" she asks me. "You didn't have to do that!" she tells me.

"Can't you just thank me, and get it over with?" I ask her annoyed.

"Thank you," she says quickly. She extends her hand and helps me up.

"Don't flatter yourself too much, I did it for Emmett," I tell her as we walk towards the kitchen. She rolls her eyes, and hands me a wet wash cloth to clean my face. The cut above my eye stings like a bitch. I can feel my lip getting fat, and my neck feels like it's on fire.

Bella hands me a bag full of ice. I'm not sure where to put it. My eye or my lip. I settle for my eye. I need to be able to see and I can already feel it swelling. I jump up and sit on the counter, holding the cold bag on my eye.

"What the hell happened?" Emmett's voice booms as he comes in the kitchen.

I let the bag fall and I look at my brother. "Riley thought it would be funny to kiss Bella, when she pushed him away, he grabbed her. I could have taken him if Jasper didn't get in the way!" I yelled the last part so Jasper would hear me.

Bella goes to the freezer takes out more ice, making another bag for Emmett's hand. His knuckles are bleeding. "Yeah, well he won't be fucking coming around her anymore," Emmett says.

"I'm sorry," Bella says shaking her head. "I knew it was a stupid game to play."

"Bella, he was talking about your ass before the game, okay? He just used the game to try and hook up with you. I fucking told him you were with Emmett." I seethe.

Emmett goes to Bella, he pulls her close and hugs her. "You okay, baby?" he asks her.

"I'm fine, Em. _Are_ you okay?" she asks, and I get up. This is gross.

I just got my ass kicked for a girl I can't stand. I am beyond annoyed.

You are fucking welcome, Emmett.

**Please leave some of your thoughts! Love to hear em'! **


	4. Chapter 4 Oh Star

**SM owns not me. **

**GropeWorthyCullen is my awesome Beta – I know I am flipping out over Rob's beard still while he drives to NOLA! What lucky people in Lubbock TX last night! GAH! **

**And HippieStarr is the best pre-reader a girl could ask for! **

**Chapter 4: Oh Star**

_Oh star fall down on me_

_Let me make a wish upon you_

_Hold on, let me think_

_Think of what I'm wishing for_

_Wait, don't go away._

_Just not yet._

_Cause I thought,_

_I had it._

_But I forget._

-Paramore

**BPOV**

I wake up in Emmett's arms, with soft kisses on my neck, gentle caresses up and down my sides. It's the best feeling. I feel safe and warm wrapped up in his arms.

He lifts my shirt and reveals the tattoo on my hip. His fingers trace the picture. "Tell me about this?" he whispers.

His fingers ghost down the barrel of the hand gun that points downward. The dates on the blue handle. The butterfly being shot out of the end.

"Um, I got it for my Dad...Charlie. He...um, well he was a cop," I try to find the words. I try not to sound like a blabbering idiot when I talk about him. He told me to never be afraid to spread my wings and fly. So, when I got accepted into college, I couldn't stay. He wanted me to fly. So I do that, everyday, for him.

"What happened to him?" he asks me.

"Cancer. I was fifteen. It happened so fast. When he found out, they gave him like months to live. He was so strong. He loved being a cop. He was proud of that. I was terrified of his gun. So afraid one of those horrible accidents you hear about would happen and someone would get killed. He would say, "Bells, guns don't kill people, people kill people with guns. This gun, it protects this town. It protects you. It protects me," I tell him.

I can see Charlie telling me, I can see his fingers stroking his mustache with his finger and thumb. I can feel it scratch and tickle my face when he kissed my cheek, my forehead. It's nice to remember.

"I didn't want to forget what he stood for, to serve and protect, and...he, ah, always called me his Beautiful Butterfly. Then when he died, I kind of imagined him flying away to a better place. A beautiful place without cancer to suck away his life. Someplace he could be restored. Sorta like a butterfly, ya know?"

Emmett nods. His lips kiss the tattoo. His tongue dips into my navel. He tells me he loves me. My hands roam through his hair, it's short, not much to grasp but it feels soft in between my fingers.

I love that he waited to ask about it. Like he just knew the right time to ask. The moment I would be ready to share it. He just knows me. He lets me do things at my own pace.

He doesn't ask why I didn't tell him sooner about my father. He knows why. I don't want people to know me as the girl that lost her father. Every girl loses their father. It's inevitable. It's life. It stinks. I don't need people to tell me they are sorry. I don't _want_ people to tell me they are sorry.

I just want to remember him. I want to talk about him on my own terms. Not just anyone in my life has earned the rights to that part of my story. Emmett has. He waited for it. He waited for me. Emmett doesn't need me to say this or explain it to him. He just gets it.

Emmett's mouth keeps traveling along my stomach, he moves up to my breasts. He is gentle. His mouth reaches mine, and I feel him settle between my legs.

It's slow, docile. It's welcomed when he enters me. I moan. I hold on to his strong arms as he buries himself inside of me.

It's hard to get use to...having a sex life. I mean I, Bella Swan have a sex life. Regular sex. We have lots of sex. I have years to make up for my lack of sex.

He cups my face and looks at me like I am gold as he moves in and out. In and out. So good.

He always makes me see stars. I always have this stupid grin on my face when it's over. It's nice to be in love. To be loved.

He still runs with me, every morning. The city is being terrorized by this rapist. It's not just one girl anymore. It's been like three. I don't want to go anywhere alone. I am so happy to have a big strong man to protect me. I am even thankful he has a brother willing to do the same. My dad would love him, for the way he protects me.

Edward. I feel bad. His face is really messed up. He has a gash above his eye, it's all black and blue underneath, and his lip is cut.

His moods give me whip-lash. I don't know why he doesn't get close to people, why he seems to have trouble trusting people. I asked Emmett once, and he told me it wasn't his story to tell. He said I should just remember that even though Edward wears this mask, he is still a good guy underneath. He means well, and he cares even if it's hard to see.

Edward thinks I don't see, but I see.

I see the way he is with Elise. I can see how loyal he is. I can see a good guy under all his rough layers. I see the way he helps pick up books, the way he holds doors, the way he punches guys that are bigger than him to defend a girls honor. He keeps up this wall, to keep people from getting too close. I just wish I knew what he was trying to hide behind them.

While we are running, he asks me what my plans are for spring break. I don't have any. He invites me to Baja with him and Edward. I tell him I don't want to intrude. He made these plans with Edward since Emmett is leaving, and I don't want to take away a trip they planned as brothers.

"Edward actually said I should invite you, that way he won't feel so crappy ditching me to hook up with random girls. I mean when we planned it, I was single. He knows I won't be as fun or a very good wing man," he tells me.

I shake my head. "Yeah? I mean if it's okay with Edward," I agree. How could I turn down the ocean? The beach? I'm not that selfless.

It's Sunday, and we are going to Emmett's parents for lunch. I dress up. I feel like an adult. I want to look like one. I put on my knee high black boots with a casual blue baby doll dress. I put on my new wool pea coat. It's gray and black tweed with blue lines. I love it. I bought it last week. The dress is as short as the jacket.

It's cold out, but I have nice legs. They are long and slender. I don't like hiding them. I'm not over confident, but I'm not insecure.

When we get to the Cullen's Emmett goes in ahead of me. I go out back to smoke. He won't let me smoke in his jeep. He thinks it will help me quit. I have no desire to quit.

"Hey there, Bella," Edward says, as he sits on the dock. I would sit, but I can't in the dress. This is why I love my jeans.

We try to be civil.

"Edward," I greet. He looks me up and down. "Just get off your corner?" he laughs.

"Haha, Edward," I laugh along with him. "Very funny." I don't let his jabs bother me.

"Are you wearing anything underneath that jacket?" he comments.

"Nope," I tell him, exhaling smoke.

"Aurora Ave treating you good then?" he asks. It's a street in a crappy part of Seattle known for the seedy motels and hookers.

"I'm worth more than those girls on Aurora Ave, Edward. My corner is classy," I joke back with him. It's the best way to deal with him. Emmett was right. I can't let him get a rise out of me. If he sees that he gets worse.

He annoys the shit out of me. "You really want me to come to Baja with you guys?" I ask him.

"Nope, but Emmett does, and that's all that matters. He deserves to have fun before he enlists. I guess that means including his annoying girlfriend."

"I guess that means putting up with his shithead brother," I tell him back. One thing we have in common; Emmett's happiness. That's enough reason to be civil.

"Not too shabby, Swan," he tells me getting up. He brushes off his butt, slides his cigarettes in his front pocket and walks away tugging his jeans up by the belt loops.

He doesn't like weakness. I know this about him now. And when I get upset, he sees me as weak. When I dish it back to him, he respects me more. Even if I am mean. Which I don't like, I don't like to be mean or rude.

Like I said, he annoys the shit out of me.

I go inside and get hugged by Esme and Elise. I smile. I hug them back. Elise runs back to the TV. She can't miss _Wizards of Waverly Place._ Edward, says it's better then Hannah Montana so he watches it with her.

"Dude, is that Alex chick eighteen?" Edward asks Emmett.

"I don't know, why?" Emmett asks.

"Cause I'd feel better knowing she was with the things I am thinking about her right now," Edward tells him.

Gross.

Emmett pulls me onto his lap, I push him back. "There's little eyes in the room," I scold him quietly.

"Then let's go in my room," he whispers against my neck as I settle on the couch next to him. "Those boots, that dress, it's doing things to me Bella."

I shiver. Goosebumps surface on my skin. I tingle. I want to taste his wintergreen mouth.

No, stars. Not now. I try to convince myself. I ignore him. If I look at him, I will crumble. All my willpower will dissolve.

His arm goes around my shoulder, I curl into him as we watch this show on Disney with Elise. I focus on his scent. Ocean and woods. It's perfect. I love the ocean. He loves the woods. We are surrounded by both, and I savor the scent.

"I love you," he whispers against my head with a soft kiss. I smell the wintergreen, and it's enough for now.

It's hard to talk about what is going to happen when he leaves. He is going to go to San Diego for thirteen weeks. He will get two weeks to come home, and then he will get stationed somewhere. It could be in California. It could be Japan.

It will be near water. That makes me happy. I know he wants to be an intelligence specialist. I'm ready to follow him. I have to finish school first. One year apart. We can do that. I can handle it.

"You okay, babe?" Emmett asks me. I must have been staring off into space with all these thoughts.

I smile, "Yeah, just thinking," I tell him.

"Want to talk about it?"

"Not today," I tell him. I know I avoid things. Avoidance is my defense mechanism of choice. I think if I ignore it, it will go away. Logically, I know this isn't true. I know you can't hide from things forever. Emmett leaving is something I want to avoid as long as possible.

No one has made me feel this happy, this loved, this accepted in a long time. Since my dad. It's scary and wonderful. I feel like I have been fifteen for six years. Emmett showed me how to change. How to grow. Without doing anything but accepting me. Accepting that I put on chucks with a fancy dress for his parents dinner party. Accepting that I wasn't ready for sex, and waiting for me. Accepting that I stutter when I get flustered, that I avoid things, that I spend more time at the aquarium some day's than I do with him. He just accepts me.

It's not like Alice, who is a great friend, but she judges. She doesn't mean too, but she does. She likes to say what I should or shouldn't do, it's like my mother. I guess I am like a deer. You know lead me to water but you can't make me drink it. I'd rather find the water myself than be told where to find it, and Emmett allows me to find it myself.

I don't know what I will do once he leaves. I hope I can keep finding things on my own. That I can keep growing.

**EPOV**

Emmett and Bella just left. I am helping Elise with her homework, then I am going to the house boat to hang with Emmett for the night.

"Isn't it nice to see Emmett so happy with Bella?" Mom muses.

"Yeah," I agree. Not because I do. Because it's easier.

"Don't you want that?" she asks me, and I want to tell her to shut up. I say it with the glare I shot her. Most of the time she stops pushing and drops it. I don't know why tonight is different.

"Edward, you need to move on," she tells me.

"I have," I tell her.

"No, you haven't. If you had, you'd have someone in your life like Bella. You wouldn't be so closed off to falling in love."

"Maybe I just haven't found anyone, maybe I'd rather focus on getting into Medical school than falling in love," I argue with her. I don't want to argue with her, but I feel like I have no choice.

I get defensive when she wants to talk about shit that happened four years ago.

"I know it was hard when you lost, Makenna," I put my hand up to stop her.

"I don't want to talk about her," I tell her through clenched teeth.

"That's the problem, Edward. You should be able to if you have moved on," she points out.

"Listen, I gotta go," I tell her with a quick kiss to her cheek. She holds my face and tells me she loves me. That she wants me to be happy. I nod.

I'm annoyed now. I heard her name, and her face flashes in my mind. Memories come back to me, and regret fills me.

Makenna was my first and only serious girlfriend in high school. She went to a party one night, and got wasted. I was on my way. When I got there, a few people wanted to tell me how my girlfriend was fucking some other guy.

I was pissed. I broke up with her. She told me she didn't even remember, she said she would never hurt me like that. I wouldn't listen to her. When everyone started calling her the school slut, I let them. She would call me up in tears, telling me she was sorry.

I never gave a shit.

She called and told me she wanted to die.

I never gave a shit.

She called and told she was going to kill herself.

I never gave a shit.

Then, she killed herself. It wasn't fucking pretty either. She ate a bunch of Tylenol. Only that didn't kill her like she hoped. It put her into acute liver failure. She didn't really want to die. She wanted help. And she lived long enough to know she was going to die. Two days was all it took. Two days she waited for death, because there was nothing they could do to repair the damage.

I couldn't even go say I was sorry. What the hell would the point have been? Would it have meant anything to her to hear me say I believed her? That I didn't think she was a slut? Or would it have just made her more angry and bitter? Answers to questions I will never know. Blood on my hands.

I haven't stopped giving a shit since. Which I know sounds crazy, since I don't give a shit about pretty much anything. That's the idea though. The less I have to give a shit about, the better.

Why couldn't I just listen to her? Accept her apology? Tell someone she said these things to me? Told the other kids at school to stop talking shit? I should have done more to help prevent it. I didn't. All I see on my hands is her blood. Does it matter if she cheated on me? No. It all seems so trivial. Not a reason to die.

I hope one day I'll meet someone that makes it better. Makes it okay to love. I can't force that to happen and I don't search for it. I try to have faith that it will find me, that once it does, I'll be ready.

I don't like that my mom thinks I avoid _it_. I just don't _look_ for _it_. There is a difference.

It. Love. I mean does anyone look for love? Do people make it their life's mission to find some epic love? How realistic is that? I'd rather look for things I can control. Like a career as a doctor. Like being a good role model for my sister. Like what beer to drink tonight.

Not love. Loving someone isn't hard, not if you like them. It's finding someone you like that is the hard part. It's just the natural progression of shit. You like someone, you get to know them, you fall in love with them. Grow to love them.

That's why they say you fall in love. It's something you do over time. Who knows, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's like falling off a cliff. Maybe it's fast and life changing. All I know, is I have never been in love.

I asked Emmett what it was like to fall in love with Bella. He didn't say it was like falling off a cliff. He told me it grew. That seems realistic. Not this cliff shit.

"Why all these questions about love?" he asks me.

"Mom brought up Makenna today," I tell him taking a swig of my beer.

Emmett nods in understanding and sips his own.

"She thinks I avoid relationships because of her," I tell him. Maybe it's true. Maybe I do.

"Don't you?" he asks, confirming my doubt.

"I just...I just don't look. I mean if I found someone worth it, I'd like to think I would open up," I tell him.

"You will, dude," he tells me. And I believe him. "You'll find your Bella one day. And you'll be fine."

We sit looking out onto the water in silence for a little while. Because Emmett knows I don't ever say her name. That the fact that I even said it, is a big deal.

I was so thankful to get the hell out of high school. To shed the label of 'the boyfriend of that girl that killed herself'. I don't have to be that guy anymore.

I'd rather be the guy that figures out how to save a liver in acute failure. Or on some panel that decides who gets priority with organ transplants. Anything but the guy who didn't give a shit.

"What about Rose?" Emmett asks me with a smirk.

I shake my head no.

"She's hot, she likes you. She's a bitch. I know you like that shit," he points out. He is right. I like girls that are tough. Girls that don't sugar coat things or gloss them over. Girls that are strong. Girls that aren't girls at all, women. They know what they want and they go after it.

There is nothing sexier than a woman that doesn't need a man.

"She's too needy. She wants to know where the hell I'm at, who I'm with, when I'll be home," I tell him.

He laughs. "It's called being in a relationship. Being held accountable."

"Yeah, well I don't like her enough to put up with it. So, that's why I won't grow to love Rose, I can't seem to like her enough."

Sure she is a good fuck. Reliable. Flexible. Killer body. She just isn't...enough.

I thought I just wasn't in the mood for her these past few weeks, but I'm not even interested in fucking her anymore.

"Want another beer?" I ask him as I head to the fridge to get one for myself.

"Nah, I'm good," he tells me. I quirk my eyebrow at him. We usually each kill a six pack on Sunday nights. "I have to meet Bella in the morning to jog with her," he tells me.

"Since when do you jog with Bella?" I ask, opening my beer bottle. It sounds crisp and a mist leaves the bottle. The first sip is always the best.

"Since that serial rapist is on the loose," he tells me.

"That's crazy. I hope they get the fucker soon."

Emmett says he wants to watch a movie, not talk about some creep that is preying on Seattle college girls. He pulls open the cabinets on the entertainment center, and a centerfold of Britney Spears flutters to the floor. "Dude! What the fuck! I thought you outgrew your crush on this chick?" he asks laughing at me.

"So what if I had a crush on Britney Spears. I was like thirteen when she came out with that album "Britney". _Slave for You_." God, the memories I have of that video. It was the best thing to jerk off to for a horny kid.

"Shut up, I didn't know that was in there," I tell him taking it from him. I can't bring myself to throw it away. It represents something to me. Like the end of childhood. The beginning of the end of innocence or some shit.

I mean, her in that pink bra, dancing. You could have bounced a fuckin' quarter off her stomach. I wasn't the only thirteen year old boy with Britney posters in my room.

"You're the one that should be ashamed of his childhood fantasies. Seriously? Give me a break with that vampire shit. Buffy," I scoff.

"Please, Edward. She was hot, and could kick your ass, Plus, did you see her in those red leather pants? Or when she split that Caleb guy in half - from his nuts up! That shit was hot!" Emmett points out.

"Britney had better abs, arms, and moves than Buffy. Buffy had a stunt double, Britney did not," I argue back. It's not the first time we discuss this topic, and it won't be the last. "Britney could kick Sarah Michelle Gellar's ass in her sleep."

"But not Buffy's," Emmett says.

I sigh.

"So we are back at square one. Buffy is fictional. Britney is real."

"She is also a certified lunatic," Emmett likes to dig on her.

"Dude, she has some issues, big fucking deal." I don't feel the need to defend Britney Spears. I am not that thirteen year old with a crush anymore. I feel the need to defend certified lunatics that get labeled and end up like Makenna. I know it's not my fault. I didn't start the rumors about her. I didn't do anything differently than any other seventeen-year-old kid. Except I didn't speak up when I should have. Silence kills.

I try to remember her smile. She had the whitest teeth I have ever seen. Her eyes were big and round. She was a cute girl. Bubbly. She had wavy hair. It was light brown, but she would get blond highlights. I gave her this shell necklace one year after we got back from our vacation in Florida. She never took it off.

I remember sitting behind her in English in ninth grade. I was shy. I thought her hair smelled like coconut. She would turn around and glare at me because I would kick her chair. I guess I teased her because I liked her.

One day, I got a call from her friend, asking me if I wanted to be Makenna's boyfriend. The next day, when I saw her at school, I held her hand, because I said yes, and that's what boyfriends and girlfriends do. It took me a month to gather up the courage to ask her on an actual date, and three more before I kissed her.

She was my best friend. I thought she made a fool of me. We were one in high school. If you said Edward, you said Makenna. It was that simple, that expected. And maybe she did make a fool of me, who really cares now.

I just wish I didn't let the politics of high school and how people thought I should act or respond to her. People said I shouldn't give her the time of day after what she did, and I listened. That is what I regret. Being influenced.

So I don't like girls that are influenced or ones that need assurance.

"I'm sorry, dude," Emmett says. He knows it bothers me. He can see the wheel spinning in my head with all these memories. I don't want to stay on this topic.

"Does Bella know about your love for Buffy?" I ask.

"She has her own sordid past with DiCaprio," he chuckles.

"Listen, Edward. I never really thanked you for what you did for her last week. Or for accepting her and letting her come with us for spring break. It means a lot to me. I hope you know how much I appreciate it," Emmett tells me.

"I know, Em," I tell him. He pats my back and pulls out _The Departed_.

"Speaking of DiCaprio," he laughs.

"Guess I should just be thankful you didn't try to break out the netflix to see Buffy."

Something starts to nag me in my mind. Something about Makenna, about the way I teased her. I can't put my finger on it, and I push it in the back of my mind to evaluate some other time.

**Reviews are always soooo nice! Especially after a chapter like like this...**


	5. Chapter 5 Alcohol

**SM owns, not me**

**GropeWorthyCullen, awesome beta. I heart her. **

**HippieStarr, my cheerleader, I love her to death. **

**You readers, amazing. Thanks so much for the reviews! Every one of them means sooo much! **

**Chapter 5: Alcohol **

_I can make anybody pretty_

_I can make you believe any lie_

_I can make you pick a fight_

_with somebody twice_

_your size. . ._

_Well I've been known to cause a few breakups_

_and I've been known to cause a few births_

_I can make you new friends_

_Or get you fired from work._

_And since the day I left Milwaukee,_

_Lynchburg, Bordeaux, France_

_Been makin the bars_

_Lots of big money_

_and helpin white people dance_

_I got you in trouble in high school_

_but college now that was a ball_

_you had some of the best times_

_you'll never remember with me_

_Alcohol, Alcohol_

**BPOV**

I'm in awe. I am standing in the Grand Mayan Palace. Yes I said Palace. Emmett tips the bell boy when he delivers our bags to our grand master suite. This is too much. I thought we would be staying somewhere...I don't know...not like this. Not this nice. I mean nice doesn't even begin to describe this. It's like extravagant.

Like, when we used to go to Disney for vacation, we would stay at the Disney's Pop Century resort, which is considered a value resort. This would be above and beyond Disney's Floridian resort, which I never dreamed of ever even stepping foot inside of.

I feel bad. I mean, I only paid for my plane ticket. But there is no way I could have afforded this room. I don't even think I could afford the most basic room here. It was a fight in and of itself to convenience Emmett to let me purchase the plane ticket.

The Terrace has a 'soaking pool.' The fact alone that there is a terrace amazes me. Add to it a mini pool and a amazing view of the beach, I pinch myself. This has to be a dream.

It's like a private pool. The room is bigger than my apartment with Alice.

Everything in the hotel is golden and ornate. The floors in the lobby are marble and there are fountains all over. I've been to Vegas once, that is the closest I have come to anything remotely this upscale, this luxurious.

I can't even imagine partying here. I mean the people have to be way too uptight to have a good time. There is no way Edward is going to find the plethora of bimbo's he is hoping to encounter each night willing to do sexual favors.

"This is...you didn't tell me it was going to be this...nice," I tell Emmett. My fingertips dance along the granite counter top in the efficient kitchen.

"Yeah, well it didn't need to be until you were coming," Edward tells me. I know they had to upgrade the room or whatever, but it was Edward's idea to invite me.

"Shut it," I tell him. "I was talking to my boyfriend." I turn my attention back to Emmett. "Really this must of cost like a grand easy."

"Try twenty-six hundred, Bella," Edward yells out. I feel my eyes bug out of my head. "Don't worry, Bella, you can work off every penny of your share every night," he winks.

Now that I am not a prude, I am a hooker.

"What?" I try to grasp the dollar amount. I don't work. I am...lucky. If you can call losing your father lucky. My dad had a nice sized life insurance policy. But I am in no way set for life. I am set for college, if I'm careful.

Edward rolls his eyes and goes into one of the bedrooms. Emmett pulls me to his chest and kisses me. "Don't worry about him, or how much the upgrade cost, just have fun. For me?" he asks. I can't deny him.

I bite my lip. His thumb pulls it out of my mouth, then he kisses me. He tells me he loves me.

We put on our bathing suits, and head for the pool. I am excited to go snorkeling tomorrow. Today we are just going to relax by the pool and drink.

The pool is amazing. Blue. But I like the blue of the ocean better. It has that hint of green. Plus, I love the salt. I love when I lick my lips and I can taste the salt on my skin. I can't wait to taste the salt on Emmett's lips when we go out in the ocean.

My boyfriend, he has the best body I have seen so far at this place. In any place for that matter. His abs are rock solid, and his waist is trim. His arms are defined. I don't feel like I don't belong with him.

I think I look good in my bikini. My stomach is flat, my hip bones are curvy, my ass isn't flat, but it's not non existent. I guess I have small tits, but I'd look goofy if they were bigger. I don't run everyday to feel insecure in this bathing suit.

Emmett's hand is wrapped around my waist. His fingers are curling around my hip bone, and I am proud to have this man next to me.

"Want to go in the water?" he asks.

"Not yet. I like to feel the sun beat on my skin for a little," I tell him. I take a seat on one of the lounge chairs and close my eyes. It feels hot against my back and I welcome the heat.

Emmett tells me he is going to grab some beers for us, and I just soak up the heat.

I can't stand the heat too long. Soon we are in the cool water. I wrap my legs around Emmett's waist and my arms around his neck as we float around. I tilt my head back letting my hair get wet. Emmett take the opportunity to attack my neck.

It tickles and I fight against him. It's no use. Even when he isn't trying very hard he can overpower me. He dunks my head underwater and I scream. When I come back up, I can't stop laughing. I jump on his back, but I might as well be a feather. It doesn't phase him.

I give up. I sigh and rest my cheek on his shoulder. He reaches back and grabs my legs wrapping them around his waist. His hand moves back up and cups my ass.

I squint when Edward finally shows up. He walks toward the pool with a beer in just his board shorts. His hair glistens in the sun. I can see these blonde and red highlights reflecting the sun. He isn't as built as Emmett, not as thick, but he is cut. I can see abs and definition in his chest.

He brings the beer to his lips with a smirk, and I see a tattoo going down his rib cage. It is (It's) big, It goes from right under this arm pit down to his hip. I can't tell exactly what it is, but I know they that it's words.

I wonder what words meant so much to Edward to have them set in his skin. Emmett walks over to the edge of the pool where Edward squats down to talk to us. His hand anchors himself on the stone and he drops into the pool, a little of his beer spilling out in the process.

I stare at his ribs, I try to piece together the words, as I squint against the sun.

"Take a picture Swan, it'll last longer," Edward tells me.

"Sorry, I just didn't know you had a tattoo," I tell him. "What's it say?" I ask.

He lifts his arm and reading from his arm pit down says "Stop the bleeding," in lettering that looks like something Kat Von D would have. I don't know what the hell it's called...maybe some sort of script or calligraphy. It's all black with some shading, and really nice embellishing.

He is quite about it, and I feel bad. I can tell it's personal. Maybe it's part of his story that Emmett says isn't his tell. I know not to ask him anymore about it. I know how I am about my tattoo. I feel like I owe him a peek. He showed me his, I guess I should even things up between us and show him mine.

"I have one," I tell him. I move to the steps so my hip is visible. I pull down my bikini bottom just enough and show him the gun.

"Would have never thought you had the balls to get a tattoo, Bella." he tells me. We talk a little bit about tattoo's. How they are addicting you. How I want something on the top of my foot. I just haven't had anything inspire such a commitment. Not even the ocean.

"There's lots of things you don't know about me," I say. I sit on the step, and Emmett comes between my legs. I tell him I want to go get another drink. He tells me he can get it.

"I'm not helpless, I can get it," I tell him standing up. "Want anything?" I ask him.

"Just you," he smiles. I shake my head and turn around. My knees are weak from his dimples.

The past few months, have been nothing short of amazing. I spent Thanksgiving and Christmas with the Cullen's. My mom was a little upset I wasn't coming home, but I promised her a week in the summer. Plus, all next year.

Chances are I won't have holidays with Emmett next year, so I want to have them this year. She understood. She wants to meet him, I just don't know when that will be possible. She would have to come to us, and I don't see that happening.

I don't want to bring Emmett home to Stanfield. I mean, Jacob is there. He still holds onto this ridiculous notion that I am going through a phase, that in the end, I will end up home. What he doesn't know, is Stanfield hasn't been my home since I was fifteen.

Stanfield is desert and ranches. Cattle and dirt. Hot and dry. Brown earth and blue skies. Prickly cactus and dried up dirt that blows up in your face, and tumbleweeds blow along the roadside. It's not me. It sucks the life out of you. If I wanted to raise Cattle, that's where I would be. I don't want to raise cattle. I don't want to be the wife of the only mechanic in town. I don't want to be Bella Swan, daughter of the late Charles Swan.

I like blue green earth and blue skies with clouds that look like heaven to rest on. Wet and salty. Refreshing. White sand to sink my feet into it. Palm trees that sway in the wind. Tropical. Not desert.

Right now, I like being college Bella. Emmett's Bella. I like being known as the girl that wishes she were a mermaid, because in my fairytale, I would trade my legs for Ariel's fins in a heartbeat. I wouldn't lose a glass slipper, it'd lose a chuck. I like being this Bella. I even have Emmett, my prince.

Right now, home is where Emmett is. That is where I feel comfortable. Where I feel in my element. I can't stand to see Jacob's face when he finally realizes the truth. That I am no longer his. I know I should tell him, but Jacob is another thing I avoid. I don't want to be the girl to break any one's heart. It hurts me to hurt others. So, I avoid them or the topic in the hopes that I don't have to be the one to do it.

Sometimes it works, but most of the time...it gets bigger and more intimidating, and unmanageable. Jacobs hope is unmanageable to me. So, I won't bring home my awesome new boyfriend that I love, because, well, that would mean I had to actually face my past.

I know I will bring him home. I just don't want to face my past and the future. The future where Emmett leaves for a year. The future that I am lucky to see him three weeks out of the year. One thing at a time. I don't want to share him with Stanfield. Not yet.

"You have that look again," he tells me as I let my feet dangle in the water. I sip my drink. It's pink with an orange umbrella. It's like juice. It goes down smooth, and I don't worry that it's only noon.

"What look?" I ask him as I squint down to see him. The sun is glaring off the crystal blue water.

"The look you always tell me we can talk about later, you gonna tell me that again?" he asks.

I guess I get this look whenever I think about him leaving. I sigh. "Just thinking about what happens when you leave," I tell him. "We can talk about it later," I add.

"Beautiful, we can talk about it whenever you want. I don't want you to be worried when I leave. I want to make sure you don't doubt one thing about where we stand," he tells me. He wraps his arms around my waist. His head rests between my breast. My fingers play in with his wet hair.

"I'm just going to miss you," I tell him. He knows I worry that he won't want me anymore once he is gone. He told me he was an adult. In a relationship with another adult and if he didn't want to be tied to me, he wouldn't be. He didn't say tied down, because he doesn't feel like I hold him down. It was nice to know that he feels connected to me. Tied to me. He feels like he owes me things. Like, phone calls telling me his plans. Like plans being changed to include me. Like morning jogs to keep me safe. He is like my knight in shinning Nikes. He is accountable, dependable.

"I'm going to miss you too, baby," he tells me. "I promise you, Bella, I will never let you down. I will always be honest with you. I love you. If I didn't love you so much...I would never ask you to wait for me, you know that right?" he says, pulling away to look me square in my eyes.

"I know," I tell him. "I love you too."

He pulls me back into the water. I try to hold my drink up so it doesn't spill, but it's useless. I wonder how much of this pool is chlorine and how much is alcohol.

**EPOV**

After dinner, which was tolerable. Bella stuttered very little. It was anything short of a miracle. I was surprised she asked about my tattoo. I would have thought Emmett told her about MaKenna. I asked him about it while she was in the shower. He told me he didn't tell her anything. That it's my story to tell.

I appreciate that about him. About our friendship. He knows me better than anyone. He knows how I feel about what happened to MaKenna. He knows how I live with the guilt of not doing something so simple like telling my dad, or mom, or a school teacher that she talked about killing herself.

I honestly just thought she was being dramatic. I thought it be stupid to feed into it, like give her attention for the wrong reasons. I saw a shrink for like two years over it. He said, what MaKenna did was out of anger. She wanted to get back at people for hurting her. Mostly, me. She wanted me to feel like shit. That's how angry she was. How hurt.

There wasn't anything she could do to hurt me, except maybe make me feel guilty. She didn't want to die. She wanted to hurt me for not giving a shit.

Last year, I went to her grave. I told her I was sorry. She shouldn't have expected me to save her. I mean I was seventeen years old. How did she think I could be held accountable for her? Accountable for her feelings, I could hardly sort out my own. I told her I was angry about that.

I wish I knew then, what I know now.I wish I could grab her shoulders and shake her. I'd yell at her that I'm not worth it. The kids at school calling her a slut aren't worth it. That she didn't need me to make her feel worthy. That at seventeen, we didn't know everything. That high school would end, and she could reinvent herself. That stupid night didn't need to define her. But that's exactly what she let it do.

I didn't though. I acted like she was some bitch trying to get my attention, that I shouldn't indulge her.

I found this book, _Blue like Jazz_. It had two morals in it that made me think of Makenna. "Moral one: "If you work hard, stay focused, and never give up, you will eventually get what you want in life. Moral two: Sometimes the things we want most in life are the things that will kill us. " I guess at seventeen, what she wanted the most was to be accepted. I'm not so conceited to say me. I know better. I also know, that if I had accepted her after everything, things may have been a lot different for her. For me.

The author of this book, also talked about how people are broken and we are supposed to hold our palms against the the wound, to stop the bleeding. It's my way to remember.

Tonight, I want to forget.

We head out to Passion Club and Lounge. I am already three shots ahead of the game. I hope to find some chick who is equally as frustrated as me, and if she is lucky, I won't kick her out of bed when it's over. What can I say? I am feeling generous.

We get a table, and Bella and Emmett go to dance. She isn't bad, and if I am honest she looks like a girl I'd try to pick up if she weren't attached to my brothers hip.

I see a girl across the room making eyes at me. She smiles and heads towards me. She has loose mocha curls and a low cut halter dress. The skin between her breast is completely exposed. I can see the roundness of each breast peeking out from the material. Her tits are small, like Bella's. Her legs are longer though. My eyes go back to her breasts. They are nice the way the black sequins dress holds them apart. She is model tall. Model thin. Megan fox lips. DSL's. Definitely dick sucking lips.

She licks her lips, and I smirk at her. She places her palms flat on the table and leans towards me. I was about to lit a cigarette, she does it for me.

"Thanks," I tell her.

"I'm Audrina," she tells me.

"Edward, the pleasure is mine.'

"All alone?" she asks.

"Not anymore," I give her my best pantie dropping smile. The waitress comes by and I order us a round of drinks. She sits next to me. I drape my arm casually across the back of the white leather booth.

She crosses her legs towards me. I shamelessly check her out. When her eyes meet mine I want to kiss her.

"I bet you twenty bucks I can kiss you without using my lips," I say through a smile.

"Bet's on," she smiles back.

I lean in and kiss her. She opens her mouth and our tongues brush quickly. I pull away.

"I lost," I say with a shrug.

"Well Casanova, is it hot in here or is it just you?" she laughs.

I don't give a shit that she called me out on my cheesy pick up line. I like that she did.

"Do you dance?" she asks.

"Only in bed," I tell her.

My hand finds the back of her head and I bring her mouth to mine. We kiss. Our tongues battle for dominance. My hand goes around her small waist, then down to her knee. She uncrosses her legs and I slide my hand to her inner thigh.

I move it further and further up. Her hand rubs against my swollen jeans, and I want to take her back to the room. It's too early.

I welcome the distraction the waitress gives us when she comes by to ask if we need another round. I also order some shots.

Bella and Emmett come back, and Bella is so trashed. I have never seen her this trashed. I can't help but laugh.

She tells Audrina she loves her dress. "So sparkly," she says as she trails a finger down the side of her breast. She realizes what she did after it was done. "Oh God! I didn't mean to feel you up! I am so sorry!" she gushes, holding on to her arm.

Luckily, Audrina isn't a bitch. She isn't offended. If it were Rose, she'd be telling Bella to get the fuck off. Not Audrina. She laughs. She pushes Bella's hair off her face with the palm of her hand, and tells her it's fine.

"You need more lip stick," she tells Bella. "Let's go powder our noses," they walk arm in arm to toward the bathrooms.

Emmett gets a phone call from Mom. He goes outside to take it. I am left alone until Bella and Audrina come back. They are all cozy and I feel like a third wheel again.

"Where is Emmett?" Bella asks, looking around.

"He went outside to talk to Mom," I tell her.

"Oh," she says with a pout.

"What?" I ask.

Her face lights up when she looks back at me. "I need you, Eddie!" she tells me grabbing my arm.

"Don't ever call me Eddie," I tell her as I let her drag me toward the bar. I pull Audrina's hand into mine as Bella leads us.

She climbs up on a bar stool, and onto the bar and lies down.

"Bella, what are you doing?" I ask her.

"I saw another girl do this, I want you to do a body shot off me, well I wanted Emmett, but he is MIA, so he loses out this round," she rambles.

I try to pull her down, "I don't think that's a good idea," I tell her. "You should wait for Emmett." I suggest.

She doesn't listen. She pulls up her shirt.

"You do it, or I'm sure Joe over here wouldn't mind doing it," she tells me.

"Fine," I say between my teeth. She smiles in triumph.

"Lemon drop," I tell the bartender.

She puts a lemon between her teeth. I admire her tattoo. I let my fingers move across the barrel.

I lick the spot above her navel and sprinkle some sugar there. The bartender pours some vodka in her navel, I lick the sugar, suck out the vodka, and take the lemon from her mouth.

I turn around to see Emmett, I tell him I am sorry with my eyes. Bella gets off the bar, and doesn't even notice how pissed her boyfriend looks that she just let another guy, his brother, do a body shot off of her.

Instead, she takes Audrina, and tells her she wants to try. Audrina lies down on the bar. She can't hike up her dress, so Bella uses the valley between her breasts She licks between her breast, and sprinkles the sugar. She can't pour the liquid there, there is nothing to keep it, so she gets a shot glass. She licks the sugar, downs the shot, and takes the lemon from Audrina's mouth.

Except, she doesn't take it. She sucks the lemon while Audrina holds in firm between her teeth, and it's the hottest thing I have ever seen.

"She's wasted," I point out the obvious to Emmett. "And I think she just stole my date. I told her I didn't want to do that with her, but seriously she was about to let some random dude," I start to explain to him.

He shushes me.

"My girlfriend is kissing another girl, can you let me burn this image into my head rather than the body shot," he tells me.

"Your girl is stealing my pussy," I tell him.

We laugh.

"Emmett! Baby!" Bella squeals when she finally notices him.

"I think we should head back to the hotel, don't you?" he coaxes her.

"No, I wanna dance more,"

"Beautiful, I am beat," he says. I know he doesn't want to be holding her hair back tonight, but it seems like that is inevitable at this point.

"Audrina will dance with me, since Edward doesn't dance," she announces.

Emmett is powerless to stop them, and I don't think he wants to. We watch them dance together. Move up and down each others body. Their hands exploring, and all of a sudden I wished I never said I didn't dance.

I can't believe how badly I want to be in between these girls. Mostly because one of them is Bella. I don't like the girl, but it has nothing to do with her body.

"So, I am starting to think she might be in my bed tonight rather than yours," Emmett says in reference to Audrina.

I laugh. "Bella would never ever bring a third party into your bed. Ever," I tell him.

"I wouldn't want her to either," he says, and this is how I know the man is in love.

Last year, he was having freaky threesomes. He has come a long way. I guess everyone grows up.

Audrina comes back to the hotel with us, we hang out on the terrace. Bella puts on her bikini insisting that she must go in the ocean.

Emmett convinces her the private pool is as close to the ocean she is going to get tonight.

"We snorkel tomorrow baby, please," he urges her.

"Fine," she says as she slides in. "Come in with me Rina!" Bella calls out.

"I don't have a suit," she tells Bella.

"Then come in your underwear," Bella suggests.

Audrina sits against my back in the lounge chair. I see her reach around and unclasp her dress. I don't think Bella has taken into consideration that she isn't even in a bra. I won't complain. Bella might if Emmett gets caught looking.

Audrina stands and I help her slide the dress down over her hips. Her skin is smooth and my hands like what they are feeling. She holds her tits with her one arm, and I watch as she walks toward the small pool. The black lace is hugging her ass in all the right places.

Emmett kneels down in front of Bella and whispers something to her. She shrugs. "Just boobies, everyone has those bracelets _I love boobies._ No big deal," she slurs. She starts to peel off her top.

"Please don't let her do that!" I protest, but Emmett's already a step ahead of me. "I don't want your girls tits burned into my brain!"

"Shut up Edward! Now who is the prude!" she yells at me.

She pulls Emmett's shirt, attempting to get a kiss, but he looses his balance and falls in. White Nike's and all.

They are laughing, and kissing. Audrina is trying to stay away. She looks at me, her eyes begging me to join her. I shrug, what the fuck.

I take off my shoes, socks and shirt. I leave on my jeans and jump in. It's cramped. It's a small pool.

I lift Audrina up on the ledge and kiss her. I feel her tits. I taste her tits. She pushes the wet hair out of my eyes, and her legs lock around me.

I turn around and Bella and Emmett are long gone. I pull her back in the water and watch as her underwear float the top. I fuck her in the pool.

Then again in my bed. I don't make her leave. I actually like her. I tell her to stay.

I wake up before her. I kiss her arms, her hips, her nose. Emmett is in the living room trying to figure out what to order from room service for Bella. She is paying a price today.

I tell them to heir the dog. Another shot of vodka will do her good. Bella gags, and tells me to fuck off. I have to admit I like it when she curses. Emmett isn't in a great mood. Only means on thing, Bella couldn't hold on long enough for the sex part. Maybe even worse, she feel asleep during it. She walks like the dead back to the dark bedroom.

"Fall asleep on you?" I ask.

He glares. I take this as a yes.

"It was so nice to hear you and Audrina all night too, by the way," he says.

"We both can't be as blessed as me," I rub it in.

"OH, Edward!" Emmett mocks in a high pitched voice. I throw Bella's still wet bikini top at him that is crumpled up on the couch.

Audrina comes out, in my flannel, rubbing her eyes. "Hey," she says, a little unsure.

"Hey," Emmett says.

I go to her. I kiss her head. "We are going to order room service want anything?" I ask her.

"French toast?" she says it like a question. "And a screwdriver," she adds.

"That's my girl, she knows how drink," I say with pride.

"How is Bella?" she asks, curling up on the couch.

"Sick," Emmett tells her.

"Get her something greasy, greasy heavy food always cures my hangovers, like McDonald's would be perfect," she says. Too bad there is no McDonald's.

"Aren't your friends gonna be worried about you?" I ask her. I sit next to her and pull her legs into my lap. They are smooth and I let my fingers explore them.

"Oh, I'm from here. I just moved for work," she tells us.

"What do you do?" I feel bad. I should have known this before I screwed her.

"I teach English, in a primary school," she says with a yawn.

"What about you"? she asks. I pull her on my lap, and kiss her neck.

"College student. Pre-med," I tell her.

Bella walks out. She looks like she feels. "I am so sorry for the way I acted last night," she starts off.

"Oh, Bella it was a pleasure finally to hang out with you in all your drunken glory," I tell her.

"It's fine, Bella," Emmett makes it too easy for her.

"I don't even remember half the night, did I behave like an ass?" she asks.

Emmett glares at me when I laugh. I won't tell her about the crush on the girl currently on my lap that we share. Not yet anyway.

We get breakfast, and Bella and Emmett go snorkeling. Audrina spends the day with me on the beach. Later that night we all have dinner, I invite Audrina out with us every night we are there, and since she is on spring break she comes to the beach with me everyday.

We even go shopping in town one day. I buy her some handcrafted bracelet that she liked. Emmett buys Bella a ton of jewelery with like fish on it. She won't wear it. She isn't into jewelery. She is too simple.

It's a fun vacation, and we are civil. We all get along. I don't need to find a new girl every night to keep me satisfied. I found one, and she fascinated me all week. I give her my number to keep in touch, I'm not sure what the point is, but I get that feeling Emmett says he has for Bella, like he owes her something. I feel like I owe her some part of me.

I kiss her goodbye.

I feel like I am losing something. Forgetting something.

Then I realize it.

Over fifteen hundred miles between me and the first girl to get past three dates, since MaKenna.

**You know the drill, leave some love. I even have a teaser if you ask for it in your review! **


	6. Chapter 6 Adia

**Sm Owns. I just like to play in her world. **

**This has been pre-read by HippieStarr, she is amazing. **

**This hasn't been beta'd **

**I have my iphone to get your awesome reviews though...hint hint... **

**OH and there are a few links to pics on the profile of like the Houseboat, Audrina, and Makenna...Elise **

**Chapter 6: Adia**

_'cause there's no one left to finger_

_there's no one here to blame_

_there's no one left to talk to honey_

_and there ain't no one to buy our innocence_

_'cause we are born innocent_

_believe me Adia, we are still innocent_

_it's easy, we all falter_

_does it matter?_

-Sarah Maclaghlin

**BPOV**

Alice is laughing. At me. Edward has pictures of the first night in Baja. The night I don't remember. I can feel the heat on my face. I can't believe I acted like that.

"Really? Can we like...burn those?" I ask.

"No, way, Bella." Edward says.

I try to snatch them from him but he holds them up high.

"Th-there really, it's not me. It's...so unflattering, please." I beg. I jump to attempt to get them again. It's no use.

"They're memories, Spaz. Memories you don't even have," he laughs. "We should have them blown up."

"Uh, no, no we shouldn't" I argue, shaking my head. A picture of me licking sugar off some girls chest is not something I want to remember. Or the fact that I encouraged her to walk around topless in front of my boyfriend.

"I'm going to show my future nieces and nephews what a slut their mommy was," Edward threatens.

"Oh? And who says Emmett and I will let you anywhere near our kids?" I retort.

"Kids? What kids?" Emmett says tearing his eyes away from the playstation on the houseboat.

"Your future kids with Bella," Edward tells him. Emmett looks at me oddly. I shrug.

"He's just being as ass. He wants to show the world what a slutty drunk I am. Whatever happened to 'what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas?" I ask.

"Um, Bella, we weren't in Vegas," Edward points out.

I huff. "I mean, isn't it like universal? Just a saying, you could apply it anywhere," I tell him.

"Oh, sorta like the state line rules? If you're in a different state than your boyfriend it's not considered cheating?" he asks.

"That is the dumbest thing I have heard. The Vegas rule is not." I tell him, poking him in the chest.

"Here's the deal...next time I talk to Audrina, I'll invite her up for a visit, you and her get it on, while Emmett and I watch," he suggests lifting his left eyebrow up. "Then you can do what ever you want with the pictures."

"Keep the damn pictures, Cullen," I tell him. I give up. What college experience is complete without some racy pictures?

It's getting warmer out. I go outside to sit on the floating dock. I really love it here. I'd love it even more if Edward weren't here, but I can't have my cake and eat it too.

Emmett leaves for San Diego two weeks after graduation. It's not much time. It's April. This semester is over in May. He will be gone May eighteenth. Thirteen weeks without him. Three months, and one week. Ninety one days.

I light my cigarette. I rest my elbows on my knees. I listen to the laughter of Emmett and Edward as I stare out onto the lake. I see a few fish slither through the water. A few small ripples dance across the lake.

Alice, Jasper and Rosalie are here. We are all just hanging out. Edward talks about Audrina a lot. I know he likes her. She was really nice. Rosalie keeps glaring whenever he says her name.

It's nice to know Edward is capable of respecting a girl. Emmett seems happy about it too. He even told Rose to calm down.

Jasper is graduating with Emmett. He is going to find a job as a teacher at a grade school. He is sweet with the kids. He just spent the last year student teaching in third grade. He has to find his own place, and Alice wants to move in with him.

I can't afford the apartment by myself. The Seattle Aquarium said they would give me a job. Pay me to dive and clean the tanks. It would be enough to make up Alice's part of the rent. I'm going to work full time over the summer. I don't want to move. It's a hassle. Plus, being busy will help keep my mind off missing Emmett.

I hear the glass door slide open, and turn to see Emmett coming towards me. He sits down with me, and I smile at him. I rest my head on his shoulder.

"You have that face again," he tells me. "I hate that face."

"Your going to see lots of this face...it's getting so close," I tell him. He knows what I'm talking about.

"You'll be busy all summer with the aquarium, and I'll be back for like ten days right when you start classes again. We will have your apartment all to ourselves," he says, I feel butterflies stir in my stomach.

I put out my cigarette and we head back inside. Rosalie has her arms crossed and is staring daggers at Edward. He is smiling, oblivious, on the phone.

Audrina and him talk like once a week. I know it's her, now. He always takes the phone call, no matter where he is or what he is doing. It explains why the playstation is paused and why Rosalie looks like she is about to explode. If she were a cartoon, she'd be like Jessica Rabbit with smoke blowing out of her ears.

No wonder he doesn't date her. Sure, she is a blond bombshell, but Audrina is beautiful, smart, and super nice. She is really hard to dislike. Rose on the other hand...well she is a bit hard to tolerate.

Edward leans his elbows on the counter in the kitchen. Emmett goes up behind Rose, "Jealousy, boosts a guys ego, Rose, but not when the chick acts catty about it or possessive, and the way your acting about a girl in a different county is not going to help," Emmett tells her with a pat on her head.

If looks could kill, the glare she gave Emmett would be mass destruction. She gets up from the chair, and walks over to Edward. I kind of enjoy watching him squirm as her fingertips tentatively move down his arm.

He moves away, still smiling and talking on the phone. She tries again. This time, putting her hand in the back pocket of his jeans.

He removes it. "I'm sorry," he says into the phone. "Can you hold on a second?" He turns to Rose and covers the mouth piece to the phone.

"I'm trying to talk, Rose. Can you give me a minute?" he asks her.

"You're being such an ass. Why the fuck would you invite me over and talk to another girl right in front of me?" she says loudly. She wants Audrina to hear.

"You, invited yourself, Rosalie. You are not here as my date, I'm not sure where you got that impression," he tells her calmly.

"Are you serious? We've been dating for like a year!" she yells throwing her arms up.

"No, we have been fucking for like a year, and the fucking hasn't happened since like, the end of February. I really don't know what self absorbed planet you are on, but I got off the Rosalie Hale train months ago. I thought you wanted to hang out, be friends or whatever so I let you invite yourself. Now, I am trying to talk, if you'd please excuse me," he says to her. She stomps off.

He tells Audrina he is sorry for interruption.

I try to contain my laughter as this girl who could have any guy, throws a mini-tantrum over Edward Cullen. His dick can't be that good.

I wonder what type of guy Edward is. Most guys wouldn't try to be friends with girls they were through with. Most guys would have told Rosalie to fuck off. Not Edward. It's almost as if he doesn't want to make her feel...excluded. Like just because he doesn't fuck her anymore, he doesn't want her think she is worthless to him. It's really an odd demeanor. I can't actually call him a womanizer anymore. He is never dishonest with the girls he screws. Never offers them empty promises.

I see Rosalie swatting away tears. I feel bad for her. I have a feeling she doesn't like Edward as much as she thinks. I have a feeling she likes the challenge. She likes what she can't have. I don't know Rosalie, but I know _of _her.

Rich, beautiful, bitchy. There isn't much she can't attain with Mommy and Daddy's money. I suppose that's what Edward is to her, something attainable that she can't acquire.

When he gets off the phone, he tells me Audrina says hi. I smile. I can't believe Rose is still here, but she is.

"How is she?" I ask.

"Good," he smiles. "She is going to try and come up this summer for a week. She has to do a couple of workshops for work, and one of them is here." he tells me.

"That's cool, are you guys like doing a long distance thing?" I ask him.

"No, just friends. I mean, I'm not against it, if that's what happens, I just don't know her well enough to commit to something like that right now."

"Yeah, but you haven't been with anyone else, since her," I point out.

"Like you know all about my sex life, Swan," he shoves my shoulder playfully. I'm not graceful enough to recover, I trip over Emmett's feet, he reaches out and grabs me. It's too late. I smack the side of my head on the wicker chair.

"Dude, you have to stop knocking around my girl," he tells Edward. "I don't want to have to kick my brothers ass for damaging my girlfriend."

"I'm fine," I say, as Emmett helps me up.

"Your bleeding, Bella," he says. I reach up and feel the warm liquid by my hair line. It stings. I look at the red on my fingers as Emmett pulls me into the bathroom upstairs.

I sit on the tub, while he cleans up the blood. "I'm sorry," I tell him

"Why are you apologizing?" he asks with his half smile. Only the dimple on the right side of his face makes an appearance.

"I don't know," I tell him. He brushes my hair back and pats it with something from the first aid kit.

"It's just a small scrape, no biggie. I'll let Edward live another day," he jokes.

"Thank you," I tell him. He leans down and kisses my forehead. Then my nose. Then my lips. I smile against his.

I open my mouth and lick his bottom lip. He pulls me off the ledge of the tub and kisses me deeply.

I push back tears. I tell them to go away. I can't start crying when I still have a month with tear still manages to escape.

Emmett pulls away and gives me a sad smile. He wipes the tear with the pad of his thumb. He kisses the wetness on my cheek. He tells me he loves me.

I kiss him again. I really need to feel close to him. I don't care that we are in the bathroom. I don't care that people are downstairs. I don't care if the world finds out I needed to feel connected to this man so bad that I couldn't wait a few more hours till we got home.

I pull at his belt buckle and get it unclasped. His hands knead my ass as I work on the button to his jeans. I push them down his hips, and I let myself fall to my knees as I take him in my mouth.

I look up at him as I move my mouth up and down him. He hisses, and I love that I can make him feel good. He grasps the counter. His knuckles are white.

He pulls me up and kisses me hard. I'm wearing a short jean skirt and his hands move up it. He turns me around and presses my face against the mirror. My palms are flat against the counter top and his fingers are moving in and out of me fast and hard.

He shoves my underwear to the side. He moves my hair off my neck and kisses it gently before he enters me.

I close my eyes and grunt. I love this feeling. I am full. I am connected. I spread my legs wider as Emmett holds my hips and thrusts in and out.

He reaches around me and his fingers circle around my sensitive spot. I can feel my legs get tense, I see stars flash behind my tightly closed eyes, I stop holding my breath and pant against the mirror.

Emmett is still moving inside me. Hard. Fast. He pulls my hips hack to meet his. He buries his head in my hair and with a strangled "fuck," he comes.

"Shit...mother fucker..." he says a string of curse words as he pulls out of me.

"What?" I ask, adjusting my underwear.

"I meant to pull out," he sighs.

He sighs! He freaking sighs! I can feel the wetness seeping out onto my underwear. I feel my eyes go wide. "Yeah, because that's such a reliable form of birth control!" I yell at him. "What the fuck!" I scream.

"Bella, calm down!" he tells me.

"Calm down! Really? Calm down! I don't want a fucking kid right now Emmett! What the fuck where you thinking?" I ask him. practically screaming.

"You weren't complaining or asking me about the condom when I put it in you! You can't put all the blame on me!" he yells back.

I'm running down the steps as he yells this. He hear his feet thundering behind me. I grab my bag. I can feel my hands shaking. Tears are streaming down my face.

There is no way I want to be pregnant, not with a boy who is leaving. I will be alone. "What the fuck where you thinking?" I yell over my shoulder.

Everyone is staring at us. At me. I want to leave. "Bella, you okay?" Alice asks quietly.

"I-I need to go home," I tell her. Emmett drove us. I don't even want to look at him.

I pull out my phone, I try but I can't even dial the number to the cab company I am so upset. I swat away the tears on my face.

"Who are you calling, Bella?" Emmett asks. I look up at him and glare. I only have a the first few numbers pressed.

"A cab," I say between clenched teeth.

"You don't have to take a cab, I can drive you home," he says.

"No. Thank. You. You have done plenty."

"Please, Bella," Emmett pleads. "We can go talk about this more privately," he urges me.

"I don't want to talk right now, Emmett. I want you to leave me the fuck alone," I tell him. He comes towards me, I step away. "Don't," I warn him.

"Emmett, dude," Edward steps up between us, "I don't like getting in the middle of shit, but right now, I think you need to give Bella the space she wants."

The next three words that leave my lips, I have been saying a lot lately. "Thank you, Edward,"

**EPOV**

I get off the phone with Audrina, and I want to ring Rosalie's neck. I won't though. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" I ask her, quietly.

Audrina is a cool girl. It's easy to talk to her, and we get along. She is strong and sexy, but never a bitch. I can't imagine her not being able to get along with someone. She just seems like the type of person that can fit in anywhere, with anyone.

The type of person that has the ability to make everyone feel accepted and like they belong.

Rose stands up, and follows me into the kitchen. I lean against the counter and I can't believe I have to break up with someone I never considered my girlfriend.

"I like you, Rose. But we aren't a couple, and this isn't a date...I'm not even sure of the last time we went on a date. I mean, we went out to dinner, we went to get drinks, then it turned into booty calls...I mean that isn't advancing in a relationship," I try to say it nice, but no bull shit. I don't like blurry lines. I like girls to know where I stand.

"I just thought when you said I could come over...it meant we were moving forward. I thought you were coming around. I guess I was wrong," she shrugs.

"No, I like you. You are a cool chick. I like hanging out with you. I mean I think we are better friends. I'm not telling you this because of another girl, and certainly not because of a girl in another country Rose, but really, you can't have a fuck buddy forever. It either stops or moves forward."

"I get it, Cullen. Just friends."

I nod. I think she is okay. I hope she'll be okay. She seems okay.

Later in the night, I knock Bella over. I didn't mean to, but the girl has no sense of gravity. She has two left feet.

Emmett takes her upstairs and the next thing I know, world war three is breaking out. Words like condoms, kids, and pregnant are being yelled.

I don't know what I am thinking, Emmett looks like he is going to explode. The veins in his neck and arms are bulging. Bella's spazzing out, screaming she doesn't want kids.

All I can think is Emmett fucked up, with a capital F. "I'll drive you home," I offer. I hand Bella my car keys. "Go wait outside, I'll be there in a minute," I tell her. I can tell she doesn't want to be in here any longer than she needs to be.

She doesn't argue. She must be really pissed to be willing let me drive her home. She slams the door and I stare at Emmett as I pull on my sneakers. I adjust the tongue and stand up. "What the fuck, dude?" I ask.

"Just...make sure she is okay, for me?" he pleads.

"Of course," I tell him. "Just don't have a heart attack while I'm gone."

I head out towards the parking lot, and Bella isn't crying anymore, she just looks royally pissed. She is smoking with the window down.

I climb in the car. I shut the door. I look at her. "You should really quit if you're pregnant," I tell her.

She laughs. It's mocking. "What happened?" I ask her.

"First, he doesn't even tell me he isn't wrapped, then he can't control himself long enough to even pull out!" she yells, swinging her arms around. "The last thing I want right now is a kid and a kid with a guy who is leaving!"

"It's not the end of the world, ya know. Elise wasn't planned," I tell her. "I mean did you take a test"?

"I think it's too soon to test," she huffs.

"When did it happen?" I ask her.

"Tonight. In the bathroom upstairs," she tells me, peeking shyly at me from behind her hair. I shake my head. I am impressed she had the balls to fuck in the bathroom like that.

Maybe I should give her more credit. I want to tease her, but I don't. Now isn't the time to mess with her, as much fun as it is.

"Why are you flipping out like this, Bella?" I just passed a Walgreen's and make a quick u-turn to go back.

"What are you doing? What do you mean why am I flipping out? Unmarried, pregnant college girl is not how I envisioned my life!"

"I mean, they have Plan B," I tell her. She looks confused. "The morning after pill," I clarify. "It's over the counter now."

"You must have a lot of experience with it, being the man whore that you are." she tells me.

"Really, Bella? You're being a bitch to me when I am trying to be nice and help you out? And no, I have never had to buy it before. I am _always_ careful," I tell her. I do remember Makenna saying she went to get it after that infamous night. It wasn't over the counter then.

"I'm sorry, I'm just...upset. I didn't mean to be bitchy to you," she apologizes. "I don't like fighting with Emmett," she adds.

"Yeah, I've never seen Emmett look more fucked up over a girl yelling at him as he did tonight," I tell her. "He loves you. He hasn't ever had anything with anyone like he has with you."

In high school, he dated a few girls. He focused most of his attention on football in the winter, and baseball in the the spring. Mostly in college, he hooked up with random girls.

Emmett avoided relationship's like I did. For different reasons though, because he was going off to the Marines. He didn't want to leave anyone behind or have to break up with someone because of a long distance relationship.

He saw something in Bella, and he took a chance on her. I know how much he cares about her.

What I do know, is he hasn't said shit about marrying her. I don't think he wants to knock her up or leave her with some promise of marriage...not yet anyway.

I pull in a parking space, shut the car off, and ask her if she needs anything. Smokes. I nod. I go inside.

I walk back to the pharmacist who is about to close, and I tell him what I need.

One pack of gum; a dollar thirty. Two packs of Camels; thirteen dollars. Plan B; fifty dollars. Preventing pregnancy...priceless.

I walk back to the car and toss the bag at Bella.

"Potential problem, solved," I tell her.

"Thanks," she mumbles, reading over the papers that came with it.

I know when people get upset, they don't think straight. Bella is a classic spaz. Emmett, I don't know what he was thinking. I'm kind of surprised he let her flip out like that. I wonder why he couldn't gather his thoughts long enough to calm her down.

Maybe he is just as freaked out as she is, over it. "I won't tell him, if you want to let him sweat it out," I smirk at her.

She smiles. "Thanks, but I don't want him to spend his last month home stressed out over this, I'll tell him...in the morning. He can squirm for one night."

I pull up to the curb outside her apartment. "Um, how much do I owe you for this?" she asks as her hand hovers on the door handle.

"Nothing," I tell her. I don't need the money, and I wouldn't ask Emmett for it. When he finds out he will shove the money in my face.

"Oh, well, Thanks." she tells me.

"No problem," I tell her. I wait to make sure she makes it inside safely and then I head back to the houseboat. I can only imagine how fucked up Emmett must feel. Emmett and Bella have never all out yelled and screamed at each other like that.

He tells me about stupid arguments they have, nothing like this. I was scared Bella was going to pick up one of the beer bottles and swing it at his head at one point.

I am kind of glad Bella said she wouldn't tell him tonight, it will be fun to mess with him.

When I get back to the houseboat, everyone is gathered around Emmett, telling him everything will be fine. He doesn't seem comforted by Alice's words.

"Guys, I don't think Emmett is upset about a possible pregnancy," Rose states to Alice and Jasper. "He is upset his girlfriend pretty much told him to fuck off."

"I mean, fuck, did she break up with me?" Emmett questions. Rose reaches out and rubs his arm. She gives him a small smile.

"Nah, she just needs some time. Emotions run high in these situations." Rose comforts him.

Emmett hears me put my keys down and turns to me quickly. "How was she? Is she okay?" he asks.

"She's fine, Emmett. She said she would call you in the morning," I hate to see him like this. I want to give him some sort of piece of mind. "Please, if your gonna fuck in my bathroom, have enough sense to open the cabinet under the sink and grab a rubber, dude. All you had to do was look," I tell him.

The mood is kinda shot, and Emmett takes everyone home. He comes back to the boathouse though, because he doesn't want to be alone.

Sure, he is in a house full of 'brothers', but I am his brother. The only brother he wants company from after such a stressful night. A night he is still stressing over.

"Rose was right, wasn't she?" I ask him.

"About what?" he asks.

"About you not being stressed out if Bella ends up pregnant, you're more worried about losing her," I tell him.

"I mean, it wouldn't be ideal, but it wouldn't be the end of the world. I mean, it would suck much more if she dumped me. I know it was pretty stupid of me. I don't know...I don't know what happened. I lost control," he tells me.

"Would you marry her?" I ask him.

"Did she say something about that?" he asks back, with his eyebrows raised.

"No, just crossed by mind," I explain.

"I mean, I've thought about marrying her...in the future, like after she graduates asking her, not this soon though. I mean I love her, but I don't think we are ready to join our lives together. She has shit she wants to finish on her own still," he tells me, scratching the back of his head. "If she gets pregnant, it could really screw up everything...I mean how could I still enlist? I couldn't ask her to drop out of college to follow me around, ya know? Or just leave her to fend for herself."

I really want to tell him I found a solution. I can't stand to see him so worried about it. "Dude, call Bella, already," I tell him. "You are never gonna fall asleep tonight if all these things are racing through your head, and I'm done being the middle man in this situation." I pat Emmett on the back. I go upstairs to get into something more comfortable and give him some privacy.

I slip on basketball shorts and a black wife beater. I take a few minutes to run over some things for my MCAT's then I head back downstairs to see how Emmett handled the phone call.

"Dude, you saved my ass," he tells me. I smile wide at him.

"That's what brothers do," I tell him.

"I don't know why I didn't think of that shit," he tells me.

"Cause you were upset, and not thinking straight," I tell him. "You've never had a level head when you get mad," I laugh.

Emmett doesn't want to stay. He says Bella said he could come over.

Once he leaves, I notice how lonely I am here.

I think about the last time I got laid. It's been too long.

I pull out my stash of porn and put one in the PS3. It seems like the wind blows, and I get hard. It's not really comfortable at all.

I pull myself from my shorts already hard. I stroke up and down a few times as I watch the screen.

The girls mouth moves over the guys cock. He holds her head in place and fucks her mouth.

I stroke myself faster, firmer. I see the pre cum on the tip and wipe it away with my thumb. I imagine being inside a mouth. Being deep throated like this guy.

I watch as he penetrates her every way. From behind, with her legs over his shoulders, reverse cow girl.

I watch her tits move and bounce, I like it when she plays with them. I like it more when she rubs herself.

I think about the week I spent fucking Audrina and the kinky shit she let me do. She asked me to finger her ass, and it was so tight. I never wanted to fuck an ass more. Most girls run scared from that shit, or push you away the minute you get close. I stopped trying, but then she asked for it. I wanted to fuck her ass so bad, but we never lasted that long.

Maybe when she visits. I picture her waiting for me here, Spreading her ass after getting it ready, and sliding in. Slowly. Doggy style, so I can see it really good as I move in and out.

I pump myself harder. I would reach for her chocolate hair and move it to the side so I could see her face.

When I get her to face me, it's not her.

My stomach is covered in jizz.

And I want to throw up for seeing Bella.

**Okay, so please review. Tell me what you think of Edward's little jerk off session! HEHE! And how do you think he will handle it? I want to know! **

**Ummm do you guys read The Workshop? Or Under the Apple Tree? I am being OWNED by that author this week. Go check her out. She posts on blogs so google that shit. Its awesome. I don't have enough power to get links for you...sorry. If you hit me up on Facebook – Robicorn Iwannaget Robinated under my email Robicornff at Yahoo dot com. I can get links to you from my phone. Oh well, that's enough. **

**Leave some love. I love it. **


	7. Chapter 7 I Don't Want to Be

**SM owns. Not me. **

**GropeWorthyCullen, kick ass beta! HAHA! Thanks for getting it done super fast! **

**Thanks to everyone for reading this! **

**Chapter 7: I Don't Want to Be**

_I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn_

_I'm surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn_

_I'm surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn_

_Am I the only one who noticed?_

_I can't be the only one who's learned!_

-Gavin Degraw

**BPOV**

I go to my door and unlock it. As I go down the stairs, I pull Emmett's hooded sweatshirt over my head. I open the front door and sit on the step. I light a cigarette and bounce my legs trying to keep warm.

I hug my knees to my chest and inhale the smoke as I wait for Emmett to get to me. I finally feel like I earned the title spaz after tonight. He parks his jeep across the street, and walks swiftly over to me.

I put my cigarette out on the concrete next to me, and place the butt in a tin can I keep on the step for my butts. I stand up to meet him.

He reaches for me and pulls me off the step. My feet hang as he holds me tight. "Don't ever leave me like that again," he breathes into my neck. "I'm so sorry, Bella." he already told me how sorry he was on the phone.

"I'm sorry too, Em," I tell him. I let him hold me another minute, "Can't breath," I choke out. It's not the end of the world, but we need to be more careful. We can't just pay Plan B every week. Emmett knows this. We promised we would always be careful. I think I may even go on the pill.

He laughs and puts me down. I go up the stairs my hand in his as he trails behind me.

We climb in my bed, he wraps me in his arms and all is right in the world.

Two nights later, he asks me to meet him at the bar. I'm sad, but I can't go. I really need to study for finals coming up. I bury myself in books at the library, it's no use. All I can is think of him.

He is leaving soon, I don't want to miss anything. I am missing him, sitting in this stupid hard chair at the library. It's useless to study. I am not retaining a thing because my mind is at the bar. It's picturing Emmett. His smile. Those dimples.

I slam the book shut in front of me and pack my stuff. I don't bother to go home and get dolled up. I just go right to the bar.

I walk in and scan the room for him. I hear his laugh. I see him at a table against the wall. Rose is there with Edward. Her hand is on Emmett's bicep. It seems like an innocent gesture, but that's not how it seems really. It shouldn't bother me. It's a friendly thing to do to a friend. I see flirty eyes and big boobs. I don't like it.

I take a deep breath, and try to remain calm. I'm looking into it way too much. I walk over. I smile when Emmett sees me. "There is my studious girl," he says with a wide smile. He pulls me into his chest pushing Rose to the side and I kiss him.

"Hey," I say to just Emmett.

"So nice that you could come out, Bella," Rose tells me.

"Yeah, I figured I can study tomorrow, or I can just wing it, whatever," I chuckle. I lock eyes with Edward. He doesn't smile. He doesn't say a word. He looks at me with a look of distaste and swigs his beer.

I can't help but feel almost unwelcome when it comes to Edward. I thought we moved past this. I thought we were trying to be civil for Emmett's sake. Now, I'm back to glaring looks of contempt. I don't get him.

The waitress comes up and I order a beer. I stay glued to Emmett's side. Emmett asks Edward what's wrong. Even he can tell his change in demeanor. When I walked in, they were all laughing. Having a good time. Edward seemed like he was in a decent mood.

When Emmett goes to the bathroom, and Rose is dancing with one of her friends, I ask him what his problem is.

"Nothing, why do you assume I have a problem?" he asks.

"Y-you, you...I don't know...you just seem like, I mean did I do something to piss you off? Two days ago you helped me. You...like...were nice to me, and tonight, I just, I just get the feeling that I'm like a thorn in your side," I tell him.

"Bella, you don't matter enough to me to be a thorn in my side," he tells me swigging his beer.

"Right, well...I don't...I guess I just thought we were friends or whatever," I tell him.

"I guess you thought, wrong," he says, peeling the paper label off his green bottle.

"I guess I did," I shrug.

I feel Emmett's hand slap my ass, I yelp. Edward rolls his eyes. Then Emmett's mouth is on mine, I can taste the beer mixed with the faintest hint of wintergreen. His hand is still on my ass, kneading. His lips move down my chin, over my jaw, under my ear. Opened mouth kisses. Wonderful. They feel wonderful.

Edward slams down his beer on the table. We both look at him. He looks annoyed. I was just getting use to him being decent. Back to square one. "Get a room," he huffs. " I don't want to watch that shit!" he tells us.

"PMS today, Edward?" Emmett laughs at him. "Not getting laid enough? Rose is more than willing," he says pointing to Rose who is now dancing in between a girl and guy.

"Rose and I are just friends," Edward points out to Emmett.

"Ah, you had a taste of that Audrina chick, you have come to appreciate more than a fast fuck," Emmett smirks.

"Nothing to do with Audrina," Edward tells him.

"Whatever you say, you can't deny your feelings forever, Edward. They surface no matter what, no matter how hard you try to squash them." Emmett explains.

"Really? Cause you tried so hard to squash them for Bella," Edward laughs. "That girl had you at hello." Edward points out, using air quotes when he quoted Jerry Maguire. I laugh. It's true. Emmett didn't exactly play hard to get. Everything just worked. It was so easy to love him.

"I had you at hello?" I ask Emmett with a scrunch of my nose.

"You had me hello," he admits, flashing me his dimples.

"So, yeah Em, I don't think you know the first thing about holding back feelings," Edward tells him. There is an edge to his voice. Almost like Edward has been struggling with holding back on his feelings. Maybe because he was scared. Or maybe because the feelings he felt were for someone he couldn't have, someone in a different country.

"Long distance isn't so bad, you can do it with 'Rina if you really like her," I point out.

"Bella, you don't know what you are talking about," Edward tells me, slowly and full of contempt.

"I don't? I mean, I'm getting ready to do it. At-at least I'm go-gonna try. Can you say that? No. So you sulk and you act like an ass and take out your inability to take a chance on someone, on me and Emmett," I tell him.

"Stop assuming shit about my feelings or my actions. There isn't shit behind the way I treat you other than me just being me. Not starting a long distance relationship, has nothing to do with being afraid to do it. Not that I owe you this, but I just don't know her well enough to make promises I'm not sure I can keep. I don't make promises to people, and on the rare occasion when I do, I keep them. I don't pretend to be anything I'm not, I don't act civil to people just because it's the nice thing to do. What you see, is what you get. Do us all a favor and keep your fragmented and stuttering thoughts about me to yourself," Edward spat at me.

I shake my head. "My pleasure." I must have really struck a nerve, or he is really that distant and cold. Or maybe I am completely wrong about him. Maybe this is exactly who Edward is. If he is in the mood to be nice he will be. Maybe it depends on the direction of the wind. I don't know what makes him likable one day, and detestable the next.

The night drags on, and Edward gets wasted. So wasted, Emmett has to pretty much carry him from the bar.

He slurs his speech. He argues about leaving his car. He stumbles. He is a mess. We bring him to the houseboat, and Emmett doesn't want to leave him alone.

"What if he does something stupid, like jumps in the lake?" he asks me.

"I don't know, I guess he does the human race a favor," I am only joking. Emmett gives me a stern look. He is still his brother. His best friend. "I kid, I kid, calm down." I surrender.

"I know he is hard to deal with, but you don't know everything that happened to make him like this," Emmett tells me.

"Yeah, Edward made that pretty clear tonight, that I have no idea who he is or why he is that way. I'm just told to accept it and move on. Well, that be fine, if he didn't like offend me every other day. Maybe if I knew why I got treated like shit by him, I might be more inclined to just accept it, like you do. But I don't."

Emmett just looks at me with his sad puppy dog eyes, and one dimpled smile. I give up.

Emmett asks me to watch him while he goes to find something for me to sleep in. He says I should make sure if he starts puking he isn't on his back. Wouldn't want Edward to choke on the shit he spews.

I grab a bottle of water from the fridge and bring it to Edward on the couch. "Here," I offer him the water.

He takes it, and pats the seat next to him telling me to sit. I do. "You, Bella Swan...you are the biggest pain in my ass," he tells me.

"Feelings mutual," I tell him, with a sigh letting my head fall back against the couch.

"Wanna do another body shot?" he asks me. His fingers land on my knee, and he walks them up a little. I pick up his hand and remove it. He is so drunk, he doesn't even know what he is doing.

"No, no more body shots off of me, and no more shots for you tonight," I tell him.

It's silent for a minute. Then he speaks. "My girlfriend in high school, Makenna. She killed herself."

He says this to me as he stares straight ahead. I remain silent. I watch his Adams apple bob as he swallows back the words.

"We were together for most of high school...I was meeting her at a party. I don't know the truth about what happened that night. But she fucked someone else. She says she was drunk, and he took advantage of her. I didn't give a shit, ya know? She fucked someone else, I ended things. We were like the fucking, Benifer of high school. Everyone started saying shit, like she was a slut...just making her life harder than it needed to be. I mean one mistake and she was this super slut. I didn't, you know, spread any rumors, I wasn't mean to her...I just...I just didn't give a fuck. She told me she was going to kill herself...and she did. It's not like I did anything...but that's just the thing... I didn't do _anything._ I should have done _something _with that information." Edward finished, his eyes never left the wall in front of him. They never ventured over to meet mine.

I didn't know what to say. I'm sorry? It's not your fault? I mean was that good enough? He didn't tell me to hear me say comforting things to him. He told me so I knew his story.

"Benifer as in like Ben and Jlo or Ben and Garner?" I asked to lighten the mood.

Edward smiled at me shaking his head. "It's not funny," he tells me.

"I know. I don't have words to offer you for that. It's...it is what it is. And if you want my honest opinion I'll give it to you, but you told me to keep my fragmented thoughts and stuttering words to myself," I remind him.

Because it's fucked up that it happened. I also think he let's it define him. Control him. He uses it as an excuse to hide behind some wall he built. I could tell him all this, but he doesn't want to hear it. Not from me, and I don't even think I need to say it. He knows it.

"I never liked a spaz more than I like you. You know that Swan?" he asks, leaning his head back next to mine. I can feel his warm breath on my face, smell the alcohol as the warm air fans across my face. His eyes are like the greenish blue ocean, and I am getting lost in them.

His finger reaches out, and he pushes a strand of hair behind my ear. The hairs on the back of my neck stand. A shiver runs down the length of my spine. I jerk myself forward. I bite the inside of my cheek, and tuck hair behind both my ears. Edward stays in his spot. His eyes are burning a hole through me. I am terrified to look at him again, because I don't know what the fuck is going on.

I don't know what the hell they put in my beers, but I just didn't get lost in my boyfriends brothers ocean-like eyes. He didn't just touch my face and make me feel...all...tingly.

There was a moment, a moment with Edward. It had to be the alcohol, I mean I won't deny that he is beautiful. I'd be a big fat liar if I said he wasn't attractive. Do you expect me, who is slightly buzzed, not to get a little tingly? It's natural. Human. It had to be him opening up to me. It wasn't anything more than that. No way. The wind is just blowing in the right direction all of a sudden. It was one of his better moments. Nothing more.

"Well...I...ah...um...I'm going to go to sleep," I tell him pointing towards the stairs, and running my hand through my hair.

"Whatever," he shrugs.

"Don't do anything stupid," I tell him, because there is no way I am babysitting him. I am a little peeved that Emmett got lost. He never came down to get me.

When I make it up the stairs into the second bedroom, Emmett is there. Passed out. Figures.

**EPOV**

I'm screwed. The hundred and ten pound spaz with jerky movements and trouble speaking...is hot. I think she's actually one of the most intriguingly beautiful girls I have ever met.

And let me tell you, Audrina is like a twelve on a ten point scale. I don't know what it is about Bella that just...makes me fucking hard. Ever since that night I saw her big round eyes in my fucking fantasy, I get wood.

Maybe it's her legs that go to her neck. Even though she is a full head shorter than me. Maybe it's the way her eyes hold this mystery, innocence, and fascination. Maybe the way her teeth grasp her bottom lip...or possibly the way she looks in her bikini. Or the way her ivory skin looks shinning in the sun bathed in oil while she looks into the ocean. Maybe the passion she holds for the things she loves. I think I even like her all flustered and stuttering. I like the way she fucking blushes, but most of all when she gets mad.

See how screwed I am?

It's not like I am in love with the girl, but I can't control what makes my dick hard. Ever since I saw her face when I jerked off, I wanted nothing more than to avoid her. Normally, I'd fuck her and be done with it.

If I couldn't fuck her, I'd eighty six her from my life.

This is where I am screwed. I can't fuck her. I can't eighty six her. Not when my brother tells me how much she means to him. How he is in love. So, I see her, my dick betrays me, and I'm left with blue balls.

I don't know why I told her about Makenna. I don't know why I smiled when she cracked a joke about it. That shit isn't funny.

All I do know, is I can't drink around her. When I drink my dick takes over my thinking and I do stupid shit, like tell her I like her, and find reasons to touch her.

One more month, Emmett will be gone. I won't have to see her nearly as much. I can get over this ridiculous attraction my dick has to her. The one girl he can't fucking have, it figures.

I am almost so desperate that I could call Rose for a fuck. Almost.

Later that week, my dad tells me he wants to have a father son day before Emmett leaves. This means Golfing. I don't give a shit. It's fun once you add beer and golf carts. None of us take the game very seriously. Every time we go, we end up laughing our asses off. Most of the time because Emmett can't make contact with the ball, using all his strength to swing then miss. Then he throws the club.

Or I slice the shit out of the drive. I'd rather play Tiger Woods on the PS3.

I walk into my house to Elise throwing a fit. She is six, do you think this doesn't happen often? It does.

I sigh, and place my crap down by the closet door.

"NO!" I hear her screech. "I'm not wearing them! You can't make me!"

I walk into the kitchen were my mom looks spent.

"Don't you dare yell at me like that! You will wear them." Mom tells her sternly.

"What's going on?" I ask looking between my sister and mom. Elise eyes are red and puffy. She sniffles and crosses her arms.

"Your sister's teacher sent home a note last week that she has been squinting to see the blackboard. We took her to the eye doctor and she has been prescribed glasses. She refuses to wear," Mom tells me, with her hands on her hips.

"They are ugly! The kids are going to call me four eyes! I don't need them!" Elise yells again pushing the glasses across the kitchen island.

"Hey, it's not that big of a deal. Emmett wears glasses to read. And I think I even saw Bella sporting a pair last week," I try to make her feel better. Bella needs glasses all the time, but wears contacts. How do I know this? I spent a week with her in Mexico. I'm not all up in her shit, I swear.

"I don't care!" she huffs. "I'm not wearing them!"

"Why? You think kids will make fun of you?" I ask her.

She nods.

"Then tell them your big brother will kick their a-" My mom clears her throat. "butts," I correct. My mom still glares at me. Obviously threats aren't the way to handle bullies. "You know...these glasses don't define you, Elise. They don't change you. You are not all of a sudden a geek. You are still my awesome beautiful sister, who would rock out your new look, and if someone tries to make you feel bad about them, you should show them how they haven't changed you. How they only make it easier to see what idiots they really are," I tell her tapping my finger to her nose.

She giggles. She nods in agreement. I feel my heart surge. If it wasn't for this girl, when I was seventeen, I don't know what would have happened to me.

She was the only one to make me smile, make me laugh, bring me joy. She was so innocent and easy to love. If it weren't for her, I might think I lost the ability to love. Because of her, I know I haven't.

I push the glasses back in her direction . She picks them up and places them in her face.

I chuckle. I'm proud. "What I tell you?" I ask her. "You rock them." I ruffle her hair and head towards the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water.

My mom rubs my arm and thanks me softly. She asks me to bring Elise to her girl scout meeting at six tonight.

I agree easily. I'd do anything for her. I'm pretty sure I owe her my happiness.

The meeting is at Julia's house. Her mom, Mrs. P., is the girl scout leader or whatever.

I walk Elise to the door, and Mrs. P., invites me in. I shove my hands in the front pocket of my jeans. I don't want to go in. It kinda scares me. She see's my hesitation, places her arm on my shoulder and pulls me inside shutting the door.

"We have snacks," she smiles at me. She is older like Esme. Very motherly. I smile and thank her, taking a slice of cheese and a few grapes off her platter.

I see Elise push her new glasses up her nose. She is acting shy and unsure. I'm afraid she is letting them define her.

The door bell rings again. A young mother is ushering her daughter inside. Mrs. P. Introduces us.

"Lauren, this is Elise's brother, Edward. Edward, Lauren is Lily's mother."

"Nice to meet you," I say shaking her hand with a friendly smile.

I'm about to leave when I hear Elise calling Lily stupid. I walk over to see what is going on Lauren is behind me. Lily is already calling the tattle tell police pointing at my sister.

"What's going on?" I ask kneeling down in front of my sister. She crosses her arms and tells me Lily called her a geek with glasses.

"Lily, did you say that? That isn't nice," Lauren confronts her daughter.

"My brother told me they'd just help me see idiots better!" Elise yells across me to Lily.

I give her the simmer down look. "I didn't say to call them that," I whisper to her. "I think you both need to say sorry," I tell them.

They both do with a little bit if attitude and I can hardly believe that PMS starts so soon.

Lauren apologizes about her daughter. I shrug it off, kids are kids.

"Edward, did you want to discuss the sports badge while you are here?" Mrs. P. asks.

I'm lost. "The what?" I ask, scratching the back of my neck.

"Oh, Elise said she was going to ask you. I guess she hasn't had a chance to yet."

I shake my head and Mrs. P continues to tell me how the girls have a badge to earn to do with sports. Elise said her brother played sports and could help, but Emmett is leaving in a few weeks. He can't.

I guess she considered skateboarding a sport, and all the girls were excited to learn about it. I guess it makes sense. It's different, they think something more traditional like baseball is boring. Some avid skateboarders would say it isn't a sport. It's a lifestyle. I used to be like that. I used to compete and shit. Do half pipes and flips. My goal at one point was to be a professional skateboarder. Things change. Life happens and has different plans. Doctor it is.

"I haven't gotten on a board in over a year," I tell Mrs. P. I really don't want to do this.

"All you have to do is spend a few hours going over very basic things, one day this summer." she explains.

"Please Edward!" Elise whines across the room, and the seven other girls follow suit with their pleases.

I can't say no. Go ahead, write sucker across my forehead.

"Fine!" I laugh holding my arms up in surrender. I manage to make it out alive, with minimal flirting from Lauren.

She is a cute girl. I don't do moms though. I don't care that she is twenty two. The same age as me. She is a mom.

When I get back to the house, I rummage through the garage. I pull out my old board, ironically it's a Plan B board. I chuckle to myself.

I drop the board to the ground and kick flip it before I let my leg effortlessly pump behind me. It's like riding a bike or swimming. You never forget. It's as if I never stopped.

I do a few small jumps with the board before I get cocky and try to grind the sidewalk. The board slips and I stumble. I catch myself though, and start skating again. I let the board carry me as I swerve down the street, remembering how much I loved to do this.

I just ride pumping with my leg when I need to, but otherwise just letting the board carry me through my neighborhood. I whirl past houses of people I don't know, enjoying the warm air, with the cool breeze of spring. The mountain and forest air, mixed with the dew of the lake relaxes me.

I turn myself around, and start heading back to the house. When I get there Bella is outside smoking. Wearing casual clothes, nothing special. I notice she has on her rimless glasses, and for some reason I think that is special. Fuck, yes and hot. I jump off the board and kick it up into my hands.

"You skateboard?" she asks me.

"Used to," I tell her, taking out a smoke of my own.

"Looks like you still do," she nods toward the board, flicking some ash off the end of her cigarette.

"Elise wants me to show her and her friends a few things," I shrug.

"That's nice."

"What's up with the glasses today?"

"Oh, Emmett mentioned Elise got some and that she wasn't happy about it. I figured I could show some support or something. Maybe make her feel better."

"That's nice," I mimic her previous words, because honestly, it makes me want to hug her. I can't let her see that I give a shit. I shrug again, inhaling the smoke.

Bella puts out her smoke, and holds her hand out "Mind if I try?" she asks me.

"You can barely walk, what makes you think I'd let you on a skateboard? You'd break something." I cringe at the concern I have for her. "I don't feel like listening to Emmett if you get injured," I recover.

"Since when do you give a shit about my safety?"

"I don't," I tell her. I hand the board over. "Break a leg," I smirk.

"You wish," she says.

She drops the board, and hopes on. Effortlessly. I shake my head in disbelief as I watch this girl that can barely walk, do kick flips, heel flips, pop shove-its, and shit. She doesn't fucking falter once.

I'm impressed. She skates back towards me with a smug smile of her face, she does the same thing I did earlier and kicks the board into her hands before handing it back to me.

"Thanks, just like old times," she says. "Well, minus the weed." she bobs her shoulders.

"Who are you?" I ask her. I can feel my eyes squint as I take everything I learn about her.

"Bella Swan," she tells me with a shove to my shoulder.

"Got anything better?" I ask her.

"Nah, I can only do the basic ground tricks. It was the only thing to really do in my small town. My old boyfriend Jake, used to like to make his own ramps and shit, but we had to drive into the city for any skate parks. When I left for college, I left that all behind."

"You left skateboarding behind in Arizona when you moved to Seattle? The grunge capital of the world? With all these kick ass skate parks...are you mental?" I ask her, tapping my finger in the middle of her forehead.

"I just thought it was time to grow up," she explains. "What about you? Any cool tricks?"

"Are you kidding? I'm Edward Cullen, of course I got tons of surprises in my bag of tricks," I smirk at her.

"Is that so?" she smiles back.

I nod.

"You are so full of yourself," she tells me, sliding out another smoke from her soft pack.

I'm half tempted to get on the board and show off, but I don't.

"Hey!" I hear Emmett boom from behind us. He wraps his arm around Bella's waist from behind her and she turns her head slightly to kiss his lips, He buries his head in her hair. I have to look away. "This smoke is taking a while," Emmett complains in her ear.

"Yeah, your brother and I got talking about Skateboarding," she explains. "Do you skateboard?"

"Me?" Emmett says stepping to her side. "No, that's Edward's thing," he laughs. Emmett could never do much on a board. "Edward here, can do like flips in the air and shit. He could have easily avoided the college route and been a pro."

Bella slaps Emmett in the chest.

"Owww!" Emmett cringes holding the spot on his chest Bella smacked. "What was that for?"

"You are inflating your brothers already too big head, knock it off!" she laughs.

"I don't need Emmett to make my head bigger," I wink at her.

"You are such a pig," Bella says rolling her eyes.

"I'd like to say I'm more of an asshole," I act like I am joking. In all honesty, that is exactly what I am.

Did I say I was completely screwed?

**Rec's – Gonna keep you guys up to par on reading! LOL! There Will be Blood by JohnnyBoy7 I have had in in my To be read list forever – just now getting to it. The author is awesome. Twilight ff from men is awesome. Plus he calls bella's pussy – Tantilizing poon, really go read. I have been the last 2 days! **

**Did I rec Men Without Eyes? This author owns me. I love all of her stories, even her new one that each chapter is like no more than 900 words its so cool and different, it's called What are The Chances. **

**Those are my recs, and once I finish with There Will be Blood, I'm gonna need something to read. So give it to me in reviews, and if you want a teaser, let me know in your review. **

**Until next week! **


	8. Chapter 8 Forever

**SM Owns Twilight, I just play with them. **

**GropeWorthyCullen is my beta. **

**HippieStarr and PrettyKittyFF are my pre-readers. I love pre-readers. **

**HippieStarr started a thread for this story over at Twilighted! Thanks so much to her! She is awesome! Please come over and say hello, talk about the story, whatever you want. I love to chat, about all fics not just mine. **

**Chapter 8: Forever**

_Like a handless clock with numbers_

_An infinite of time_

_No not the forever found_

_Only in the mind_

_Forever always seems_

_To be around when things begin_

_But forever never seems_

_To be around when things end_

-Ben Harper

**BPOV**

I can't ask him to stay, right? I mean that would be selfish. I knew he was leaving. I always knew that this day would come. It's not D-day, as in departure day not as in Normandy. Not yet anyway.

My head is tucked under Emmett's chin as he holds me close with a firm hold. I hate the mornings. I always have, but since there has been a day looming in the distance that I dread, the beginning of each new day I want the sun to never come up. I keep my eyes closed, because it makes me feel better. I try to convince myself that if I stay asleep and in bed all day, the day won't end. The sun won't set, it won't rise, and I won't be a day closer to saying goodbye.

How do people do this? Say goodbye? Live without each other? I hope it gets easier. Emmett says it will get easier each day. If he is wrong, I'm going to kick him in the nuts the first time I see him again. Then I will make it up to him with an awesome blow job.

I told him this. He still says it will get easier. He isn't going to war. Not yet. I don't even want to think about that. I will tuck it away with everything else in my life that I avoid.

Emmett strokes the hair on the top of my head as we lay there. He is happy. Excited. I'm happy he is happy, but I can't stand the thought of not having him in my bed for thirteen weeks. Thirteen is such an evil number.

"I love you," he mutters against my hair. I take in a deep breath and hold it for a second before I exhale, my breath blowing across his bare chest.

"I love you, too." I finally manage to choke out. What I want to say, is don't go. Or take me with you. I have to hold my breath again to keep those words from leaving my mouth.

This is life. Moving forward. Making sacrifices for the greater good, for a better tomorrow. To follow dreams. I've said goodbye to my father, and that was forever. This isn't like that, it's the only thing keeping me sane. Temporary goodbye's are a lot easier, but still hurt.

Forever is funny to me. I mean is forever comprehensible? My mom always says "Bella nothing lasts forever." I get that. Emmett won't be gone forever. My dad will be...that is something that lasts forever. Well, forever in my lifetime at least. Forever is so much and so little. Human life is like a wave in the ocean compared to forever. My time will come and go, and forever will still exist.

This is too much, too early.

"I need a smoke," I tell Emmett, pushing myself out of bed. I keep the sheet wrapped around my bare body, holding it in place as I try to find something to slip on. I feel Emmett tug on it.

"Stop," I smile back at him.

"No, I wanna see you," he gives me that one-dimpled smile. I let him pull the sheet off, and stand completely exposed.

"Beautiful," he whispers, as I pull a t-shirt on without a bra. I slip on a pair of panties, and move back to the bed.

I climb on Emmett, laying on his chest. He tries to take off my shirt. I smack his hand away.

"Smoke first," I tell him with a few kisses to his face and neck. I can feel his hardness beneath me and I can't help it. I push against it.

"Hurry," he grunts. I kiss down his chest as I back off him, letting my hand brush along his shaft. I slip on a pair of cut off shorts and slip on my shoes before I make my way down to the step I smoke on.

I want to jog. Emmett doesn't let me go by myself since there are still girls being rapped. Like one girl every week. Seattle is being terrorized by this. Even my mom is worried. It's national news, and the fact that this guy hasn't been caught after all this time, scares the shit out of me. Mostly because I am on my own. I don't even have a roommate anymore, and now Emmett is leaving.

Last night was a late night we spent with his family. It was like his goodbye party. It sucked. I smiled though. I try not to let him see how sad I am that he is leaving me. I know he is happy, this is his dream. I don't want him to feel guilty or bad about leaving me behind.

We somehow ended up at the park a few blocks away on skateboards with Elise and Edward. She was adorable. Edward got her a pink and black board, with matching helmet, knee and elbow pads. She was decked out with her little glasses trying to steady herself on the board.

Edward still can't believe I can skate. Since in his words, I have no center of gravity on my feet, but put me on wheels and I am golden. I don't know why I can. I can tell you I have a few scars and now healed bones due to the hobby. I stuck with it though. It took my mind off my father when he was sick. The scrapes, gashes, and breaks I got from crashing into pavement, wood, and metal, were far less painful than what I had to face emotionally watching the cancer eat my father from the inside out.

If I was a lesser person, I probably would have given up...a lot more than skateboarding.

Emmett and Esme were laughing at how cautious Elise was on the board. She never put both feet up unless Edward was holding her hands. At one point he rode next to her, her hands in slowly glided along the flat earth. I don't know how it happened, but I somehow got roped into some girl scout badge that Edward agreed to do one day this summer.

Esme and Emmett thought it be a good idea if Edward had some help, and who better than another skateboarder, right? Edward didn't know what to do with eight six year-old girls. That's why I got recruited. I could say no to him, but not Esme, and certainly not Elise.

I picked at the scab that formed over my knee from yesterday when I wiped out. Emmett raced over to help me, but Edward got there first since he had the advantage of wheels.

"You okay? Let me see," Edward said kneeling next to me. I had instinctively covered the gash with my hand.

"It's fine, just a scrape," I told him, even though it stung like a bitch.

"Move your hand," he said, tugging on my arm. The blood was dripping down my leg, and I could see how scared Elise was.

"It's fine, if I had on knee pads like Elise, I wouldn't be hurt at all, so stupid of me," I said, hoping she wasn't too scared to keep learning. I moved my hand and saw the damage. It was a deep gash, from the jagged rock. Edward thought I might need stitches.

"No, no hospitals, I'm fine." I told them. I hated hospitals. I hated the smell, I hated the doctors, I hated the hurt and pain written on people's faces.

"Well, lets get you back to the house so my Father can take a look at it," Emmett insisted.

Edward took off his flannel that he wore open over a white-t and went to wipe the blood. "No!" I argued. "Don't ruin your shirt, I can make it back with a little blood dripping," I told him.

"Don't be silly Bella," he said ignoring my request. "It's just a shirt," he went on to wipe away the blood, before tying it around my knee. Emmett carried me back to the house. I let my head rest against his chest as he cradled me in his arms.

"You are a pretty tough chick, you know that?" Edward noted as we made our way back.

"I've been hurt a lot worse," I said quietly thinking of Charlie.

"I wish I could take your pain," Emmett told me softly, kissing the top of my head.

"I would never ask you to," I whispered.

I never want to see him sad. If I could protect his heart from ever losing a parent, I would. I can't though, just like no one can take it from me, or give my dad back. I mean there is nothing that can stop the end from coming. Forever doesn't exists. Not in my world.

I have this ridiculous respect for elephants and the way they die. After watching my father fight for months, I wish he wouldn't have done it. I wish he would have chosen quality over quantity. I can't fault him, he probably needed the time to come to terms. My mom and I needed the time to come to terms.

Elephants though, they know when it's time. They know when to let go. They know that the sixth time they lose their teeth, they won't grow back. They know they will starve to death, and they make their final journey to the graveyard.

I hope one day I can be that accepting.

Carlisle said I didn't need stitches but he cleaned it out and bandaged it up for me. It hurt a little bit, but not enough to get in the way of things I wanted to do. I wasn't someone to complain. I knew I had a high tolerance for physical pain. It was the emotional things I struggled with.

I'm making him jog with me, I think to myself once I come back from the memories of yesterday. Then we can have sex in the shower. Yeah, that sounds like a plan.

Tonight we are going out with all our friends. Edward, Rose, Jasper, and Alice. I don't want to go. I don't want to share him. I want him all to myself until he leaves. I can't do that though.

I smoke until I am down to the filter and head back upstairs. Emmett is still in bed. I throw him a pair of his basketball shorts.

Since the weather got nice, he doesn't wear a shirt. It's a sight to behold. The V that forms under his well defined abs. Heaven. Girls stare, but can you blame them? He doesn't look. He keeps his eyes forward or on me. I give some of them dirty looks depending on the length of time they spend gawking at my boyfriend. I mean, I accept that he deserves a glance, but if you wave, giggle or stare, I will give you my best bitch face. I even rammed into one chick because of the way she was looking at Emmett. He laughed.

"Whats this?" he asks confused.

"Jog."

"Your leg, you can't jog," he tells me. He just wants to have sex now.

"It's fine, I'll be fine. I can handle it."

He grumbles and pulls the shorts on while I change. He knows better than to argue with me.

Our feet hit the pavement and he runs ahead of me. My knee hurts like a bitch. It's tender and I can feel the scab cracking under the pressure. I don't care though, I love the high I get from running. I can take a little pain.

"Can't keep up?" he teases me, turning around on the trail and jogging backwards.

"Just taking it easy, my knee," I didn't really want to mention my knee. I don't want to hear him say he told me so.

This is why I love him. He doesn't say it. He slows down to a pace that matches mine and smiles at me as we go at a lazier than normal pace.

I only make it a mile, before I can't take the pain in my knee. I see a grassy area and a nice tree covered in green leaves. Emmett follows me into the shade, and I sit against the trunk. I pull up my pant leg to inspect the damage. I cracked it open. There is a little blood dripping down.

Emmett comes and kneels in front of me, taking my leg in his hand. "Don't say it," I warn him.

"I wasn't going to," he tells me holding his hands up in surrender. "But, I think you need to take it easier," he kisses my lips softly.

"I know," I sigh.

"Wanna head back?" he asks me.

"No, it's so nice out. Let's just sit here for a minute."

The breeze is amazing as it rustles the leaves above us. The grass is bright green beneath me. When Emmett wraps me in his arms, it's perfect. Our eyes are shielded by the sun that hardly ever makes an appearance.

I let my head rest against his shoulder and hold on to the feeling of being wrapped in his arms. He didn't even break a sweat on our sorry excuse for a run.

His fingers move up and down my arm, soothing me. He promises to call me as often as he can when he leaves for San Diego. I still don't want to accept it.

I turn and capture his mouth with a kiss, because I don't want to talk about it. I just want a day without goodbyes. A day to forget what is in store for us.

What sucks, is his departure has been looming over head since the beginning. There was never a time in our relationship where I didn't think about the day that is coming up quickly, that goodbye was inevitable.

Emmett moves me beneath him as we urgently seek each other. I run my fingers through his short hair that lies flat against his forehead.

His mouth finds my neck and I struggle to grasp at hair that is too short as he leaves his wintergreen breath across my neck and collarbone.

"Don't forget me," I whisper.

"I could never.." Kiss. "Forget my..." Nibble. "Beautiful Bella." Lick.

I move my hands to grasp his face and pull his mouth back on mine. His tongue darts in my mouth and explores before he brings it back and pecks my lips. He moves his tongue back inside, my mouth, repeating the kiss again. He sucks on my top lip.

I push him off, out of breath and afraid of the attention we have drawn to ourselves.

"I'm ready to go home."

He helps me up, takes my hand and we start the walk back to my apartment. I can feel the wetness he has caused between my legs and I ache for more.

As soon as we are home, I pull him into the bathroom with me, as he takes off my shirt, unhooks my bra and fondles my breasts, all while I struggle to get free from my pants.

I step out of them, and turn to put the shower on. His arms reach around me and his fingers play with the slickness between my thighs.

The water always takes too long to get warm enough. I turn around and push his shorts and underwear down in one motion, letting his hardness spring forward.

I stroke his thick shaft with my hand as our tongues move against each others. His hands are strong and needy against my flesh.

I know the water is warm enough and we stumble inside the shower not breaking apart as the steam fills the room.

He lifts me and I wrap my legs around as he lowers me onto him, and I know it's fine since I started getting depro shots. Once every three months is better than remembering to take a pill everyday.

I can enjoy the feeling of him thrusting in and out. My name falling from his lips. The stars flashing against the darkness. Bright. Colorful. Bursting.

"Emmmettt," I moan into his neck as he holds me securely in his arms.

I feel him pulse inside me filling me.

"Fuck, Bella," he mutters into my hair. He holds me a little while longer while we catch our breathes. When I unwrap myself, my legs feel like jelly, and he steadies me, placing kisses on my shoulder as the water runs down our bodies.

He runs the water through my hair, and his fingertips massage my scalp as he works my shampoo into my hair.

After we are done, we order in Chinese food and cuddle on the couch until it's time to meet everyone at Kaleidoscope.

I almost forget he is leaving. I spot the picture I had framed and set on the end table by the couch of me and Emmett, we were on the houseboat at night. The space needle is behind us illuminated by the city lights that are bouncing off the lake.

It was a silly moment. He lifted me up, and said he was going to throw me into the lake. My mouth is open spilling out my laughter as he was being playful.

We won't have a moment like that again anytime soon.

Almost forgot.

**EPOV**

I'm going to fuck her out of my system. Plain and simple. I haven't had a good fuck since Mexico. My dick must be desperate for some action, that's why he stands to attention even at Bella.

So, I get him some. It's in the form of blond hair, full breasts, luscious curves, and an ass that jiggles a little when I slap it.

I picked her up at the library. She was trying to find a book, she isn't the sharpest crayon in the box, but she is one of hottest.

I wrap her hair tightly in my fist while I fuck her from behind in front of the large windows on the houseboat. Fervently, my hips bang against her back side. I tug on her hair each time I enter her with force.

She moves back closer to me and turns her head, trying to kiss me. I won't kiss her on the mouth. I don't know why. I guess it's some Pretty Woman complex I developed. I want her perfectly clear that this is fuck. Adding something innocent might taint it.

I just need to fuck that spaz outta me. I can't go see her tonight with my brother, and get fucking hard and be frustrated. He is leaving in a few days, and I don't want to spend the time with him being a dick to the fucking love of his life, because she makes me hard.

I come, and I feel a little better. A little less frustrated. I pull out and discard the condom. I don't give a shit if she got off.

I pick up her dress and toss it to her. I start walking toward the fridge and tell her,"The faster you can get out, the better," I say coldly pulling out a beer from the fridge.

She looks at me, perplexed. "Get dressed and go," in hopes of clarifying things for her.

"Don't you want my number?" she asks, pulling the dress over her head.

"No," I say simply popping the cap off my beer and taking a sip.

"Oh, you want to give me yours then." she states. Poor girl, looks like she thinks she had a light bulb moment. I chuckle at the visual of a light bulb shining above her empty head.

"No," I tell her again. "..leave."

"But how will you call me?" she asks. I can tell she is confused.

"Listen, baby, if the world wants us to fuck again, the planets will align and bring you back to me," I am mocking, any person with common sense would hear the sarcasm in my voice.

Not her.

"Oh," she says, with a smile.

"Now get out," I say pointing to the door.

"Bye, Eddie!" she waves with a big smile.

I growl at the nickname Eddie. I fucking hate it.

"Bye Lauren," I wave back.

She stops in front of the door and that look of confusion is back on her face.

"Jessica," she tells me.

"What?" I ask beyond annoyed. I know her name, I am just fucking with her for calling me Eddie. It probably wasn't a good idea, all it's done is prolonged her stay. Maybe this fuck wasn't going to be helping my frustration level after all.

"My name, it's Jessica, you called me Lauren," she informs me.

"Jessica, I don't give shit if your name is Megan Fox, get the fuck out."

"You're an ass!" she tells me before she slams the door shut behind her.

"Don't I know it," I mumble to myself.

I get showered and clean up for tonight. I am thankful Rosalie agreed to go. This way I'm not a fifth wheel. Not the only one there without a date.

I make it to the bar, I'm the last one to arrive. I head over to the corner everyone is drinking in and Emmett calls the waitress over.

"Now that you are finally here, we can order some shots!" he exclaims rubbing his hands together.

"What took so long, dude?" Jasper asks.

"He is more vain than I am," Alice laughs. "How long did it take you to get ready? Two hours?"

"Ha-Ha Alice. No, I was kicking some chick out of my bed," I smirk.

I chance a glance at Bella, she rolls her eyes.

The waitress brings back a tray full of Washington apples for us to drink to.

"Okay, I have a toast," I announce before everyone raises up their glasses. "To Emmett, our very own Jarhead, he is always first to fight, and always faithful." Every clinks glasses and Emmett cheers to

"Semper Fidelis," the Latin term for always faithful, with a smile directed to Bella.

We all slam back the shots, I pat Emmett on the back. "I'm gonna miss you, Bro."

"Me too," he tells me.

"Who are you going to miss more? Edward or Bella?" Alice asks.

"That's a shitty question Alice, only you," Bella shakes her head in disapproval.

"No, no," I argue. "I'd like to know," I am just messing with him, and he knows it.

"Well, I get things from Bella, " Emmett hints.

"Hey! That's all I am? Sex?" Bella asks hitting his chest. Thing is, I don't know if she is really pissed. Emmett was just keeping up the joke. I don't know if Bella is playing along or she is really offended.

"Calm down, spaz! I brought the Xany's for you tonight, none of this spazzy shit tonight," I laugh, sipping my beer.

Of course Emmett is saying sorry. "Of course your more than sex, Bella." he assures her holding her face in his large hand, while his thumb strokes her cheek.

"Stop! I'm not spazzing out, Edward!" Bella screeches, pushing Emmett's hands from her face. "Well, now I am! Really, that was me playing along. No need to say sorry, Em. I'm a big girl. You are such a jerk," Bella huffs to me.

"And the night wouldn't be complete without a Bella episode," I chuckle.

"Enough, we aren't here to listen to you idiots bicker," Rose steps in. "We are here to give Emmett a kick ass night before the Marines whip his ass into shape."

"Who would have thought Rose would be the voice of reason?" Jasper chuckles. Rose shoves him.

"Alice, she pushed me, did you see that?" Jasper whines to Alice.

"And...?" Alice asks.

"Shove her back for me, I can't hit a girl."

"Um, Rose can kick _your_ ass, what makes you think I would take her on?"

"And Alice with the burn!" Emmett cheers, tilting his beer bottle to her drink. They clink glasses and both take a sip of their drinks.

Alice and Jasper announce that they found a place. Bella looks a little bummed but she forces a smile for her best friend and hugs her.

"Can I talk to you?" Emmett asks.

"Sure."

"In private?"

I follow Emmett to a secluded corner in the bar, and he places his hand on my shoulder. "What's up?" I ask him.

"I'm just concerned about Bella, you know? I'm leaving, Alice is leaving...I just...I know you two don't really get along, but it would mean a lot to me if you could look out for her?" Emmett asks me hesitantly.

I start shaking my head in protest, "No, dude. I'm not a babysitter...or in this case a Bella sitter."

"Come on, there is that crazy rapist on the loose. It make me feel a lot better to know she had someone looking out for her."

I groan in annoyance. "Yeah, Bro. I got her back while your gone. But I just want you to know I don't like it one bit." I tell him poking his chest.

"Keep her safe for me, I know you won't let anything bad happen to her."

"Yeah," I sigh. So, screwed. I lean against the wall and bang my head lightly in annoyance for the shit I just got roped into.

Just when I thought I'd be able to avoid her. When we head back, Bella is leaning across the table, and her jeans look like they are painted on her. My dick is hard.

Fucking bitch. Bella, not my hard on.

Fucking that ditz today was a lost cause. All this does is stir more annoyance in me. I put up with her for nothing. I'm still sporting a raging hard on because of Bella. I try to adjust myself without being too obvious.

"Eddie?" I hear her annoying voice.

I grit my teeth and turn in the direction of her voice. "Lauren."

"Jessica. My names Jessica, remember? Gosh you have a bad memory," she giggles.

I can't help but smile, because if I don't, I might ask Rose to come to my rescue. "I guess I do. Excuse me, I am going to get back to my friends." I begin to walk away.

"Wait!" she calls prancing up next to me. I keep walking. "You said the universe would align and we would see each other again. It has to be fate," she gushes.

"No, it's a popular bar. It's an unfortunate coincidence," I should shut up. Stop indulging her.

"Well, want to dance?" she asks. I almost feel like asking her to define unfortunate.

"I don't think my date would appreciate that."

"Oh, Eddie, I don't mind if you dance with...What was your name again?" Bella asks out of nowhere. She is trying to contain her laughter.

"La-Jessica," she says, trying to correct herself.

I almost lose it. I wrap my arm around Bella's shoulders and pull her close to me, if she wants to play. I can play.

"Now, sweetheart, I came here with you tonight. I only want to dance with you."

"But Edward, La-Jessica seems like such a nice girl. You shouldn't throw it all away just for me," she says batting her eyelashes.

"If I can't have you, Bella, I don't want nobody else," I almost sing the song.

"Oh, I like that song," Jessica chimes in.

"Why don't you go see if the DJ will play it," I suggest.

"Then you will dance with me?"

"Sure," I tell her, but I have every intention of slipping the DJ a twenty to not play the song.

She squees. She fucking squees, and then thanks Bella. She scurries off toward the DJ booth.

"I thought you had higher standards than that, Edward? You disappoint me." Bella laughs.

"Shut up." I tell her.

"I'm going for a smoke, wanna come?"

"Why not, I'd be a shitty date if I let you go stand outside by yourself on these dangerous Seattle streets."

When I come back in...that damn song is playing. I should have paid the DJ off before the need for nicotine overtook my urges.

Jessica comes scurrying up to me, grabbing my arm and shit, and whining at me to dance.

"Rose," I look at her, begging her to get this ditz to back off.

She laughs.

"Alice?" I try.

She laughs.

"Bella, you are my last hope!"

She sighs. Better than laughing. She steps up in between me and Jessica and pushes her back gently. She places her hand on my chest, and I have to swallow back thickly as her hand rubs against my peck. I pray for my dick to cooperate, but once Bella speaks, it's a lost cause.

"Listen, it was funny ten minutes ago, but if you don't back the fuck off _my man_, your face is going to meet my fist, do you understand that?" Bella challenges her.

Jessica doesn't know what the fuck to do. She slowly backs up obviously embarrassed. Plus scared shitless.

I don't know what to do. My cocked twitched when Bella called me her man. What the fuck? Hearing that from her lips, made me want to smile.

"Who would have thought, Bella had it in her?" I congratulate and thank her, even though I want to bend her over and fuck her silly. Or scream at her for making my body react this way, making me feel this way.

"Me," Emmett says holding up his hand. "That's my girl," he beams with pride.

**Recs...Uh I fail at reading these past two weeks. My Fanfic girls are not, and there rec for you this week is Becoming Bella Swan by BellaFlan, they say it's a total mind fuck. And I trust my girls. I think we need a name for our little email group...but I'm not that crafty. **

**Theres the little review button. Things are gonna get sticky! **


	9. Chapter 9 Stop and Stare

**SM Owns. Not me. Sad but true. **

**HippieStarr and PrettyKittyff are my awesome pre-readers. **

**GropeWorthyCullen hasn't beta'd yet, but I like to post. So I am posting.**

**Chapter 9: Stop and Stare**

_Stop and stare_

_I think I'm moving but I go nowhere_

_Yeah I know that everyone gets scared_

_But I've become what I can't be, oh_

_Stop and stare_

_You start to wonder why you're here not there_

_And you'd give anything to get what's fair_

_But fair ain't what you really need_

-One Republic

**BPOV**

I can't even see him off properly. I can't go to the gate. I can't go through security, not without a ticket. I had a ticket, to go home, but I need to start working if I want to keep my apartment. Renee is less than pleased with me. It's not as if she is willing to send me the extra money. Things are always tight with her, always a struggle since Dad died. Yet, she is always buying something new. Furniture, clothes, remolding something, and I can't forget the new car she purchased. She doesn't want to give up those wants for my needs.

She hasn't always been the most selfless mother. Another reason I don't make it home much for visits. Why I left for Seattle without a second thought. Charlie took care of me. I know she cares, she just doesn't know how to look past herself most of the time to do it right.

She's the least of my problems.

Emmett gives Edward a quick one armed hug. "Watch out of her, dude." I hear him ask. I don't think I was meant to hear, but it causes tears to well in my eyes. I didn't want to cry.

"I will, man. Love ya, Bro," Edward tells him, and my heart swells that Edward would do that for Emmett. Not for me. I would have told Emmett that I was fine, not to ask anyone. But he cared enough to do that, and Edward cared enough to say yes. These are things about the Cullen's that I love. They are a family. Everyone cares. They do things because they want to... not because they need to , or will be getting something in return. IIt's that way with Renee.

I brush away the traitorous tear that I promised wouldn't escape. He is holding my hands in his, with his duffel bag over his shoulder. People are walking around us, because I won't let him go through the metal detector yet. We stood in line for him, and now it's his turn, I won't let him move. People are huffing and being impatient. I don't care.

He already said goodbye to his parents and Elise. Edward and I are the ones that brought him to the airport today. D day, this time it's departure day. It came no matter how hard I wished it wouldn't.

"Look at it this way, it's one day closer to when I will be home," he tells me leaning his forehead against mine.

I nod against it, two, three, four, I lose count of the tears. I can't even speak.

"I love you," he tells me, tilting my head up to his to look in his crystal blue eyes.

A nod is all I can muster. Edward is off to the side, trying to be respectful he looks uncomfortable, like he is imposing on a private moment. Most of the people hurrying past us are already intruding. I run my fingers along the scruff he has grown.

He kisses my lips. He tells me it will be okay. He makes promises to me. Somehow I manage an I love you. I watch him walk away. The sight of him walking away, makes me sob. I hold it back, and it hurts. My hand covers my mouth as I try to hide the choked sobs.

I feel a hand on my shoulder. When I turn around it's Edward. He pulls me toward him, and hugs me tight, letting me just cry, cry the way I have wanted to all week . I didn't cry though, i didn't want to burden Emmett.

Edward keeps his arm around me as he leads me out, guiding me through the maze of people. He doesn't say a word. The car ride back to my apartment is silent.

When he pulls up along the curb, I go to get out. "Thanks," I whisper.

"Do...Do you...I don't know, want some company or something? I mean we could like go get a bite to eat or something if you didn't want to be alone," he offers.

"I don't have much of an appetite right now, thank you though. I know Emmett said to watch out for me, but you don't need to." I offer him.

"That's...that isn't what I'm doing, Bella," he tells me. "I could use the company myself."

I nod. I still don't want to eat. I feel like my stomach is twisted in knots.

"Drinks? I mean I know it's only noon, but it's been a rough day. We can do our own little pub crawl," he laughs.

"I could use a drink...definitely use a drink...or ten. Whatever," I tell him.

"Alright then, let's go," Edward smiles at me. He pulls back into the traffic and starts down the busy road.

"Were to?" I ask.

"Houseboat."

"Why there?"

"Because, I have plenty of booze, I know the water calms you, and I don't have to worry about getting home," he explains.

"Good thinking," I tell him with a small smile. "Wait what about getting _me_ home?"

"You've stayed over before, you can stay over again if we get tanked," he shrugs.

I don't know why, but I feel my heart flutter that he thought of surrounding me with the water. I didn't even know he paid that much attention to what I liked, let alone what calms me.

Six shots, five beers, and two hours later, Edward and I are pretty messed up.

"I need food," I slur. Drinking on an empty stomach was not the best idea.

"What ya want?"

"What ya got?"

"Anything you want."

I feel my face heat because he is flirting with me. It's like he has two modes ass and flirt.

"Order in pizza?" I suggest.

"Sounds like a plan to me." Edward pulls out his cell phone and calls the pizza place around the corner. I don't know how he knows I love Hawaiian pizza, but that is what he orders.

"I'm sorry, I didn't even ask if that was okay," he says once he hangs up.

"It's fine, I love Hawaiian," I assure him.

I want to go outside. I stand up off the couch and sway. Edward reaches out to steady me, but he isn't stable enough, and we clumsily try to catch ourselves. It's no use.

He ends up on top of me. Hovering. "Sorry," I tell him, as he stares at me. It's a little creepy. "What? Is there something on my face?" I ask.

"No. No," he assures me, but makes no move to remove himself. "You didn't get hurt did you?"

"I don't think so," I almost whisper. I notice a scar under his jaw, through the little bit of scruff he has. I don't know why but I run my finger along the white jagged line.

"Skateboarding," he tells me, "I was going down some steps and slammed into the metal railing. Lost a tooth. Only eight stitches. The dentist came and got my tooth back in before the root died."

I nod. I pull down my shirt, and show him the scar I have right below my collarbone. His fingers do the same. "Missed a jump and lucky me, landed on a nail that Jake didn't bother to fix on his ramp, sliced me open, pretty bad."

Edward's finger trails up my neck and across my jaw line. I can feel his breath on my face, and I know I should be asking him to move, I don't know why the words are lodged in my throat.

"I don't think this is what Emmett had in mind when he asked me to watch out for you," Edward says, pushing up off the ground.

He reaches down, and I take his hand. He pulls me to my feet, I still sway a little.

Out of nowhere, I am overcome with the most debilitating sadness. Tears pour down my face in buckets. I shake my head completely embarrassed by my emotional outburst.

Edward's eye's are wide. "Um. I did-didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," Edward struggles to apologize, for what, I don't know. I shake my head at him. I try to blubber out that it isn't him.

"I-I-I...I don't know what's wrong! I'm so-so-sorry!" I don't know if he understands me. He keeps reaching for me and pulling away, unsure of whether or not to hug the crying girl. "It's not you," I finally sob out, remembering he said something about making me feel uncomfortable.

"I guess...I just miss Emmett!" I practically wail. His arm goes around my shoulder with uncertainty.

"Shhh, it will be okay, spaz," Edward tells me, and I can't help but to laugh through the tears.

He leads me outside, and lights a smoke for me. I keep telling him how sorry I am, how I feel like an idiot for having some emotional breakdown in front of him.

Maybe just his name being said sent me off, I make Edward promise not to talk about him the rest of the day.

"Anything, just don't cry on me, anymore," he smirks at me. He is just trying to lighten the mood with his humor. For once I welcome it.

It isn't much later that I pass out.

That night, I wake up with cotton mouth, a pounding headache, and the unsettling feeling of needing to purge in the second bedroom of the houseboat.

I rush to the bathroom and my head finds the cold porcelain just in time. I hate the sounds that result from throwing up. The gagging, the splashing. It makes me heave again.

Hands are pulling my hair away from my face gently. They are rubbing soothing circles on my back.

Edward hands me a wet wash cloth, I wipe my face. "Thanks," I croak, flushing the toilet. I can't get up. I don't want to get up. This is how people end up asleep on the bathroom floor. It's fine with me.

"Want to go back to bed?" he asks me.

"I need to smoke," I tell him, as he helps me off the floor. I was liking the fuzzy rug. I turn to throw up again just thinking about the gross crap that must be on that fuzzy rug.

Edward pulls my hair again, and laughs. I don't have the energy to yell at him for finding pleasure in my pain.

Why did I think getting trashed would make me feel better? Now all I feel is the ache of Emmett's absence and hungover. Stupid Edward.

"This is all your fault," I whine coming to my feet again. I rinse my mouth in at the sink and steal some mouth wash to swish around in my mouth.

"My fault? I didn't hold you down and pour the shots down your throat," Edward defends himself.

"What time is it?" I ask him.

"Um, like eight. Why?"

"Emmett is supposed to call before lights out or whatever. I just don't want to miss it."

I take my time going down the steps, still a little unsteady on my feet. I haven't woken up drunk many times. It's college. I can get away with this crap.

I slide the door open to walk onto the deck above the water. There is a cool breeze, but it's warm. I sit on the edge, and let my feet dangle over, grazing the water as I lit my smoke.

I hear the door click shut behind me and Edward takes a seat next to me crossing his legs like a pretzel.

He doesn't light his own, we share mine in silence.

"Think it's possible Emmett is looking at the moon right now?" I ask after a few minutes, as I stare up at the crescent moon.

"He could be," Edward exhales some smoke.

"Makes me feel a little closer to him...is that weird?"

"Nah."

"I mean it's not like he is so far away that we don't share the same moon...the same stars...the same sun..." I trail off.

"Don't get all gooey with me talking about Emmett. I might have to rethink my friendship this summer. And that would suck, since I told him I'd Bellasit for him."

"Wait. What friendship? Bellasit? Should I be honored to be considered your friend? And I don't need a babysitter." I puff.

"Don't go getting your panties in a bunch. Emmett just wants to make sure you are okay, that's all. It's like...brother code. And yeah you should feel honored to be in the Edward Cullen circle of friends."

I slap his chest playfully, we both laugh.

My phone starts to ring, and I hand the cigarette off to Edward. I glance down, and it's Emmett. I smile huge accepting the call.

"Hey," I breath out, relief washes over me when I hear his voice.

"Beautiful Bella." That is all he has to say, and I forget where I am. I forget about Edward. I forget about my headache, and upset stomach. Everything is just...perfect.

I stand up and pace the deck, because I can feel butterflies in my stomach and the adrenaline is pumping through my veins.

Emmett tells me a little about San Diego. About the sun. The beach. He saw the ocean, but only passing by, but he thought of me. He says that out of all the guys who have girls waiting for them back home, I am by far the hottest. I laugh.

"I'm not just saying that B, the single guys voted, if they could steal one of our girls, they'd steal mine." he tells me, how he brought a few pictures of us from his Fathers birthday party, how pretty I looked that night.

We don't talk long. But what we say could fill a lifetime. I love you's end the call, and I sink back on the edge of the deck. Fulfilled.

A wide smile. Edward is looking in his lap. He looks up and meets my eyes. He smiles at me, but it's not sincere.

**EPOV**

Isabella Swan is going to be the death of me. I would like nothing more than to drop her off at her apartment and never see her again.

Not because I can't stand her. No, the complete opposite.

There is no way I can let a girl come between me and my brother. Of course for that to happen Bella would have to give a shit about me. Which she doesn't. Proof of which lies in the way she looks at him, talks about him, tries to be brave for him, breaks down over his absence, the way his phone call made her light up from the inside out, lets not forget the way she tells him she loves him every other sentence.

All of this would be enough of a challenge, if the man making her feel these things, looks these ways, say those words, wasn't my brother. My best friend.

I guess I just have to suffer in silence. She isn't mine. She is his. I can't get over how I feel though. I can't get her out of my mind. I can't wish her away. I can't even ignore her. Even if Emmett didn't ask me to watch her, I could never ignore her. I could never let her jog in a city with a serial rapist on her own.

That's why I am parking my car along her street wearing a sleeveless t-shirt and cut off sweatpants, trying hard to get the courage to see her. I'm so afraid of what I might do, or say. I don't even have the will to be aloof with her. To tease her. I'm such an idiot.

I do realize I have been attracted to her since the first day I saw her. It may have taken nine months to see it, but trust me; I see it. I liked her, I was a dick to her. I think because I couldn't have her. I played Chasing fucking Cars on the piano when I saw her outside. _I don't quiet know, how to say, how I feel_.

Yeah, I didn't then. I do know, and I liked it better floating down the river of denial. I had a beer in my raft, and girls to fuck. I mean, now that I am ashore, fully aware and unable to deny shit, I can't enjoy sex. I don't even want to have sex...with anyone that isn't Bella. I smack my head back against the seat.

Will time take these feelings from me? I should just build a bridge and get over it. If only matters of the heart were so simple.

As much as I know it's wrong, I can't fight what feels natural. Hugging. Hovering above her. Fingertips that dance along skin. Flirty words. It all happens before I have control. I can't do that shit to my brother. It's disrespectful to say the least.

I just have to keep myself in check. I take a deep breath and pull the keys from the ignition. I push open the door, climb to my feet, and when traffic allows I cross the street.

Her door is open. It freaks me out. It's cracked open, she shouldn't leave it like that. I have to go up the stairs and then through another door, but still.

My heart starts beating. I'm so worried someone is up there, like that fucking rapist.

"Bella?" I call up the stairs, because the door into the apartment is open too. I start taking the steps two at a time, ready to kick some ass, or possibly die trying. Emmett would never forgive me. I would never forgive me. It's bad enough I have to live without her.

I think I'm masochistic at this point. I am willing to take her however I can get her, even if that means as my sister in law. I should just start egging them on to get married. It's not like if they break up, I can just move in on her. Brother code doesn't allow that shit either.

"Bella?" I call again, pushing her door open. I step inside leaving the door wide open. It will be easier to throw some creep down the stairs that way.

She walks out of the back hallway and jumps when she see's me, taking in a deep breath.

"Jesus Christ Edward, you scared the crap outta me!" she tells me holding her chest to over her heart. "What are you doing here?"

"Do you always leave your front doors wide open? Shit Bella! What if I were that rapist!"

"Now who's the spaz," Bella laughs.

"It's not funny!"

"You didn't answer my question, what are you doing here?"

"Jog. Emmett said you liked to jog every morning. So...lets do this." I motion toward the door.

"That's nice of you, but I can't." Her teeth bite into her bottom lip. I have to stop myself from pulling it out with my thumb.

"You won't," I correct her.

"Can't." she argues back, as an older lady walks out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, while she towel dries her blonde hair with the towel in her hand.

"Bella, who's this handsome young man? Is this the boy you have been seeing?" the woman asks walking out.

"No, Mom. This is Edward, Edward this is my mom, "she introduces me.

"Nice to meet you Mrs. Swan."

"Edward is Emmett's brother," Bella tells her mother.

"Emmett?" her mom questions like she never heard of him.

"Yes, Emmett. My boyfriend. The one who left for the Marines a few days ago, remember I told you all of this?" Bella sounds annoyed.

"I just figured with the way he was looking at you..." her mother trails off.

Now, I am annoyed. At her. At myself. Am I that transparent?

Bella laughs. At least not to her. I sigh in relief. Is being completely fucking infatuated with her that laughable?

I scowl at her. I don't mean too, but now I'm angry.

"I just came to accompany Bella on her morning jog. Emmett doesn't want her going by herself till this rapist is caught," I explain to her with my crooked smile.

"Oh, well that's very thoughtful of you boys. I've been at home worried sick over the situation. Then when Bella didn't come home all year, and then backed out of this summer, I knew I just had to come see her. Your brother has been monopolizing my daughters attention."

Bella sighs, I try not to laugh. Her mom is a trip.

"Well, go jog, Bella. Don't let me stand in the way," Renee huffs in annoyance.

"No, Mom, I already told Edward I can't."

"Go, Bella. I don't want to intrude on your life. I knew I shouldn't have bothered coming."

Her mom practically storms out of the room.

"Did your mom just stomp her feet?" I ask, Bella.

"Just another day of As the World Turns around Renee," Bella says aggravated.

She slips on her sneakers and laces them up. "Let's get the fuck out of here," she says, slamming the door behind her.

"Wow, I can't wait to tell Emmett what kind of shit he is signing up for." I laugh chasing her down the stairs.

She doesn't laugh. As soon as the door to the outside swings open, she takes off.

I thought this was a jog? I'm not really up for a run, but I push ahead.

When I get up along side of her. She goes off. She growls, and it's sexy as fuck. She tells me how selfish her mom is. How controlling. How she acts more like a friend, but a friend that no one really wants they just tolerate for whatever reasons.

"Everything is just always about her, ya know?" She doesn't give me time to respond, not that I can. I don't know her mom. "I mean, she was never the most attentive mom, but once my dad died...I mean she was like useless to me. I might as well have lost them both (of them) the day we found out he was dying."

All I can do is let her bitch. Take her frustration out on the pavement.

"She thinks she can just show up, and I will put my life on hold. Well I can't. I can't not work. I mean if I didn't have to work, I could have gone home, but she refused to send me the money to cover the rent. So I am working. She just...just...frustrates me!" Bella says a mile a minute.

"No wonder your such a spaz," I tease her. I hope to lighten the mood. Do what she did for me when I told her about MaKenna. Because death...well it just sucks. Some say it's the end, others the beginning. I just stick with it fucking sucking. Maybe it just sucks for those of us left behind.

She laughs.

Finally.

I make her laugh. My teasing makes her laugh. She finally finds me... endearing? Whatever it is, she doesn't hate me. She gets my jokes. My humor. It lifts me high then slams fucking hard back to reality. Her laughing...me making her laugh...her finding me, endearing. It doesn't matter.

"You are one strange bird, Swan," I want to make her mad. It makes it harder for me to be around her if she likes me, even if it's friendly. I feel myself sinking. Maybe even slow dancing by myself in a burning room. Better to be by myself than to involve Bella.

"And you love me," she teases.

"You wish," I laugh her off.

She busts out laughing, so hard she has to stop running. She is bent over in laughter holding her stomach, gasping for breath.

I stand annoyed, hands on my hips.

"Me?" laugh. "Wish!" breath. "I loved." Squeak. "You?" Snort.

And it's the cutest fucking snort.

"It's not that funny, Bella." I tell her.

"I'm just...You know my boyfriend? You have meet him once or twice, right? I mean he's just as good looking as you, and he is sweet."

"What was that Bella? Did you say I was as good looking as your boyfriend?" I can almost feel my heart accelerate thinking that Bella at least is attracted to me.

"God, Edward. You know your like a fucking Adonis while Emmett is like Hercules or some shit. You Cullen's have like Greek God blood running through your DNA. It's not as if you need to hear me say it, Your whole family is beautiful," she says, starting to jog again.

"And why is being in love with me so laughable?" I ask her, on a more serious note.

"I don't know. You don't take much but school, and Elise seriously. I mean your just not boyfriend material, not that that is a bad thing. It's just not who you are right now."

I don't say anything else. I know she is right...three months ago that is who I was. Now, I was ready. For her. Not that I could have her. Not that it mattered. Not that I could share that with her.

By the time we get back to her place. I am a sweaty mess. I take off my shirt and wipe my brow with it. When I look at Bella her eyes are glazed over with lust as she ogles my slightly defined chest. It's nothing compared to Emmett's, but I have definition.

"Like what you see?" I ask her.

"I wasn't looking," she says, trying to be disgusted.

"Whatever you say, my spaz."

"Want to come up for some water before you go?" she asks.

"And have the pleasure of seeing your mother, again? I'll pass."

"Take me with you," she pleads in a sarcastic tone.

"And you say you aren't in love with me," I say backing away slowing. "Have fun, Swan," I tell her with a wave.

"Thanks, Cullen." she says, flipping me the bird.

I stop. I look at her. I want to tell her how she takes my breath away. How she makes me want to be better. So much I can't say. So much I can't do. I do what I can. "Same time tomorrow?" I ask her. She shrugs in agreement.

I flip her back. We both laugh and than turn our backs on each other.

**Review, come chat on the Boards. Would you read an Elvisward? Teacherward? Tell me in the review, I will send a teaser...if you ask. But I need thoughts on Teacherward and Elvisward. **

**AND I need thoughts on these crazy kids! HAHA! It really helps me write faster I swear! I already have BPOV pretty much done. **

**Anyway... Rec's hmmm... I read Somewhere Between Crimson and Blue by Antiaol the past 2 days. **


	10. Chapter 10 Misery

**SM Owns Twilight, I don't. **

**HippieStarr and PrettyKittyFF are my awesome pre-readers. **

**No beta, this round. I am giving you guys this early because you rock and for being awesome while I built up to this point... **

**Almost to the prologue. How exciting? **

**Oh, and thanks for your thoughts on Elvisward (think early elvis in the 50's – in leather on the brink of fame, falling in love) And Teacherward...from Wildwood NJ. There both coming soon. Elvisward prolly first. **

**Chapter 10: Misery**

_Say your faith is shaken_

_You may be mistaken_

_You keep me wide awake and_

_Waiting for the sun_

_I'm desperate and confused_

_So far away from you_

_I'm getting here_

_Don't care where I have to go_

_-_Maroon 5

**BPOV**

Thank God she is gone. The two whole days she was here, were like from hell. Yeah, two days. Her new boyfriend Phil, had a minor league game in the area. She came, she saw, she left.

I'm meeting Edward and his sisters girl scout troop at the skate park. Today's the day we become role models for these girls. It kinda scares the crap out of me.

Edward has been acting odd. I mean, 'Rina is coming in today. She is supposed to be at the skate park. I would think Edward would be excited about it, instead he seems...hesitant.

I walk into the skate park, to Edward...showing off. The girls are all cheering him on as he effortlessly skates up and down the ramps doing tricks, even flips when he gets enough height. I don't see 'Rina.

He slows down when he see's me. He skates over, "Bella's here girls," he tells them. I wave at them. Elise hugs me. My heart aches because she looks so much like Emmett.

He sends me postcards of the ocean. Promising me that one day we will share it. He calls me as much as he can. I can't get upset here, not today.

"Where's Audrina?" I ask Edward.

"Oh, she said she would be here when we were done," he shrugs.

One girl tells me I am the prettiest girl she has ever seen. "Thank you," I tell her, because she's telling the truth. Kids don't lie like that.

"Do you think Miss Bella is pretty Edward?" another girl asks.

He looks at me, and smiles. "Miss Bella is very pretty," he tells her.

"Are you going to ask her on a date?" another girl chimes in.

"Nope. My brother thought she was pretty first, he already beat me to it," he tells her ruffling her hair.

I don't really know what to think, but the idea of Edward asking me on a date...I feel fluttering.

He is sweet with the kids, I didn't expect anything less. I find myself staring at his interactions with them. I have seen him with Elise, it's nothing new. It just warms my heart on a whole new level to see him be just as kind to the other girls. We show them a few things and most do well enough to get both feet on their boards.

Elise does the best, I assume because Edward's been showing her how to ride for a month now. She has a head start.

Towards the end, Audrina strolls in, looking around for Edward. He is hard to miss surrounded by eight young girls. She is hard to miss. She is beautiful. She is wearing heels with dark shorts that are pleated, with suspenders over a casual white shirt. Her brown hair is straight and blowing behind her.

I feel like a slob in my skinny jeans, chucks, and t-shirt that is Emmett's. Of course the minute she see's us, she makes me forget my insecurities.

"Bellaaaa!" she says, embracing me in a hug. I smile and hug her back.

Edward greets her with a hug, and introduces her to the girls, saving Elise for last. I'm actually impressed he knows all their names, because I don't.

I manage to do a few tricks, and not fall. Audrina makes Edward show off, it doesn't take much to twist his arm. All and all it's a good day. I didn't curse, so that's a plus. The mom's all come to pick the girls up, the hour really flew by.

I have to get to work, Edward offers to drive me. Elise wants to see the fish, so I agree. Edward holds Audrina's hand as we head to his car. She took a cab. I sit in the back with Elise, and wonder why it bothers me that Edward is holding her hand.

They all want to see the aquarium, so I offer them my employee discount. I'm jealous I don't get to enjoy it with them.

Audrina turns in her seat up front and asks me about Emmett. I miss him. Maybe that's why it's hard to see another couple. I haven't seen much of Alice and Jasper since they moved out, maybe it reminds me of what is lacking in my life.

Audrina is here for three days, each day she has a workshop for few hours she has to attend, and she and Edward have plans tonight.

"You can come," she offers.

"No, no! Don't be crazy! I don't want to intrude! I was just going to rent something and order in. Have a quiet night," I tell her.

"Well tomorrow night then, we have to hang."

"Sure," I tell her. I don't want to be a third wheel. I am starting to see why Edward was always so difficult. It would be rude of me to say no, though.

I go through the night feeling sorry for myself. Missing Emmett, and for some reason, wondering how Edward's date is going.

I wallow in my apartment with Ben and Jerry while I watch sad movies like the _Time Travelers Wife_.

My eyes well up with tears. She runs through the forest to get to Henry. _"Why didn't you tell me you were coming? I would have waited."_

"_I didn't want you to wait,"_ my tears spill over. _"I don't want you to spend your life waiting."_ I'm such an emotional mess.

I try to smell Emmett on the sweatshirt I never returned, but his scent is gone. His presence has dissipated here, and I am alone.

I curl up on the couch, with my tears. I cry until I can't anymore. I don't even know why. I fall asleep, and dream.

I dream that I am Clare. Emmett is not there. Edward is Henry. I don't want to be with him because he always leaves me. He can never stay. It hurts to let him go. It hurts more to not be with him in whatever way I can. It feels nice to kiss him. I can smell him.

The next day, I tell him I'm not jogging. The dream was really realistic. I'm scared. I feel like the worst girlfriend in existence. My boyfriend leaves, and I dream of his brother.

He doesn't listen about the jog.

He is at my door. Banging on it.

I finally give in and let him in. I don't care that my hair is a rat's nest or that there is empty ice cream cartons on the coffee table or that I have stains on my t-shirt.

"Are you okay?' he asks me, taking a look at my appearance.

"I'm fine," I tell him, plopping down on the couch.

"You don't seem, fine," he tells me, cleaning up the mess I left.

"I just miss Emmett, that's all," I tell him. I won't look at him. Sure, I miss Emmett, but I dreamed of kissing Edward. I feel dirty.

"Your still coming out tonight, right?" he asks me.

"No," I tell him. "I'm not in the mood to watch you and 'Rina be all lovey dovey," I tell him.

"Listen...I need to say something to you. I need you to promise me that you won't freak out."

"I'm already freaking out, is it Emmett? Did something happen?" I ask him.

"Jesus Christ Bella! Would you listen to me?" he yells at me.

I shut up.

He takes a deep breath and pulls at his hair. "I screwed up," he starts. "I thought I could just ignore shit, that it would go away or stop, or some shit. I don't know. It's not. I don't-I don't know what else to do at this point but just fuckin own up to it."

He sits next to me, he leans forward with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. He peeks over at me. "I did the shittiest thing I could ever do as a brother."

"Just say it already," I urge him.

"I fell for his girl," he admits.

It takes me a minute to process this. Silence fills the room as I stare at the floor replaying the words in my mind until they crash into me.

"You-you, what?" I ask him.

"I can't stop thinking about you Bella."

"Get out!" I yell at him. "Why would you tell me this? What? Do you feel unburdened or some shit now?" I rise from the couch and open the front door.

He slams it shut. He pushes me against the door, and his mouth is on mine. His tongue is rough trying to force it's way into my mouth. I push against him wanting so bad to fight him, but a part of me has already given in.

My hands try to push away, but they end up pulling him closer. He finally stops. He pulls back and we are both out of breath. I slap his face. I reach for the door knob. "Get the fuck out," I tell him.

"You know you feel it too, Bella!" he yells at me, refusing to go.

"No, Edward! I don't. I fucking love your brother! I would never hurt him like this!" I yell back at him.

"Stop fighting it Bella. We have been fighting it since we meet and you just won't acknowledge it." He isn't yelling now. He is talking calmly.

"Since when do you know anything about my feelings? You don't know shit, Edward! You are going to ruin everything!"

He goes to kiss me again. I slap his other cheek. He rubs the red hand print. "Tell me you don't feel anything for me?" he dares me.

There is something. What? I don't know. Something inside me made me dream of him. Something inside me made me uncomfortable seeing him with Audrina. Something inside of me made me flutter. Something is inside me, growing...for Edward.

A tear slides down my cheek. I want to deny it. I can't though.

"That's what I thought," he tells me stepping closer to me. He is about to kiss me again, it takes everything inside of me to get the words out.

"I don't feel anything for you." Such a lie. All these little things add up in my mind, making my feelings for him glaringly obvious. I'm not that girl. I don't cheat. I don't fall for my boyfriends brother. I don't fall for my best friends boyfriends.

But I am. I did. It doesn't matter, we have choices. I don't have to chose to do anything about any feelings that have stirred inside me. It's wrong. Emmett is good for me, to me.

He stops. He backs away.

"Keep lying to yourself Bella," he says through clenched teeth. "You think this is easy for me? You think that this is what I want? You think I enjoy having these feelings for you!" His voice starts to raise as he stares me down. "I don't want this! But I can't...I can't hide from it. I can't deny it. I can't help it if I lo-"

"Don't." I warn him. I don't even know if he heard me say it, but if he says the L word, I might lose it.

"The one and only girl that my brother loves, I L-"

"I said don't!" I scream it now. Terrified to hear those words from Edwards mouth directed towards me.

"You think it was easy to come up here and tell you? I haven't even entertained the idea of the feelings you evoke in me since Makenna. It scares the shit out of me Bella, and I'm not going to hide from it. Life is too short. Sure it would be easier to hide from it! It would be easier to live a lie!"

"You don't even know me Edward!"

"I know you Bella. I know that you stutter when you get flustered. I know when you are deep in thought you chew your bottom lip. I know that you love the water and the sun, and I know you have goals and you're willing to work hard for them, I know you have a short fuse and take things too seriously. I know you'll blush if I say the word sex," and he is right I feel my cheeks flush. "I know you Bella."

He walks towards me, and I don't move.

"I know it's wrong, Bella. It's eating me up from the inside out. It's the most selfish thing to want you...to tell you. But I can't live without you knowing."

"Even if it means tearing out your own brothers heart?" I ask him, stepping away. It is selfish.

"Deny the spark. Tell me I am delusional. Tell me you could never love me...that Emmett is everything and more than you will ever need. I will walk away, Emmett never has to know, but at least I tried."

"You're an asshole. A narcissist. You have the nerve to come into my home and tell me I have 'options'!" I yell at him, putting air quotes around the word options. "So that you can say you at least tried! Tried to do what Edward? Steal your brothers girlfriend out from under his nose three weeks after he leaves!" I scream.

"I know its shitty! Fuck! I know that!" he yells back. "I'm going to call Emmett and tell him how I feel." he tells me.

"NO!" I yell at him. "Don't you dare break him!" I need to protect him. We can't hurt him like this. I do what I think is best. "Edward, you are delusional. I could never love you. Emmett is everything and more than I ever need. Now walk away," I say between gritted teeth.

Edward bows his head, and walks out of my apartment. What the hell was he expecting? Sex? For me to admit I have been secretly pining for him while his brother has loved me and respected me and done nothing but be amazing to me?

I am full of anger now. Towards Edward. Towards myself...because I did let something develop inside me for Edward. Not that it makes a difference. Which is why I am so mad. Even if I wanted to explore those feelings, I can't. Edward and Emmett are blood. I can't be the cause of a family feud.

I change real quick and run down the steps so I can run.

I take a different route, a more secluded area. I love Emmett. I don't even know what it is exactly I feel for Edward. It's different with Edward though. Even the kiss. There is this energy between us.

I run and don't bother to wipe the tears as they fall. Emmett calls my cell phone and for the first time since he left, I don't answer it. What would I say? Your brother kissed me? I have no desire to screw up their relationship. I have no intention of ever hurting Emmett like that.

I'm not going to do this to Emmett. I'm just not. He is who I'm with. He is who I'm in love with. This little crush on Edward, is just that, a crush. I can't let that screw up what I have with Emmett.

I won't be the girl that tears apart two brothers. Whatever demons Edward has to fight with, he has to do it on his own. He can't bring me and Emmett into it. It's not fair. What you don't know can't hurt you, and Emmett does not need to know any of this.

Not that Edward...whatevers me. Not that I might...whatever him back. None of it. It doesn't make a difference.

So we have a spark. It doesn't change anything. Maybe he feels less guilty now that I know...I just don't know.

It must be hard for him to carry that around, you know the torch is heavy to bear. Whatever. I can't bear it with him.

Avoid. I will avoid. Edward is going to become my new avoidance.

I can't breath I am crying so hard and out of breathe from running. I stop and lean against the end of stores along the sidewalk.

People are looking at me funny, but I don't care. I don't even know who I have become.

I start to walk, when a hand covers my mouth from behind and pulls me down the alley. I kick and try to scream.

My body is weak from the run.

I gag at the smell of grease and piss.

I cry harder.

**EPOV**

I am the scum of the fucking earth. Bella is right, what kind of man does the shit I just did? A selfish prick. Of course she wants nothing to do with me.

I know all about time. I know how you can't get it back, and I'm not wasting another minute of my time pining away for Bella, and not trying. I'm not going to find the next best thing to her, and convince myself it's good enough.

I get it, I do. I was with Audrina last night...all I saw was Bella. All I thought about was Bella. I kissed Audrina on the cheek and said good night outside her hotel. I couldn't even try to fuck Bella out of my system. It doesn't feel right to be with other women.

So, yeah, it seems really shitty and not really cool to do what I just did, but I have never felt this way. I have never turned down sex because it felt like...fuck almost like cheating.

It really sucks that the first girl I feel this for...is my brothers. The more I think about it there is no right choice, no noble thing to do. Walk away? It's not possible. I wish it were. How do you walk away from someone that's taken residence inside your mind?

I am scared shitless. I have never told a girl I loved her. Bella had to stop me from saying it twice, and she isn't even mine.

I always thought I would date a girl, get jealous if she talked about seeing another guy, ask her to be only mine, then one day I'd love her. I wouldn't know it, it would probably take me months to figure out, and another few to get the words out. I mean that's what I always figured.

Here I am with Bella, my little spaz, about to tell her how much I have fallen in love with her. Trust me, if I didn't love her, I wouldn't do this to Emmett.

Not that it makes a difference. She is appalled by me, can't say that I blame her. How did this happen? I mean I know how I feel for Bella...but how the hell did Emmett get to her first? That's unfair of me to think...I mean if it weren't for him falling for her...I may not have ever met her.

I can't think of what if's. This is how it is. There is no changing it.

Do I just give up now? She told me to walk away. I tried. Do I just accept this? I suppose I don't have a choice. If she is happy with Emmett, I'm not going to mess that up for her. For him. I'm not going to fight for someone that doesn't want me to fight for her.

I get back to the boat house, unsure of everything. Did I just made a huge mistake? I didn't even think it through.

I knew I was screwed when I was out last night, then this morning she tells me no to the jog. It was like someone pulled the rug out from underneath me when she told me that. All I wanted to do was see her. Be close to her, and she was taking that away from me.

I was afraid I was losing the little piece of her I had. So I went over, scared, angry, confused. I selfishly told her how I feel I don't know what I expected. Two slaps across the face seemed like a slap on the wrist for the betrayal.

My phone buzzes with a text, pulling me from my thoughts. It's Audrina. She tells me she is bored in her workshop. That she can't wait to hang out tonight, and wants to know what time Bella and I will meet her.

I tell her I will meet her around seven at her hotel. I hope Bella still goes. For no other reason than my selfish need to be close to her.

I toss the phone on the kitchen counter and head upstairs. I'm tired. I didn't sleep much with all the unsettling feelings I have been trying to battle for Bella. Then I get up at the butt ass crack of dawn to jog with her, only to end up in a screaming match.

I think I would have more energy left if I actually jogged. I pull off my shirt and toss it on the chair in the corner before I pull the covers down on the bed. It isn't long before I am asleep.

I am deep in sleep, dreaming something, but all I can really make out is a banging sound in the background of my subconscious. I wake up to loud knocking on the door. It sounds urgent, and figure if it made it into my dream, it has probably been going on for a few minutes now. I don't bother pulling on my shirt.

I rub the sleep from my eyes with the heel of my hands and I see two uniformed police officers at my door.

I panic. Mostly at the unknown. I mean I never had cops at my door, but it can't be good.

I pull the door open, "Can I help you?" I ask the officers.

"Edward Cullen?" they ask me.

I nod.

"We have Isabella Swan in our cruiser...she was attacked this morning," the officer begins before I cut him off.

"Attacked?" I asked stunned pushing past them. "Why did you bring her here? Why not the hospital?" I ask them, searching for the police vehicle as I head up the docks.

"She refused to go to the hospital, Mr. Cullen. It's her right to refuse medical treatment. She just told us to bring her here, but we couldn't get her out of the cruiser."

I get to the police car, and see Bella inside. Her eyes are red and puffy. She looks up at me, and tries to open the back door but can't. She bangs it with the palm of her hand in anger. I pull it open and drop to my knees. I can feel the concrete of the parking lot digging into my skin. It's cool and little wet from the misty rain. I pull her into my arms and hold her, as she cries tears she has been holding back.

I try to tell her it's okay. That she is okay. I don't even know if that's true. She doesn't look hurt. I search for any signs of physical harm. She is shaking. Scared.

I almost wish it was physical wounds, they heal faster.

I carry her back to the houseboat, placing her on the couch. The cops urge me to get her checked out by a doctor, but Bella refuses. It's the only time she has spoken.

Once they leave, I ask her if my dad can come check her out, She shakes her head again. "No, please. I don't...I don't," she cries again.

"Okay, Bella." I don't know what else to do but hold her. Soothe her hair.

After what feels like hours, I pull away. I make her a cup of hot tea. She drinks it. She tells me she wants to get a shower.

"He's all I can smell..." she trails off. "Urine and booze and grease." she whispers.

"What happened, Bella?" I ask her.

She looks up at me, I can see terror in her eyes.

"I just...I just went for a jog. He grabbed me...I tried to scream before he covered my mouth with his hand...It made me gag..." she closes her eyes, maybe trying to hide from the memory.

"Did he hurt you, Bella?" I ask her. My jaw is tight, because I want to kill him. I will kill him if his hands took something from Bella. I know they didn't catch him. He is still on the loose.

She shakes her head no. Relief washes over me.

"He...uh...he grabbed my...chest...but then I managed to kick him in the balls and ran away."

"I'd feel a lot better if you got checked out," I tell her.

"No. I'm fine." she is stubborn.

"So you kicked him in the cock?" I smirk at her, I'm proud.

She chuckles softly and nods. I want to tell her I love her.

"Did you call Emmett?" I ask her. She shakes her head no. "Do you want me to call him for you?"

"I don't want anyone to know, Edward. Please." she pleads, more tears fall down her face. I wipe them.

"It's not your fault, Bella. Emmett would want to know. He would want to help you." I tell her. I start to wonder why me. Why she told them to bring her to me. She could have told them Alice...she wants me to know, but not Emmett.

I can't think about all that shit now.

"I'll tell him later...when he calls," she tells me.

"Why did you tell them to bring you here, Bella?" I ask her.

"It's just the first place I thought of..." she says quietly.

Emmett calls later that night. She tells him, and I leave to give them some privacy. I go outside to smoke. I've taken care of her all day. Making sure she eats, and is comfortable, giving her my clothes to wear after her shower. Just keeping her company and trying to make her laugh when I can.

I hear the door slide open, and she steps out holding her phone out to me. "Ummm, Emmett wants to talk to you," she tells me.

I take the phone, and say hello.

"Edward, you have no idea how bad I want to kick that fuckers ass," he tells me, full of rage.

"You and me both," I tell him.

"Thanks...for being there for her today. It means a lot to me."

I don't say your welcome, or acknowledge him. Because I don't deserve it. He goes on, and asks me if Bella can stay with me on the houseboat. He doesn't want her to be by herself. He wants me to get his jeep for her, because he doesn't want her walking or taking the bus to work.

Of course I agree. Part of me hopes Bella will too. But I have a feeling getting her to agree to stay with me the rest of the summer is not going to be something she jumps at the bit to do.

When I go back inside, Bella is curled up on the couch, staring at the TV. Watching something on Disney.

"Want to go back to your place to get some stuff?" I ask her.

"I can't stay here...and pay for that apartment..." she trails off.

"Emmett is going to pay the rent, Bella." I tell her what he told me, knowing her arguments for everything. "Let's go get some stuff, tomorrow we can go get his jeep, and don't argue about the gas...he said to give you his gas card." I tell her.

I hate him for caring so much, for doing so much for her. For making sure her needs are meet, mostly because I want to be the one doing it.

"I can't let him do that," she tells me, finally meeting my eyes. "I don't deserve it." she whispers.

I cup her face in my hands, "Let me do it for you," I beg her.

She turns her head. "You know I can't," she says, another tear sliding down the apple of her cheek.

"Then he does it for you," I tell her, because if I can't take care of her, I'm not letting her deny him from doing it, if that's who she wants. "Let me know when you are ready," I stand up and walk away.

My phone rings in the kitchen. It's Audrina. It's eight, I'm an hour late, I didn't even call. I didn't even think of her. I call her back when I get up to my room. I tell her I'm sorry, and explain what happened to Bella. She understands. She offers to come over, but I tell her Bella isn't really in the mood for company.

I sit on my bed and stare out the upstairs window overlooking the row the of houseboats, not many of them are two stories like this one.

I didn't even hear her climb the steps or come into the room. I just heard her speak from behind me.

"I feel it too," she all but whispered. "I was running, and crying...I stopped to catch my breath by this alley...when I composed myself...ya know...enough to walk...he grabbed me. I thought I was as good as dead. All I thought...was...Edward. I'll never get to tell him I lied. He will think those words of never being able to love him were words I meant, and not words I said out of fear. I...I don't know what's right or wrong. Up or down. I know that here...with you...on a day I have never been more afraid I felt safe."

I moved off the bed and walked toward her rambling. Right or wrong...black or white. There was nothing but gray.

I wanted to kiss her, but I settled for hug.

I wasn't sure what it meant for us, but we would figure it out; together.

**You Guys rock! And I love writing this! I love hearing your thoughts on these crazy kids! And if you would like a teaser, let me know in your review I'll send one, or you could come over to Twilighted and chat on the board and I can give teasers there too...Whatever. I got some awesome banners made for this story! I think I posted them all on my profile, and anyone that wants to add them to there signatures is more than welcome! **

**Anyways! Review – Rec... It's hard to get people to read a story that "break peoples rules" but what fun is a story that doesn't break a few, right? **

**Any of you have any Fic Rules? Aside from slash! LOL!**


	11. Chapter 11 All Yours

**Sm Owns them. **

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**Beta-less. **

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**Chapter** **11: All Yours**

_All the lives always tempted to trade_

_Willt hey hate me for all the choices I've made_

_Will they stop when they see me again?_

_I can't stop now I know who I am_

-Metric

That night, everything changed. Everything I thought I knew, everything I thought I was, seemed to wipe away. Vanished.

I wasn't sure what it meant or how to deal with it, but I was pretty sure heartbreak was in the cards. Not only for Emmett. I don't just stop loving him. When I'm with Emmett it's effortless. He loves me, he accepts me. With Edward, it's like being pushed and pulled. Challenged to be better.

I know Edward and I will always have to work. We keep each other on our toes and I have never felt this way before. So on fire. So excited for life to show me what's waiting beyond the next bend in the road. I know the next few turns could be killer, but with Edward pushing me...not letting me avoid them, I have faith that I can come out. I just want to make sure Emmett does too.

Edward could lose a his brother. Esme and Carlisle could be forced into the middle of their son's rivalry. All because of a girl. I am not worth all of that. The thought makes my stomach tie in knots, but I told Edward I feel it too.

As much as I want to avoid it, I can't. Life is too short. I can't take back the words.

"Edward...this is your family," I tell him. "This could ruin your family." He holds me tight in his arms.

"It will be fine. Don't worry about all of that. As long as I have you..."

"Edward, that's not true! Families like yours...they are the exception to most. I mean...you are so lucky to have them. I worry about that. I'm not -"

"You are, Bella. Don't say you're not. You are."

He kisses my forehead. Tears escape my closed eyes.

That night, I go to sleep in the guestroom. My dreams aren't peaceful. They are terrifying. So real. I can feel the panic, the bile rises in my stomach. My screams for help that don't come. Black greasy hand prints are left on my body.

I feel myself shaking.

"BELLA!" I hear Edward. His hand is shaking my arm. "WAKE UP!" he is telling me.

I open my eyes, mid scream. I am covered in sweat and my heart is racing.

"It was just a dream," he tells me. He pulls me from the bed, and takes me into his.

Ever since that night, I have slept in Edward's bed. In his arms. I haven't had a nightmare. He tells me he loves me. I feel safe with him. Safer in his arms, more alive in his arms. It makes me wish Emmett was enough, because I really don't want to hurt him.

The next morning my phone rings. It's Emmett. "Hey," I answer trying to smile. It's hard talking to him in Edward's bed. I can feel him looking at me. I sit up in bed to talk.

"How's my beautiful Bella?" he asks. It makes me smile for real to hear him say those words. I love him.

It's just not...enough.

I look down at Edward, he looks away. I know it must be hard for him to see me smile at another man's words.

"Okay," I tell him.

"Did you get the jeep and gas card?" he asks me.

"Um, no I didn't Emmett."

"Why? I want you to use it while I'm gone. It makes me feel better knowing you are safe."

"I know...but I'm already staying at your parents houseboat for free...and Edward drives me if I need to go anywhere or Alice. Really...I don't need to be running up your credit card." I tell him.

"You're so stubborn," he tells me.

"I know, and don't even think about paying my rent...I have it under control, okay?" Renee actually came through and is going to pay half the rent. I think it's because she has Phil now to buy her things. Or maybe she feels sorry for me after being attacked. But either way, I don't care. It's taken care of.

I still work at the aquarium because it keeps my time occupied, gives me something to do other than dwell in my sins.

"Bella, why won't you take my help?" he asks.

"Because...I don't like feeling like I owe people, okay?"

"I'm not people, Baby, I'm your boyfriend. It's my job to take care of you."

I let out an unsteady breath. "Please, Em. Your job would be to take care of your wife...I'm not your wife. It makes me uncomfortable. Just...I can take care of myself. I don't date to be taken care of." I tell him.

"Fine. No rent. No Jeep." he surrenders. He sounds pissed. "How are you holding up otherwise?" he asks me.

"I need...time" I tell him.

"Time?" he asks "Time for what?"

"I just...too much." I struggle to get the words out. Tears are in my eyes. I want to tell him there is someone else...I can't. Edward takes my hand, and I have to pull away.

"What's going on, Bella? Is this about me trying to take care of you? Or about being attacked? I know your scared...I know I wasn't there to protect you..."

"I just need time," I interrupt him. "I'm not mad at you or whatever...I'm just scared." I tell him. "I just need some space to figure some things out."

"We can talk about everything when I get back?" he asks hopeful.

"Yeah," I tell him.

"I love you, Bella."

"I know you do...I love you too Em," I tell him before I hang up the phone. When I see the sad look on Edward's face over my words to his brother I cry. I cry harder when I think how much worse it will be for Emmett. How it hurts Edward too. Such wicked games...I don't know how I got pulled into playing.

Edward isn't mad. He doesn't storm out of the room. He holds me, and he let's me cry for another man.

I can't bring myself to tell him over the phone. It's not right. He still calls. Not as often. Three or four times a week. Each time it ends with I love you's.

Because I do love him. Just not enough.

*****_SS4DL_*****

"No, Edward." I tell him, for the tenth time. His head is in my lap as we float out on the lake on his parents boat. I have on my white bikini, and cut off shorts. His hair is soft in my fingers.

Edward has on his Ray-bans, and cargo shorts. He is shirtless. I like him shirtless. Slim, built, defined. The tattoo down his rib cage is sexy. I love tattoo's.

"The longer we wait to tell him...the harder it's going to be," he tells ms. My fingers run through his golden brown locks, pushing them back, hints of copper reflect the sun.

"He deserves more than a phone call to break his heart."

"He deserves to know his girlfriend has -"

"Don't say it."

It's the same thing, all the time. Same argument. I can't just tell Emmett over the phone everything that has happened since he left. How things changed inside of me. How the flames inside now burn bright for Edward.

Physically all Edward and I have shared are kisses. They aren't innocent. Even something like holding his hand isn't innocent. We are affectionate, and part of me thinks it might as well be sex. Emmett isn't going to say, "Well it's all good, I mean you didn't actually have sex," no. It's still going to hurt all the same. Holding out...taking things slow...I don't really know who it benefits. We just have been moving slow. Maybe just to give ourselves time to believe these things.

It's not as if he can bring me home and hold my hand. Or take me out to dinner or to the bar with Alice and Jasper. He's right, everything is in limbo until Emmett knows. It doesn't mean it's gone away or doesn't exist. It just means we have to wait behind this imaginary line.

"Avoiding things doesn't make them disappear, Bella."

I smile down at him. He knows me. "I just...please..."

"It's like we are stuck, standing still ...your not mine until your not his."

He sits up and takes my face in his hands. "I need you," he tells me with a peck to my lips. "I just want us to move past this, put it behind us."

This is why I need Edward. Why he is my other half. When I want to avoid, he wants to push forward and face things head on. I need someone like him. Someone to push me. As much as it's nice that Emmett let's me avoid, it's not what I need.

"I need you to wait," I tell him closing my eyes. He lets go with a heavy sigh. His hands go to his hair and he pulls. "He is your brother Edward...he...he doesn't deserve to be told over the phone that his girlfriend is leaving him for his brother. We can wait eight more weeks to tell him."

"And until then? I just have to watch you pretend to be his girlfriend? Don't you think that is cruel?"

"I think this whole situation is cruel, Edward." I stand up walk to the ledge of the boat. "He knows-"

"That you need time...space," Edward finishes coming up behind me, wrapping me in his arms, his chin on my shoulder. Because Edward now get's the nightly phone calls from Emmett. "I have to listen to him torture himself every night with this bullshit," he reminds me.

I turn around to face him. "I know, Edward!" I yell, annoyed. I am in the houseboat. I am there when he calls. I listen to Edward lie to Emmett about what's going on with 'Bella'. From what I can gather, Emmett just thinks that I'm scared. And Edward, well he doesn't know what to offer his brother as comfort.

"And you haven't been able to get the words out to him any easier than I have," I point out the failed attempts Edward has made to tell Emmett about his feelings for me.

"I'll wait," Edward whispers against my neck. His mouth travels up...below my ear. His hand moves to my hair, he kisses behind my ear, to my jaw, on to my mouth. He lifts me up on the ledge of the boat and my legs are wrapped around him. He holds me firm with his hand in the center of my back. His other hand is on my stomach, traveling up.

When I feel a fingertip graze my nipple, I jump in his arms...I scream. I push him away and let my feet hit the deck of the boat.

All I can see or smell is that asshole that grabbed my chest in the alley.

"Bella?" he asks me full of concern.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, wrapping my arms around my chest.

"You look terrified, Bella," Edward says, stepping towards me cautiously. "Am I moving too fast? I mean maybe we should talk about boundaries until we tell Emmett."

"I just...I don't know...it was like I was back there on that morning," I tell him. I am broken. I thought the nightmares were cured by his embrace... now his touch makes me scream. Panic. It sets off sirens inside me.

"Fuck," Edward growls, I can see his jaw is clenched. He doesn't want a broken girl. He want's a girl he can touch.

"I'm sorry," I say again.

"Stop saying you are sorry," he tells me wrapping me in his arms. "It's not your fault." he soothes my hair. "If I catch this asshole before the cops, I'm gonna cut off his fucking dick," he tells me.

"Your not mad at me?" I ask him.

"At you? No, Bella. Never." he tells me.

"I don't want to be screwed up," I tell him. "I don't want to cry anymore." The tears that were on the brink of spilling over fall down.

"You are not screwed up, I just surprised you. Caught you off guard," he tells me.

I'm so mad at myself. I mean my father was a cop, and I didn't even get a good look at the asshole. I couldn't even give the cops a decent description. No help.

"Touch me again," I tell him determined not to let some asshole stand between my chest and Edward's hands. I refuse to let him take any part of me.

I feel sick to my stomach thinking of the woman who weren't as lucky as me.

"No, Bella." Edward says shaking his head.

"Touch me, Edward."

"No, it's too soon." he refuses.

"That asshole isn't going to take things from me, Edward. If...if I can't enjoy you, he took something from me. He can't do that. I won't let him. Now, grab my tit!" I tell him, pushing my chest out.

"Why Bella, did you just say 'tit?'" Edward smirks at me. "When did you start talking dirty?"

"Just grab the boob, Edward. I said tit, okay? Prude Bella said tit, get over it, and touch it already. I can't believe Edward Cullen needs to be told more than once to get a handful!"

Edward reaches his hand out, and traces his index finger over my nipple again. I want to scream, but I don't. It's almost like I can't breath. I hold my breath and close my eyes tight. My whole body tenses and wants to run.

Edward stops as soon as he started, no doubt seeing my fear.

"Fuck!" I yell. "Fuck him!" I am so angry. I want to hit something. I kick the side of the boat, and scream in frustration.

I want Edward to feel me. I want his hands on me, and because that sick bastard felt what wasn't his to feel...he took what wasn't his, now I am broken.

"Bella," Edward says, his arms trying to confine me. "You are not broken." he tells me, my thoughts were not thoughts, I must have yelled them.

He finally manages to wrap me in his arms, calm me down.

I push him away. I am mad.

"Do it again." I tell him

"Bella, stop it. Just give it some time," he tells me.

"No. Just... do it again." I demand.

He lets out a heavy sigh, and this time, he takes a handful, over my heart. I stare in his eyes. He goes to move his hand and I stop him. I place my hand over his.

"Just keep it there until my heart stops racing," I tell him, "Keep looking at me." I tell him what I need.

He nods, and I stare in his eyes. I love his eyes. They calm me. Green like the ocean. Vast. There I could uncover a world of information behind his eyes. His eyes speak to me every time I see him. They tell me if he is happy or sad or annoyed. I knew that morning when he told me how he felt, before he said the words. I could see it in his eyes. My hand is over his. I feel the fine hair that is over the back of his hand, below his thumb, over his wrist, up his forearm. I clutch his bicep, when I flashback.

"It's okay," he whispers.

"Your not him, I know you won't hurt me," I whisper, I'm not telling Edward. I'm telling myself.

My heart beat slows to steady thud with a few cleansing breaths.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," Edward tells me pulling me down into the seat along the back of the boat.

"Why are you apologizing?" I ask him. I sit in his lap, his hands on my hips.

"For leaving you that morning...for kissing you the way I did...I shouldn't have forced myself on you like that," he says quietly.

"Edward..."

"No, it wasn't right of me to do that."

"I didn't want you to kiss me...because I was...no because I _am_ afraid of this," I motion between us. "Not because you are some creepy sex offender. It was so different."

"I would never hurt you, Bella." he assures me. I can see the pain in his green irises. The truth.

I kiss him to assure him. I use my mouth, my tongue, my lips, I nibble with my teeth to tell him how much faith and trust I have given in him.

It's not nearly enough for what price he is going to pay when Emmett gets home. When everyone finds out what we have done.

We will be the villains. No one will feel sorry for us. I don't expect anyone to understand. We don't really deserve understanding or acceptance. We have made our bed...we have to lie in it. There will only be sad songs and we will be seen as dirty lovers.

Maybe one day they will see the truth. That something dirty could become beautiful. That something so wrong, was also right.

**EPOV**

In six weeks, Emmett will be home. What that means, I don't know. I know nothing will ever be the same again.

He calls me every night. He asks me about Bella. He is hurt and confused about why she needs time and space. I want to tell him, but Bella doesn't. I don't think I could if I tried. As much as I hate to admit it, it should be said in person. Not while he has to focus on training.

It's never going to be the right time to tell him.

I got my MCAT scores from the test I took in April. I got 12.1Q. I had a list of schools to apply to. All over the county. I'm not sure what to do now...I have Bella. I want us to plan things in our future together.

It's...crazy. I wouldn't call her my girlfriend. It's only been a few weeks...but I know I want her by my side. We will both graduate, next year. I will be heading somewhere for med school, and I want her with me. These are things that I need her input on. I need to know she wants to be with me.

I think she wants to go somewhere sunny. I know she wants to be by the water.

"What ya doing?" Bella asks, leaning over my shoulder, looking down at my list of schools.

"I have to figure out where to apply," I tell her.

"Oh, right...you could end up anywhere in the country depending on where you get accepted?" she asks me.

"People normally chose like ten schools...then get accepted in at least one of them..." I trail off.

"Where are you going to apply?" she asks me.

"I guess that depends," I tell her, I don't know why I am nervous. She knows I love her. She knows I want her with me.

"On what?"

"You."

"Me?"

"Yes, you. I know things with us are moving fast...but I want you to come with me...and I know there are things you want...I know you want to be somewhere near the water. I mean...so if you were willing to come with me, I'd be willing to chose schools close to the ocean." I tell her

She doesn't say anything.

"I mean I know you probably wouldn't be happy in St. Louis...but Stanford...or San Francisco..." I stop because I have no idea what she is thinking.

"You want to base your medical career on where I would be happy?" she asks me.

"Yeah...I mean we will be there for awhile...and I would be really busy...but if you didn't want to come."

"I want to be with you Edward. I want to come." she tells me. I can't help but to smile and kiss her.

"So, help me figure this out?" I ask her .

"Before we start, Edward. What's _your_ number one choice for medical school?" she asks me.

"John Hopkins," I tell her. It's in Baltimore, close to water.

"Then John Hopkins needs to be on your list."

She bites her bottom lip and we sit in front of my laptop picking schools close to water.

I write John Hopkins down. Along with Stanford, and University of California San Francisco, San Diego, Washington, Columbia, Boston, and East Carolina University.

I know my Father really wants me to go to Penn, where he went. It's just nowhere close to water.

"What are your dream schools?" she asks me.

"I guess...Penn," I tell her.

"Then apply," she urges me.

"Penn isn't close to the ocean," I tell her.

"Apply Edward. I can deal with being a few hours from the ocean if it means your dreams."

I see the truth in her words in her eyes. I hear it in her voice...so I add them to the list. If I get into Penn and Hopkins. I don't know what I will do.

"Ten schools..." I say looking over the list.

"When's your deadline?" Bella asks. Her hand is in mine, and it feels amazing to be making these decisions with someone, with her. To know that I won't be alone. I feel like I have been alone forever.

"August first, for early decision," I tell her.

It feels weird to be making these choices with her...when she is still tied to my brother. Life goes on though. It will for him too.

"When will you know?"

"February," I sigh.

"I guess life is about waiting," she says placing a kiss on my jaw.

"We can't spend our lives waiting Bella," I tell her.

"No...we can't, Henry." Bella tells me.

"Henry?" I question her as she kisses along the scruff on my face.

"I never told you...why I didn't want to jog with you that morning. I mean I lied about missing Emmett...But the night before I dreamed of you. We were Clare and Henry from the _TimeTravelersWife_...I cry every time he tells her he doesn't want her to spend her life waiting...and here you are telling me the same thing."

"Yet we _are_waiting...for Emmett to come home," I tell her.

"Sometimes...we need to be patient and good things will come. Henry never told her when he would show up in her future...and she was able to live and some days she was lucky enough to see him."

I sit at the small piano at the houseboat, playing _Chasing Cars_ later that day. Because that's all I hear when I think of Bella, and I think of Bella all the time. I really do just want to forget the world.

Bella walks in from work, her hair is still damp from swimming with the fish, I let her use my car to go to work. I stop playing.

"Don't stop," she tells me sitting next to me on the bench. I pick it back up, I keep playing for her. For us.

Her head rests on my shoulder as she watches my fingers float over the keys. It's times like these I feel like we are safe in our bubble. The shit hasn't hit the fan yet so to speak. It's just us, and nothing or no one else matters. Not yet anyway.

Bella moves to straddle the piano bench as I end the song. I turn to mimic her actions.

"Kiss me?" she asks.

I slide closer to her, and thread my fingers through her hair. I smell the salt water, and my lips meet hers in anticipation.

She moves my hand up her stomach and onto her breast. Over her heart. It picks up sped and I can feel it thump beneath her breast bone. I move my lips to her ear.

"I love you," I tell her. "Are you okay?" I ask.

"Perfect," she whispers, dropping her hand from mine.

She pulls away and sheds herself from her shirt. I pull her down to the edge of the piano bench and push her down. I settle between her legs.

Her hands are needy in my hair, and I can smell the coconut on her skin from her sunblock. My lips taste the valley between her breasts, down her stomach, my tongue swirls in her belly button.

We have never been this physical, and I don't want to cross any lines. I have never been nervous with a half naked girl before. I've never been more excited or turned on either.

I shower her tits with opened mouth kisses over her sheer green bra.

Bella wraps her legs around my waist and pushes her hips into my hardness. "Fuck, I wanna be inside you," I tell her.

She claws at my shirt, until it's off, her lips travel along my chest as she continues to thrust her hips into mine, creating enough friction to dull the ache to be inside of her.

My hand goes between us, and I cup her jean covered sex in my hand pressing into the warmth.

"Bella?"

Holy fucking shit. It's Alice.

Bella jumps up, I throw her shirt at her, and just as it falls over her head, we lock eyes, and then Jasper walks in behind her.

"Don't people knock," I huff.

"We did..." Alice trails off. "I guess you were too busy to hear or notice."

Bella smooths her hair, and chews on her bottom lip. I pick my shirt off the ground and put it on. No one knows what to say.

I know Bella is speechless.

"What's up?" I ask, avoiding the elephant in the room.

"I don't know...why don't you tell me." she asks. "I came to see if Bella was settling in nicely, I see you are making her feel..._welcome_," she glares.

Silence fills the room.

"I can't believe you would do this to your own brother," Jasper finally says. Jasper is Emmett's best friend outside of me. He lunges for me, but Alice grabs his arm.

"Don't Jasper," she urges him.

"It's not like that," I try to argue.

"No? Your brother asks you to look out for her, and you take advantage of her while she is vulnerable, Edward? She is not just some girl, like Victoria. You can't just bring her in your dad's office and fuck -"

"I love her," I tell him.

"Give me a break Edward! You don't love anyone but yourself and getting laid! What is this some kind of sick conquest for you? Screw brothers girl, check?"

"Don't yell. Please...stop." Bella speaks up. "Edward...he isn't taking advantage of me. I-I want to be with him. I know it's selfish and wrong...I know I'm breaking Emmett's heart...I know no one is going to understand how or why because I can't even explain it. How it happened. When it happened. It did. It's beyond shitty and fucked up...I love them both, and I wish more than anybody that I didn't. This isn't a choice. I didn't chose to fall in love with Edward. I didn't mean to love him more..." Bella says, staying strong.

"Why doesn't Emmett know?" Jasper asks. He is pissed. Alice is holding him back from punching me, I can see his fist balled at his side.

"I can't bring myself to change his world over a phone call," Bella says.

"He knows you need space, not that you want to see other people...there is a big difference Bella." Jasper spits out.

"I know...I don't want to see other people, I don't want him to think he is that insignificant to me. That I just want to date other people...it's not like that. I wouldn't leave him for John Smith. And telling him I fell in love with his brother...over the phone...like I said, he means more to me than that."

"Your own brother, Edward." Jasper glares at me. Looking me up and down. He storms outside, obviously wanting to beat something, most likely me.

"Alice...please, don't let him tell Emmett." Bella begs her best friend.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asks. She sounds hurt.

"It's not something I'm proud of," Bella whispers.

I cringe. Of course she isn't proud to be in love with me.

Alice assures us Jasper will stay out of it. Not get in the middle. Once they leave, Bella breaks down.

"This is wrong, Edward!" she yells at me.

"Bella, don't do this," I beg her.

"We can't just act like what we are doing has no consequences! Your brother is going to be hurt, your family! We can't just act like everything is peachy fucking keen!" she keeps yelling.

I try to go to her, but she won't let me. Holding out her hand to stop me. "I sat here today with you...and we talked about, our fu-future. Like being connected and being together and moving together...and Emmett is in San Diego...and he has no idea what is in store for him when he comes home. We are the worst kind of people." she gets quieter and stares at the ground.

"Are you done?" I ask her, I am pissed. She snaps her head and looks at me, shocked at the tone of my voice. I know Emmett never yelled at her like that before. "No one said it was nice, Bella. Or easy. Or even fucking fair. Just that we were in this together. We already hurt him Bella. Are you telling me you changed your mind? Because that makes no difference now, the damage is done. So you can change your mind, and you can push me away and avoid it all like it will disa-fucking-pear. Or you can walk through it with me. At the end of the day, you still don't love him enough."

She stares at me the anger in her brown eyes pouring over me. "I hate what this has done to me. I hate what you have done to me. I hate myself for being the girl who has to tell a boy she loves him _justnotenough_. I hate sitting here with you, being happy, planning a future, while I know there is a man out there that loves me. That has me painted into _his_ future, and I am going to paint it black once he comes home."

"Stop it Bella. No offense, but you're just a girl. I'm his brother! He will get over you, because you are just a girl. You are not the only one painting his world black, okay? As a matter of fact, being his brother, I'd say that would be me!"

"Just a girl?

"Not to me. See, I wouldn't fucking paint my brothers world black for just a girl. That girl would have to be my world. So, if I want to fucking make plans with you, and kiss you. I will. I'm not going to wait."

I close the distance between us, and I kiss her. I kiss her letting her know she is my world.

**Review for teasers. You guys srsly blew me away with all the reviews last chapter! We are getting close to the prologue, and I will NOT send out a teaser that is an excerpt from the prologue, I promise it will be new. **

**I'm gonna rec, PrettyKittyFF this week, she has a new story, The Man in Black: **_Bella returns to Forks after graduating NYU. She had given up on love, until a gorgeous mechanic walks in to her life and turns it upside down. He falls hard for her but will his secrets tear them apart? EXB AH_


	12. Chapter 12 Split Screen Sadness

**SM Owns, not me. **  
**Mo'Reading beta'd this for me. Thanks for helping me out! Means a lot to me! HippieStarr and PrettyKittyFF are awesome pre-readers and I get amazing insight from all 3 of them.**

**The reviews are amazing! I can't thank you guys enough for the awesome words you leave me. **  
**Not that I have a beta, I am going to try for every Wednesday to update. Follow me on twitter for teasers. Even like Pic Teasers, I do them on FaceBook too. **  
**Picture of Elise on Profile page. **

**Chapter 12: Split Screen Sadness**  
_Cause I can't wait to figure out what's wrong with me  
So I can say this is the way that I used to be  
There's no substitute for time  
Or for the sadness  
Split screen sadness  
We share the sadness  
__Two wrongs make it alright tonight._

-John Mayer

**BPOV**

I pull into the parking lot and park Edward's car before making my way down the long wooden dock that serves as a sidewalk to the other houseboats.  
When I get to the Cullen's I look at the boat, and hope I can talk Edward into a ride. He isn't like Emmett though; he's not afraid to tell me no.  
I open the door, prepared to use anything in my power to get him to take me for a ride on the boat.

"Edward," I call as I close the door behind me. I place his keys on the table, "I want to go on the boat, can we please go and make-" I stop speaking the moment I see Esme and Elise. Edward finds it amusing. "Make those sandwiches," I cover up my words awkwardly.

The way Edward is smirking, I can tell I wasn't smooth. I want to hit him. It's not funny to be almost caught by his mother.

"Bella, dear! How are you holding up?" Esme asks me with a warm hug.

"I'm doing well, thanks for asking," I smile. "Thanks so much for letting me stay here. I really don't know what I would do if I had to be alone in that apartment." I shudder at the thought.

"We are just thankful you are, okay and safe." Esme tells me, rubbing my shoulder. "I know Emmett is a little upset that Edward didn't meet you that morning to go with you."

"I could have waited or skipped it. I was stupid to go alone," I say defending Edward. "How's my little skater gurl?" I ask Elise, trying to change the subject.

"Good! Edward is gonna watch me today while my mommy goes to dinner with my daddy. He said we could play the skateboarding game on the PlayStation!" Elise tells me excitedly.

"Yeah, Mom's babysitter canceled last minute, so I said I'd watch her," Edward explains.

"I didn't mean to mess up any plans of going out today that you two may have made," Esme says.

"No. I just love being out on the water, and pester Edward to take me at every chance...but no plans. We didn't have any plans. I mean why would we be making plans." I ramble.

"Yeah, Mom. Bella and I don't make plans," Edward says giving me a sideways glance to shut the hell up.

"Well, I have some reading I want to catch up on anyway..." I say backing away from everyone.

Edward winks at me and I feel the heat rise on my cheeks. I have to look away. I turn around to go up the stairs when Esme stops me.

"Can we talk?" she asks me.

"Sure," I agree.

In my head I scream 'NO!". I have to force myself to keep my feet planted on the ground.

She sits on the step, and pulls me down to sit with her. "I know what you went through was very difficult. I can't even imagine how terrifying it must have been for you."

I swallow, my stomach is suddenly in knots over this conversation. I nod, because I don't know what else to say. It was the scariest moment in my life. I still shake at the thought of it. She notices and places her hand on mine.

"Emmett...he loves you very much," Esme tells me. A tear slides down my cheek. "He just wants to help you. I know the thought of being intimate with a man might make you feel uneasy," she continues cautiously.

Now I really want to throw up, because she is talking to me about sex...with her son...who I am cheating on with her other son.

"And Emmett knows that. He just wants to be there for you. Don't push him away," she tells me.

I really don't know what to say, so I just let the tears fall. This is such a mess. Only a few more weeks, Emmett will be home, and I love him enough to face this head on. Not to avoid it. I love Edward enough to put this behind us so we can attempt to move forward, and heal.

"Ma, what are you doing?" he asks. I look up at him, and he looks angry. I wipe the tears.

"Just having a heart to heart with Bella." Esme answers him. "Girl talk."

"Let it go, already. Bella asked for some space, why isn't that okay with you or Emmett? Maybe that's how she handles things."

"I'm sorry, Bella, I didn't mean to upset you. I think it might be good to have as much support as possible during a hard time."

"It's fine, Esme. Really." I try to assure her. "I just...I've always been kind of a loner. I know it's okay to ask for help and support...but I just need time. I don't mean to hurt Emmett." I tell her, more tears fall because she has no idea to what extent I already have.

"Aren't you going to be late?" Edward asks, the annoyance in his voice is easily heard. Esme stands up, and gives me another smile.

I spend the next hour in my room, trying to pull myself together. It doesn't help that Emmett calls and I push ignore. The night drags on, I can hear Elise cracking up. When I peek my head out, she and Edward are playing that game on the PlayStation, and every time the skater falls, crashes, or slams into something, she erupts into laughter.

My phone rings again, and I push ignore. How obvious can I be? I feel awful. I just sent Emmett straight to voice mail. Letting him know in a rude way, 'I don't want to speak to you.'

"Bella! Look!" Elise says, as my phone alerted them to my presence.

"That's pretty funny," I try to sound like I care.

"Edward let me use your girl," Elise informs me.

"I didn't know I had a girl..." I trail off. Edward shrugs shyly at me.

"Thought you might want to hang out and play with us...but you holed yourself up in your room," he gives me puppy dog eyes.  
My phone rings again.

"Emmett?" Edward asks. I nod looking down. "He's been calling me too..." Edward trails off.

I hit accept.

"Hello?" I answer walking outside.

"I need you to listen to me, Bella." he says in a rush. No hello, no how are you, he sounds like a desperate man.

"Em," I try to stop, him but it's no use.

"No, I know we said we would talk when I got home...but...that just isn't good enough. Please, just hear me out?" he asks.

"I'm listening, Emmett...but...things are complicated. I don't-"

"Bella, I need to say this...just listen."

"Fine," I sigh.

"I know you are scared. I know you have trouble committing to someone that isn't physically in your life everyday. I'm not Jacob. You are not the same Bella. I know this year is going to be hard...but I want you with me...by my side... I love you. And maybe I should have asked before I left, maybe you wouldn't have gotten scared. But Bella I wanted to do this differently. More romantic."

His words are hitting me like a ton of bricks. He is about to ask me to marry him.

"Emmett...please." I close my eyes, willing him to ask me something else...something trivial like what did I eat for dinner or what did I think about _True Blood_. Not marriage.

"Marry me, Bella."

He says it.

He spits it out at the same exact time I manage to yell, "No! Stop! Don't!" I feel like a bitch. Wait, I am a complete bitch.

"No..." he drawls out slowly. "Edward told me not to ask...that you'd say no," I think he is mostly talking to himself, and now I am mad at Edward. He knew his brother was entertaining the idea of proposing to me, and he didn't tell me?

"This isn't me being scared Emmett...it's not me being distant because I don't know how to be close to someone who is far away...I know you think that...it's not you. My feelings for you...they haven't changed...but something inside of _me_ has. I can't explain it to you over the phone." I try my best to tell him, I love him. That it's me, not him. Cliché. I know.

"I have to go," he tells me. My whole body hurts from what I am doing to him.

"I love you," I tell him. He has been saying it first. Always making me the one to say I love you, too. Maybe it was wrong, selfish to say it to him.

"I love you, Bella." he says before he hangs up.

I turn around to go inside, and Edward is staring at me. Hurt. "Why wouldn't you tell me?" I ask him.  
"What that my brother wants to marry you?" he asks.

"Ah, yea!"

"I didn't think he would...I thought I managed to make him see that asking you to marry him wouldn't be the answer..."

"You could have told me he was thinking it!" I try not to yell. The neighbors don't want to hear us, more importantly Elise shouldn't.

"Stop freaking out, Bella!" Edward yells in a whispering tone. "He wouldn't be asking if we told him!"

"Fine, Edward. Call him. Call your brother and tell him," I dare him handing over the phone.

"What do you need to tell Emmett?" Carlisle's voice asks, as he and Esme stroll up the docks.

I am so happy, relieved I haven't started crying. I feel like that is all I do anymore cry.

"Nothing," Edward says.

"Is everything okay?" Esme asks, looking between us.

"Peachy," Edward tells her with a tense smile. "Elise is sleeping on the couch."

"Excuse me," I say, weaving my way through the Cullen's to go inside.

I hear Esme, telling Edward not to be so abrasive with me. I'm just glad his parents aren't trying to meddle. Probably figuring it's just us being us. Always fighting.  
I grab my smokes, and rush out the door, taking a stroll down the docks as I try to clear my head. Is this what I'm going to be doing with Edward? Spending my life arguing?

I watch the smoke filter out of my mouth. So exhausted from everything. I avoid long enough to smoke a few more puffs. I hate the anger that is still lingering between me and Edward. I don't want to feel this way anymore. When I get back to the houseboat, Carlisle and Esme are gone. Edward is standing outside, smoking.

"I'm going to bed," I tell him.

"Bella, I'm sorry. Do you know how hard it is for me to talk to Emmett about you everyday?" he asks me.

"I miss his smile, Edward. I know you don't want to hear that...but I do. When he calls I know he isn't smiling, and he has the best smile. He isn't smiling anymore...because of me. Because of us. And he loves me so much, that he is willing to give me the promise of forever...and I know I can't take us back. I don't even want to...but I want him to smile again."

Edward stares at me, with a look of...pity...maybe a hint of awe...and a dash of bewilderment.

I walk away. It's not fair to say these things to him about another man...but this is what we made it.

I go up to his room...our room. I slip into a tank top and boy shorts. I climb into Edwards bed, and I cry. That is all I ever do anymore...cry. I'm so happy to have Edward. If I thought Emmett was perfect for me, Edward is perfection personified. Yet, I am so miserable.  
Edward climbs in bed with me. I place my head on his chest, hitch my leg over his hip, and he wraps me in his arms. His lips kiss the top of my hair then whisper "I love you." His hand is rubbing my thigh soothingly.

"Don't cry. I hate seeing you cry," he tells me. "Everything...well I don't know how it will turn out. I can't see the future or read minds...I can't shield anyone from pain...but I'm with you in this."

I tilt my head up to look into his eyes. He wipes the tears. His lips softly graze my forehead, they linger. The pull I feel, I couldn't fight it if I tried. I just wish I would have acknowledged it sooner. Not fought it for so long.

I extend my neck and softly our lips press together. He turns to his side, hovering above me. My fingers feel his face, down his neck, over his chest.  
He kisses me again, gently, softly, full of love and care. His tongue moves slowly inside my mouth and his hands hold me with a firm delicacy.  
His mouth is over my covered breasts. When he pulls the tank top over my head, he admires my breasts before his soft lips and smooth tongue work over them. He sucks my nipple into his mouth, and I can feel the goose bumps rise.

His hand rubs over my underwear, and he stares into my eyes. "More," I whimper, thrusting my hips into his hand.

"More what?" he asks, as his mouth works on my neck. Sucking, licking, kissing.

Emmett never talked to me during sex. His words are making my head spin. I can feel the excitement building inside of me. I've never wanted to be touched more.

"Down there...more," I moan.

He smirks into my neck, "Down where, Bella? Say it, out loud." he urges.

I can't say it. I don't know how to talk dirty. He starts to move his hand away. "Pussy! Okay? I want your fingers inside of my pussy," I tell him, desperate to have his hands back on me, in me. I know my face is bright red, but Edward doesn't laugh at my outburst.

"Fuck, Bella." he grunts, pressing his hardness into me. "You saying pussy...it's so sexy, baby."

His fingers slip inside my panties, and move up and down my slick folds. "So wet, who are you wet for?" he grunts, massaging my clit.

"You, Edward," I moan.

His finger slips inside and he pumps it in and out of me. I grab at the waist band of his sweat pants wanting so badly to feel him in my hand.  
He kicks them off once I have them shoved down far enough. I go to wrap my hand around him, but he stops me.

"Tell me what you want, Bella," he demands. He wants to hear me say dirty things.

"I want your cock," I tell him boldly, I let go. I want him so bad, I could talk dirty for hours if that's what it took to feel him.

"Where do you want my cock?" he asks, swirling my clit with his thumb. His words stir butterflies in my stomach. Chills run down my spine.

"My hands, my mouth, my pussy," I tell him boldly. It makes him hiss, and I finally get to wrap my fingers around him. He pulses in my hand and the veins bulge as I pump up and down.

This is why I need Edward. He pushes me out of my comfort zone. I have never felt more alive. He hisses at my words, at my touch, and I have a confidence I never had before. Because of him.

He stops at my words. He stares into my eyes. "Are you sure?" he asks.

"More than anything," I tell him. He kisses me. It is the sweetest kiss, nothing I ever dreamed could have come close to this kiss. I can feel all his love.  
I start over thinking. Getting nervous. Edward has had lots of sex. I haven't. What if he thinks I suck? What if he thinks I'm a prude? Not kinky enough? He's probably done things I haven't even heard of.

"Relax," he tells me.

His mouth peppers kisses over my breasts, down my stomach, over my underwear. He hooks his fingers in the waist band and pulls them down my legs. His mouth lines up between my legs as he pushes my knees apart.

His tongue slides up my folds and flicks over my clit. My hands grasp the sheets as he works his tongue in and out of me. Fingers enter, and my sensitive bud gets all the attention of his talented tongue.

Flicks, sucks, long licks.

Sounds leave my mouth I didn't know I was capable of making. He looks up and smirks at me. I pull him up and kiss him, not as nice, not as sweet as before. More needy. I bite his bottom lip. He sucks my top lip into his mouth, our teeth hit with a clank.

I move from under him to above him. I drag my tongue, my teeth, my lips over his jaw, down his chest until I reach his dick. I take him in my mouth.  
He tucks the hair behind my ears as he watches me, with wide eyes as I move my mouth up and down his shaft. I let my tongue dance along his tip.  
I let him fill my mouth, pushing him as far into my throat as I can manage. Moving my mouth up and down. My tongue over the head. Until I am breathless.  
I stare at his eyes, as I pleasure him with my hand. It moves easily in the slickness left by my mouth.

I tease him with a few licks, savoring his sounds of pleasure, the look of lust on his face.

"I need to be in you," he tells me. I kiss him again, hard. He doesn't respond the same, he responds with his soft kisses and slow strokes of his tongue in my mouth.

He lines himself up above me, moving himself in my folds. "I love you," he tells me, pushing his head in slowly.

He is inside me, I feel loved. I feel completed. He wraps his arms around me and holds me firmly in his arms before he starts to rock against me.

"Edward," I grunt, as he makes love to me. "I love you."

His lips are showering me with kisses. I push the hair that has fallen in his face, covering his eyes back. I need to see him.

I rock with him, meeting him thrust for thrust. "Do you like this position?" I ask worried he might find it boring.

"It's perfect," he whispers. "I can hold you close. I love it. Feels so good."

He holds my face in his hands, and I wrap my legs around his back, letting him go deeper.

His strokes are long, slow, gentle.

His eyes are full of happiness.

My toes curl, and my body tenses as I explode. It's not stars. It's the sun. Bright. Blinding. Beautiful. Sweltering.

His head is in my neck and with a strangled grunt and one last thrust he fills me.

**EPOV**

I know she loves him. I listen to her tell him. I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt to hear it. What I love about Bella, is her raw honesty. She loves him, but so do I. If Bella didn't love him, didn't care so much about hurting him, I don't think I would love her as much.

My father gave me the third degree before he left about the schools I was applying too. He didn't understand half the choices, even though they are all very well respected programs. Last time we talked though, the list was very different.

After they left, I went upstairs to a crying Bella. I wanted to take the pain. Bear it all for her. I would if I could. I hate to see her beat herself up over something neither of us can control.

The sex...well, it wasn't sex. Not at all. As cheesy as it sounds, we made love. I made love. I have never made love before. I didn't expect to take it all the way, so I tried to make her blush. Push her to say things she's never said before. Give her a new experience. Then she gave me...everything. Her love. Her body. Her mind. Something brand new and beautiful. I could never fuck just any girl again. Not after what I shared with Bella. I thought for sure she would stop me, feeling guilty over Emmett, but she didn't. She gave it all to me.

I was nervous. She was nervous, I tried to calm her. I hope I didn't show how nervous I was. I kept worrying that she might be comparing me to Emmett. I think that's part of the reason I waited so long. I was afraid she would think the sex was better with Emmett. He was better. Once we started though, I knew it was different. We were connecting in a way that was brand new to both of us.

I never had sex without a condom, before. But I couldn't bring myself to have that barrier keeping me from fully connecting with her. I trust her. The trust she put in me, made it that much more beautiful.

I wake up with a smile on my face, a stunning girl in my arms, and countless messages from Emmett. Text, Voice mail, all of them wondering what I am doing, why can't I talk, he's more important than whoever I am fucking...

That last one stings.

I slip out of bed, and slip on my sweatpants.

I call Emmett back.

"You have to take it easy," I tell him. "Stop freaking out over shit you can't control. You will be home in a few weeks, until then just give her the space she needs...like I told you in the first place."

He sighs.

"I really am going crazy. I don't know what to do...I'm so scared of losing her," he tells me. "You see her everyday, I mean...how is she acting?"

"Emmett...I don't really like being in the middle of this," I tell him. Which is hard to say, because that's exactly where I am.  
It eats me up inside to have the answers he needs, and to keep them from him...because they have the power to destroy us.

Maybe Bella is rubbing off on me, because I don't want to lose him just yet.

"You think there is another guy?" he asks. My stomach drops.

"I don't know, what if there is?" I ask him.

"I'll kick his ass," Emmett says.

"And if she loves him? If he makes her happy?" I hedge.

"You think there is someone else, don't you?"

"I just...I don't know, Emmett."

"I ran into...Rosalie Hale...well her parents live here, she came home for the summer," Emmett tells me.

"Yeah, I heard she was going home for the summer," I tell him.

"She...she came on to me...and I almost said yes I was pretty wasted and feeling really shitty over everything. Thinking I lost Bella, so what the fuck did it matter. Then I thought of Bella...how she can be so shy and so insecure sometimes...the way she blushes. The way she talks with her hands, or stares out into the ocean, and I can't lose her. I'm going to fight for her." he finishes.

"Did you kiss her?" I ask trying not to sound angry. I'm not jealous of him getting it on with Rosalie Hale...but the thought that he could hurt Bella...the same way we are hurting him...it's so wrong of me. I should be relieved. Feel hope that it won't be as awful as we think.

"No, dude. I wouldn't even if Bella weren't in the picture. You don't hook up with or date your brothers left overs," he tells me.

Bella walks into the room, in nothing but my button down flannel, and it's unbuttoned. She smiles at me licking her lips as she stalks toward me.

"Look, dude, I, ah..." Bella kisses my neck. I swallow audibly. "Got to go."

I hang up the phone before pulling Bella into me. She doesn't ask who was on the phone, maybe she knew and didn't care, or maybe she just didn't want to ruin the moment.

Either way, I hike her up on the kitchen counter and fucked her good morning.

Bella gets ready and we leave. She has to go to work. I need to go home for a little bit. I haven't been going back home at all, and I think my dad is finally resigned to the fact that I live at the houseboat all the time. Or he doesn't want Bella to be there by herself.

"He said he is going to fight for you...Emmett...when I talked to him this morning. He said he had the chance to hook up with some girl," I leave out Rosalie, it will only complicate things further.

She looks at me. She looks shocked. "He didn't?" she asks.

"No...said he couldn't no matter how much that part of him told him it was probably over...that he was going to fight for you. He asked me if there was another guy."

"What did you tell him?" she asks, looking in her lap.

"I said...I didn't know...but what if there was."

"And he said he would fight for me?"

"Yeah."

"Great. So, I can cheat on him...and he still wants me?" she says, I can see how unbelievable she finds it.

"I know." I tell her.

She squeezes my hand, and stares at the road ahead of her.

"It's going to be a bumpy ride."

Bella kisses me before she gets out of the car, and it feels amazing. To have someone to kiss goodbye. Someone to miss. Someone who misses you.  
I grab her hand before she exits the car, she turns to look at me. "Bella...I just want you to know that last night...it was the most amazing night of my life."  
She blushes, and comes back inside the car for another kiss. For more whispered "I love you's"

It's all so wrong.

It's all so right.

It's all so fucked up.

Everything seems to be moving so fast with Bella. To be saying I love you so soon. Yet it feels like so long. I've been falling in love with her the entire time I have known her.

I spend the afternoon with my mom, she tells me I look different. She can see the changes Bella has brought out, and she suspects it has to do with a girl. I deny it.

She doesn't buy it. I could never lie to my mother effectively.

"What was her name, Audrina?" she asks me.

"Mom, I told you, there is no one." I tell her, shoving some clothes into a duffel bag.

"Bella says she is lovely. So does Elise...well Elise says Bella is prettier," my mom laughs.

"Yeah, Be-Bella is right. She is 'lovely." I attempt to cover up.

"I'd love to see both my boys happy, and settling down," she sighs. I know she is worried about Bella. I know she is scared of Emmett getting a broken heart. She is very protective of us. She doesn't like it when other people hurt us. She is like a mama bear ready to protect her cubs.

I don't say much more, because I feel incredibly guilty over what will happen. Will she be angry with Bella? Not accept her anymore...  
I know she will be disappointed in me. Sad. But she would never disown me...but my girlfriend...who broke her son's heart and came between her sons...

I worry about that.

I will stand by Bella though. Defend her.

She helps me pack more of my stuff, while she thanks god, Elise isn't going to be leaving anytime soon. She isn't ready for an empty nest.  
Over the next few weeks, we try our best to prepare ourselves for the day Emmett returns. Bella tried to avoid. I reminded her she couldn't.  
I told her once we freed ourselves from it all, we could move forward. Be together. I could hold her hand in public. I could take her out to dinner. I could be her boyfriend. She could be my everything.

Even if that meant without the support of my family. Even if it meant I lost a piece of them. Bella made me whole.

If I can say I learned anything from Makenna, it's that nothing is without consequence.

"Are you ready?" I ask her as I walk into the bedroom. She is sitting on the bed. Staring out the window. She shakes her head no.

"I don't think I will ever be ready for today..." she trails off, not looking at me.

I crawl on the bed, and pull her onto my lap. Her back against my chest. I bury my head in her neck, her hair, "It will be okay," I assure her.

"I hope...I mean...I don't want to live with this guilt my whole life. How do we move forward if we leave all of this destruction in our wake? You say we will be free...but I think we might be headed toward more pain with all of this...I know its what we have to do, I'm really scared though."

"Stop doing this to yourself, Bella. I lived years of my life beating myself up for a mistake I made. I'm not going to let you do the same thing. Today...isn't going to be easy. The next day it might be a little easier...and the day after, until one day it will be a distant memory. We can't keep waiting, Bella. We have to start living our lives...That starts today...with the truth."

She turns in my lap, her breasts are eye level, she looks down at me under a curtain of her hair. "I want to start living my life..."

"Then let's go."

"I'm afraid to move."

I pick her up, her legs anchored around me, and I carry her.

My dad is picking up Emmett. We are having a dinner tonight. We won't ruin the meal...we can wait until after. There probably won't be a right time. Ever.  
I pull into the driveway, Bella lets go of my hand. I want to go back to that night we made love for the first time. I want to relive that day. Over and over. Not this day.

_Back at the homestead_

_Where the air makes you choke_

_And people don't know you_

_And trust is a joke_

**Hit that review button! That was one of the longest lemons EVER written by me, so tell me if it was decent! Teasers will be going up on the Twilighted Board for this story. So Go over. Say HELLO! Link on my profile. **

Rec: In Too Deep by EdwardsBloodType

_Too much to drink,a wounded heart, and a chance encounter with his father's mistress, lead Eddie to make a bad decision. And when he falls in love with her daughter unknowingly, he gets himself in so deep he can't get out. AH/AU Graphic language,lemons._


	13. Chapter 13 2AM Just Breathe

**SM owns, not me. **

**Here we are. I have some pretty awesome Pre-readers and I love them! HippieStar, PrettyKitty, and now My2galspal! **

**Mo'reading helped with the beta'ing. **

**Cheating is not nice, and I don't condone it.**

**ELVISWARD is almost up in a matter of today or tmr, so if you want to read Elvisward, go add the penname ASPresley to alert. There is a blog and everything for Elvisward! How cool!**

**Chapter 13: 2AM (Just Breathe)**

_2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,  
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,  
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"  
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes  
Like they have any right at all to criticize,  
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason_  
-Anna Nalick

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable  
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table  
No one can find the rewind button, girl.  
So cradle your head in your hands  
And breathe... just breathe,  
Oh breathe, just breathe

**BPOV**

PRESENT DAY

Not long ago, I was still considered a good person. Ten weeks ago, I would have told you I was.

Today, I know that has all changed.

"Emmett!" I call after him as I chase him outside.

He turns and looks at me. "How could you? My brother?" he asks. I know I don't have a right to cry, but I do.

"I'm so sorry, Emmett. Please."

"Please what Bella?" he asks.

The door clicks behind me, and Edward is standing there. Emmett's features turn into rage.

"Emmett...can we talk about this?" Edward asks.

"How long?" he asks, seething.

"It doesn't matter how long." I tell him.

"It fucking matters to me Bella! How long have you two been sneaking around behind my back?" He asks looking between us.

I don't want to tell him ten weeks. It's like adding salt to the wound.

"Two months," Edward tells him, coming to stand in front of me.

That's all it takes. Emmett lunges at Edward. I jump back and a scream rips through me as Emmett's fists make contact with Edwards face.

"Stop! Please! Stop!" I beg. Emmett is so much stronger than Edward. So much bigger. "Emmett! Please!" I cry, watching blood run from Edward's face. Edward isn't even standing anymore. Not even fighting back. The first punch brought him down and Emmett just keeps hitting him.

Carlisle comes running out, "Boys!" he yells at them. "Emmett!" he says, trying to pull him off Edward. Emmett pushes Carlisle away, sending him back a few feet. Emmett lays another blow to Edward's face.

I just keep yelling at him to stop. He doesn't listen. It isn't until then that I see Esme crying, holding Elise behind her with her arm. The shock on her face speaks louder than words. She is begging Carlisle to get them to stop. Begging them to stop.

Edward manages to move back on the grass, wiping the blood from his mouth. Everything is so loud. So chaotic.

I don't think. There is space between Edward and Emmett, and I need to fill it. No punches are being thrown, and I move between them.

"Please stop," I beg, tears rolling down my cheeks. Emmett drops the fist he was about to use on Edward.

"Edward...you are dead to me," he says, catching his breath before walking into the house.

Esme looks between her sons, and I can see how torn she is. She doesn't know which son to go to.

I turn to Edward and hold his bloodied face in my hands. "Are you okay?" I ask him.

"I was hoping not to get my ass kicked today, but I should have been prepared," he tells me.

This is the moment Esme chose Emmett.

"What the hell Edward!" Carlisle yells. He is fuming. I help Edward off the unforgiving ground. "I can't believe you would do this to Emmett. Either of you," he says looking at me. I feel about the size of an ant, and I cower into Edward's side.

"Don't do that, Dad. Don't stand there and try to make us feel shitty, okay? You won't hear us making excuses, but we aren't going to justify ourselves to anyone."

"Go clean up your face, then we will all sit down and talk." Carlisle says walking past us.

Walking back in the house, I have to tell myself to just breathe. Everyone's eyes are on us. I can see the horrible things they think in the way they watch me lead Edward into the bathroom to take care of him. To them I am caring for the wrong boy. The boy I should be caring for is on the back porch pacing...angry. I am torn, because there is a part of me that still loves Emmett. That part of me wants to go to him, and hug him, and do or say anything to make it better.

"Sit down and talk?" I question Edward, as I tend to the cuts on his face.

"Yeah...that's what we do when there is a problem. Family meetings or whatever." Edward winces when I wipe the gash under his eye.

I push his hair back, and my eyes well up with tears. I just want to leave, I beg him to just take me out of here with my eyes.

"No more avoiding," he tells me.

I'm not ready to hear them tell me how awful I have been. What a horrible person I am to fall in love with two brothers.

I feel myself starting to panic. My heart is racing. My skin is clammy. Beads of sweat form on my brow. My knees get weak, and give out. I fall to the floor, and Edward tries to keep me up, but I'm like dead weight. He comes down with me, pulls me in his arms, and when I should be caring for Edward, he's caring for me.

"Bella, I've got you," he assures me. His arms are tight around me. It calms me minutely.

"They are all going to hate me for this," I whisper.

"I said I would carry you, Bella. And I will. We will make it through this. I promise you."

He cradles me in his arms, on the bathroom floor, against the vanity. He wipes my tears and soothes me until I am strong enough to face them.

With red puffy eyes, I walk out with Edward. I don't let him touch me. I need him to touch me. I need him to carry me, but that isn't fair to Emmett. So, for however long this takes, I will suffer, even if it only eases Emmett's pain a fraction.

Emmett won't look at me when I walk in the room. His head is bowed and his knee is bouncing up and down. I don't think he wants to be here anymore than I do. I owe him something more than what's been offered. My break up with him should not be a family affair, and I see all the mistakes I have made this summer, making it exactly that; a family affair.

"Have a seat," Carlisle motions to the empty couch. I don't sit very close to Edward. "I'm not going to have this fighting going on between my sons," he starts. "I don't even want to be having this discussion, but you kids don't seem to know how to act," he glares at all of us. "The three of you are going to talk about this, like adults. If one punch is thrown, or voice is raised in my house, with my six year old daughter, I won't hesitate to take action. Are we clear?"

I nod. Edward and Emmett both say "Yes, Sir," in unison.

"Em...can we talk...like in private?" I ask him.

He finally looks up at me, and I want to be with him. I want that to be enough, but Edward...I need to be with him.

He stands from the couch and walks over to me. He glares at Edward before offering me his hand, which I take in mine, and he leads me onto the porch.

We stand in silence looking at the mountains, the lake, the forest. "I never meant for any of this to happen, Emmett." I finally say. "One day Edward was Edward to me, ya know? Cocky jerk I couldn't stand...then there was just this moment that sparked inside me...I wanted to hide from it. Avoid it. But I couldn't." I try to explain how things just clicked...but it's so hard to put into words. It's just natural, I am afraid those words will hurt Emmett. "It was like a light switch, one second it was off, and all it took was a flick upwards, and now I can't flip it back down."

"I saw how happy you were to see me today, Bella. I don't know what happened between you and Edward...what lines he used or lies he told you...but you deserve someone better than him, Bella. I can be the man you deserve. The man your father would have been proud of," he moves closer to me his hand finds my face, and he gives me a sad smile.

It's nice. The feeling of him is familiar.

There's no spark.

I want to melt into his hand. I want his touch to be enough because it kills me to hurt him like this. I lean into his hand and close my eyes. His thumb moves over my cheek, and **I** step closer to him.

I finally look into his eyes, "I love you, Bella." he tells me.

"Do you know how much I wish that was enough?"

"You can't tell me that in two months you feel more for Edward...that he means more to you than what we shared this last year together," he says, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Do you think I could have done this to you otherwise?" I ask him.

"How did it happen, Bella?" he wants to know. The need is written in his eyes.

So I tell him about all the tension that had been building, even before he left. How I didn't know what it was...how I couldn't define it. Not until Edward did, and even then I tried to deny it. Deny him.

"Then I was attacked...and I thought of him...the lies I told him...told myself. I never thought it would be possible to love two people at the same time...I do though. I thought about telling you a hundred times. I played it over and over again in my mind. The words I would say. Sometimes they were perfect and you understood...and that is how I knew I would never find the right way, time, or words. I can't take it back. I can't turn this switch off inside of me. I don't think I will ever be able to express to you how sick to my stomach I feel about my actions this past summer." I wipe my cheeks.

"He's going to hurt you, Bella. He doesn't know how to be the person you need. Please don't let him break you."

"Do you think Edward would hurt you like this if I was just a girl to him?"

Emmett doesn't speak. He doesn't answer me.

"You're choosing him, aren't you?"

"I already did," I whisper to the ground.

"I won't be there to pick up the pieces when it shatters. And trust me, Bella, it will shatter, crumble, fall to pieces. Everything he touches does."

Emmett steps closer to me. "You are sure this is what you want?" he asks me. His breath is wonderful wintergreen. His scent is perfect, just as I remember. I get lost in his eyes. I will myself to speak, 'Yes, yes I am sure.' The words don't come.

He anchors his hand to the back of my neck and presses his mouth to mine. I place my hands on his chest and try to push him away, but I give up. I close my eyes, and I can taste the salt from my tears. I don't have the heart to keep rejecting him.

I love him.

I love Edward.

I love them in two completely different ways. Passion versus comfort. Excitement versus consistency.

I know in this moment, there are two Bella's. Edward's Bella, and Emmett's Bella.

As much as Edward's Bella needs him, so does Emmett's.

I succumb to his kiss, because part of me longs for it.

He pulls away, he smiles a real smile. The smile I have been longing for. I smile back at him, I just want to see him smile.

"Don't do this to us," he says.

Sun versus stars. I look away, inside.

Edward. I don't know how long he has been standing there...watching us. He looks hurt.

I turn back to Emmett. "I can't go back," I tell him, walking inside. I would like nothing more than a resolution. For Emmett to tell me he is okay, I won't get that tonight. I may never get that.

Edward stalks off as soon as I open the door.

"Edward!" I call after him, I almost don't because I am sick of all of this. He turns to face me abruptly.

"What was this Bella?" he waves his hand between us. "Were you lonely? Bored? What was I to you?" he asks.

"I love him. You know I love him. You know it's not easy for me! I have never lied to you...HE KISSED ME, Edward." I tell him lowering my voice, it comes out like a hiss. I don't want everyone to know. "I let him...because I didn't have the strength to hurt him...to push him away."

"How's this for easy, Bella...choose," he tells me.

I've already chosen him. "You know I already have."

"Doesn't seem like you were making that clear to Emmett!"

These games. These fucked up stupid games. These emotions...feelings I have for two brothers.

"I did...that's what spurred him on to kiss me...I said the words to him. I said it was you, and he kissed me. And I was too weak to hurt him again!"

Edward pulls at his hair, he groans in frustration.

"I think this homecoming is over, and it would be best if Edward took you back to your apartment," Esme says, coming towards us, her hands on her hips, and the once friendly and welcoming Esme is no longer there.

"I'm really sorry," I tell her. "I didn't-"

"Save your apologies, Bella. I judged you wrong. You and Edward have been lying to everyone for the entire summer, shacking up in _my_ houseboat like a little tramp under the guise of you being traumatized-"

"ENOUGH!" Edward yells. Esme's words sting. Never in a million years would I imagine her saying anything hurtful to anyone.

"Edward, don't you dare take that tone with your mother," Carlisle warns.

"No...she is not going to stand here and say shit like this to Bella! You are not going to treat her like this! She couldn't even be touched without flinching for weeks after it happened! She had nightmares if I wasn't with her! We lost ourselves and we made mistakes, but I love her. I won't stand here and let you talk to her like that!"

"Edward, don't," I try to stop him. I don't want him to mess up anything with his family over me. "I'm not wor-"

"So help me God, Bella, if you say that I will lose my shit." Edward tells me through gritted teeth.

"Edward, please take Bella back to her apartment, then come back here so we can discuss this as a family," Esme tells Edward.

"Bella is my family." he tells her. "If she isn't welcome, neither am I."

"Is that your choice Edward, to not be a part of this family?"

"Not if you aren't going to accept, Bella."

Esme doesn't speak. She won't back down, but neither will Edward. I know they don't want to say things they will regret.

"I want to go home, Edward. Take me home and come back to talk to your family," I finally say.

He doesn't answer me. He takes my hand and we leave.

I don't know if he's lost his family. I don't know if he intends to go back.

I did this.

Edward helps me into the car, because I can't see through my tears.

I don't see them ending.

**EPOV**

Today was a train wreck. A cluster fuck. Disaster. Catastrophe. I could go on. I won't.

Once we get to my parents, we have to try to keep our distance. Act indifferent. I have to listen to Bella say she is excited to see Emmett to my mother.

I get her alone outside and I can't stop kissing her. And she wants to push me away, but she can't.

She wants to tell Emmett, but she can't. I tell her to give me one day. One day to tell him.

She see's Emmett, and it kills me to watch her run to him. I know she loves him. She never told me she didn't, but to watch her run into his arms. Happy to see him. I can't handle it. I go after him with determination. I can't wait, because it's not right for Bella to pretend with him anymore.

I stare at the black and white picture of Emmett and me hanging on the wall in the hallway of our home, our arms around one another, laughing. It was just taken two years ago. I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to lose days like those with him, but there are no other options. He is so much more than my brother. He is my best friend.

So after watching the girl I love show her love for my brother, I man up and I go to tell him. It's a mess though because Bella freaks out. Emmett finds out in a shitty way, I get my ass kicked, and then I watch them kiss.

That wasn't even the worst part. The worst part was listening to my mom before I went to get Bella. I listen to her tell me to forget about Bella. That it wasn't worth doing this to Emmett. That family comes first. So, I go to get Bella, angry at my mother's words. That mom would try to plant doubts in my head about the type of woman Bella is. That she is fair weather. That she doesn't love either one of us.

When I go to get Bella, and rescue her before my mothers gets to her, she is kissing him.

I watch in shock. My mouth goes dry. Hearing her tell him she loves him still...and watching her love him...are two completely different things and my jealousy boils over. I believe her words when she tells me. I don't want to hurt Emmett anymore either and I know it's hard for her.

I'm done. I don't care if I lose everything if I keep Bella. Money for school, a place to live, none of it matters without Bella.

I won't let them control me. I won't let them treat me like she doesn't matter. Like Bella is just some girl I should move on from. No fucking way. They don't accept her, they don't accept me.

My mom made it pretty clear that Bella was not welcome at the family's houseboat. I knew mom was going to act like this towards Bella. It's easier for her to be mad at Bella, place all the blame on her. Act like she is some harlot that thrives off hurting men. Easier than being mad at me.

All she knew was that her son went behind her other son's back and took what wasn't his. Sex. Lies. That is all she see's.

I help Bella in the car, I hand her the keys, "Wait here," I tell her. I'm not leaving things unsaid and I'm not coming back here if it means making a choice.

"Ed-" she starts, but I don't let her finish. I shut the car door and I go back inside the place I used I may never call home again.

I slam the door.

Emmett and my parents all stop and look at me. "It's my turn to talk. I have a black eye, a cut across my cheek, a fat lip, and a bloody nose. I get to talk. I get to explain. I get to speak!" I tell them.

"Then speak," my dad says.

"I know you all think I am a screw up. Incapable of loving someone...of being with someone for more than just sex. You have no idea how much I fought this. I fought my feelings so hard that I spent the better part of the year being a complete asshole to her. I love her. She makes me want to be better. I don't know how I can ever make things right or how I can possibly say sorry and have it ever be enough to be forgiven. But that's what I'm asking for some acceptance...some forgiveness...some grace."

"I'm sure as hell not Jesus Christ. You want that shit, go to church because you won't find it here." Emmett says. "Nothing you say or do will ever be good enough. I could punch you until my hand bleeds and it wouldn't be satisfying enough."

"Bella is a part of my life. I won't change that. I can't change that, even if I wanted to," I tell them.

"She isn't welcome in my home, Edward." my mother tells me.

"Then I guess we are through here," I tell her. "Thankfully I already got my shit," I say on my way out the door.

"This isn't over Edward! I'm not going to just hand her over!" Emmett yells.

My hand is on the door knob and I freeze. I want to leave. I don't.

"She isn't your possession, Emmett. She isn't yours to hand over." I tell him evenly. I don't want to fight. I don't want to yell and scream or throw punches. Maybe what I want...is unreasonable. Unrealistic. Did I really think they would understand? Accept this? Forgive us?

We did spend the entire summer lying to everyone and sneaking around.

"It was wrong." I tell them. "What Bella and I did this summer was wrong. I admitted that. She admitted that. But what grew between Bella and I...that wasn't wrong. Sneaking around, lying; those things were wrong."

"I don't know how you changed her, but the Bella I left would have never done this!" Emmett says between gritted teeth.

"You don't even know her! You know the parts of her you want to know. I know her. I know she spent most of the summer in tears over hurting you. I know she loves you! I know she could be content with you, happy even. I know if she walked in and told me that, I would let her go! Well she is telling you, Emmett...telling you that while she would be happy to spend her life on a lake, it's really the ocean she longs for...that she would be happiest there. Now can you let her go? Because if you really loved her like you say you do, you'd let her have the ocean...not settle for the lake."

Silence.

Another slammed door. I breathe heavy outside, the air is crisp, cold.

I stand on the steps, a little bit of regret creeping inside me. Elise. Did I just do that? Did I just walk out on my family? Did I just give up a roof over my head? A sister? A mother? A father? Money for medical school?

I was expecting to lose Emmett, expecting that our relationship would never be the same again. I hoped that one day we could build something new in the future, when wounds healed from time.

I didn't think I'd lose everything. All of them.

Did you ever have one of those days you wish you could relive? Not because it was amazing, or unforgettable, but because you fucked it up so badly?

Today was another day to add to that list.

Ten weeks ago **- **another, when we should have told Emmett.

Too many days over the summer gone by with lies. Day's I wanted to rewind back to and make a different choice.

Day's I would never get back.

I start towards my car when my mother calls after me. "Edward! Don't do this!" she begs.

"I'm not doing this! Why can't you see that?" I yell at her. I've never yelled at my mother.

"This is your family, Edward! We love you! I don't want you to get hurt! To lose everything over a girl! Where are your loyalties to your brother?"

"I told him...if she wants to be with him, I won't stand in the way. I won't force her into anything. I won't leave her either. She isn't going back to him even if I step aside! Her happiness is tied to mine."

"Just take her home and come back, Edward."

"You don't listen! Why don't you hear what I am telling you?" I ask her pulling at my hair.

"You aren't seeing things clearly, Edward. Your vision and judgment are clouded with lust."

"Love. I love her." I correct my mother.

"You don't know what you feel."

"Stop! I'm through having the same argument over and over with you!" I pull open my car door, slam it shut, and peel out of the driveway with a screech.

"Can you slow down?" Bella asks, as I push ninety.

I look over, and see the fear in her eyes. I ease my foot off the gas pedal.

"Wh-what hap-happend?" she asks, her bottom lip is quivering. I trace my thumb along it. I want to comfort her more, but I can't while I focus on the curvy road ahead.

"They don't understand. I mean, it was wishful thinking that they would," I tell her.

"They hate me. I deserve for them to hate me," she says, looking out the window.

"No, no you don't. They have no right to judge us."

"But they do. I should have listened to you. I should have told Emmett right away."

"It doesn't matter when we did it Bella. How we did it. The end result wouldn't be any different. He would still be hurt. Feel betrayed."

"What about your family?" she asks.

"If they can't accept you, I can't accept them," I tell her.

"I can't let you lose your family, Edward."

"You're not. They are." I tell her.

"I'm so sorry this happened, Edward. I hate that you have to go through all of this. Your family. I'm so sorry," she tells me.

She is silent the rest of the ride. I try to comfort her by holding her hand. Kissing her knuckles. Telling her I love her.

She doesn't speak until we get to the houseboat. "What are we doing here? Your mom doesn't want me here, I don't feel right going inside." she rambles quickly. She is nervous and uncomfortable.

"I'm going to get some things. I figured if it was okay with you, maybe I'd be your new roommate?" I ask. "I mean, I need a job to pay my half of the rent..." I trail off nervously.

"You're not giving up your family for me, Edward," she tells me crossing her arms.

"I'll keep trying. I won't give up. Until they come around, let me stay with you?" I ask her.

"Fine," she sighs.

"Good," I tell her pecking her cheek. "I'll get a few things, the rest I can come back and get tomorrow," I tell her, getting out of the car.

She gives me a sad smile, and then looks away.

When we get back to her apartment her movements become uncomfortable, jerky. "What's wrong?" I ask her.

"I need a box or something," she tells me. There are a few boxes in Alice's room that I guess she didn't need. I grab one for her.

She starts moving around the apartment, taking every piece of Emmett out of it.

Pictures. Letters. Postcards. Clothing. Jewelry from Mexico.

"It all fits in a box," she says staring at it. "All my time spent loving him...it fits in a box...yet my feelings are too big to contain within myself."

That's when it starts. That's when her diamonds start to fall.

**PHEW! That was intense... wow. Let me know what you think. Come find teasers on the boards. Pic teases on Twitter and Facebook too! **

**Next chapter up tmr. Then we will be caught up to the other account and updates will be once a week. **


	14. Chapter 14 Her Diamonds

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**SM Owns not me. **

**I have to send a HUGE thanks out to my pre-readers, HippieStarr, PrettyKitty, and My2GalsPal! Thanks so much ladies for the suggestions, encourgaement, and ears as I figure out where to go next!**

**To Mo'Reading for all always keeping me on my toes! **

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**Elvisward is coming! Soon like a day or two! Add the penname ASPresley to alert to see when it starts posting! There is a WHOLE blog for Elvisward and awesome manips thanks to Lolypop82! Link to that account will be posted on this profile page! **

**Chapter 14: Her Diamonds**

_And I don't know what I'm supposed to do  
So I sit down and I cry too  
But don't let her see_

And she says ooh, I can't take no more  
Her tears like diamonds on the floor  
And her diamonds bring me down  
Cause I can't help her now

She's down in it  
She tried her best but now she can't win  
It's hard to see them on the ground  
Her diamonds falling down

She shuts out the night  
Tries to close her eyes  
If she can find daylight  
Then she'll be alright, she'll be alright  
Just not tonight

-Rob Thomas

**BPOV**

I sit on the couch, in front of that box and cry. I haven't cried like this since my dad died. I never cried like this in front of anyone before, but Edward is at my side as I sob.

It's just a box.

It's so much more than a box.

The contents of that box were my life, my happiness for most of the year. In that box are things that made me feel rocketed into adulthood. Memories that made me more than just some girl in beat up chucks. A man that I love, that saw me as a beautiful woman, and made me believe that. He gave me so much, even Edward.

I cry harder.

Edward doesn't talk. He doesn't rub my back. He just sits by my side. His presence is all I need.

When I get past the box, past Emmett, I cry for Edward. He lost so much tonight because of me. He gave his brother, his family even, to defend me. To stay by my side.

I cry harder.

For a moment, I think about leaving. How could I? Edward gave up so much. Emmett is hurt so much. Edward is right. There is no taking it back. If I leave, it's like Esme is right about me. I wouldn't be leaving for the betterment of anything or anybody. I would just be avoiding, running, like I always do. I'm not going to do that to Edward. I feel guilty for even thinking that.

I cry harder.

I think of all the mistakes I made, all the ways I have wronged Emmett and the entire Cullen family. I don't feel very good about myself.

Edward doesn't move from the couch, even when the sun begins to rise in front of us.

I look at him. His eyes are so sad. The green is darkened by the sadness in them. "Hold me?" I ask him. His arms reach out for me. He pulls me to his chest and leans back on the couch. I bury my head in the crook of his arm and curl into him between his outstretched legs.

We watch in silence as the sun brings a new day. A new day equals a fresh start, right? I don't feel that. The sun rises as we finally sleep.

My stomach aches. My arm has pins and needles. I still feel like throwing up, but on the upside, I am in Edward's arms. I see he is awake when I look up at him.

He offers me a small smile. His lips kiss my forehead. I have him. All is not lost, or desolate. So, I smile back, as his fingers trace my lips. I kiss his fingertips.

"What time is it?" I ask him, my voice thick with sleep and scratchy. My vision is cloudy, because I never took out my contacts and they feel like they have adhered to my corneas.

"Three," he tells me.

"Did you get enough sleep?"

"Enough," he tells me. I know that means none. "Emmett's been calling you. I didn't want to wake you."

He hands me my phone, and I see all the times he has called.

"Are you going to call him back?" Edward asks, as I remove myself from him to stretch.

"I don't know. I don't want to give him hope...but if I can offer him more closure..." I trail off.

The doorbell rings, and I look at Edward, confused at who would be here. "Can you get it?" I ask him.

"Yeah, I mean it's my door now too, isn't it?" he smiles.

"I guess it is," he kisses my head before heading down the stairs.

I go to the kitchen, which is empty since I have been at the boathouse. I am dying of thirst. I gulp down some tap water before I go to take out my contacts. My eyes need a rest so I guess it's glasses today.

When I come back out, Edward is setting down a vase of flowers. "From Emmett." he tells me.

I walk over and open the card. For my Beautiful Bella. All I want is your happiness. Love, Emmett.

I don't know what to make of everything: his note, his flowers, his phone calls. I think he is trying to win me back. I can't talk to him, because all I will do is hurt him more. I can't keep hurting him. Rejecting him. I want to give him time. Maybe he will accept this without me having to keep saying my choice is Edward.

Right now, I just want Edward. I just want to focus on him, because he is hurting, too.

"I'm not going to talk to him today." I tell Edward. "There is nothing to eat here." I want to change the subject. I have chosen my life, and I want to start living it.

"We can go to the grocery store after I get more of my stuff from the houseboat," he offers.

I nod in agreement. I feel like hell run over twice and what I want is to take a hot shower. So that's what I do. I go take a shower so hot that is turns my skin red.

Once I am done in the shower, I make my way into my bedroom, which has been empty for so long it doesn't even feel like mine anymore. I may have only spent ten weeks on that houseboat with Edward, but that feels like home. Maybe it's because he was there with me.

Since he will be here with me now, maybe this will start to feel like home again. He walks in the bedroom, as I fasten my bra behind me.

"Why are you doing that? To make more work for me?" he asks, his lips kiss my shoulder. I smile and blush. I'm not uncomfortable at all standing in front of him in just panties and my bra. There is nothing special about them. They're just fruit of the loom jersey, in gray. I feel sexy in them because of the way Edward looks at me. He turns something simple and ordinary into more.

"So, you have to get a job..." I ask trailing off, as I pull on a pair of jeans. I feel horrible he shouldn't have to worry about working and going to school...getting ready for med school. My guilt kills the mood for sex.

"Guess so," he tells me, wrapping his arms around me. His lips are on my neck. It feels so nice.

"Have any idea's what you will do?" I ask.

"Ah, huh," he nods into my neck.

"You don't have to stay here. I mean I understand if you want to go home," I tell him.

"My home is with you."

"But it's not easy to work and do med school. I don't want to cause any more problems."

"You didn't. I'm responsible for everything that happened. I could do what my mom wants, but then I wouldn't be able to do shit cause I would be so fucking miserable without my spaz."

I push him away, smiling.

"Well what are you going to do?" I ask him.

"It's gonna be awesome. Epic." he is actually excited about having to work. His smile is broad and lights up his face. I am thankful that in this time when we have so much to be upset about he has found something to make him happy.

I furrow my eyebrows at him. "Really?" I ask.

"Really, really." he says pulling me back into him.

"Weeeellllll?" I drag out, anxious to hear what he has planned.

"You are going to come with me to the skate park, we are going to videotape my kick ass skills, and I am going to send it into Plan B, my old sponsor. They were ready to send me to the X Games before I stopped skating."

"You can't do that," I tell him, mostly because I am scared shitless of him getting hurt.

"Why can't I? They will love to have me back. I'm hot...the girls love me," he says running his hand through his hair. "That's it, isn't it? You'd be jealous of all the girls. I promise they are occupied with Sheckler. They won't pay that much attention to me," he says with a smirk.

"Um…no, I'm worried about you getting hurt." It was kind of obvious to me that if Edward were a pro-skater today, Ryan Sheckler wouldn't hold a candle to him.

Over the summer, Edward showed me a lot of his old videos. He really is amazing and I can't believe he gave it up.

"I know how to take a fall, on the rare occasion that I do," he tells me with his cocky wink and smile combo.

I groan. This is what he wants. He is excited about it. It's a light inside of him during a dark time. I can't stand in the way. I guess I will just have to endure it.

"Come on, Bella. It'll be great. I can make money doing something I love. I can pick and chose the competitions."

"How much was Plan B going to pay you to be a pro skater for them?" I ask.

"A hundred thousand," he tells me like it's no big deal. My eyes bug.

"And you stopped because?" I ask in shock. I thought it was unbelievable that he stopped after seeing how talented he was, but to give up that kind of money as a teenager?

"My heart and head weren't in it. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself. I didn't find the joy in a lot of things after Makenna. Things are different now."

"Fine. When do we get to make this video?" I ask him.

"Whenever you want."

"Now?"

"No...right now..." he pulls me closer by linking his finger into my belt loops, "I want to fuck my girl," he says.

"I guess it's always been a fantasy of mine to fuck a pro-skater," I tell him, before he silences me with his mouth.

He unclasps my bra behind me, his hands move down my back over the swell of my ass. He squeezes and massages before my body hits the bed.

Teeth bite at my earlobe as I press my body into his. "You feel so good," he whispers, sending chills through my spine.

I push him back, and watch in fascination as he unbuttons his pants. I help him push them away from his hips before I move to the head of the bed. He kneels in front of me, his hand stroking his hardness, and I can't look away.

I never thought I would get so turned on watching a man touch himself, but I am. He looks stunning. His green eyes boring into mine, his hand sliding up and down, his thumb moving over the head.

My hand is on my breast without thought, pulling and tugging on my nipples as I squirm in my jeans aching for more.

"Take off your jeans, Bella," he tells me, his hand bringing him pleasure, turning me on.

I wiggle free of the tight jeans and underwear, before sitting against the headboard to watch him.

"Did you ever touch yourself?" Edward asks, moving my knees apart so my legs are spread.

I can't say yes, my face is on fire as I nod my head in conformation, biting my bottom lip.

"Let me see you touch yourself, Bella," he commands, stroking himself faster.

I let my fingers move down my stomach, over the neatly kept hair and into myself. I move my finger in and out of myself spreading my legs further so Edward can see.

His eyes are fixed on my hand, he hisses in pleasure.

I can't take it anymore. I need to feel him. As fast as I can, I lean forward and take him in my mouth. His hands tangle in my hair as he guides my head back and forth. He isn't forceful. His guidance is filled with love and it makes me want to give him more.

I struggle until I manage to get him all the way down my throat, I feel him curve down. I try to keep it there as long as I can until I can't breathe anymore. When I release him, he pulls me up and his mouth meets mine. It's not a rough kiss since his face is still a mess from Emmett's fist. I pull away from the kiss, and gently run my thumb over the evidence of the pain he has endured for me, because of me. The gash on his cheek. The black eye. The busted lip. Those are only the marks left by physical pain. I kiss each mark. I need to reach him deeper inside, to the marks that can't be seen.

"I love you," I tell him, tears springing from my eyes, because he has lost so much. Sacrificed so much for me.

"No more diamonds," he tells me, wiping the tears. "I have you. I am exactly where I want and need to be."

He pulls my legs, forcing me on my back. My feet are flat on the bed, my knees bent. Edward teases my wet entrance with the head of his penis. Up and down, over my clit. I can't keep my eyes off of his.

He moves inside of me swiftly. He pulls all the way out. Back inside. All the way out.

I move my index finger back down over my clit and circle it around with just the right pressure as he goes all in, all out, still holding himself firmly in his hand.

He pulls me closer to him, and my legs go over his shoulders. He kisses my thighs. His fingers move with mine over my clit, as he slides back and forth.

I can tell he is about to come undone. His breathing gets ragged. He moves faster, a little harder, so I let go.

I would swear I was flying to the moon if it wasn't so bright.

**EPOV**

She is stunning, but at the same time absolutely adorable. I can't help but smile as I watch her squint against the sun holding the video camera pointed at herself while talking about me. She looks hot in her skin tight jeans and my Plan B t-shirt. It's tied in a knot on her side and shows of a small amount of skin. including her tattoo. Incredibly sexy. I beam with pride, because that is my girl. I wouldn't give her up for anything. Her hair is down, and wisps of brown and red blow in the wind.

"I am told this is going to be epic!" she says, over pronouncing the p and c sounds. "So, I bring to you, Plan B, the awesome, and really hot." she adds with a wink before swirling the camera around to me. I smile and wave. "See, totally hot...Edward Cullen."

She pushes pause. "Good enough intro?" she asks.

"It's almost perfect, baby." I tell her taking the camera from her. I turn it back on so we are both in the shot, and I kiss her. "Best girlfriend, ever," I smile into the camera. Bella's cheeks are pink and she playfully slaps my chest.

I explain to her what I want to accomplish, that for some of the tricks I need her to ride along side of me for her to capture them. I really don't know how I got this lucky with this girl. I know a lot of shitty things have happened with my family, but she is perfect for me.

"You got your knee pads and stuff?" she asks, as I fool around on the board.

"Nope. I only do pads for ramps and half pipes," I tell her. They are only so if I fall, I can slide down on my knees with no problem.

"Edward..." she says, in a warning tone.

"Don't worry!" I tell her with a kiss, before we start.

I mostly do boneless flips, pressure flips, finger flips, no complies...but I add my own spin to a lot of it. I grind with the top of the deck, down railings, over curbs, stairs, and across picnic tables. Bella is awesome keeping up, capturing it all. She cheers me on, inflating my ego. Who'd have thought it could get any bigger?

Bella get's nervous when I tell her I want to ollie over a moving car. "You'll get yourself killed! Are you nuts?" she asks me.

"Ah…yeah Bella, I am. Where have you been?" I ask her with a chuckle. "I have to time it with someone. It's not like I can just go out and do it so calm down, Spaz," I kiss her cheek. She smiles when I call her Spaz. "It's not happening today."

"It's not happening at all. I kinda like my boyfriend's body intact."

I take the camera from her and place it on the picnic table. "Lay down for me?" I ask her.

"What?" she asks, confusion is written all over her features.

"Don't you trust me?" I ask with a smirk.

With a huff, Bella lays down on the concrete. I check to make sure she can be seen, press record and do a sick as fuck front flip over her on my board.

She laughs as I help her up. She wraps her long legs around me and I spin around with her. We haven't been this carefree, well, ever.

It almost feels wrong, but it's just too perfect to be wrong.

I want to talk to Emmett before he leaves. My family hasn't tried to contact me at all since they found out about our hidden relationship. I don't even know where he is going. Could be Japan for all I know.

He keeps calling Bella, but she won't tell me what he is saying. I have a feeling he's telling her how I will eventually let her down. I know I hurt him, and people that hurt want to hurt other people. I won't go back to the seventeen year old boy that lived full of guilt. Emmett would like me to. He would like to hurt me so bad that I go back to the worst time in my life, and I know he is using my past to try and win Bella back.

If only he wasn't my brother. If I didn't love him, I would tell Bella to stop taking his phone calls. He keeps bringing up my past even though she asks him not to. If I didn't love him, I would tell Bella to stop taking his calls. I do love him though and want a relationship with him. Bella wants a relationship with him, too. Right now she is the only one with the ability to make this situation better. If he will talk to her, if he will try to be friends even though he hopes for more, then there is still hope for Emmett and me.

Her birthday is in a few days. I know he was making big plans for her since he was lucky enough to be home. We should have told him earlier.

I feel like a lair. I guess that's because I am one. I don't feel very good about myself thinking back to all the times over the summer that I talked to Emmett about Bella...then went and climbed in bed with her. It's hard to deal with that guilt and look at myself knowing that I betrayed my brother.

I let him talk to me about his grand plans to make Bella happy again when he never did anything wrong in the first place. I know Bella feels just as bad.

Here we are happy, laughing together. It doesn't feel right. I don't even feel like I deserve to celebrate her birthday. I don't feel like I deserve much.

Three nights ago, when she cried all night, tried not to let her see me cry. I don't think she did. I want to be strong for her.

"Babe?" Bella questions me.

"Huh?" I ask her, coming back from my invading thoughts.

"You were like a million miles away. You okay?"

I take her hand, "Yeah, let's just go home," I tell her.

I pull up out front of her – our – apartment and my dad is on the steps, waiting on the cold concrete in his suit. Bella looks nervous. Any confidence vanishes and she watches her feet as we walk towards him. She can't look at my father.

I hold her hand to let her know I am not going anywhere. "Dad...if your here to make us feel any worse you can just leave," I tell him.

"No. I was hoping we could talk. I wanted to explain some things to both of you."

I look to Bella. I want to see if she is willing to listen. I should have known better though. All she wants is for me to get my family back.

I unlock the door, and my father follows us up the stairs.

Bella offers him something to drink, but her voice isn't as strong as it usually is. I kiss her forehead and whisper in her ear, "Calm down. Whatever he wants to say we are in this together."

She nods. I tell my dad to make himself at home, motioning towards the couch. "What were you up to today?" he asks, while Bella gets his drink from the kitchen.

"Uh, I'm trying to get my sponsorship back from Plan B...so I can pay my own way." I tell him.

"No one told you that you couldn't still stay at the house or the houseboat, Edward."

"No, just that I had to give up Bella to do that," I tell him rolling my eyes.

"No one said you had to give up Bella, your mother just doesn't want her around...and I came to explain some things to you about how she feels."

"I know how she feels. She feels protective of Emmett." I tell him, as Bella hands my father his glass of tea.

He takes a sip, and places it down on the coffee table before rubbing his hands over his face with a sigh.

"It's a bit more complicated than that, Edward."

"We're listening," I remind him.

"When I met your mother in college, she had very little faith in men. She had been engaged to a man named Peter. He was her high school sweetheart...and both of them agreed to wait to be sexually intimate until their wedding night. One night she found him in bed with her best friend. She lost a lot of trust, a best friend, and the man she thought she would spend the rest of her life with in that one moment. The relationship between your mother's friend and Peter didn't last. She felt like they hurt her for nothing. They broke her heart and did it for nothing. This is re-opening all those wounds for her. She can sympathize with Emmett in a way we can't really understand."

It all makes sense now. She didn't want her son to have to bear the pain of what she went through. Mom sees Bella as her best friend, me as Peter, and Emmett as herself. The problem is that I'm not Peter and Bella isn't Mom's best friend. We love each other.

"Bella and I love each other," I tell him. "It's not about sex. You asked why my list of schools changed so much...they changed so much because of Bella. Because Bella wants to live by water, and I want Bella with me."

"You just have to understand that it's going to take some time for your mother to come around. You are still a part of our family. You still have our love and support. It's just hard for your mother to get over this. She knows exactly how Emmett feels. She isn't seeing things straight. Give her some time. You don't have to go back to skateboarding to pay your way, Edward. You are welcome -"

I stop him.

"But Bella isn't. I want to be with Bella."

"You are right. Your mother does not want Bella anywhere near...well anything of hers, including her sons I'm sorry for that Bella. I truly am," he tells her looking right in her eyes. "I don't mean to say she wouldn't be angry at you both if her past never happened, but I think she is making Bella pay for mistakes her best friend made. All I can say is that in time she will see things more clearly."

"Well, until she can accept Bella, I don't see how I can be a part of the family." I tell him.

"I understand. I wish I could tell you more than just to wait. As for staying here, I can't offer any monetary assistance with that Edward."

"I never asked you to," I tell him, a little offended.

"I know. I just want you to know, I would if it didn't upset your mother so much. She thinks I would be enabling you to hurt Emmett further. Don't think you are disowned or abandoned. Your college tuition will continue to be paid. You are welcome to come home, see Elise."

"But not with my girlfriend," I want to confirm these things.

"Not yet, Edward. One day."

"Edward, if you want to go see your sister or your mom I won't be upset. You can go. It won't hurt me. What will hurt me is if you lose time with your family that you can't get back." Bella finally speaks.

I look at her, and pull her into my side.

"Actually, Edward, I think I will be really mad if you ignore your sister over this." I kiss her head, and hold her tighter.

The love I feel for this girl, I can't even contain. It's like how overwhelmed she was the other night, how her memories fit in that box, but her emotions couldn't be contained. It's like the love I feel inside spills out of me. I don't know where to channel it, it just bursts out, like the sun's rays.

"How is Emmett?" I finally ask, looking into my dad's eyes. They are the same as Emmett's and Elise's.

"He isn't accepting the break up. He is protecting himself with denial. I could see very clearly your love for Bella the day Emmett returned. I knew something changed in you this summer, and once the truth came out it all became very clear. I knew it was Bella. Emmett hasn't had the chance to see that. He truly thinks you have her fooled with lies. He has goggles on, Edward. Don't let him make you feel bad about the past. Just keep in mind, that is the only place he can go to hurt you as much as he is hurting. Just keep that in mind."

"Thanks for coming over to talk," I tell him. It has been nice to hear he still considers me his son.

He hugs me and reassures me that my mother still loves me. She will come around. I just have to give her time. I almost cry. When he hugs Bella goodbye, my eyes do well up with tears, and a few fall. All I want is for my family to accept her, and he is accepting her.

I know it will take time for my mother and Emmett to move forward, but I have hope today. Hope that I didn't have yesterday.

I can't take it. I have to leave the room. I feel bad for leaving Bella to see my father out, because I just want to cry. I go into the bedroom, sit on the bed, and cry. I don't want to cry, but there is nothing left to do. If it can make me feel better, then I'm going to cry.

Things may never be the same, but they may not always be so dark either.

**Okay, so there are song lyrics in last few paragraphs, if you guess, I rec the fic of your choice. I don't think these lyrics are as easy! LOL! But try! **

**Want to see a kick ass skateboarding video, and picture Edward? There is a link on the profile page for that. Check it out! The moves are sick! **

Here are the rec's from the people that guessed correct...

**.net/s/6276284/1/A_Thousand_Leaves**

Bella bff w Alice Edward is a jerk. Edward arrested for killing Renee. Bella new crime reporter finds old files.

TWILIGHT REFLECTED IN BROWN EYES:

Bella Swan is in for the shock of her life when Edward Cullen comes back into her life 7 years after graduation. Can the scars from her past be healed by the reclusive musician or will she shut him out like she has everyone else since the fateful accident four years ago.

.net/s/5168596/1/Twilight_Reflected_in_Brown_Eyes

The Perfect Space by AbidingByRhyme

Summary: At 16 years old, Bella & Edward had fallen victim to a kidnapping. Since returning home, they find their only solace in each other. As Edward becomes overcome with the need to protect her from any further harm, she begins to need him in more ways than one

.net/s/6138000/1/The_Perfect_Space

My Perfect, Mr. Imperfect by xrxdanixrx

.net/s/6311046/1/My_Perfect_Mr_Imperfect

- Bella wanted Mr. Perfect, but he didn't want her. When Mr. Imperfect comes along, can she look close enough to see just who is more perfect for her? A story about falling in love with the imperfections. AH - Rated M for lemons later.

Pistols and Petticoats

In a drunken gamble by her father, Bella finds her future wagered to town loner, Edward Cullen. But with stakes this high, how much will Bella lose, or will chance be on her side?

.net/s/6294495/8/

There Will Be Blood

Summary: Edward Cullen,25,the son of a Chicago mob boss. He is second-in-command, cold and dangerous. Bella Swan,18,small town girl who has just enrolled as a freshman at Northwestern. A story about how love can survive in the cruelest of worlds. Very OCC. Rated M.

**.net/s/6116028/2/There_Will_be_Blood**


	15. Chapter 15 Don't Wanna Cry For You

**SM Owns Not me. **

**HippieStarr, PrettyKittyFF, and My2GalsPals, thanks sooooo much for pre-reading for me! It means soooo much! **

**And Mo'Reading, for the beta work. **

**Teacherward is up on Robicorn's account. Under the Boardwalk. Go read it! **

**Elvisward is up under AS Presley. Hunk O' Burnin' Love. He is fun from the 50's. Go read these stories now!**

**Chapter 15: Don't Wanna Cry for You**

_Turn the lights down low and close the door_

_I'm tryin to feel the way, I felt before_

_I'll cry in the middle of the day_

_It better make me feel a better way_

_If it could take my pain away_

_Yeah oh_

_Take my pain away_

_I don't wanna cry for you_

_But there is nothing left to lose_

_You got to let the boy have his way_

-Peter Yorn

**BPOV**

Carlisle hugged me. The woman who came between his sons. He came here to tell us it would be okay. Edward is breaking down. He rushes out of the room. His father and I watch him retreat.

Carlisle's hands steady my shoulders, he looks in my eyes and I know whatever he is about to say to me he means is vitally important. "Don't break my other son's heart, Bella."

I can only muster a nod.

"Go take care of him," Carlisle tells me, before he lets himself out, leaving me standing dumbfounded.

Watching a man cry is so hard. Men don't cry, right? We tell ourselves it's just not in their nature, but it is. Men try to be strong. They try to hold it all in to the point that when it finally bubbles over, it's almost uncontrollable. It's heartbreaking to watch a man hit that point, especially when he's my man.

It's not the first time I've seen a man cry. I watched from the shadows as my mom comforted my father when he was told he was going to die, that the battle wouldn't be won. It is one of the most unselfish things I ever seen her do. If she taught me anything, or if I learned anything from her that I could use in my adult life it would be from that day. Now I can do the same for Edward.

I have a feeling this isn't the first time he has cried like this. He sits on the edge of my bed, head in his hands, his shoulders shaking as the sobs rip through him.

I kneel in front of him, between his legs. His breathing is sharp and ragged. I rub my hands on his legs, trying to let him know I am here. When you cry, when you let it all out, it's like you release more than just tears. It really does make you feel better.

He wraps his arms around me and I rest my head on his chest. His face is buried in my hair.

"Want to talk about it?" I ask him.

He shakes his head no, and I stay there for him, like he did for me.

Eventually I manage to climb up in bed with Edward. I stay close to until his breathing evens out and his heart is a steady thud against my ear. I wonder what brought on the tears. Maybe he just needed to hear from the family that he was still wanted. Maybe he just needed to hear that Carlisle still considered Edward his son.

I have a night class and so I need to go soon. I can't start the year off missing classes. "Will you be okay?" I ask him.

"I'm feeling better already," he tells me.

"I love you, and if you need me, call me." I make him promise. He makes me take his car. He hates me going out at all by myself anymore because girls are still being attacked. It makes me sick to think that I had the power to stop it, but I was just too scared to look back.

~SS4DL~

I slip on my chucks and grab one of Edward's flannels since it's getting chilly out, then head off to class.

I climb in Edwrads car and drive the short distance to campus. As I walk out of the parking lot, I hear a familiar voice calling after me. I turn to see Emmet.

"Em, hey," I greet him. I'm on my way to class right now," I say, hoping to avoid a confrontation.

"I made plans. I spent a lot of time making these plans," he blurts, like I won't even give him the chance to speak.

"Look, I have to get to class." I repeat, pointing over my shoulder to the nearby building. He is right. Already I'm already blowing him off but I don't want it to sound that way to him. "I mean, I'm so sorry, Em. I know things are a mess. I feel really awful about how this happened," I say hoping to show him I do care.

"Bella, I mean I made plans for your birthday. I can't cancel it. I spent a lot of time and money...and it's kinda huge."

"Em...I don't know. I don't think that would be a very good idea."

"Bella, I rented a party boat. I invited a ton of our friends," he tells me, a hint of a true smile lighting up his face.

A boat? He rented a boat to throw a party? For me? For my birthday? I swallow thickly and shake my head of these unbelievable thoughts.

"That sounds amazing, Emmett. But what about Edward?" I ask him. I don't want to sound harsh, but it's reality. According to Mr. Cullen, Emmett needs a heavy dose of it.

"It's your birthday. I want you to be happy. Just as long as I get one dance," he smiles at me. I don't know how to tell him no.

"No fighting? I mean I don't want you two throwing punches on my birthday," I tell him.

"Then tell him to pretend I don't exist. That should be easy for him, considering he was doing that this summer when he stole my girl. " I can hear a tremor in his voice and his entire body tenses.

"You should be mad at me too," I remind him.

"Nice shirt, by the way. Oh, and car," he says with a disapproving tone.

"I'm with Edward, Emmett. I know that's not easy and that it hurts you. I hope you know how sorry we both are." I try my best to show him how sincere my words are. His gaze travels drops to the ground.

When he looks back up, he acts like as if we are still talking about the party.

"You will come then? Friday night. Dress up." He backs away from me, flashing his killer grin, dimples and all. It's so hard to say no. I don't have time to argue with him either. I have to get to class, and I feel guilty enough leaving Edward when he was so upset earlier.

"No fighting?" I call out to him.

"No fighting," he tells me, crossing his heart.

"Fine. Friday night," I confirm. Emmett is going to be in my life as long as Edward is. I have to encourage his friendship if he is offering it. I know he wants more. I know he is hoping I will remember what we had and come back to him. I do remember though. Our relationship wasn't bad. It wasn't even in the same vicinity as bad. It was actually great. It just wasn't the heart-stopping-back-to-the-wall-can't-live-without-you-love like I have with Edward. No matter what Emmett thinks, I didn't forget. I just moved on.

He smiles. His huge smile makes me want to cry. I don't think I will ever stop loving him. Loving his smile.

Everything I have learned about Esme's past runs through my mind over again. I picture her broken and bitter, even jaded. Maybe it took months for her to be able to smile again. She might have worn a permanent scowl for a time and only forced polite smiles to get through the day without being asked if everything was okay. I mean being betrayed by your first love and your best friend, how would anything be okay? What we did to Emmett is so much worse. Esme never had to see them again and never had to speak to them again unless she wanted to. Emmett not only has to see his brother, but also has to see his brother happy with me. There is a small light flickering in the distance. The only solace is that Esme was eventually healed. She found Carlisle and in time she moved forward. I have faith that Emmett will be able to also. In time.

Time is no mans friend. It passes and the pain becomes less some days, and more others. I know it well from my father's death. It's like the waves of the ocean, it rolls in and out.

I think life is a lot like the ocean. There are times of calmness, and you float through, times with waves bumping you along more roughly than you'd like, and there are always storms. You can sink or swim. There are predators in the ocean waiting to eat you alive if you let them. You can eat or be eaten. If you fall deep enough, it's pitch black, but if you rise above you will find the light. And in that light it's beautiful.

We are always right where we are supposed to be in life. We don't always know why we are. It seems mostly when things are tough, people want to ask, why me? Or say, I don't deserve this.

And most don't. Most people, I believe are good. Most people don't deserve the bad things that happen to them. It's just life. I don't think the right question to ask is why do bad things happen to good people. They happen to shape us, teach us life lessons. I think the better question to ask, is why do good things happen to bad people...?

You can't take the good and the bad. Nothing is all good, and nothing is all bad. I would just like to believe people are mostly good. However naive that sounds. Right now, I don't feel like a good person. I mean, I want to say I am mostly a good person, but it doesn't seem right to say with my current actions. Mostly. I think that is the key word.

When I get home, Edward is back to his normal self. I don't think he really _wants _to discuss the cause of his breakdown. Sometimes the breakdown itself is enough to make you feel better. Either way, I want him to know I'm here if he needs me.

"Hey, I was looking for that shirt," he tells me grabbing the bottom of the open flannel and pulling me into to him for a kiss. He was just eating salt and vinegar chips and his lips make mine tingle

I assume he knew about the grand gesture birthday party. "So… were you ever going to tell me about my birthday party?" I ask him.

"I figured he would cancel it," Edward shrugs.

"Well, he didn't, and we're going," I tell him, biting into a chip.

"We are?" he asks.

I nod my head yes, and he shakes his head no. It's more of an 'oh fuck' head shake, rather than a 'no, we are not going.'

He wants to work toward fixing things with Emmett, so I know he will go. I take another chip and as I bring it to my mouth he snatches it out of my hand with his teeth.

"Ahhh! I can't believe you just did that!" I joke with him.

"Believe it, babe," he smirks.

~SS4DL~

That night I spend a wonderful night wrapped in Edward's warm arms. He has to get up early for class, I groan when he leaves the bed the next morning to get ready for his early class. Without him, it's cold and empty. I won't be able to go back to sleep without him anyway so I roll out of bed too.

Edward has already started the coffee when I enter the kitchen. I lean against the kitchen counter to watch him move around _our_ kitchen. Edward first thing in the morning is a beautiful sight. His hair is perfectly wild. He is bare-chested, as I've stolen his t-shirt, and I'm enthralled with the play of his muscles as he reaches up into the cabinet to grab two mugs. He is perfect and he is mine. I love him. It's that simple, that easy, that effortless. I love Edward Cullen. I'm as sure of this fact as I am that the sun will rise every morning. I can't put my finger on the exact moment it happened, but I'm sure I know of it now.

I think back to the first moment I saw him. Girls don't usually intimidate me, but that blonde he was with when I met him at the bar, made me feel very uncomfortable. That isn't a normal reaction for me. I don't feel inferior to other people. I think even that first night my subconscious knew I was in love with this man.

Moments of almost kisses. The subtle flirting. I wanted it all. From the moment I was born, he was mine and I belonged to him. Maybe Emmett was meant to bring him to me and some line of communication got screwed up in the world of guardian angels. It was unfortunate how our relationship came to be. The events that brought me here, where I stand watching this amazing man do ordinary things, were a mess, but they made him mine.

He looks back at me, and smiles. "What?" he asks.

"I love you," I tell him because they are the only words that want to voice. I love you. You are loved.

He walks over to me, and his body presses me against the counter. "I love you," he says, between open mouth kisses down my neck. His strong hands reach and hold my face as he places a soft peck to my lips. "I have to get to class, but when I get home I plan to show you how much I love you."

It makes me blush. I love it when he gets all suggestive with me.

"Is that a promise?" I ask, shoving my hand down the front of his shorts. I palm him and he grows firmer under my touch.

"Bet your ass it is," he says, backing away. "I have class, and you got Big E all excited. Do I have to go back to calling you a cock tease?" he laughs, adjusting himself.

I'd feel bad, but I am way too turned on by the tent I created in his shorts.

And the best part?

It's mine.

All mine.

**EPOV**

After class, I want nothing more than to go home to Bella, but I don't. Instead I go to my parents. If I make good time, I can be waiting for Elise when she gets off the bus.

The bus's breaks squeak as it comes to a stop a block from the house. Elise jumps down the steps, excited to see me.

"Edward!" she yells, running towards me. I bend down and extend my arms to pick her up. It's hard to hug her with her back pack sagging off her back, but I don't let it get in the way. I hug her as tight as I can without hurting her.

"I missed you," she tells me. "Can we skateboard?" she pulls away and asks me with her wide smile, which finally has two brand new front teeth.

"Yeah. Of course. Have you been practicing?" I ask her, taking her school bag from her shoulder. I carry it down the hill towards the house, her tiny hand laced with mine.

"A little. There isn't anyone to help me. Plus, Emmett's been teaching me how to play baseball," she says.

"Cool." I try to avoid actually saying anything about Emmett. I don't really know how to deal with that topic.

"Why did you take Bella from Emmett?" she asks. You gotta love kids and their ability to ask the tough questions. I don't have any idea how to respond. In the simplest terms, I guess that is exactly what I did. Is it really that simple? To her seven year-old mind, it is.

"I didn't take her, Elise. Sometimes grown-ups make choices that hurt other people. We didn't mean to hurt Emmett. Someday you are going to meet a man…when you are like thirty…and you won't be able to live without him." I hope this is coming out right.

"You can't live without Bella?" she asks, looking up at me as we stroll into the driveway.

"Nope, I can't," I tell her.

"Emmett says he can't neither. Maybe you can both be her friend," she suggests.

"Bella is a special friend, Elise. You can't share special friends. Bella still wants to be Emmett's friend, but not his special friend," I tell her.

"Oh, like girlfriend?"

"Yeah. I can't be Bella's boyfriend and Audrina's boyfriend. I can only be a boyfriend to one girl and Bella can only be a girlfriend to one boy."

She pushes her glasses up on her nose. She looks like she is deep in thought. "I don't want Emmett to be sad."

"I don't want him to be sad either," I tell her.

As we walk inside Emmett storms away. He shoves past me, hitting me hard with his shoulder. My mother begs him not to start any fights, begs me not to respond to his hostility. When he is gone, out of ear shot, she tells me in a hushed tone how he has been drinking. Evidently he been drinking a lot.

"He is drunk almost every hour he is awake. I am so afraid he is going to get himself killed," she explains with fear in her eyes.

"He has to go back soon. They won't let him drink like that," I tell her.

"He is going to Hawaii. Please work to figure this out before he leaves. I can't bear the thought that you two may still be fighting when he deploys."

"I know, Ma. I want to fix things too, but the only thing that do that right now, is if I hand Bella back to him."

She tenses at the mere mention of Bella's name. I close my eyes, and try to breathe, try to remember the things my father told me about Mom's past.

"Can we talk about her?" I ask.

"No, no we cannot… we will not. She is poisonous, just like that juicy apple that tempted Adam and Eve banishing them from the Garden of Eden."

"Fine, then we won't talk about her at all because I won't listen to you talk about her like that," I say trying not to show how much I am shaken by her hateful words.

It's obviously too soon. I want to make her sit down and listen to the truth, but I know that won't get us anywhere. Maybe it might even set everything back.

She hugs me and tells me she is sorry about the way things were left that night. I know she is, but she isn't sorry enough to accept Bella, and until then I will feel estranged.

I take Elise outside and we skateboard. My mind isn't completely focused on what we are doing because I keep thinking about what Mom mentioned about his recent drinking habits.

I worry about the party he suckered Bella into. It could be a huge fucking mess. Just three more days until Friday. This can't be good. I should warn Bella about his drinking.

I'm not paying attention until I hear Elise scream. She's just taken her fist major spill on a board, and it's all my fault.

I told her to put on her knee pads and shit, but I didn't make sure if she followed through. Her knee is cut open pretty badly. She also has scrapes on the palms of her hand from trying to break her fall.

I don't panic. I have seen these types of injuries a lot. I want to become a doctor so I can't let this phase me. I try to lighten up the situation by telling her she is officially a boarder and has the scars to prove it. She just cries louder. Hearing her cry is harder than seeing the actual cuts and scrapes. I hate it when she is hurt. I hate it when she cries. I hate it when she is scared. I hate it even more when it's my fault that she's hurt, crying, or scared.

I pick her up and take her inside. My mom takes over with a mothers touch. It's always the perfect cure when you're a kid. A mom's kisses can cure anything. Her crying stops and she curls up on the couch, careful not to disturb the Barbie band-aid on her knee. My mom puts on some Nickelodeon show and I just feel...out of place.

I tell my mom and sister bye before I start head to my car. Emmett is leaning against it. He pushes off with his foot and stumbles. He is must be really drunk.

"Going home to my girl?" he slurs.

"Going home to _my_ girl," I correct him. I know, it's a low blow.

"She will never be your girl. You will fuck it up like you did with Makenna, like you did with Rose. And when you do I'll be waiting," he tells me.

"Quit living in the past, Emmett. "I'm not that guy anymore," I warn him.

"You are a fuck up, Edward," he tells me, swaying on his feet.

"Look, Emmett, you want Bella on that boat Friday, then you better sober the fuck up. I won't put her in a volatile situation on her birthday."

"Ohhhhhhh, I'm so scared Edward. What are you going to do? Huh? Let me kick the shit out of you again? I mean, you didn't even fight back," he laughs darkly.

"Put her in danger or upset her on her birthday and I _will_ fight back. I won't fight fair either," I tell him stalking past him. He stumbles backwards.

"Is that a threat or a promise, Edward?"

"It's a promise, Emmett," I tell him.

"Rosalie Hale is a good lay Edward. Want to trade notes? I mean Bella is so shy and cute in bed, but Rose... well she's a little tiger between the sheets."

"Bella isn't shy when I fuck her," I growl at him. I'm starting to feel indifferent about the fact that my actions lead him to this downward spiral. He is trying to win back a girl, while he drinks himself into oblivion and fucking another girl? "For someone that wants his girlfriend back I highly doubt that screwing around with Rosalie Hale will help you get _your girl _back."

"You sound a little jealous that I fucked Rose, or maybe if I fucked Audrina you'd be more upset," he ponders.

"You can have all the sloppy seconds you want. I have Bella."

He throws a punch, but I duck. The momentum causes him to lose balance and he falls to the ground.

"Get your shit together, Emmett. Things aren't going to change. She is coming with me to med school. We live together. I didn't do this to hurt you. I did it because Bella and I belong together. The sooner you accept that, the sooner we can all move forward," I tell him, pulling open my car door.

As I pull away, he is still on the ground, a completely broken man.

Will crying make him feel better? It helped me feel better the other night. I hate seeing him like that. He is my big brother. I look up to him. He has always been the strong one, and not just physically but emotionally too. In high school, when I was all fucked up over MaKenna, he was there for me. When it got out that I was going to see a shrink to deal with her death, he stuck up for me. It's hard to see him so broken. It's even harder knowing that I am the reason.

Maybe if I was a better man, I wouldn't have said all that shit to him. I wouldn't have gotten cocky. That is just what I do. I get defensive and I speak without thinking. Shit just comes out before I can really think it through. Maybe that's why I deal with regret so well. At least once a day I do something that I wish I could take back.

I want to call Bella, but I can barely focus on the road ahead of me after seeing Emmett like that. I can't get that last visual of Emmet on the ground out of my mind and I am at a complete loss as to how to fix this situation. Well, aside from giving up Bella, that is, which isn't even an option.

I guess I don't really have any other choice other than to let time heal my brother. There is nothing in my power to do to fix it. To fix him.

When I get home, Bella is already gone. She has some marine biology class…Oceanography or something. I don't know. She is psyched for it though.

She left me a plate of leftovers with a note telling me she missed me today and loves me. As I sit down to eat, I'm so hungry I feel like my stomach is going to eat itself, but just as I lift the first bite of food to my mouth the doorbell buzzes. I groan and toss down my fork full of food. I run for the door, taking the steps down two at a time. I like living on top of the store front. It's just a hairdressers.

I open the door. "Edward Cullen?" The guy standing on my doorstep asks.

"Yup, that's me. Can I help you?" I ask.

"I'm Peter, a rep for Plan B. We got your tape yesterday, and to be honest, they didn't even have to watch it before they arranged a flight for me to come out and sign you."

"I had no idea you guys would act so fast," I tell him stepping aside and inviting him in.

I offer him a seat in the living room and he hands me contracts to look over. I tell him I have no intention of dropping out of med school, but he doesn't seem to care. I think he is hoping once I get my first check I will change my mind, and focus on skateboarding.

"We want you on the team for the winter X Games. Can you commit to that?" he asks.

"In Aspen?" I ask.

"Yes. The competition is three days long," he explains. "You can train here in Seattle at our warehouse."

"I need accommodations and everything all expenses paid for for myself and one other person," I tell him. I have no intention of leaving Bella behind.

"Not a problem," he tells me.

We discuss my new role with Plan B further. I will do competitions compete mostly in the Seattle area with the exception of the X Games.

I sign on the dotted line for a cool hundred thousand for the year, paid out to me monthly. I can't keep the smile off my face. I agree and I want to kick myself for not doing this sooner. I make arrangements to design my own board, and I make arrangements to get something special customized for Bella. The thought enters my mind that I should have a lawyer look this over, but I've been through this before, and I feel confident in my ability to read the fine print.

Peter leaves with a handshake, and I am beaming. I mean I am living a dream I gave up on. Getting a second chance is so rare. Ask Makenna. Ask Emmett. Ask Bella.

I want to share the good news, but I can't bug Bella in one of her most important classes. The next person I would call would be Emmett. I really don't have many close friends.

Jasper would be next, but he hasn't spoken to me or Bella since that fateful day on the houseboat. Alice speaks to Bella sporadically, but they are in no way as close as they once were. Bella doesn't talk about it, but I wonder if it upsets her.

My excitement doesn't last long. All these thoughts bring me down from my natural high. I should be hopeful and excited about this second chance. Excited to do something I love and while making a shit ton of money. doing it. Instead everything is overshadowed by the guilt and shame that reside in me over betraying my brother. For causing my brother's current state of torture. He is digging his own grave.

Right now the only second chance I truly desire is with Emmett.

**Song clue for the next chapter is in the last 2 paragraphs. Guess, I rec a story of your choice. **

**Review please! There is something huge coming up in the next chapter! **

**Rec's from Readers: **

Cotton Creek by rtgirlSummary: Bella is a travel nurse who moves every six months. Edward is a music teacher in a small southern town who gave up his Nashville dreams to return home. She never knew what a home was…until he gave her one. Fun/Fluff/Romance/No angst. Some citrus.

Unplanned_Perfection-Bella and Alice were best friends, which made Bella the only girl off limits to Alice's brother Edward. When a party the summer after graduation gets out of control, Bella's world is turned upside down. "He doesn't know. I don't want him to." LANG/LEMONS


	16. Chapter 16 Digging My Own Grave

**SM Owns, Not me. **

**This wouldn't be as good without the help of HippieStarr, PrettyKittyFF, Mo'Reading and My2GalsPal! I love you all for everything you do. **

**On with the chapter... **

**Chapter 16: Digging My Own Grave**

_It's not what you think  
Just one more little bet  
Just another cigarette  
Just one more drink_

-Thrice

**BPOV**

I'm so happy for Edward and his success with Plan B. I want him to just take the news and enjoy it, but he is beating himself up over everything. I watch him pull on a pair of black jeans through the mirror in front of me as I slip on my zebra print dress.

"Babe?" I call out to him. His eyes meet mine in the mirror. "Can you zip me up?" I ask holding my hair off my back.

He walks over silently and zips up the strapless dress, leaving a kiss on my shoulder. I smile at him in the mirror, and just as quietly as he came over he goes back to slide on his black suit jacket.

"You can be happy, Edward. You worked really hard, you deserve to be happy," I tell him. He hasn't told anyone. Not his mother, not his father, not his nonexistent best friend.

He rubs his hands over his unshaven face, and sighs. "It's not that easy, Bella."

"Want to talk about it?" I ask him**,** slipping on a pair of heels.

"Did you know I started skateboarding because of Emmett?" he asks me.

I shake my head.

"I always felt inferior to him. I mean, I played the piano, he played football. I got all A's but he got all the friends. He would tease me, saying I was a wuss or that I was going to join the chess team...so just to prove him wrong, I started skateboarding. I mean Emmett couldn't even stand on the board. I was finally better than him at something cool. I wasn't such a geek or nerd anymore. Now he won't even look me in the eyes."

"It's hardly been a week. Let**'**s give him some more time," I tell him, trying to be optimistic. "Maybe things will change after tonight."

"Bell, Emmett is walking a fine line of being an innocent party and turning himself into a victim. I'm just not very hopeful for anything soon."

I know from what Edward has told me that Emmett has been drinking, a ton. I know because of that, Edward doesn't want us to go at all. Be stuck out on the water with a drunk angry Emmett? Ever the optimist, I am hoping Emmett holds his shit together tonight.

We leave shortly after, and my nerves are creeping up on me the closer we get to the docks.

Edward's hand rests on the small of my back as we walk down the dock. Up ahead, I can see the boat covered with white lights and hear the music drifting through the air. There is a ramp leading up to the boat, and I pause to take a deep breath before we venture onward.

There are tables set up with colorful coral reef centerpieces and fake fish. There is a bar and banquet servers walking around with drinks and hors d'oeuvres. Edward accepts two glasses of champagne and hands one to me. I smile and hug people that I haven't seen since Emmett left because they are friends I inherited through my relationship with him.

"Bella!" I hear Alice call, as she hugs me tight. I haven't really spoken to her much since the night she and Jasper surprised us at the houseboat .

"Hey," I greet her.

"Happy birthday!" she tells me with another hug. "I've missed you."

"I know. I've missed you too."

"You look beautiful," she tells me. I guess it's good that she approves of my outfit.

Jasper is standing behind her, not looking pleased at all. "Thanks for coming, Jasper." I offer.

"Not here for you," he replies.

"Then you should go," Edward speaks up, stepping up to within inches of Jasper's face.

"I should have kicked your ass that day when I had the chance," he tells Edward, bringing his face even closer to Edwards.

Edward shoves him away.

"You promised! No fights!" I say, pulling Edward back.

Alice pulls on Jasper and she gives me a sad smile, before she walks away. This was an awful idea. I'm not even sure anyone here likes me, let alone wants to celebrate the day I was born.

I wipe a few tears from my eyes. Why did I agree to this? Am I a glutton for punishment? Did I want all of Emmett's friends to make me feel like shit? For all I know they want to tie me up and drop me in the middle of the ocean for what I did to Emmett.

Edward takes me to a more secluded area of the boat, lights a cigarette, and hands it to me as he exhales.

"Thanks," I tell him taking a long drag. "This is really stupid, isn't it?"

"Probably," he confirms as I pass back the cigarette. He wraps his arms around me from behind as we stare off into the ocean. It's black and really calm tonight. The breeze is cool, but for the most part the evening is still warm. The skies are clear and the stars are bright. The scenery would be amazing it the circumstances weren't so awkward. Edward rests his head on my shoulder as I finish the cigarette.

As the night progresses, I find it's not as bad as I anticipated. It's not like Emmett is announcing to the world his relationship status changed from taken to single, although knowing him he'd refer to it as complicated anyway. Most people don't know there is bad blood between Emmett and Edward because of me. It's either that or they just don't care. Either way, Edward finds a few guys to talk with as I decide to go talk to Emmett.

He is sitting at the bar, pounding back shots. "Hey," I say meekly. "This is really beautiful. Thank you, I say as he slams another shot.

"No problem," he replies in a monotone voice, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Having fun?"

"I am."

He orders two more shots and hands me one. "Happy Birthday, Beautiful Bella," he says, clinking the small glasses together.

I smile and pour the shot down my throat as quickly as possible.

"I have something to show you," he says.

"Oh?" I ask a little curious.

"Right...over...there," he says as he points across the deck. My gaze follows, and lands on Audrina. With Edward.

Edward hasn't talked to her that I know of since we got together, but watching them hug and smile makes my heart race.

Immediately, I am filled with jealousy. She is a really nice girl, she is drop dead gorgeous, and she's fucked my boyfriend. I take a few steps toward them but Emmett stops me.

"Let them catch up, Bella. It's not like Edward is a cheater, or for lack of a better terms, a _man whore,_" Emmett says snidely.

Turning back to face Emmett I simply reply, "I trust him."

"Oh? Then why do you looks so...what's the word I'm looking for…Green?"

I glance over my shoulder once more and Edward is pointing me out to Audrina. She starts to walk towards me and looks confused when Edward doesn't follow her. She doesn't stop though. The silver sparkles and I can hear the swish of the tulle on her short bubble dress as she walks over.

"Bella! Happy Birthday!" she says as she hugs me. "You must be so happy to have Emmett back. She smiles, and I know she has no idea what happened after she left this summer.

"This is a wonderful party he put together," I say as she lets go.

"You have one amazing boy," she comments.

"Actually, Audrina, Bella and I are no longer together, isn't that right?" Emmett says, looking innocently toward me as he sips his beer.

"What? Oh, crap. I had no idea," Audrina apologizes.

"It's fine," I assure her. "I'm just really happy you could come." This is a complete lie. I am furious and want her far, far away from _my_ Edward.

"Of course! Plus, I needed to talk to Edward. I haven't had much luck getting in touch with him," she admits.

"Oh, well that would be because he moved in with Bella, the happy in love couple they have become this summer," Emmett says, slamming down his beer.

Audrina nearly spits out her drink.

"Well, that explains a lot," she mumbles, trying to wipe the shock off her face.

The silence that follows in awkward, to say the least. I actually think I would rock back and forth on the balls of my feet right now, if I weren't in heels.

"Yeah, well... thanks again for coming. I th-think I'm go-going to find Edward," I say. My face feels like it is on fire.

I walk toward the spot where Edward stands alone, watching me. I'm pretty sure everyone knows what is going on at this point. I wish I had thought things through a bit more before accepting Emmett's invitation. I was naive to think anyone would understand. I should have known they would judge us. They would hate Edward and me what we did. I am an unwelcome guest at my own birthday party. What else did I expect though?

I start to wonder if this was Emmett's intention all along. I glance over my shoulder at him, and I can't believe he would do something so hurtful. That's not who he is. He just wants another chance. He didn't do this to be mean to me. He isn't vindictive like that. That's just not the Emmett I know.

Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I don't really know Emmett after all, I think as I turn my focus back to Edward a few feet in front of me. He gives me a small smile, and reaches out to hug me.

He kisses my hair and whispers, "I had no idea he invited her, but she's known about the party since August."

"I know," I sigh. A few people I know from Emmett's frat walk by and I hear them say what a shitty thing we did to Emmett. I start to get worried the cake will be poisoned.

I groan thinking of the cake. No one wants to be here let alone sing happy birthday to me. I think they only came for the booze and food and the possibility of seeing the Cullen boys fight over an average girl.

"She said she wanted to talk to me," Edward says.

"About?" I ask.

"She wouldn't say," he sighs. "Just that it could wait until after the party. She wanted to meet for coffee or something tomorrow."

"What did you tell her?" I ask.

"That I had to let her know."

"Can't you just talk to her tonight?" I ask. "I mean, I can find Alice for a little while. I'd rather you get it over with. I don't know, give her closure or whatever. She knows we are together now so there's probably not much to talk about at this point."

"Okay. I won't be long." After a quick kiss he walks off.

A waiter walks by, and I take a glass of champagne off his tray as I watch Edward walk to Audrina. I mean the girl might as well be a Victoria Secret Model. I watch him tap her shoulder. When she turns around she smiles at him. He motions for them to walk somewhere more private. She seems hesitant to follow, but Edward is insistent.

She glances at me, and the look seems apologetic. What she is sorry for? I don't know. Maybe it's for hoping to get fucked by my boyfriend. My stomach turns at that thought. Edward wouldn't do that to me, right? He isn't a cheater. He has no qualms about telling a girl she isn't the only one.

They walk out of my line of vision. I close my eyes and try to remember to breathe. I sip my champagne. It's my birthday, and I am the loneliest girl here. I have a flashback of a 90210 rerun from Soapnet where Brenda sings "_It's my party and I'll cry if I want to._" Suddenly, I want to cry too.

I scan the area for Alice. I see Jasper with Emmett and I am at least thankful that I'll be able to talk to Alice without his negative comments. I see Alice sitting at a table with Rose.

"Hey," I say in greeting when I reach the table.

"Hey, Bella. Sit with us," Alice offers. I smile at her and take a seat.

Rose looks at me point blank and with no warning asks, "Are you mental?"

"Excuse me?" I ask her.

"Mental. Are you mental?" she blurts out. "Emmett is an amazing guy, and you chose Edward? You do know what a playboy he is, right? I mean, he is a man whore. You are breaking a really good guy's heart to be with a class A jerk,"

I take a deep breath before I reply so I don't lose my temper. "I'm sorry, Rose. Just because Edward didn't stop playing the field when you asked him to doesn't mean that he can't change. Maybe he just wasn't ready for a relationship until he met me. Are you jealous?" I ask her.

"Not at all."

"Then why the attack?" I ask her, crossing my arms defensively.

"I care about Emmett. I don't like to see him hurting," she says. I watch as she pushes away from the table and walks toward Emmett in her painted on blue dress. He stands to hug her and I wonder when they became so close.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit jealous.

I order another drink and try to enjoy the time I have alone with Alice as I wait for Edward to return. It's hard to relax because I feel like someone could come to remind me that I'm an awful person at any moment. That seems to be the theme of the evening.

"Where is Edward?" Alice asks.

"Huh?"I didn't quite catch her question as I'm distracted. I have been searching for any signs of Edward and Audrina.

"Edward...you keep looking for him. Where is he?" she smiles.

"Oh, he is talking to Audrina. I didn't think they would take this long." I may be talking to Alice but my eyes never stop scanning the area for Edward.

"Are you worried?" she asks.

"I'd be lying if I said no. Emmett kinda planted that seed. My rational self is saying there is nothing to worry about because Edward loves me. Look at everything he has sacrificed to be with me. There's still this small voice of doubt in my head...and I am really trying not to give it any power."

"You don't have anything to be worried about," she tells me. "He does love you. He is different and that's because of you. Even Jasper sees it, but he won't admit it because he feels how much Emmett is hurting too. They will all come around eventually," she assures me, rubbing my hand. "Speak of the devil." Alice points over my shoulder and I turn to see Edward walking towards us.

He looks like he has seen a ghost, but when he notices me looking at him, he smiles like nothing is wrong.

I'm not stupid though. I know something is wrong.

**EPOV**

"Aud, you think we can just talk now, real quick?" I ask.

"I don't think tonight is the right time," she tells me sucking in a deep breath.

"Please? I don't think I can meet you tomorrow. It will be easier if we talk now." I motion toward an area of the boat that is less crowed. I don't know what she wants to talk about but I don't want to be out in the open if this could cause a scene.

"Fine. If you're determined to do this now I won't argue with you," she says, giving in. She walks ahead of me, and I shove my hands in my pockets a little leary about what is about to go down.

What could she possibly have to say now that she knows I'm dating Bella. Aud was a really good friend. We talked a lot, she came to visit over the summer, we fucked, and I pretty much never spoke to her again. I mean, our relationship was always casual. After her last visit I just ignored all her calls and texts. I knew she would ask about my life and I wasn't sure how to say I had a girlfriend now, or that my girlfriend was Bella, who Audrina met as my brother's girlfriend. It just wasn't high on my list of priorities, and now she probably wants some sort of explanation.

When we find a quiet spot, I lean against the edge of the boat, and cross my arms.

"So?" I ask her.

"You and Bella?" she questions.

"Yeah," I say looking down at my feet.

"Hey, if you're happy, then I'm happy for you. She is a great girl. I imagine you guys are pretty head over heels for each other to do that to Emmett."

"I love her." It's as simple as that. There is no other truth I know.

Audrina looks out over the water. "I've been trying to call you."

"I know. I'm sorry I ignored you but I honestly didn't know how to talk to you about everything."

"I didn't fly from Mexico just to attend Bella's birthday party. I came to talk to you," she says. Now her eyes wander down to the boat deck. Her index finger and thumb roll the fabric of her skirt.

"I'm listening." She looks up, and her eyes are filled with tears.

"I'm sorry," she whispers. I'm trying really hard to think about what she could possibly be sorry for. I know the confusion is written all over my face.

"Sorry? What are you sorry about?" I ask. I can't take the silence.

"I'm pregnant, Edward. Fifteen weeks pregnant to be exact."

The rocking of the boat. This news. Suddenly, I want to throw up.

"I tried to tell you as soon as I found out," she explains.

"We used protection. How do I even know it's mine?" I know it's not a very delicate way to ask the important questions, but I'm panicking.

Audrina looks at me, her eyes filled with tears and disappointment now. "Don't be that guy. I didn't sleep with anyone but you and I conceived in June."

"Can't you... have it taken care of?" I whisper, glancing around to make sure no one can hear. "I'm going to medical school...Bella...I...I can't have a kid right now."

"It's not just your life that is changing, okay? So is mine. I didn't do this alone and I'm not going to have it 'taken care of', Edward." She says all of this in the same exaggerated whisper I just used.

"What do you want from me?" I ask her.

"I want a father for my baby."

"What do you _expect_ from me?" I clarify, because right now, there is no way I want anything to do with being a parent.

"At least money," she says, crossing her arms. "I can't make you do any more than that if you don't want to, but the courts can and will force you to pay child support."

"Fine. I can send you money."

"I'm due in March and I will be moving. I would move here, if you wanted to be a part of the baby's life..." she trails off.

"I don't." I'm scared about how this could fuck up my relationship with Bella. Money isn't an issue. Dealing with a kid and a 'baby mama' on top of the mess we have right now...I don't think she'd handle it well. I'm afraid that it might be the last straw and send her running. I know the thought has crossed her mind.

Plus, having a kid in and of itself terrifies me.

"Then I'm moving back home to San Francisco. I guess we can figure out how much you send each month another time."

"Just tell me how much you want. You can text me your address later but I don't want to deal with this again." I'm desperate to be done with this conversation.

"I really...I really don't know. I mean, I think they try and base it off how much you make..."

"You have got to be shitting me." I chuckle darkly, thinking about the contract I just signed for eighty-three hundred dollars a month. Earlier this evening she asked what I had been up to lately. At the time I was thrilled to share the news about my contract to board with Plan B. Now she knows I have money.

"I know you don't have health insurance so I have to add him or her to mine, and I have to pay for daycare five days a week. That alone is like two hundred a week for a newborn."

"How much do you want?" I ask her again. I'm surprised by the bite in the tone of voice I use with her.

"I'd have to talk to a lawyer, Edward."

"We don't need to involve lawyers, Audrina. Just give me a number. How about sixteen hundred a month. That will cover day care plus eight hundred for the rest of the month for other stuff like diapers." I have no problem paying, I just don't want to be involved in the actual parenting.

"Can you afford that much?' she asks.

Truthfully, I can afford more, but I bite my tongue. "Yes, but you have to promise that no one finds out. Not my parents. Not Emmett. Not Bella."

Audrina shrugs at my condition. "I think Bella would understand. I don't think she'd leave you over this, Edward."

"Just promise me, Audrina."

"Fine, I promise."

I say goodbye to Audrina and attempt to collect my thoughts before I return to Bella. The rest of the night, I will try my best to support Bella. I will dance with her and hold her close. I will try to keep her happiness at the forefront of my mind. I will try my best not to think about Audrina, or babies, or the fact that I have to find some way to request a paternity test.

Bella. She is my priority. It's her birthday. I need to focus on Bella.

It's hard to focus on Bella when I see her stop to talk to Audrina. I break out in a cold sweat and walk in the opposite direction, watching them chat like the best of friends. I try to believe that Audrina wouldn't lie to me. She will keep this between us. She won't tell Bella about the baby.

I sit at an empty table, spinning a quarter, waiting for the girls to finish their conversation. I don't think I could hide how fucked up I am inside if I had to talk with Bella and Audrina right now. Bella's eyes find me. The look she gives me seems to asks what's wrong. I return it with a look that I hope conveys "Isn't it obvious?" I am trying to play up the whole stuck at sea with my brother who can't stand to look at me but threw a huge birthday bash for _my_ girlfriend in an attempt to win her back. This is the same girl I have yet to even give a birthday present to.

I can feel myself sweating, and it's not a particularly warm night. The air is cool and I am wiping sweat from my brow because I'm so nervous. I should be thankful Emmett is behaving himself. Instead I sit at this table and sulk.

When Bella comes over, I smile at her. "Tell me what's going on?" she insists.

I lie through my teeth. "Nothing, babe," I tell her, pulling her into my lap. "I just missed you." I bury my face in her neck and she giggles when my mouth tickles below her ear.

"I missed you, too. You could have come over and chatted with us." Her fingers massage my scalp and it feels so good that I involuntarily moan.

"I know. I just don't really feel comfortable with Audrina," I tell her. That is not a lie.

"You shouldn't feel uncomfortable. She is really happy for us. It's not like she is jealous or whatever. I really can't believe how genuine she is."

"I don't want to talk about her."

I kiss Bella because one, it's distracting, and two, I haven't properly kissed her tonight.

~SS4DL~

Three days later, Bella's birthday present finally arrives. She hasn't asked why I haven't given her anything. She isn't the type of girl that even expects me to get her a present.

"Babe?" I call out. She is in the bedroom studying so I knock on the door and enter holding her gift behind me. She looks adorable lying on her stomach, pen in her mouth, text book open in front of her.

She looks up, and brings her bottom lip between her teeth the minute her hand pulls the pen away from her mouth. "Huh?" she asks, tapping the pen on her book.

"I have something for you, a birthday present."

"You didn't have to get my anything," she says.

"Yeah, I did." I pull the custom skateboard from behind my back. It's from my new line, called "Edward Cullen, STB." On the bottom of the deck is Bella's gun tattoo, minus her father's information, and under it is my tattoo, "Stop the Bleeding." The initials EC are on the bottom.

She takes the board and examines it. "Edward, holy shit! I had no idea!" She tells me, studying the board.

"You like it?" I ask.

"Like it? I love it!"

Bella drops the board and hugs me. "I love you more," she whispers.

"I love you, too,"

"You have to tell your family about this, Edward."

Audrina and the baby. Why did that thought pop into my head? Bella's talking about my boarding contract, but I'm having trouble concentrating. When I collect my thoughts I respond, "I know. I'm going to see my dad, tomorrow."

I dread telling him. I am afraid he will tell me I should be focusing on school. Nothing else. He is the one that suggested I get a job so I could stay with Bella but I'm sure he didn't think I would go all out. Maybe he thinks I would find a job waiting tables, or stocking shelves. Who knows. But if I need to earn money, I am going to _earn_ money.

Just like I promised Bella, the next day I go to see my Father at the hospital because I want to finally tell him about my skateboarding deal. I still can't believe it's really happening. Plan B has pretty much been waiting for me to come back since I turned down their deal when I graduated high school. I knew all I had to do was make a phone call telling them I was interested and they would bend over backwards to have me.

I walk down the white hallways of the hospital. The smell doesn't offend me like it does most people. I actually like it. My Dad use to bring me here a lot when I was a kid. I use to hold his stethoscope and some of the patients would let me listen to their hearts. When I approach the nurses' station, Brittney is behind the desk with her normally cheery smile.

"Hi, Edward!" she greets me.

"Hey, Brit. How are you?" I only ask to be polite. I've fucked her. She has really big brown eyes that are more golden than Bella's. She is petite, and even in scrubs you can see what a nice body she has. She looks closer to eighteen than her actual age of twenty-eight. We remained friends because she loves her boyfriend and just she used me as a rebound on one of their off again moments. I used her for sex. There was no hidden agenda during our time together.

"Good, thanks. You?" she asks before another nurse steals her attention with a question. She doesn't wait for me to respond. "Your dad is in with a patient but I'll let him know you are here. It was nice to see you, Edward.," she calls out before leaving to attend to whatever matter nurses need to attend to.

I take a few long, slow steps across the floor and catch a shock of red hair from the corner of my eye. I glance over to find the person looking at me. Victoria.

Why did I screw so many women? The sex wasn't even good. It wasn't satisfying. It was just…sex. I chuckle darkly as I realize Bella has ruined me for all other women. No one will ever compare to her.

If I'd been more selective I might not have to worry about providing for a child I'm not ready for either. No matter what I do I can't seem to get my conversation with Audrina out of my head. Those thoughts seem to pop up randomly.

My thoughts snap back to the present moment when I hear Victoria heels click on the hard floor as she stalks towards me. I don't notice what she's wearing other than the fact that it accents her ample cleavage, which is displayed for the whole world to enjoy. (I don't think a guy would be this fashion aware. You don't have to change any of it if you don't want to though. Her fiery hair hangs in loose curls down her back, a stark contrast to her white lab coat.

I try to smile, but I'm worried. I have no idea if she is cool with our quick fuck, like Brittney, or if she's about to cause a scene. For all I know I could have another Rose on my hands.

She wastes no time, giving me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I place my hands on her forearms and gently move her out of my personal space.

"It's nice to see you, Edward. It's been _way_ too long."

"I've been busy," I tell her.

"With your brother's girlfriend, or so I'm told." Her smile tells me she thinks I should be proud.

"I'm not going to discuss her with you, Vicky," I reply.

"Of course not. You know where to find me if you ever want a real woman." I don't have the will or the time to dignify her with an answer. I simply walk away.

I have a real woman. I don't need to point that out to her.

My head is still cloudy. I try not to think about Audrina, and the news about the baby, but it's always there in the back of my mind. Maybe that means I'm not making the right choice? If I was comfortable with our agreement, I'd be able to walk away, not think about it anymore. That doesn't appear to be the case though.

I am dying to talk about it with someone. I want Bella to tell me what I should do. I think she would know. Emmett would definitely know.

"Edward?" The sound of my dad's voice and his hand tapping my shoulder bring me back to the present. I shake my head and look up at him. "Sorry, Dad. I've got a lot on my mind today."

"Walk with me." He motions towards his office and we walk down the hallway in silence. I came to talk to him about my contract, but now I want to ask him what to do about Audirina. I'm afraid that once he knows I won't have a choice anymore, that he will guilt me into being a parent. He will insist that he and my mother have a right to their grandchild.

"Everything okay, son?" he asks, opening his office door.

"Yeah, I just...I contacted Plan B about skating for them. It only took them a few days to bring me out a contract to sign."

He motions for me to sit in front of his desk as he leans on it, arms crossed in front of his chest, deep in thought.

"Where is the contract?" he asks, rubbing his face.

"Home, why?"

"Do you need my lawyers to look over it before you sign?"

"Nah, I already signed. It wasn't much different from the original," I explain with an indifferent shrug.

"Edward, are you crazy? You signed a contract without having a lawyer look at it? Who is protecting you? Plan B sure isn't! They just want to make a profit off of you!"

I roll my eyes. "I think I'm capable of reading a contract."

"Get the papers to my lawyer's office as soon as possible. There are a lot of loop holes in those contracts that are hidden very well from the untrained eye. Please, if there is a problem, the sooner we find it the better. I don't like it that they took advantage of you like that."

I can feel honest concern in my father's words. I try not to be upset because this is what a father does. My father loves me and looks out for my best interest.

I don't even care at this point what the contract says. It could state that I need to dress up as an old lady and skate around town in the fine print. As long as it keeps my bank account close to eight grand a month, I'm thrilled. It's because of the contract I can pay Audrina the money she needs.

"Edward?" my father asks again. I tear my eyes off my black sneakers and look up at him.

"Huh?"

"What is really going on?" he asks. "Tell me what is causing that look of terror? If you're worried about the contract, don't. We will figure it out."

I smile.

"Your right. Everything will be fine." I hope I convinced my dad that the contract is what has me so distracted.

I never thought I'd be in deeper shit than I was this past summer.

Boy, was I wrong.

I guess this is what happens when you are a dirty lover.

**Really anxious to hear what you all think... **

**Teaser on Twilighted, small teasers on my Twitter/Facebook. **

**No song clue this go around. **


	17. Chapter 17 There Goes My Life

**SM owns them. Not me. **

**HippieStarr, PrettyKittyFF, Mo'Reading and My2GalsPal are amazing. Nuff Said. **

**WOW So I know you guys kinda hate me right now. This 'twist' with Audrina is a hard pill to swallow, but believe me, I have a plan. E and B will be fine. Trust me. I know a lot of you think you know what will happen, or idea's of what you think should happen, but those things aren't going to happen. The twist with the pregnancy is much deeper then you guys can see. Bear with me! **

**Chapter 17: There Goes My Life**

_All he could think about was I'm too young for this.  
Got my whole life ahead.  
Hell I'm just a kid myself.  
How'm I gonna raise one._

All he could see were his dreams goin' up in smoke.  
So much for ditchin' this town and hangin' out on the coast.  
Oh well, those plans are long gone.

- Kenny Chesney

**BPOV**

Edward is gone. A lot. He is swamped with school and when he isn't studying he is at the indoor skate park practicing.

Emmett left three days ago. It's been a week since my Birthday. Since then, Edward's told me exactly how close Rose and Emmett are. I'm mad he didn't tell me. I won't lie and say the information didn't sting a little, but it also made dealing with Emmett less heartbreaking. When he called me to tell me he was leaving, he asked me to come see him off. I didn't have as much trouble saying "no" as I had in the past.

"Emmett, I want us to be friends. I'm hoping that you want the same thing especially since you're seeing Rosalie Hale now." It was hard to say that and not sound like a jealous bitch.

Emmett's response was immediate and loud. "Bella, you are sleeping with my brother!"

"I'm not trying to have more than a friendship with you. You have been actively trying to convince me you still want a romantic relationship."

"Does that mean you're jealous of me and Rose?" I can hear the hint of cockiness in his voice.

"No. It means you need to move on."

"I don't want to move on," he argues.

"You already have, Emmett."

"I was just angry and wanted to even out the playing field! I won't ever talk to her again! Please, Bella. I'd do anything for you!" He can tell this is not going to turn out the way he wants and he is beginning to sound frantic.

I continue to keep my voice as calm as possible. "Em, we can't have this conversation for the rest of our lives."

"And when Edward breaks your heart?" he questions.

"Em, I don't even know why you _want_ me back." I can hear him breathing heavy on the other end of the phone. The silence is tense and I want to hang up and run.

"Edward really misses you." I whisper.

"Don't," he warns. "Don't talk to me about him. He is nothing to me, no one," Emmett says tensely.

"If you meant that, if that were true, you wouldn't be so hurt. You said you would do anything for me? Work on forgiving Edward. We can't change the choices we made."

"It hurts to see you with him. The last thing I want is to feel this way. It's not easy."

"Being angry is hard, exhausting even," I sigh.

"Look, I have to go. Can I call you when I land?" he asks.

"I don't think that would be a good idea," I tell him. "I want your friendship, Em, but Edward is the one who needs you. By continuing to do this I thought I was helping you find your way back to him, but all I am doing is reminding you of the pain. You need time to get over everything, and us talking like this, isn't going to help. As long as you don't let go, you can't forgive."

"It's not that I can't Bella. I just don't want to."

"Not right now, but maybe in time."

"I don't think so."

"People change. Time changes people."

"Don't,"

"Goodbye, Emmett." I hang up the phone on a conversation I should have had months ago. For the first time, I feel like I made the right choice. It wasn't easy. Doing what's right, isn't always easy, and just because something is easy, doesn't make it right. As much as I want things to be better, feeding into him only makes things worse.

He never spoke to Edward.

Esme still hates me.

Emmett still hates Edward.

Carlisle is worried about the contract that Edward signed.

On top of all of this, Edward is really acting distant. I think I understand why he is so out of it, but I'm beginning to think there is something more. He is normally so optimistic, so patient and understanding, and right now, there is something weighing him down. Something is going on. More than the tear in his family. More than the uncertainty of his contract.

He actually said he wasn't worried about the contract. He said he would deal with it, no matter what. He is strong like that. He makes a mistake or screws up and he lives with the outcome. He fixes it or he deals with the consequences, usually with little complaining or strife. He is the type of man that says, "I got myself into this mess, now I have to find a way to fix it or live with it."

I get the feeling that this is different. There is something just...off.

He walks in the door, his board in his hands. It's cold out but he is wearing a wife beater and his hair is matted with sweat. His zip up sweatshirt is slung over one shoulder.

He walks past me with just a small kiss to my forehead. "Hey, babe," he says, out of breathe.

"Edward, can we talk?" I ask before he can leave the room.

"Yeah, just let me get cleaned up, okay?"

"Sure," I nod. Do I really have a choice?

A few minutes later, the shower goes on, and I am left to wait. I fidget with the sleeves on the black and white checkered flannel I am wearing, my fingers pulling the cuffs over my hands, as I wait for the water to shut off. It feels like forever before the noise comes to an end. I turn on the couch as Edward walks across the hall into the bedroom, wearing nothing but a white towel around his waist.

When he comes out, I expect to see him in basketball shorts or flannel pants because it's late and I figure he's in for the evening. He walks out in jeans and a long sleeve graphic tee.

"Are you going somewhere?" I ask.

"Yeah, I told Peter I'd meet him for a few beers tonight," he replies with a shrug.

"I wanted to talk," I tell him.

"I said we could," he says, sitting down next to me.

I get right to the heart of the matter because I feel like I don't have much time. "What's going on with you?" I blurt out.

He looks down. Now, I know there is something he hasn't told me.

"Nothing," he says with a shake of his head.

"Nothing?" I question, with an arched eyebrow. "Don't lie to me, Edward."

He looks back up at me and lets out a shaky breath. I don't know why I feel like my world is about to crumble, but it does. I feel it in the pit of my stomach.

"I got some news," he whispers.

"News?" I encourage him to continue but I feel like I'm pulling teeth.

He nods.

"Good news? Bad news?" He's not giving anything away willingly.

"I guess it depends on who you are. I would call it bad." His eyes travel back down to his lap, avoiding my gaze. "Right now, I would call it life changing news."

"That's...scary," I swallow against my feelings of dread. Life changing news. Edward has life changing news and I have no idea what it is. I do know that if his world changes, so does mine.

"I just don't know how to handle it."

"You could start by sharing it...maybe I can help," I offer.

"It's my problem, Bella."

I reach out and lift his face so his eyes are level with mine. "Then it's mine, too, Edward. Please. Don't keep me out. You're starting to scare me," I tell him, running my thumb over his cheek.

"Look, I will tell you. I promise. I just need to get through tonight with Peter." He takes my hands away from his face but continues to hold them in his lap.

I'm not okay with this. I'm not okay with my boyfriend telling me he has life changing news, but I need to wait for it. Edward can see the hurt written on my face. "Please, Bella...I'm just not ready."

I pull my hands from his grasp and push myself off the couch. I storm into my bedroom, I slam the door, and begin to pace in frustration. He can't tell me he has life changing news, life changing bad news, then tell me to wait.

He knocks two times softly on the door. "Bella," he sighs.

"Go, Edward. Go out with Peter and enjoy your night." My words are laced with venom.

He pushes open the door, and sits on the edge of the bed but he doesn't make eye contact with me. He sits hunched over, elbows on knees, head in hands. His posture screams out that he feel the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"You can't shut me out, Edward! Your life changes, my life changes! You can't keep things from me that can change my world!"

Edward's back straightens and he throws his hands up in the air. "What did you just do when you came stomping in here?" he shouts back at me.

"You shut me out first. Did you expect me to sit there like some mute while you walk out the door?" I cross my arms and huff. "There are secrets...you are keeping things from me. Why?" I ask.

"I don't know what to do. I don't know what you will do. I have never been this freaked out. I'm terrified of losing you," he says, looking directly at me. His eyes are filled with tears.

I move closer and kneel on the floor in front of him. "Don't you trust me?" I ask, cupping his face in my hands. "Mountains moving couldn't change the way I feel about you." I try to reassure him with a kiss to his temple. "Trust me..." I whisper, leaning my forehead against the side of his.

My cell phone rings, startling us. We both look at it, lying on the nearby nightstand. I don't recognize the number. "Ignore it," I tell him. The ringing ceases, and moments later the house phone goes off.

"Get it, it could be important," he says.

"This is more important. You are more important," I tell him as the answering machine clicks on. I continue to stare at him, waiting for him to tell me something, anything. I prepare for the worst, when a voice speaks into from the machine.

"This is Officer Jenkins with the Seattle PD for Isabella Swan. We have a man in custody we would like you to come down and look at a line-up…"

Edward jumps off the bed and answers the phone before the officer can finish, "Hello...Yes, she is here, just a minute," he says before handing me the phone. My hand is shaking as I reach for it. I knew there was a chance this day would come, but I'm not ready for it. At all.

I reluctantly put the phone to my ear. "This is Bella," I tell the officer.

It feels like I am in a different world. I can hear him speaking but it sounds like he is talking to me from far away. I manage to give one world replies as I listen to him speak. I end the call with a thank you, and hang up.

"So?" Edward asks, anxious to hear what is going on.

"They want me to come down to the station, to look at a line up," I tell him.

"They caught the guy? Oh my God! What a relief!" he says, taking my hand.

He pulls me toward the door then hands me a jacket. I stop and pull my hand back. "I can't," I whisper.

"You can't what?" he asks.

"I can't go. I don't know what he looks like, Edward. I'm not going to be able to pick him out. I remember the way he smelled. I remember the grease under his fingernails. People are expecting me to be able to get this guy off the street, and I can't." I answer, shaking my head.

"You have to try, Bella. You never know, maybe something will spark a memory. No one is expecting you to do anything but try." Edward says, wrapping me securely in his arms. "What would your Father tell you?" he asks.

"The same exact thing you just told me." He holds my face in his hands and stares into my eyes.

"I love you and I won't leave your side." His lips meet mine and for a second I forget about the unfinished conversation.

I'm terrified, but I agree to go. On the drive to the police station, Edward calls Peter to cancel his plans.

When we arrive at our destination, Edward holds my hand as we walk into the police station.

The officer at the front desk looks up and asks, "Can I help you?"

"Isabella Swan, here to see Officer Jenkins." I swallow back the bile rising from my stomach.

"Have a seat. He will be right out," the officer points to the chairs lining the wall to the left.

"Thanks," I manage with a tight smile.

Edward and I sit there, both anxious, because this, on top of whatever is going on with Edward, is killing me. He takes off his jacket, mumbling about it being hot and stuffy in here. I watch him look around. "I have to go the bathroom," he says when he spots the facilities.

"Okay," I nod. He gives my knee a reassuring squeeze before he stands up and walks away. I chew on my bottom lip as I take in my surroundings. I wonder what other people are doing here. Bailing people out maybe. Witnesses like me. I look at each one trying to place their reason for being here.

Edward's phone starts to ring and the desk officer shoots a disapproving look in my direction. I don't think there is a rule against cell phones, but either way, the last thing I want is to annoy a police officer.

I fumble in his jacket pocket for the phone. Once it's in my hand I see the name Peter flash across the screen and I hit the button to decline the call. The ringing stops but an unread text message appears on his screen. It's from Audrina. My stomach drops.

It states her address. Not in Mexico, in California. He told me he wasn't going to talk to her. He avoided her the rest of the night on the boat, but now she is sending him her address. Is this part of his life changing news? Does he want to be with her instead of me?

He returns to his seat. "What is this?" I ask holding up the phone. I'm not thinking clearly or rationally.

"Why do you have my phone?" he asks, pulling it out of my hand.

"What's going on, Edward? Were you going to dump me for Audrina?" I ask as tears fill my eyes.

"What? No!" Edward shakes his head vehemently, eyes wide with shock.

"Then why is she sending you her address? Tell me what's going on?" I demand.

"Not here, Bella," he whispers. His eyes dart around the station and I suddenly realize all eyes are on us. I brush off the tears, just as I hear someone call out my name.

I push past Edward. He tries to grab my arm, but I shake free. He follows behind me.

"Miss Swan? I'm Officer Jenkins." The officer extends his hand and I move to shake it. "Thank you for coming in today."

"I just hope I can help," I respond.

He explains what is going to happen as he directs us down the hall. I will be able to see the suspects but they won't see me. Officer Jenkins stops and directs me into a small viewing room. Edward comes in with me and I watch as they ask each man to step forward.

I watch each one and… nothing. Nothing is familiar. No memory is sparked. I don't want to give up because I don't want another girl to be attacked. I want to be able to give them something. Anything.

"Do you remember anything? Do any of them look familiar?" the officer asks hopefully.

"I only remember his hands," I respond sadly while looking down at my own.

"Number One, please come to the glass and show the palms of your hands." I watch as the man steps forward, his palms inches from the glass. I walk forward slowly, and the officer tells the suspect to turn his hands around as I examine them closely.

Nothing.

Number Two and Three are no use either.

Number Four though, his palms are calloused and stained. His nails are bitten and lined with blackness. His fingers are thick and a memory floods over me. I'm suddenly back in that alley and his hand is over my mouth. The other hand is braced against the brick wall in front of me and I see the tattoo of a skull on his middle finger.

"That's him," I tell them. "I remember the tattoo now. I don't know why I didn't remember it before, but that's him," I tell Officer Jenkins. He thanks me and says I can leave whenever I'm ready.

Edward tells me he is proud of me and attempts to hug me. I sidestep to avoid his arms and glare at him because I am still pissed. He steps back cautiously and I stomp out of the room. Edward follows me out to the car. I open my own door before he can even get to the car because I know he hates that. I'm looking straight out the windshield, arms crossed over my chest, as he slides into the car and closes his door. He starts the car and drives off before saying anything.

"I kept something from you, Bella." he starts quietly. "It has to do with Audrina, but it's not what you think."

I turn toward him, angrily. "What should I think, Edward? Tell me what's going on," I demand.

"I'd rather not be driving when I tell you," he says. I consider asking him to stop the car, but the drive is only a few minutes, and part of me doesn't want to know.

My stomach is in knots. My throat feels like it could close up and make it impossible to breathe. Edward is scarring the crap out of me. I swipe at the tears that fall silently down my face the rest of the way back to the apartment. My mind runs rampant with possibilities. The only logical thought is that he cheated on me.

I ready myself for that truth. The worst possible case scenario in my mind.

**EPOV**

Today started out good. Better than most even. I was just leaving my Chemistry class when my Father called, letting me know my contract with Plan B was on the up and up. Peter understood when I let him my lawyers were looking it over. I was excited to let him know everything checked out okay.

I headed over for my practice session. When I told Peter the news about the contract he asked me to go out to have a few drinks, to properly celebrate. I agreed.

I drove myself pretty hard during my session. Skateboarding was the only thing keeping my mind off Audrina, Off the baby, so I used it to avoid my problems.

My life feels like one ironic "plan B" joke right now. First, I saved Bella from getting pregnant with Plan B. Now I can afford to live with Bella because I signed up with Plan B. How I wish I'd had Plan B months ago when Audrina needed it.

Later that day when I walked into the apartment, I was in a decent mood. Bella knows me too well though. Good mood or not, she knows when something isn't right.

We return from the police station and I find myself sitting in the living room with Bella, trying hard to formulate the words that that will let her in on my secret and probably break her heart. How do I tell her I got another woman pregnant? Granted, it was before Bella and I were together, but still. The simple fact is that another woman is carrying my child; A child I don't think I want to have anything to do with. Not that I dislike the idea of kids. I want kids. Someday. With Bella.

The room is silent as Bella waits for me to say something. I think I know what to say, but when I open my mouth the words don't come out. I can't keep it inside anymore so I just blurt it out.

"Audrina is four months pregnant."

"Excuse me?" Bella asks, stunned by my admission.

"When she came out this summer...we...and she..." I can't say it again.

"I thought you were always careful Edward? I can't believe this! Were you ever going to tell me?" She stands up,. She paces begins pacing the room, and pulls at her hair in shock.

"I haven't even accepted it yet, Bella. I have no idea what I'm going to do!" I explain. "I told her I would send her money. That's why she sent me her new address. She doesn't want to raise the baby in Mexico, so she is moving back home with her parents. That's all I know to do because I'm not ready to be a father," I tell her.

"You better get ready, Edward!" Bella yells.

"But that's not what I want!" I tell her standing up, and grabbing her arms to keep her from pacing.

"If I told you I was pregnant right now, Edward, what would you do?"

"Would you want to keep it?" I ask.

"You jerk!" she yells, shoving me backwards. "Of course!"

"But you're not!" I argue.

"That's not the point, Edward!"

"I'm not going to be a Dad right now. I'm not ready. I'm going to Med School! I have a contract with Plan B!" I walk toward her and take her face in my hands. I try to lower my voice for what I need to say next. "I have you, the best girl in the world. I'm not throwing everything away because I got the one defective condom."

Bella places her hands on top of mine and looks at me with compassionate eyes. "You don't have to lose those things, Edward. I'm here. You don't have to give up medical school. You don't have to give up skateboarding. You can have all those things and still be a father, too."

I let go of Bella and run my hands through my hair. "I don't want to be a Father right now, okay? I'm sending her money for the kid. End of discussion."

Bella is quite for a moment before calmly asking, "Can you live with that, Edward? Because if I were Audrina, and you came to me in three or four years and all of a sudden wanted to be in my kids life, I'd tell you to go to hell."

"I'm trying to digest everything, Bella. I don't have all the answers, okay? What I could really use" I pause and take a deep breath before continuing, "is just...support."

"What about Audrina? Who's supporting her Edward?"

"Bella, please! What do you want me to do? Leave you and be with her? Raise this kid with her?" I yell at her.

"NO!" she yells back.

"Then just let me get through this on my own terms. I'm not ready," I sigh, collapsing on the couch. She sits down next to me and places her head on my shoulder. "This is a big deal, Bella."

"I know," she says.

"Are you freaked out?" I ask her.

"Very."

"Does this change things between us?" I turn so I can look her in the eye. "Because I can lose med school, and I can lose Plan B, but Bella, I can't lose you." I say, my voice breaking.

She grasps my hand in hers. The small gesture reassures me that nothing is damaged beyond repair. "I'm here, Edward. I'm not going anywhere. I just don't want you to regret anything. One day, I want to have babies with you and I don't want you to look at them and wonder about the one you were too scared to know."

"I just need some time to think about all this."

"That child didn't ask to be here, Edward. Sometimes, we aren't offered the luxury of choices."

I'm fascinated by her composure at this moment. "How can you be so calm about this? It wasn't that long ago that you were freaking out over the possibility of being a mother."

"That was why I was so freaked out. If I were pregnant, I would only have one option. I know how scared you feel because I felt that way too. I wish I could fix it for you as easily as you did for me, but I can't. I want you to know that I'm not going anywhere. This is your choice, and I'm going to support you no matter what. I just don't want you to make the wrong choice for the wrong reasons."

"You think the right thing to do is… be a father?" I ask in disbelief.

"I guess that's what you need to figure out."

"It might not even be mine," I state defiantly.

"We will find all the answers out together, Edward. Please know that you can talk to me about anything." Her eyes are pleading.

I feel like an ass for not telling her right away, for doubting that she would stay. "I'm sorry I kept this from you. The thought of losing you though...it's like I can't breathe, like there is no air. I panic."

"We can panic together, freak out together, whatever, but we do it together."

I nod at her. I tell her I'm sorry again. That I love her.

Later that night, I go onto trusty Google to find out if I there is a paternity test that can be performed during the pregnancy. I find out there is a test Audrina can have before the baby is born. There are risks but the probability of complications isn't that high. Amniocentesis is done routinely on woman over thirty-five.

About a week later I decide to call her and ask her to have the procedure.

She flat out tells me no.

"No? Why not?" I'm taken aback by her denial of the request. "Afraid I might find out the truth?"

"No, Edward. The sooner you accept this the better, but that test isn't safe. They insert a needle into my stomach to draw fluid. It could start premature labor or kill the baby."

"I know what they do, Aud. I am going to medical school."

"Good. So you understand why I'm not willing to take the risk to prove that you are the father before the baby arrives. It isn't as important to me as the baby's well being. I'm sorry, but you are going to have to wait until he is born."

"Fine," I seethe between clenched teeth. I am so annoyed I just hang up the phone. "Fuck!" I yell as I throw the phone down on the bed.

I play her words over again in my mind. He. Did she say he? Does she already know?

He.

I pick the phone up again because I want to call her back and ask if she knows. The bedroom door opens and Bella slips through. I don't look up at her. I just continue to stare at the phone replaying that one simple word over and over in my mind. He.

"Everything okay?" she asks me.

"He. She said I had to wait until _he_ was born," I say in shock, still looking at the phone.

"Babe," Bella says, taking my hand. She traces the tip of her finger over my palm in an attempt to soothe me.

"I can't do this. I can't _parent_," I say, finally looking up at her. I wonder if she will think less of me. The thought of an actual person being born, a boy no less, really sends me over the edge with panic. This is real. I am not ready, and I am afraid Bella will be disappointed in me.

"Edward, just calm down," Bella says pulling me onto the bed. "It's a lot to get used to. We just have to take it a day at a time."

She was right. I was having a panic attack about a kid that might not even be mine. Until I knew, I wasn't going to spend my days filled with worry.

"I gotta go practice," I tell Bella standing up abruptly. "I have the winter games in a few months and I have to land this trick." She sits on the bed and stares at me in shock. She's probably having trouble keeping up with my mood swings. "Did you want to come?"

"Are you okay?" she asks, standing up. She steps forward and wraps her arms around my waist.

"Yeah." I say, giving her a kiss on her nose. "You're right. No use worrying about things I can't control."

It's the same thing with Emmett. I can't control when or if he ever forgives me, it's not in my power. It took me a long time to accept MaKenna's death for that simple reason. It wasn't in my control. I need to focus on the things I have power over because that is all I can control. I can't control whether or not Audrina is lying to me. If she isn't, well then I guess I got myself into a situation that I should have had better control over.

I think back to that last night with Audrina. It's a bit blurry. I just remember thinking of Bella, not being able to get her out of my mind. Then I remember Aud and not being able to say no, even though I wanted to. I was fighting with myself so hard to keep from changing. Edward Cullen never turned down sex, no matter what. I had a girl underneath me. She wasn't Bella, but she wanted me, she was aching for me. My mind was working overtime trying to process having sex with Audrina and loving Bella. Mistake one becomes glaringly obvious; trying to stay the same when I had changed.

I remember closing my eyes and seeing Bella. I pictured her beneath me as I moved inside Audrina a few times. She moaned in pleasure. I remember fucking her hard and fast once the reality of the situation hit me. I remember Audrina talking dirty to me, telling me to slow down. I remember ignoring her and only seeing Bella. It's was such a slim chance that pregnancy would happen. One measly percent. I really can't believe my luck.

I think about talking to my Dad. I can't though. Only Bella needs to know until I am a hundred percent certain there is something to tell everyone.

Bella's voice brings me back to the present moment. "Edward, I don't know if it's a good idea for you to go skateboarding right now. You seem really out of it."

"I have to. I haven't been on a mega ramp in years. I need to get started. I'll be fine," I promise her with a kiss. "Sure you don't want to come?" I ask her one last time while grabbing my jacket.

"Yeah. I have a paper due that I need to work on."

I tell her I love her on my way out, and head over to the warehouse.

Once there, I manage to keep my thoughts focused on skateboarding. Peter asks me to go out with him after we are done since I canceled last week. It actually sounds like just what I need.

We don't stay at the warehouse long. Peter and I drive about an hour into the country where Plan B has a mega ramp set up. It's massive. I can start from sixty or eighty feet which will launch me over a fifty or seventy foot gap. Once I get over the gap, there is a twenty-seven foot quarter pipe ramp. If I do it right, I can get a good fifty feet in the air. Ultimately, I want to do two full rotations. First I need to get down the ramp, over the gap and up the quarter pipe a few times, just to get the feel of things, before I attempt any tricks.

I start with the sixty-foot drop. It's a long walk up. "Ready, Edward?" Peter asks me as we stand six stories off the ground in a large clearing surrounded by forest.

I haven't done this in years. I have on my helmet, knee pads, and elbow pads for safety. The adrenaline is pumping through my veins in anticipation of the coming rush. I take a deep breath and try to remember how it feels to fly. I hold the board up with my foot and chuckle as I respond, "Just gotta let go."

I need to let go.

So I do.

The wheels on my board spin as I hold onto the center of gravity at a speed I have missed. I come up the other side and take the gap easily. When I land on the other side, it isn't graceful. I lose my board and without thinking I know what to do. I tuck my knees back and slide down the other side.

This isn't going to be easy. Plan B will not be pleased if I signed a contract to participate in a game I wasn't ready for.

"You okay, Edward?" Peter yells in the distance.

"Let's try again," I yell back. I'm determined not only to land this thing, but to pull off a seven-twenty doing it.

It takes a good ten wipe outs to land it. Even then, one the twelfth time I wipe out again. I have two months to train. Two months to get back on this board.

I'm exhausted. The steps up this ramp are killer. "Ready for that drink after this last run?" I ask Peter.

"Yeah, I'll meet you down there." he says with a pat on the back. I soar down the ramp, I manage a three twenty, and I land it. This is definitely something to celebrate.

Peter and I head back to the car, talking the whole time about how awesome it was that I ended on such a good note. Peter is younger, maybe in his late twenties. He is really easy to talk to and he loves skateboarding. He isn't married, has no kids, and no girlfriend.

As we sit at the bar, he points out a few college girls. They are all cute, but none of them compare to Bella. He buys two blondes a round of drinks and they come up to talk to us. Peter likes to tell me how much pussy I am going to get because of this. Getting pussy has never been a problem. I only want Bella.

I sip my beer and stay silent while Peter hits on the one with her nose pierced. He is using me, telling them he is my agent. Look for me at the X Games, he says. I attempt to get him to knock it off with just a look. I don't want or need female attention.

Peter and I are so drunk by the end of the night that neither of us can drive. It's late so I tell Peter he can crash on my couch. The apartment is just a few blocks away and thanks to the alcohol, my legs are numb to the pain from the earlier skateboarding.

We stop at his car to get my things, including my cell phone. There are six missed calls from Bella but I don't think much of it.

We stumble up the stairs, through the door, and straight into a pissed Bella. She doesn't care that Peter is here. "Can't you call?" she asks.

"I just went out for a few drinks," I tell her with the smile I use to get what I want.

"It'd be nice if you would tell your girlfriend, who you live with, what your plans were," she replies sarcastically.

Now I'm pissed, so I get in her face and say,"I didn't know I needed to tell you. Last time I checked you weren't my mother." I'm not use to having to answer to anyone. I'm not use to telling anyone my plans.

"No, I'm not, thank god," she says under her breathe.

"What was that Bella?" Did she really just throw a dig at my mother? I know we aren't on the best of terms but that just isn't cool.

"Nothing, Edward. I would have appreciated a call. It's just common courtesy,"

"Don't talk about my mom like that," I bite back, pointing my finger in her face.

"Edward, don't try and change the subject. I didn't bring her into this fight, you did. All I want is a phone call letting me know what your plans are!" she yells.

Peter stands in the kitchen with an amused look on his face, eating straight from a bag of chips. "We could have just gone with Taylor and what's her face," Peter says through a mouth full of chips.

"Oh? Then you should have!" Bella says, pushing me back and storming off.

"Bella!" I call after her, glaring at Peter. "What the fuck dude?" I head down the hall toward the bedroom. The door slams in my face. Did he seriously have to make shit worse by bringing up the two girls I barely even spoke to?

"Bella!" I knock on the door. "Baby, it's not like that. I wasn't there talking to other girls. Please, Bella."

She swings open the door, "Leave. Me. Alone!" The door slams in my face again.

As I walk back into the living room I tell Peter he gets the love seat, since he got me kicked out of my bed.

* * *

**Reviews are really apperciated! Look for teasers on Twilighted, Twitter, and Facebook! Thanks for sticking with me! Have a little faith in me and the ability to bring these characters out of the hole I dug for them! I love to make my characters rise against adversity! Overcome, become better. So, lets watch E and B become Stronger TOGETHER. Lets show Emmett how good they are for one another so he can move on. I have reasons for all of this! **


	18. Chapter 18 Stronger

**SM Owns, and would never have them do the things they do in this story! **

**I have amazing help with this from awesome peeps like HippieStarr, PrettyKitty, Mo'Reading and My2GalsPal. My2GalsPal, actually thinks I should build a fallout shelter or something for myself to hide in after this chapter, but you all trust me...right?**

**I also want to give a shout out to EdwardandBellabelong2gether who just started reading this, and I fangirled over! LOL! That girl KNOWS drama! HAHA! **

**Anyways...on with the story! **

**Chapter 18: Stronger**

_Maybe this is what we need  
A little bruise and a little bleeding  
Some space that we can't breathe in  
Some silence in between_

_Find our way you will face the truth  
We both will be stronger  
And we'll lie down in a loneliness  
Wake up with our sad regrets  
Even though we don't know it yet  
We both will be stronger  
We both will be stronger_

_-_Faith Hill _  
_

**BPOV**

I can't sleep. I ruined him. I'm positive I have ruined Edward. At the very least I have ruined his life. He hardly smiles or laughs or even talks to me.

I know it's not _all_ me. I know a certain girl with legs to her neck carrying a child that is most likely his has a lot to do with Edward's constant state of sadness. He has no one to turn to for support because of me. Not a mother, a brother, or a best friend. All he has is me, and I make him feel like he is the biggest jerk in the world because he doesn't want to take responsibility.

I just don't know how to make him face things with Audrina. I think it's wishful thinking on Edward's part that the child might not be his. I may not know Audrina very well, but in my opinion it would shock me if she were lying. It just isn't in her nature.

It's not like I am thrilled with the idea of Edward's child growing inside another woman. In all honesty, the thought makes me sick, but what scares me even more is the fact that Edward is trying to be _that _guy. You know, the guy that doesn't give a shit. The guy that has a kid and pretends it doesn't exist. I've seen the way he is with Elise. Edward isn't that guy, even if he has trouble coping at the moment.

I'm ultimately clueless. There is this piece of me that sympathizes with Audrina. I wonder what I would want if I was in her situation. Regardless, Edward isn't doing right the baby.

Edward's lifestyle has changed recently, too. He works hard to be successful in school. He practices with Peter all the time. He stays out late with Peter. Then he comes home exhausted and falls into bed.

We haven't spent much time together recently due to these changes and I ache for him.

The first night he stayed out with Peter I was anxious and confused because I wasn't sure where he was. When he finally crawled into bed at five in the morning full of hugs and kisses, 'I love you' and 'I'm sorry' on his lips, I couldn't deny him. The scruff of his face under my fingertips, his warm breath fanning across my face...I gave into the sun. I forgave him because I love him so much. Does that show strength in our relationship or weakness on my part that I can forgive him so easily? I would like to think it's one way to show my support for him, especially since he has so little right now.

I also feel guilty because if it weren't for me, he wouldn't have to do so much. He would have his family's financial and emotional support. I actually want to kick his mother's ass for being this way. It's hard for me to stay mad at Edward when Esme's lack of concern is so obvious. I don't care what happened to her in the past anymore. Her son needs her help. He can't do all this on his own.

In the end, it still comes down to me. He is here because of me. He gave up comforts and a support system to be here with me so I need to do more for him. I need to make sure he is happy and he definitely isn't right now. He is way too stressed to be happy.

All these thoughts are running through my head and that is exactly why I can't sleep. I look at the clock on the nightstand. The green numbers read three forty three in the morning. Edward is sound asleep. How he manages to sleep amongst all of the chaos baffles me. His breathing is even and steady as I watch his chest rise and fall from the corner of my eye. I sigh loudly. I want to be asleep, too. Why does he get to sleep when I can't? I tried taking something PM but my mind will not shut off. I shift in the bed trying to make myself more comfortable and sigh again, but this time it's accompanied by a grumble.

"Bella," Edward speaks, his voice groggy with sleep. "What are you doing?" I turn to look at him. His eyes are closed. After a pause he turns his head toward me and opens one eye waiting for my response.

"I can't sleep," I tell him.

He extends his arm in my direction. "Come here," he motions. I scoot over to him and place my head on his chest. I snuggle into him as he wraps his arm around me and asks, "Why can't you sleep?"

"Lots of stuff on my mind."

His hand moves up to stroke the hair on the top of my head. "Wanna talk about it?"

"I'm worried about things." My answer is vague. I guess I'm afraid to come right out and say what's really on my mind. I know what's going on with Audrina is huge but he can't ignore it forever. I don't want to push him, but I think he needs some tough love. If I don't point him in the right direction, who will? He hasn't confided in anyone else about the situation. That in itself makes me angry. I'm a bit resentful that I have to tell my boyfriend to get his head out of his ass and come to terms with becoming a father.

"What things, Bella?"

"I just wonder why you are so against the situation with Audrina," I admit.

"Because I'm twenty-two. Because I still have things to do with my life. Because I'm not ready."

I pause for a brief moment before announcing, "I'm pregnant, Edward."

He doesn't even flinch. "You are full of shit."

"No. I'm pregnant, with your baby. I'm having it come hell or high water. Will you abandon me, too? Should I expect a check every month?"

"That's not funny. Don't joke around with that shit, Bella."

"I'm not."

I totally am. I want to make a point.

"So, what's it going to be, Edward?" I ask.

He sighs and sounds more awake when he answers. "I don't think it matters, because you are a terrible liar, but if you were...I'd ask you to marry me. Now should I call Audrina and extend the same offer?" he asks, raising his eyebrow. "I know what you are trying to get at and there is a world of difference between the two, Bella. I love you. I can't be without you. I don't feel like that for Audrina."

"How you feel about Audrina has nothing to do with your baby."

"Bella, I don't want a kid right now, okay? I want to be young and in love. I want to experience life. Did you know that I haven't felt like I could breathe for years. I finally feel free."

"If that's true than you should be happier, yet you walk around in this emo daze."

"I am happy. I have you. I have skateboarding. I have medical **s**chool. I have all those things because I took chances. Sure, it's a little scary, but for the first time, I feel like I am in charge of my future. I'm not going to lose all of this over something I don't want and didn't ask for."

"Don't you feel selfish?"

"Bella, I am selfish. I took you right out from underneath my brothers nose. I lived too many years unhappy with my life, doing what was expected of me, and it got me nowhere. To some people being selfish is a fault, but in my world, it's gotten me everything I could ever ask for and more."

Things didn't get any better after our talk that night. Edward wanted to live on the edge. He wanted to experience life. He started talking about sailing around all summer after graduation. Skydiving. Base jumping. Cliff Diving. Bungee jumping. Car racing. If it was fast and dangerous, Edward talked about doing it.

If he wasn't expecting a newborn in five months I would have been thrilled with the idea of sailing all summer before we made our way to a new city for medical school.

Honestly, Edward was showing no fear and it scared the crap out of me. Peter encouraged Edward's adventurous side and was quickly becoming his new best friend.

I stopped to unlock the door after class and I could hear them inside the apartment. I groaned internally. I did not feel like dealing with Peter. I took a deep breath and composed myself before I made my entrance. I dropped my heavy backpack to the left of the door and walked further into the apartment.

"Hey," Edward called out. His tongue sounded fat.

"Why are you talking like that?" I ask.

"Hey Bella, nice to see you too," Peter greets sarcastically. I narrow my eyes and give him the fakest smile I can manage.

"I got my tongue pierced," Edward says, sticking his tongue out to reveal a silver barbell.

It's hot, I won't deny that, but I wonder is how safe it is with him skateboarding. Those barbells can chip teeth. I tell him this.

"So can concrete, babe," Edward laughs.

"Whatever," I shrug. He kisses my cheek and shifts his focus back to the Xbox.

I head into the bedroom, slam the door behind me, and collapse against it. This is crazy. I love this man more than life itself, but things feel out of order and borderline out of control. We have skipped so much in our relationship because of the unusual circumstances. We never even had a first date. We just kissed and moved in together, and that's not natural. I think the strain of how we handled things is finally getting to me.

I lean with my back against the door, my face in my hands, and wonder what on earth is going on with this man. Thoughts of Emmett suddenly pop into my head. He never would have done something like this. Emmett is practical and thinks things through. Emmett is not Edward and I know this. Edward is more free-spirited, more relaxed. He takes more chances, and I love that about him, I really do. His behavior is getting extreme. He is making a lot of choices without thinking at all. I know piercing your tongue is a far cry from base jumping, but I have a feeling that this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Edward needs a real friend. I know Peter is fun and helps take Edward's mind off of all the life stress, but he needs someone to ground him more. Someone who isn't me, because if I try to talk some sense into him, all he will see is a nagging girlfriend. All that will do is create more distance between us.

Maybe this period of craziness is what he needs? Maybe he needs some space he can breathe in before he accepts the way his life is about to change. Should I give him the space to be reckless? It's a tough decision because the thought of him getting hurt kills me. I can't just stand by and let him lose himself.

I feel like this is a no win situation. If I nag him, I push him away. If I let him be, he drifts. Either way he ends up gone. I think it's easier to find your way back home when you drift. I'm just scared that Edward would get caught in the undertow and not be able to find his way back.

While I'm lost in my own mind the phone rings, and I am too annoyed to get it. Edward can stop what he's doing for a minute. After the third ring, I huff and start to move. I open the door and find myself wishing that Edward wasn't acting so immature tonight. The ringing halts as I step into the hallway. I hear Edward answer in a rush so the machine won't pick up. I want to laugh at how he sounds with his tongue swollen. Serves him right for poking a whole through it.

"Yeah she's here," he tells the caller. I walk toward him and extend my hand for the phone.

"Who is it?" I whisper.

"Officer Jenkins," he replies.

"Oh." I place the phone to my ear. "This is Bella."

" Bella, this is Officer Jenkins for the Seattle PD. I'm sorry I don't have good news but we had to release the man you identified in the lineup. There just wasn't enough evidence to bring charges against him at this time. I'm very sorry."

"What? How is that possible?" My stomach twists in knots at the shock of his news. He goes on to explain the risks of double jeopardy should new evidence come to light. They don't want to risk him getting away, but they need more. My ID alone isn't strong enough. The defense lawyers would tear it apart. Right now there isn't even enough cause to compel a DNA sample from him.

"Thanks for letting me know, Officer," I tell him and end the call.

"What's going on?" Edward asks as he pops the top off a bottle of Stella.

"They can't charge him. They had to let him go." I go on to explain the details of the call. I don't understand most of it. What I do know it that I don't feel safe.

"That's bullshit!" Edward yells. He is pissed. I tuck a piece of my hair behind my ear and look down at the floor.

"I know," I respond. There isn't much I can do about the situation, but it still hurts. It actually makes me feel like throwing up. I'm not safe. Other women in the city still aren't safe. A tear slides down my cheek and I wipe it away quickly.

Edward grabs my arm and pulls me into him. His arms hug my tightly. His lips rest on my head. "It's going to be okay. I won't let anything happen to you," he whispers in assurance.

"Hey, Cullen! Grab me a beer, would ya'?" Peter calls out, oblivious to our moment. He's insensitive like that. He doesn't seem to notice much outside his own little world.

"Give me a minute," he whispers to me.

"Whatever," I sigh as he lets go and steps away .

I watch Edward head back into the living room. I'm about to grab myself a beer and go back to the bedroom to pout when I hear Edward tell Peter that he needs to cut the night short. Surprisingly, Peter doesn't make any derogatory comments about Edward being whipped. Peter gives me a sincere smile and says goodbye on his way out.

"Thanks," I tell Edward after the door clicks closed behind Peter. He takes my hand and pulls me to the couch.

"You are my priority," he says, pulling me onto the couch beside him and enveloping me in his comforting embrace. Edward is back. My Edward. It's that simple with him. He gets a little lost sometimes, but don't we all? Nonetheless, all is forgiven.

**EPOV**

As I hold Bella on the couch, I grab ice from a nearby cup and pop a chunk into my mouth to help with the swelling. After a few minutes of silence, Bella leans forward, grabs a pack of cigarettes from the table, and lights a smoke. I want to strangle her because I shouldn't smoke. I can't even do what I want to do most right now, which is tongue fuck Bella. With this new piercing I'll have to wait at least a week to do that.

Once Bella is done with her smoke she leans back into my side. She turns her head toward me and says, "I can't believe you did that."

"I know, but I have been thinking about doing it for awhile. Peter and I were just walking past the tattoo place and I finally decided to do it." I lean over and place gentle kisses along her neck. "I thought it would be good for _you_," I whisper suggestively against her skin.

"Mmmm," Bella moans, as her hand rubs up and down my chest. "It's not like you needed any help in that department." Her hand moves further down my body and over my jean covered crotch. I instantly grow hard under her touch.

I lean my head back against the couch and close my eyes, enjoying the attention. Her tiny fingers fumble with the buttons on my fly. Once she has my fly undone Bella's hand moves under the waistband of my boxer briefs. She pulls out my dick and strokes me up and down while massaging my balls.

I hiss when her thumb runs over the tip of my cock, spreading my pre-cum. I open my eyes when she removes her hand. I watch as she brings her thumb to her mouth and licks me off. Her eyes never leave mine as she moves to her knees on the floor in front of me and her head dips low. Her tongue darts out and licks more of the liquid seeping out of me. Bella's hand holds the base of my cock as her tongue continues to tease me.

"Can I suck your dick?"

God, I love this girl.

I can't even muster a yes. Those dirty words coming from her sweet mouth make me grow even bigger. Every drop of blood from my brain has been redirected to said dick. I nod, and push her hair away from her face to let her know I want nothing more than to feel her mouth around me.

She moves me into her mouth and her head moves up and down in time with her hand. Her tongue continues to tease the tip of my cock.

"Fuck," I moan as I watch myself slide smoothly in and out of her mouth.

She removes her mouth, but her hand keeps working as she looks at me. Her lips move to my balls and she sucks on them. Bella's tongue darts out and licks length wise up my shaft before she takes me back into her mouth. It feels so good, but I need more of her.

I pull her up from the floor and onto my lap because I have this vision of her naked on top of me. I want her to ride me. I kiss all along her neck roughly as I pull her shirt up over her head. My lips only leave her skin when forced to in order to get her shirt off. I make quick work to unhook her bra, and toss it on the floor by her shirt.

"Stand up," I instruct her. She stands in front of me, her jeans sitting low on her waist, her breasts perfect. I place my hands on her hips, my thumb tracing the handle of the gun tattoo on her hip. I take a moment to admire her beauty and am thankful that she is mine.

I undo her jeans and pull them down a little. I stop when her entire tattoo is exposed and I kiss it. My hands shove down her jeans and underwear. She places her hands on my shoulders to steady herself as she steps ou**t** of the jeans.

My hands travel to her ass, and I run my palms over her cheeks as my lips move across her stomach. It's so hard to control the urge to use my swollen tongue.

"You are so perfect, baby." She straddles my lap, and pulls my shirt up over my head. She tosses it aside with the other discarded clothes and brings her hands to my shoulders. My fingers find their way between her legs and move back and forth over her slick clit. Her back arches in pleasure, thrusting her chest forward, as I continue to rub against her.

"I need you," she moans lifting herself up. I hold the base of my cock as she slowly sinks onto me. So warm. So wet. So deep.

"Fuuuucccckkk." My hands hold her soft hips as she rocks slowly back and forth. My lips find her tits and I kiss them tenderly. I move my mouth away and lean back to enjoy the view. Bella's tits bounce with her movements. Her lips are slightly parted and her pink tongue darts out every few seconds as she works her body over mine. She slides up and down my cock and I can't resist the urge to cup both her breasts as she moves.

She comes up on her feet to raise herself higher, making me almost come out of her completely before sinking back down. I reach down and swirl my finger over her clit as she rides me faster. Just seconds later she exhales and moans out in pleasure.

That's the beginning of the end of me. "I'm gonna come," I tell her. I'm lost in the sensation as I see her writhe in pleasure and feel her walls spasm around me.

She removes herself, and I want to cry out in frustration. She's back on her knees between my legs in no time and quickly brings her mouth back down to my lap to suck me off. I keep my eyes on her as I scream out her name and come in her mouth. I'm fascinated as I watch her swallow, making my dick twitch. She pulls back and licks the tip, making sure to get all my come.

I pull her back up to my lap. She tries to reach down for my t-shirt, but I don't want her to cover up. I want to feel her silky skin. I want to see her.

"Don't," is all I say. She smiles at me and blushes. My hands move to explore her warm body as she cuddles into me on the couch.

"I love you," I whisper against her neck.

"Mmmm, I love you too," Bella sighs, as my fingers dance along her stomach.

I relax there with her on the couch. My jeans are still halfway on, but she is bare. Her stomach growls. "Hungry?" I ask her.

"Starving," she tells me. "I don't want to move though."

"I don't want you to move either." I reach for my cell phone and notice a few missed calls from my mother. I don't feel like dealing with her right now so I ignore the messages and instead order a Hawaiian pizza.

We cuddle while we wait for the pizza. My lips continue to travel along her neck, shoulders, and collarbone as my hands move up and down her legs. I can't stop touching her.

The doorbell rings, and I pull on my jacket but leave it unzipped. Bella reaches for clothes and I kick them away. "I want to watch you eat naked," I say, kissing her cheek. Her crossed arms and huff say she's angry but the blush that extends from her face down to her chest says otherwise. "Stay just like that," I order, pointing my finger at her playfully.

I open the front door and jog down the steps only to find my mother on the other side of the door. "What's going on?" I ask, opening the door wider to let her inside.

"We need to talk," she says as she marches up the stairs. "Is Bella home?"

"Yeah," I respond, suddenly remembering that Bella is not only home but she's sitting on the couch nude. I grab my mom's arm to stop her in the stairwell. "Give us a minute." I hold one finger up in the air as I walk past her and continue up the stairs ahead of her.

My mom doesn't really listen and follows me up the stairs. I slide through the door sideways and shut it before she can see inside.

"Where's the pizza?" Bella asks.

"It's my mom," I tell her picking up the clothes I have kept her from. "Get dressed."

My mom knocks impatiently. "Edward!" she calls through the door.

"I said we needed a minute!" I call back as Bella slides her underwear up her legs. I toss her a t-shirt. Once Bells is decent I open the door to my mother. "Sorry." I apologize as I let her in.

My mom walks in and looks around the apartment. Her eyes land on Bella's bra, still on the floor. I pick it up quickly and shove it in my back pocket.

"I didn't mean to come by so unexpectedly or intrude," she explains.

"No, it's fine." Bella absently waves Mom's off admission. "Please, have a seat. Would you like anything to drink?"

My mom cautiously sits on the very edge of the couch. "No, thank you. I won't be staying long."

"What's going on?" I ask again, crossing my arms.

"Elise has a piano concert this weekend. She would like you to be there. Both of you. We are going to have dinner at Olive Garden afterward. You know how she loves it there. Will you two join us?"

My mother is a proud woman. This is her way of offering an apology. If it's not good enough for Bella, I wouldn't blame her. I look at her and wait to see how she will respond.

"Of course, we will be there." Bella says.

My mother smiles and stands from the couch, hugs me, and then even hugs Bella. My girlfriend is taken aback by this gesture. She stands rigid for the duration of the hug. Mom releases Bella and says, "See you two at the house on Saturday around four."

"Yeah, see you then," I say and walk her to the door. Part of me wants to demand more from her, an actual apology maybe, but I just don't have the energy to keep fighting.

After Mom leaves, I turn back to Bella and start to unbutton her pants. "What are you doing?" she asks.

"I told you, I want to watch you eat naked." I smirk at her as she steps out of the jeans. I lift her shirt over her head and kiss the top of her shoulder. "So, you're okay with dinner and everything?" I ask. I want to make sure this won't be too much for her.

"Of course, Edward. It's your family," she tells me. I hook my finger in her panties and slide them down her smooth legs. As I stand back up I let my hands roam over her ass, up her back, and down her thighs again. I could fuck her all over.

I'm trying so hard to be a better boyfriend for her. I know I should call when I stay out, but I'm not used to being that guy. I'm not used to explaining my plans to someone else. It's a learning curve and I'm working on it.

I'm trying my best but I'm definitely not perfect. I don't have all the answers and I just want to do what is right by Bella, even if I do screw it up every now and again.

The pizza comes and I do watch her eat naked. It's comforting and relaxing. In all honesty, it's the longest I have gone without being in a constant state of worry or feeling trapped. I don't know how she is dealing with everything I put her through.

"How did I get so lucky?" I ask, feeding her a bite of pizza.

"Beats me," she says through a mouthful of food.

"Seriously. I'm not the best boyfriend."

"That isn't true." she argues.

"Yeah it is, Bella. I don't deserve you."

"Do you even know what I consider a good boyfriend? So what if you screw up sometimes. That doesn't mean you love me any less and I know that."

I look her in the eye and give her my undivided attention. "Tell me, Bella, what makes me worth it?"

"When I was around fourteen, I came across this saying that always stuck with me. I knew once I found the boy described in it, he would be the one."

"Oh? What was it?"

"It was something like, _'Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her._'_"_

"I guess that is me," I smirk at her.

She rolls her eyes, and shoves me playfully. I grab her arm and pull her into my side.

"Can I get dressed now?" she laughs.

"Bella," I say in all seriousness. "Never." Her hand reaches to cup my face and her thumb strokes my cheek.

"We aren't doing anything reckless," she tells me.

"Yeah, we are," I smile playfully. "We only have one life, so let's live it."

"Loving you is living, Edward." She stands up, and slips my t-shirt over her head to cover up.

"Let's sail this summer," I plead. I know she would love it if she just gave it a try.

"I can't." Bella pauses and stares at the ground while she says, "I can't agree to do something that would take you away from your responsibilities."

I exhale loudly and throw my slice of pizza back in the box. "That baby isn't my responsibility."

"Did you sleep with her, Edward?" she asks quietly.

"We are not doing this again!" I yell. "I fucked her! Yes! There I said it! Happy now?"

"Then it's safe to say, it's your responsibility."

" I choose not to be responsible, okay? I choose to spend my twenty-third birthday on a sailboat with my girlfriend. These are my choices, Bella." I say, pointing to my chest.

"You're right. They are your choices. As long as you can sleep at night."

"I can. You need to drop this because I'm getting a little tired of your holier-than-thou attitude, Bella." I try to keep myself calm. I'm not exactly angry that she started this discussion again. I'm mostly annoyed that she ruined what had been a fantastic night.

"You need to face this, Edward."

"Drop it, Bella." I warn her.

"No. You are going to have a baby, like it or not! It isn't like you to do this!"

"Do you know me at all?" I laugh. "This is exactly what I would do."

"It's not right."

I throw my hands out in defeat. "I'm done," I tell her. I grab my keys off the table and head for the door. I just can't listen to her reaffirm what a screw up I am.

"If you walk out that door...do not come back!" she yells.

I hesitate for a second but don't turn to look at her. "I can't breathe right now, Bella. Please don't say shit we both know you don't mean. I just need some room to breathe."

She remains silent, but I still don't look at her. I open the door and walk out. The sound it makes as I close it behind me seems louder than usual. I pause at the top of the stairwell and consider going back in. I picture myself pushing the door open with such a force it damages the wall. I picture myself telling her how much she infuriates me. I picture stalking towards her, my only purpose to kiss her like crazy. To turn the anger into love.

I imagine that would be better than what I actually do.

I find myself on Peter's doorstep. I know he has something I want. Something that will make me numb. I knock and when he opens the door he invites me in. The blonde girl from the bar is inside, wearing only a bra and shorts. She sits on the edge of the couch, hunched over the coffee table full of white lines. She snorts some up and passes me the rolled up bill.

"Thanks," I say, sitting down next to her. Peter puts a beer down in front of me. I hold my one nostril and snort back the powder.

It burns for a minute, but then all of a sudden, I can breathe.

* * *

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	19. Chapter 19 Full of Grace

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**Chapter 19: Full of Grace**

_The winter here's cold, and bitter  
It's chilled us to the bone  
We haven't seen the sun for weeks  
To long too far from home  
I feel just like I'm sinking  
And I claw for solid ground  
_

_I'm pulled down by the undertow  
I never thought I could feel so low  
Oh darkness I feel like letting go  
If all of the strength and all of the courage  
Come and lift me from this place  
I know I could love you much better than this  
Full of grace_

_-_Sarah McLachlan

BPOV

He left. He just walked out. The question that plagues me is where is _my_ Edward? This Edward who disappeared in a flash is not my Edward. My Edward deals with problems, he faces them head on. This isn't _him_.

I was both sad and angry that Edward walked out. I cried though both emotions. To help deal with the anger I pulled out Edward's duffel bags and suitcase and started to fill them with his belongings. I would place a few items in a bag only to pull them back out when a wave of sadness washed over me. I liked the anger better because I could handle it in a productive way.

I could not help but replay our argument over and over in my head. It ripped my heart out each time I thought of the part where I told him to get out. What choice did I have though? I couldn't let him continue to treat me like this. I am worth more.

I slept fitfully that night as even my dreams reminded me of the disaster the evening was. Even this morning I can't get away from the pain our fight brought with it.

When Edward finally stumbled in the door the next morning he was sick as a dog. He was so ill that he didn't even notice when he stumbled over the half open duffel bag I left by the door. I didn't know what to do. I was torn between comforting him and continuing the fight. Neither one felt appropriate at the time so I just stood there. His skin was pale, which made the dark circles around his eyes more noticeable, and it seemed like he was running in slow motion to get to the bathroom.

"Edward? What the hell is going on?" I ask, following him into the bathroom. He drops to his knees in front of the toilet and heaves. Nothing comes up but yellow bile. He wipes his nose. "What the hell did you do to yourself?"

His cheek rests against the white seat of the toilet as he tilts his head to look up at me. "I'm sorry," are his only words before his body jerks and he heaves violently into the bowl again.

The urge to help him is strong, so I kneel beside him and push his hair off his damp forehead. "Are you trying to kill yourself?" I ask. He opens his eyes, but the usual bright green of his irises isn't there and his pupils are dull and dilated. Now I'm really worried. "Are you on something?"

"I just got high with Peter. It was stupid," he answers. I immediately see red. I am so pissed that I shove his shoulder. It catches him off balance and knocks him backwards so that he falls against the side of the bathtub.

"You think!" I yell, standing up. His face scrunches in pain and he hisses in response to the loud noise.

"Yes, I said it was!" I think he is trying to yell, but he doesn't have the strength, so it comes across as dismissive.

It will take every ounce of strength in my body to say what needs to be said next. I bury my face in the palms of my hands and take three deep breaths to collect my thoughts before I look at him and speak in an even tone. "You are on a train headed for the edge of a cliff, Edward. If you don't stop it and get off, it's going to crash and burn, taking you with it. I can't watch that happen. I packed your shit. It's in your bags by the door. Now get yourself together and get out."

I turn on my heel and leave the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. I manage to hold my tears back until I am inside my bedroom. I could lock myself inside this room all day, but that wouldn't help. I get ready as fast as I can. Before I finish I hear the front door slam. I lose the small bit of control I had left and fall to the floor where sobs wrack my body.

Once I get control of myself I open the door and leave my room. The first thing I notice are the keys to the apartment sitting on the dining room table. They sparkle in the light flooding through the window. It feels as if they are taunting me so I pick them up and hurl them across the room before collapsing against the wall. My body slides down to the floor and I hug my knees to my chest as the tears begin anew.

I realize that I can't stay in the apartment right now. I leave the building and hail a cab. I'm not sure where I'm going until I hear myself tell the driver. Before I know it, I'm at the docks outside the houseboat. This was the last place I felt hopeful. I wasn't so much happy, but how could I have been happy with myself while causing such a shit storm for Emmett? I was hopeful though. I saw my future with Edward and it looked bright and beautiful. There was love for each of us.

I plop down on the dock close to the water, bundled up in my leather jacket, and light a cigarette. As I fill my lungs with smoke I wonder when exactly everything got so fucked up. Who am I kidding? Things were always fucked up. All the love and happiness I pictured with Edward was nowhere to be found. Life was not cooperating at all. Complications were one thing. I could handle life's hard balls. I could deal with any situation. When life handed me lemons I could make a mean lemonade.

What I couldn't deal with was self destruction.

I sat there for hours dipping my fingertips into the dark water and watching the ripples spread in all directions. For a moment, I wondered why the sting of the ice cold water didn't faze me. Then I realized it was because the bite of the cold water couldn't compare to the sting of pain I felt in my gut.

Whether or not I loved Edward wasn't the question. I loved him with everything inside of me. The question began to morph into something completely different. Could I be happy with Edward? I knew we could love, but could we be happy?

I didn't love Emmett as deeply as I loved Edward...but I was happy, content during that relationship. Did I have to choose between the two? Happiness or love? Shouldn't they go hand and hand? Was this some sort of test? Was it something we had to earn? Some lesson we had to learn through endurance? I just couldn't wrap my head around how everything was falling apart.

As I watch the sun set behind the Space Needle I realize am no better off than I was before I came here. I check my phone. No messages. It's a struggle not to call Edward, but this is something he needs to fix on his own. I can't do it for him.

While I have my phone out I call for a cab. On the ride home I try not to hope that I will find him sitting on the steps outside the apartment, waiting for my return. When the cab pulls up, and the stoop is empty, my stomach still twists impossibly tighter.

Will I be able to stand firm on my beliefs? I desperately want to go back to him and give in to his crazy ideas. I want to tell him yes, we can sail off into the sunset. Yes, we can ignore Audrina. Yes, we can be young and foolish in love. I would have said all those things a year ago, had Edward not changed me.

I need to take my mind off of Edward so I call Alice. I know things are tense between us, but she is all I have. She understands and is at my apartment in a flash, armed with Ben and Jerry's.

"So you guys broke up?"

"No," I say automatically. That sounds so...final. She tilts her head and gives me a skeptical look. "I don't know..."

"Bella, you packed his things and told him to get out," she says with a hint of aggravation. "What message did you think you were conveying with those actions?"

Suddenly I see my actions in a whole new light. My hands fly to the sides of my face as I gasp in horror. "I just...I just...Oh God Alice!" I cry. I shake my head in denial. "I-he-I-he can't think that...wh-wh-what if.." I sob unable to give voice to the rest of my thought. The thought that Edward will find some other girl to help him forget me. Some other girl that won't give a shit if he is doing drugs. Or has a baby on the way. Some other girl who isn't me.

Alice wraps her arms around me in a comforting hug. She whispers that everything will be okay, but I don't believe her.

"I have to go find him Alice...I have to make sure he understands." I get up from the couch in a dazed rush. I'm not sure what it is that I need him to know exactly. That I don't want to lose him? That I told him to leave the apartment but not to leave me? All I know is that at the end of the day, I want him by my side, no matter what.

People change. Sometimes it's a good change, sometimes it's not. Loving Edward does not change. Of course he is going to screw up occasionally but that doesn't change the way I feel for him. I love him at his worst and I love him at his best. He needs to know that. He also needs me to help him through this. It's too much for one person.

I jump up from the couch and begin a frantic search for my shoes and jacket. "Bella, calm down. He knows you love him." I stop dead in my tracks and look at her, confused. Did she read my mind or did I say that out loud? "Just call him," she suggests.

"Call him. Right, I'll call him." I dig in my purse to find my phone. When I can't find it fast enough, I decide to dump everything on the floor. I drop to my knees to sift through the pile of items. "Why did I do this? Why did I tell him to leave?" The weight of what I have done hits me like a ton of bricks.

I finally find the phone and use my shaking hands to dial Edward's number. The call goes straight to voice mail. By now I feel like throwing up.

I end the call without leaving a message and turn to Alice. "Take me to Peters?" I ask.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea, Bella..."

"I'm going over there, Alice. I can get a cab or you can take me. Please help me, Alice."

"What if you see something you don't want to? Something you can't un-see? I don't want this for you...Emmett..."

"Don't. Don't go there. Edward isn't...he wouldn't..." Am I lying to myself? I could walk into slut central. I could bust down Peter's door to find Edward snorting shit off some whore. I shake that thought from my head. "No, he wouldn't."

Alice comes to me, places her hands on my arms, and stares me down. "Then why so crazy?"

"I want him to come home. I need him to know I don't hate him. Please." Alice nods. She picks up her purse from the table, grabs her jacket, and we head out the door.

I direct Alice to Peter's place. She offers to come in with me, but I tell her to wait in the car. As I walk to the door I search for tell-tale signs of Edward's presence, mainly his car. It's nowhere to be seen though.

When I reach the front door I'm hesitant to knock, as it appears quite inside. I finally get the nerve to knock and then step back to wait. Peter swings the door open, looks me up and down, then crosses his arms over his chest and leans against the door frame. There are a few seconds of uncomfortable silence before he asks, "And what can I do for you?"

"Is Edward here?" I try to look past him to scan the inside of his house.

"Nope. Run away with the leash, did he?" he chuckles.

"Fuck you," I spit.

He laughs as I turn on my heel and storm off. I try calling Edward again. Still nothing. Alice and I drive around to check all the places I can think he might be. Nothing.

Realization suddenly dawns on me. It's so obvious I don't know why I didn't think of it before. "Take me to the Cullen's."

"Why are you doing this to yourself, Bella? He isn't ready for this type of relationship."

Who is? She doesn't know about all the issues he is facing. We are facing. I can't tell her because they aren't my secrets to tell.

"Marilyn Monroe." I state.

Alice looks at me like I am crazy. "Don't change the subject, Bella."

"I'm not. She was something else. I mean, the woman was beauty personified in the eyes of the public but the most important thing to her was to be wanted. To be loved. She would sleep with more than one man at a time to prove herself desirable. She was...men would run after her, she would hurt them, and they'd still crawl after her. She had borderline personality disorder. She was deep though. She inspired people. Some of the things she said about life struck a chord inside me. She wasn't perfect. Far from it. She once said, 'If you can't handle me at my worst then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.'" I turn to face Alice. "He needs me."

We didn't speak during the rest of the drive to the Cullens' house on the lake. As we pull into the long driveway, I see his Volvo sitting in front of the garage doors and my heart skips a beat. I throw open the car door before we've completely stopped. I tell Alice she can go, then slam the door closed and take off at a sprint to the Cullens' front door.

I rang the door bell and tried to wait patiently. It felt like hours before Carlisle opened the door. "Ah, Bella. Come in," he says and steps aside. I smile at him as I step inside the house. "Edward is in the living room. Sulking."

"Thank you," I reply.

I hear the haunting sounds of the piano drift through the air. He isn't playing fluently, just a sad note here and there. He doesn't even notice when I enter the room. His head is bowed low over the keys as his fingers stroke notes every few seconds.

**EPOV**

When I showed up at my parents door step, bags at my feet, my mother went off. She knew Bella was no good. She knew Bella would just break my heart. Mom never actually said 'I told you so' but that was obviously the point she attempted to make.

"MA!" I yelled to get her attention and stop her tirade. "I screwed up," I said, pointing at my own chest, before sinking down onto the couch.

"What happened, Edward?" my father asks, his hands in his front pockets, looking down at me.

"I just...I'm screwing up my life," I reply and rest my throbbing head in my hands. I hear my mom walk over to the couch and feel her sit next to me. Her hand begins to rub my shoulder.

"Yes, Edward. You already told us this much. Why are you screwing up?" my dad probes.

I can't keep the secret to myself anymore. I realize I need guidance, so I open up and tell the truth. "Because I'm scared," I whisper. Saying those three little words aloud is so freeing. I hate running from shit. I should know by now that running away only brings me trouble.

"You and Bella didn't waste any time moving in together, Edward. That is a huge step," my dad says as he sits down across from my mother and me.

"It's not how fast things moved with Bella. Yeah, that's scary...but I have another problem that is so much worse."

"How much worse?"

"I think I got someone pregnant last June." I look up at my father, then at my mother. I can't stop my emotional reaction and I feel a tear slide down my face. "Audrina," is my response to their silent question.

"And Bella is hurt by this? It must be hard for her to accept," my father assumes.

"No," I say and shake my head. "It's hard for _me_ to accept. She wants me to take responsibility while I want to run far far away. Bella says that isn't the man she fell in love with, so we fight over it. Then I try to escape by doing idiotic things...like staying out all night with Peter and...coke," I whisper, full of guilt and shame.

"EDWARD CULLEN!" dad shouts as he rises from his chair. My father reminds me of Emmett when he yells like this. "You are smarter than this. Do you want to ruin your chances at medical school? Throw your future down the drain? You are twenty-two years old but you are acting like a child!"

"I know! I can't handle this by myself! I tried! I told her I would send her money every month...Audrina. Bella thinks I should do more. Be an actual father, but I don't know how to do that. I am scared shitless. I'm afraid that no matter what I do, I won't be enough."

"Edward, you will always be enough as long as you try your best. No one is asking you to be father of the year, sweetheart, just to be the best father you can," my mother soothes.

"I'm not ready to try." Emmett was right. I am a complete screw up.

"I have to agree with Bella. That is not the man I raised you to be." My mother stands from the couch, picks up one of my bags, and walks off toward my old bedroom.

My father and I spend the next few hours on the phone in his office, working with his lawyers and Plan B to get me a new rep. My father agrees that I need the contract now more than ever with the possibility of becoming a father looming in the distance.

Now I have to figure out how to make things right with Bella. I need more than words, because the way I've been acting lately isn't who I am. Not anymore. I am not the man Emmett said I was. Loving Bella is scary, losing her is unfathomable. Flashes from the night before weigh me down with guilt.

"_I don't mind sharing," I remember Peter whispering to me, as the half naked blonde snorted more blow. "T, why don't you help cheer up my buddy here," Peter suggests. The girl moves toward me with a seductive smile. _

"_No, I'm good. I don't need that type of cheering up." She leans toward me whispers how good she thinks she is in my ear. "I prefer brunettes," I say rubbing my nose. _

"_I'm not a natural blonde," she says, trailing her hand down my chest. It's all wrong and makes me feel sick to my stomach. I jump up off the couch and out of her reach. _

"_I'm not looking for a good time," I try to explain. I didn't come to Peters to blow a load or get a pep talk. I came to snort some blow. To numb myself. _

My actions were fucking stupid, so when Bella told me to leave, I didn't doubt that she was serious and disgusted with me. I was disgusted with me. I should never have put myself in that situation to begin with. I needed something huge to make her see I was sorry. I grabbed my keys and headed for my car. I needed to do some shopping.

I find myself in an antique store close to home, examining row upon row of trinkets. Something blue catches my eye and I think of her, and the ocean. I know it's not enough. I need to be the man she fell in love with. The man I am when I'm not running from my problems like a little pussy.

When I get back in the car, I suck up all my courage and call Audrina. I need to be able to tell Bella my intentions, and show her I took steps to follow through.

"Aud, hey," I say when she answers the phone.

"What's going on, Edward?" she asks. She sounds detached and annoyed. I don't blame her.

"I want to apologize to you for the way I reacted to everything with...the baby," I swallow the words like a jagged knife.

"What do you really want, Edward? I gave you the chance. I'm settled back home with my parents now."

"I know. I guess I was hoping we could work out some sort of schedule once he is born...you did say he, didn't you?" I ask. I hope she realizes I was listening.

"I did. What kind of schedule? I can't imagine being far from him for a long time."

"March is going to be right in the middle of my last semester, so...I can't promise to be there for his birth, but I can try my best. If I can't make it I will make sure to get there during spring break. I won't know where I'm going for med school until February. I did apply to Stanford. I'm not sure what my chances are, but if I'm not closer then maybe we can switch holidays. Maybe I can get him a week each month or something. I don't have all the answers, but if you're willing to let me I'd like to make this work." I realize at this point I am rambling.

"We can work something out, Edward. I would never keep him from you. And Edward, his name is Julian, after my grandfather. "

I was speechless for a moment. Everything was caving in on me and I was overwhelmed again. A baby. A baby boy. Julian. "Cullen?" I choke out.

"If you want to be his father, then of course Cullen," she says.

"I do."

"Then we will figure it all out." I can hear the smile in her voice. I'm sure she can hear the fear in mine. It's a step though. A small one, but it's the right direction.

I head home, feeling a sliver of hope. I think about calling Bella, but decide to give her some time. I think we could both use some time actually. That's how I find myself tinkering at the piano, lost in my thoughts and trying to organize everything racing through my head.

"Is this seat taken?" I jerk my head up to see Bella standing next to the piano bench.

"Bella!" I am shocked to see her. She sits down beside me.

"I shouldn't have pushed you," she starts. "I should have faith in you to make the choices that are right for your life, on your own terms,"

"Don't apologize. I don't deserve it. And I need you to help me see the choices from every angle." She nods, and then rests her head on my shoulder.

"I looked for you at Peter's," she admits.

"I'm through with him as of today. He doesn't have my best interest in mind," I explain. I take her hand in mine, and bring it to my lips.

"What about your contract?" she asks.

"Dad's lawyers made a phone call. They told Plan B that I need a new rep."

"I think you made the right choice," Bella whispers. I chuckle because she basically said 'I told you so' without actually saying it, just like my mom did earlier.

I turn on the bench to face her before I say anything else. "I screwed up, Bella...big time. I made choices that were wrong and selfish. I know I can't be that guy and the guy you love at the same time. I can't blame it all on Peter, either. I need to own everything I did the past few weeks. I will work really hard be the man you fell in love with from now on. I shouldn't have run away from you like that. It's just…this is all so intense and happening so fast."

She takes her free hand and cups my face. "I know, but it's nothing we can't deal with."

She is so amazing. I am such a screw up. She kicked me out, with every right, and here she sits, one hand in mine and the other touching me in such a loving way. I don't know how to do this. I don't want her to freak out, but I have to do it.

"I love you, Bella...so much that it scares me. The Audrina thing scares me, too. Hell, I scare me sometimes. I'm afraid our relationship doesn't stand a shot in hell the direction we are going."

"Wh-what are you saying?" she asks, her bottom lip trembling. "Are you breaking up with me?"

I reach my thumb to still her trembling lip. "No, baby. I want you. Only you. I just think we need to take a step back. We rushed into everything and it's a bit scary. I just want to make sure we aren't making choices for the wrong reasons."

"I know...It's hard, Edward. Most things that are worth fighting are. We can do this if we stick together," Bella says. She still seems unsure of what I'm trying to say.

"I-when I go to medical school," I almost say 'if I go to medical school', because let's face it, my life is really fucking complicated, "I don't want you to _follow_ me. I want you _come_ with me." I don't know how to tell her I don't want her to come unless it's forever; that I don't plan on dragging my _girlfriend_ to a new place. I want my wife to come with me, or at the very least, my fiancée.

I feel the velvet box in my pocket. I knew Bella needed some sort of promise and the blue like the ocean was perfect. The ring was perfect to show her my commitment. My commitment to be the man she needed in her life. She deserved that.

"What does that mean Edward? You don't want me to follow you, but you want me to come with you?" I can see confusion written on her face.

I groan and pinch the bridge of my nose. She isn't making this very easy on me.

"I want the woman I promise to spend forever with by my side. It's not fair to ask you to change your world for a boy, Bella. I can't expect that from you. But if I can be more than that, if I can grow enough to be the man you deserve..."

"Are you...?"

I pull out the box, and place it on the black and white keys in front of Bella. She stares down at it and then looks back at me.

"Bella, I promise you to be the man you need in your life. I promise you that I will never leave you and that one day, I will ask you to do me the honor of becoming my wife, if you'll give me the chance."

I open the box, and she wipes tears off of her cheeks. It's an oval sapphire surrounded by round diamonds on a platinum band.

"This is...I don't even have words."

"Yes would be a good one," I say with a smirk. She looks into my eyes and shakes her head in confusion.

"I don't get it...I'm sorry Edward, but it seems like a consolation prize."

"I love you, Bella. That is never going to change. I want to make this work, but we need to do it right. Do you think you can accept this ring as my promise to always be the man you deserve while we find our way? My feelings for you haven't changed."

Bella has tears in her eyes as she all but whispers, "And what about Audrina?"

"Julian. She picked the name Julian." I look up at her. Her brown eyes are wide.

"You called her?"

"I'm scared out of my mind, but no one is going to think any less of me for trying my best. That's what I'm going to give to Julian. My best. All because a girl once believed I was a man that faced my problems, and she loved me for that fact. I want to be that man for her. I want to stop being this selfish, scared,immature kid. I just hope it's not too late. I hope I didn't disappoint her so much that she can't love me anymore. Either way I am going to be the man she saw deep inside me, even when I didn't."

"I could never stop loving you, Edward. I came here because I still see that man. I still want to fight for him. I don't think I can ever give up on you. I will fight for you as long as you want me."

I take the ring and slide it on her left ring finger. I grab her face, and kiss her deeply. I can feel her smile against my lips. When I pull away she looks down and admires the ring.

"It reminds me of the ocean," she says.

"That is exactly what I thought when I saw it."

"I love you, Edward. Does this mean you will come home?" She smiles, bringing her eyes from the ring to mine.

I can't deny her. I smirk back and my lips softly meet hers. We smile against each other's mouths and I nod.

"Good. Get your stuff and let's go home," she says, standing from the bench. She extends her hand to help me up, but I pull her back down to my lap. I keep her there as I turn back to the piano, and softly stroke the keys.

I play "Chasing Cars" the best I can with her on my lap and sing some of the words softly in her ear as she rests her head against my shoulder. I dip my head into the crook of her neck. This is our song. It's been our song since that first morning she came to hear me play.

The phone rings in the middle of our moment. My dad announces that it's Emmett. Dad puts the phone on speaker. I watch as Elise runs in from her room and my mother's face lights up as they gather around the phone.

"Emmett! Edward's here! Do you wanna talk to him?" I hear Elise ask.

"Ah, not right now, okay kid?"

"Are you ever going to talk to him again?"

"That's enough, Elise. Emmett and Edward will work things out in their own time," my father says, effectively putting an end to her questions.

I listen as they talk about his life as a Marine. Elise tells him about her upcoming concert. He tells my family that he misses them and home. I find myself smiling as I listen to Emmett speak. God, I miss him.

Elise runs out after five minutes. The phone call can't hold her attention for too long. My dad tells Emmett he loves him and to take care before mom takes him off speaker phone and spends ten more minutes with him.

I'd be lying if I didn't say I was extra quiet as I listened to her talk with him. It was mostly about me. I overheard her mention the baby. I guess she thought the news might help repair our relationship, but she didn't specify who was having the baby. "No, not Bella!" she all but yelled.

"You told your parents?" Bella whispered.

"I did." I confirm with a nod. "I'm still worried about telling Elise. I don't know how you explain that to a first grader, ya know?"

"As simply as possible I think. Maybe you should let your parents handle that," she suggests.

"I want to do it," I tell her. I hear Elise run down the hallway, screaming over something, and I cringe. "I don't get to give my kid back, do I? When he acts like a little brat, it's my problem. That scares me."

She only laughs. "You are going to be a great father and one day we can make a baby of our own."

"Yeah, in like four…five…maybe six years," I laugh.

"I'll be old," she frowns.

"Bella, you'll be like twenty-six. That isn't old."

"It rounds up to thirty," she pouts.

"How old do you want to be when you start having kids?" I ask, a little scared of the answer.

"I don't know…twenty-three, twenty-four," she shrugs. I know my eyes go wide as saucers. She starts to crack up. "I'm just messing with you!" she says through her laughter. I tickle her side for teasing me. "No, I know I want to be like thirty-five!" I know she is exaggerating. A few minutes later she tells me twenty-six sounds like the perfect age. I suggest being married by twenty-four.

It feels amazing to sit here and talk about our future, where she sees herself in ten years. The best part is that she sees me by her side.

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**

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**Have you guys read Dear Isabella by Jandco? I think it's on a different forest... It is AMAZING. Go read it. Its only like 60 pages, you will cry. But man, it will stick with you! **


	20. Chapter 20 Not Ready to Make Nice

**SM Owns. **

**HippieStarr, PrettyKitty, Mo'Reading and My2GalsPal own me. HAHA! I love them to death for all the help they give to make this story so wonderful. **

**I won't be updating again until next year. Yeah. So I don't think I have left you with a cliffie. The next one will be Thanksgiving. **

**I will be posting a One Shot over the holiday break. It's an Eminemward. Song Fic. Love the Way You Lie. I'm just tweaking it to death right now! So put me on author alert if you wanna know when it goes up. **

**Chapter 20: Not Ready to Make Nice**

_Forgive, sounds good_

_Forget, I'm not sure I could_

_They say time heals everything_

_But I'm still waiting_

_I'm through with doubt_

_There's nothing left for me to figure out_

_I've paid a price_

_And I'll keep paying_

_I'm not ready to make nice_

_I'm not ready to back down_

_I'm still mad as hell and_

_I don't have time to go round and round and round_

-Dixie Chicks

I search and search and search, but I still come up with nothing. All I have is a mess. There are clothes all over the bed. None of them are just right, or even good enough. I know I have met Edward's parents, but I feel like I need to impress them, or try make a first impression all over again.

I need Alice. Alice would know what to wear. She helped me pick out a lot of my clothes, but for some reason I can't seem to make them work together. I'm not really sure what goes with what, and when I put on what I think goes together I only end up looking like an idiot.

Edward comes in, dressed all cute in black slim fit dress pants, a blue button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and a black vest with a plain gray tie underneath it. "A suit?" I question him.

Now I really have no idea what to wear. "I thought we were just going to Olive Garden and a piano recital?"

His hands are in his pockets and he tilts his head to the side. "Elise goes to some fancy music school...lots of money. You don't have to dress up that much."

"That much," I scoff. "I need the phone. The only one who can help me is Alice".

"We don't have time, Bella. We can't be late," Edward says, handing me a skirt. "Just put this on," he looks around and picks up a shirt. "And this, and then we can go."

"Get. The. Phone." I demand.

He laughs and walks out with his hands up in mock surrender. He returns with the phone and I call Alice. It takes her no time at all to tell me what outfit to wear once I tell her what Edward is wearing.

"Bella, just breath okay. You have those black wide-rib wool tights, and then that couplet dress from J Crew."

I have to stop her. "What dress?" I ask in confusion.

"Bella, you know that dress. It has a black silk top, and then cinches really cute high on your waist into the gray wool skirt. It's short, but not too short. I mean you could wear it to work. Then just put on that cropped hound's-tooth jacket over it."

"Hound's-tooth?" I know the dress now, but hound's-tooth?

"It's black with gray checkers, but the checkers aren't square they are a pattern called hound's-tooth"

A light bulb goes on in my head. "Oh, okay. I know now. What about shoes?"

"The peep toe ankle boots."

"Thanks so much, Alice! I owe you, big time!" I tell her before hanging up. I dig through the closet for the loathed shoes I only wore once or twice. I guess I should get my money's worth for them. I should embrace this side of my wardrobe, or be thankful Alice made me go shopping with her; otherwise, I would feel really out of place with the Cullen's. I finish quickly and listen as my heels click against the floor as I leave the bedroom. My hair is pin straight thanks to the wonderful flat iron Alice left me.

"Ready?" I ask Edward.

"Uh-huh," Edward answers before looking up at me. Once he raises his head I hear, "Whoa. You look...amazing."

"And you didn't want me to call Alice," I chastize, walking past him. I am half way down the steps before he gathers his keys and locks the door. He rushes down the steps two at a time to catch up to me. When he does, he takes my hand in his.

"I love you," he tells me, as he takes the lead. He walks a few steps ahead of me to the Volvo.

I play with the sapphire ring that sits on my finger. It makes me smile when I see it. It's so much more to me than a promise from Edward to one day ask me to marry him. It's a promise that he is going to be a man worthy of that privilege. All I want is for him to be the best that he can be. This ring tells me that is what he wants too, and that thought means more to me than any piece of jewelry in the world. It means more to me than the sun, than the ocean. He is my ocean. He is my sun.

I lean my head on his shoulder as we drive down the winding roads out of the city. Surrounded by the forest and mountains, the drive is comfortably quiet and peaceful.

We pull into the Cullen's driveway, where Edward takes my hand and leads me up the driveway to the front door. He doesn't knock, just pushes the door open. "Ma? Dad?" he calls as we enter the house. "We're here."

Little feet come scurrying toward the door. Esme calls out not to run because the bottom of her shoes are slippery. Elise looks adorable in her cupcake tiered dress and shiny silver ballet flats. Her blonde hair hangs in loose curls. Edward picks her up for a hug and spins around with her. "Hey Princess," he greets with a kiss to her temple.

"Look! Look!" she says, full of excitement. Edward puts her down and she takes hold of his hand. Edward grabs mine and Elise leads us into the kitchen, where Emmett stands at the kitchen island.

Everything goes silent. I can't stand the tension, so I look down at my feet.

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" Edward asks, looking around to his family for some sort of explanation.

"It was last minute. Your brother had the weekend off, so we bought him a plane ticket...Look, you two may not be on the best of terms at the moment, but you are still brothers. This is a special night for Elise so we are going to put whatever personal problems you two have aside and focus on being civil in order to give Elise the night she deserves. Am I clear?" Carlisle asks looking between Emmett and Edward.

"Yes, sir," they both mumble.

"I mean it. Not one snide remark, not one underhanded comment, not even one dirty look," he warns again.

Emmett stands up. He is wearing a plain white t-shirt, which hugs his muscled chest, tucked into black suit pants. He grabs a black blazer off the back of the kitchen stool and strides past Edward without even a glance.

Once he walks past Edward he smiles at me, melting my heart. "Bella," he nods.

"Hey, Em," I whisper.

He glances back at Edward and keeps walking.

"Nice to see you too, brother," Edward calls out.

For some reason, Esme wants to take pictures. I guess I know her reason. She wants to act like things are normal, but they aren't. She even tells Edward and I to get closer for a shot. Edward turns so our bodies are flush, hugging me to him. His head bows down to mine and we look toward Esme. He tells me there is a stain on my dress. "What?" I yell, getting worked up.

"Gotcha, spaz!" he laughs. I hit his chest and Edward apologizes by kissing my nose. That's when I realize Esme is still taking pictures. She keeps going, and even manages to get Emmett, Edward, and Elise all to pose together. It's the one and only picture Emmett and Edward will take together. I guess Emmett does it for Elise. After all, Edward isn't the one keeping the relationship from healing.

We head out to Olive Garden and get a big table. I order a glass of white wine, Edward and Emmett both get beers.

"So, what's the deal with this baby?" Emmett asks sipping his beer.

"Baby? What baby?" Elise asks looking around.

"We haven't gotten around to talking to Elise about the baby," Edward tells Emmett.

"Oh, well, Edward's having a baby," Emmett blurts.

"Emmett, please this isn't the way we wanted her to find out," Esme explains tensely.

"Edward's a boy. He can't have a baby," Elise says, confusion on her face.

Edward clears his throat. "I'm not, but Audrina is. You remember her, don't you?"

"Oh, yeah. But she isn't your girlfriend. How's that work?" Elise asks, sucking back a sip of her Shirley Temple.

"She was my girlfriend before Bella. We aren't together anymore because we weren't in love."

"But Mommy told me babies come from love. If you and Audrina aren't in love, how did you make a baby?"

"Mom?" Edward says, looking to her to save him. She is stunned silent.

"Thanks, Emmett," she whispers across the table.

"Hey, I didn't know it was a secret," he shrugs.

"Elise, sometimes people do things with other people that they should only do if they are in love. Edward and Audrina did those things, so now they are going to have a baby," I explain. That probably made no sense, but I tried.

"Regardless, you're gonna be an awesome aunt, Elise." Edward smiles and winks at her, then shifts in his seat to address Emmett. "So, Emmett, you wanted to know what the deal is with the baby. Audrina is due in March. She is living in San Francisco with her parents. His name is Julian." Edward finishes abruptly before he downs the rest of his beer.

Esme looks pleasantly surprised. "A boy? Edward that is wonderful! Why didn't you tell us?"

Edward shrugs, signaling the waiter for another beer. "I don't know," he replies, curtly.

"What about you Bella? How do you feel about all this?" Emmett asks pointedly. I think Emmett is trying to get as close as he can to the limits Carlisle set for the evening. He's already stepped over the line, but that's just my opinion.

I smile sweetly at Emmett and answer with all the grace I can muster. "I think Edward is going to be an amazing father. I'm here for him and his son." I feel like we win the battle as Edward squeezes my hand under the table. I squeeze his back.

We arrive at the concert hall and I realize Edward was right. Lots of money. Everyone is dressed nicely. The surroundings are very sleek. The piano is white and sits in stark contrast against a blue curtain. The seats are plush. Waiters walk the lobby with trays of champagne and caviar for the people mingling before the recital. Carlisle eats some, but all I can think is 'gross'.

As we take our seats later that evening, Esme notices my ring. "That is beautiful Bella. It looks like a family heirloom," she notes as she takes my hand in hers to examine the ring.

"Actually, it was a gift from Edward."

"You two aren't...you didn't..." Emmett asks, examining the ring with his mother. There is a hint of panic in his incomplete question.

"No," Edward says to calm the storm that is brewing.

Emmett glares at his brother. "You don't give girls jewelry. Not bracelets, not necklaces, and certainly not rings," Emmett points out.

"Bella isn't just a girl, and I made her a promise with that ring," Edward says calmly.

"Whatever," Emmett mutters as the lights lower.

Elise is third in the program. She plays a beautiful song, and if I closed my eyes, I would assume I was listening to an adult. Emmett whistles when she is done. Edward hollers. Esme doesn't care for the attention it draws but I can see how it makes Elise smile after she does her little curtsy. She presses her glasses up her nose before she walks gracefully off the stage.

Only Edward and Esme go to meet her backstage after the show because it gets really crowded when everyone's family goes back. I excuse myself to the ladies room, because I want to remove my contacts and put on my glasses for Elise. I meet Carlisle and Emmett in the lobby to wait for Esme, Edward, and Elise. While Carlisle mingles with other fathers, Emmett takes the opportunity to dig into Edward some more.

"You really don't care that another woman is having Edward's baby? It doesn't bother you?" he asks me.

"It's not the child's fault. And I don't want Edward to ignore him just because he wasn't planned. That shouldn't matter. He still needs to know he is loved and wanted, by both his mother and his father. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little upset that it was happening, but it is. I can't change the facts, so I learn to cope and live with them." I want to add that he should try the same thing, but I also want to keep the peace.

"Look Bella, I accept you and Edward, okay? It doesn't mean this hurts any less or that I am any less angry about the situation."

I simply nod at him, because he has every right to be mad as hell.

I watch as Edward and Elise walk out hand in hand with Esme trailing in the distance speaking to another woman.

"Elise, you were amazing," I compliment with a huge smile.

"Thank you," she says with a wide grin. Emmett ruffles her hair and tells her how proud he is of her.

Edward walks up, wraps his arms around me, and kisses my cheek. He whispers that he loves me in my ear. I smile back at him and mouth that I love him too. Esme invites us back to the house for desert. Edward and I are hesitant, but Elise gives us those puppy dog eyes and we can't say no.

"You are gonna be in so much trouble," I warn Edward when we are alone in his car.

"Oh? You want to punish me?" he smirks.

"Ewww, not like that!" I laugh. "I meant you can't say no to puppy eyes."

"Neither can you!" he counters.

"Yes, but I have years to practice for when it matters. You have like five months."

"Don't remind me," he groans. "I'm still scared shitless over this whole thing."

"Not even a hint of joy?" I ask.

He remains silent.

"It's okay if you are," I assure him.

"Maybe a hint," he concedes with a shy smile.

**EPOV**

Things get quiet once I admit I have a hint of joy over the baby. I wonder what my life would be like right now if I never took the chance to tell Bella how I felt. I would probably be waist high in coke, pinning away for her still and feeling sorry for myself. Who knows, maybe I would be trying to work on things with Aud. Forced into a relationship and living unhappily because it was 'right,' and that's what a man does. I'd be somewhere out of obligation. I wouldn't have the strength to do what Bella is encouraging me to do right now.

Bella and I pull up to my parents. The rest of my family is already inside. We should go in, but instead I take the opportunity to kiss her. A lot. She looks so beautiful tonight, and the glasses just melt my heart. It's been hard to keep myself from kissing her all evening, but I didn't want to make Emmett feel worse.

My hand anchors onto her hip and I try to pull her closer. Her legs are crossed toward me, her dress riding high up her thigh. I let my hand wander down and caress the back of her thigh. Her mouth opens wide in a small gasp, and I suck her top lip into my mouth when she closes it slightly. The windows are starting to fog, and I'm so far gone I can barely think straight.

I rest my hand atop her knee and push gently to spread her legs. "Edward, we can't," she resists with a moan.

"Yes. Yes we can," I whisper in her ear, before I bite gently into her neck.

She breaks free of the kiss and pleads, "Stop, please. Everyone is waiting for us inside." I answer with a small nod and we both try to catch our breath.

I help Bella out of the car, and she fixes the bottom of her dress. Then she turns to me and straightens my tie.

"Good?" I ask.

"Well, your hair is..." She uselessly tries to tame the beast. "Well it always looks like you just got fucked," she laughs, giving up.

Things with Emmett aren't as tense as I would have thought. I don't know if he is just trying for Elise or if time and distance really are helping him heal. I don't want to get my hopes up though, but I miss him. I have been with him for hours tonight, and I still miss him. How about that for irony?

Bella goes into the kitchen with my Mother and Elise to help pull out the pies and cookies. Mom is making tea and coffee. I notice Bella pull out the Kahlua. I smile at my girl's antics. Emmett is outside on the deck, talking on the phone. I wait until he hangs up and slide out the glass doors before he can come in.

I light up a cigarette and I speak the words I've been dying to say for months as I exhale. "Em, I don't think what happened was okay. I don't think what I did to you is justified. I don't think I deserve your forgiveness, but I really want it. I go over everything in my mind over and over tring to...I don't know...find a way that I could have handled it better. Find a way that doesn't hurt you, but it's just not possible. It's like expecting to be able to walk on water. You just can't do it."

"Forgiving you sounds good, Edward. It does. Forgetting is the part I have a problem with, especially when I have to look at you two together. Watch you hold her hand, watch her laugh at something you said, watch as you build a life with the girl I wanted in mine."

"If you think I'm not paying a price for all of this, you're wrong." I say.

"Yeah, and now Bella is too." He moves closer to me, his eyes filled with anger. His teeth are clenched as he speaks to me. "You are dragging her into a shitty fucking situation. She deserves better than a guy who knocked up some girl he fucked around with on spring break."

"Don't you think I know that?" I question in a hushed whisper. "And my son isn't some form of punishment Emmett. Don't you think for one second that I feel like that baby is a punishment." I'm surprised as the words leave my lips, because when Audrina initially told me she was pregnant, that is exactly what I thought. "The price I pay is feeling excluded from my family. Losing my brother. You think we do shit like this all the time? This is the first time mom has invited Bella and me over since everything happened. I haven't been welcome in my own home for months. My brother won't speak to me. I lost you and Jasper, my closets friendships. I have Bella, and that's it."

Emmett points toward the kitchen window, where Bella was the last time I saw her. "She is what you wanted more than anything. So much so that you didn't give a rats ass about how it would rip apart your family!" I can tell that Emmett is trying not to raise his voice.

"I never once tried to justify it."

"And you will keep paying that price, 'cause I can't forget that you would do that to me, that you wouldn't give two shits about hurting me that way. Hurting our whole family. I can't forget that that is the man you are."

"What should I have done? How should I have handled it Emmett?"

"Does that even matter anymore? It's not like you can take it back. There are no 'do-overs' in real life, Edward. You showed me the kind of brother you are and it's not the kind I want. The damage is done.

"It's not even about me wanting Bella back," he continues. "I accept whatever it is you two have...I mean the girl is being thrown into this Jerry Springer worthy shit for you, so she must love you...so even if I could forgive you, you still aren't my brother."

His last comment hits me like a ton of bricks. I stand mute as Emmett brushes past me, and back inside. I finish my cigarette in silence and toss the filter over the balcony. Mom will bitch about it tomorrow, but I don't give a fuck tonight.

I walk back into the house to see Emmett smiling and laughing with Elise and Bella. "Bella loves chocolate covered pretzels," Emmett tells Elise, as he hands one to Bella.

"Thank you," she says with a smile.

Emmett turns his smile to Elise. "She says it's what the ocean would taste like if it were chocolate. I told her that sounded gross, but whatever," Emmett laughs.

"Shut up," Bella laughs with him, shoving his shoulder.

I'm a little jealous that I didn't know about the chocolate ocean. I don't understand why it's so easy for him to forgive her, and not me. I stand and watch them interact from across the room.

"You know how much someone loves you once you hurt them," my dad says quietly as he walks up beside me. "It's easier to forget the hurt she caused because the betrayal doesn't feel as deep to him. You, you are his brother...and one of the last people he ever expected to cause him so much pain."

"I just don't know how to earn his forgiveness."

"Funny thing about forgiveness. It's not earned, it's a gift."

The doorbell rings and Emmett looks up. "That's for me," he announces, as he makes his way to the door.

A few moments later, I watch as Rosalie Hale walks back into my world. "You guys all remember Rose," Emmett says.

My mom and dad say hello. Bella smiles politely.

"Edward, Bella, it's nice to see you guys," she smiles, as my mom offers her a cup of coffee.

"You too, Rose."

"Yeah, I didn't know you and Emmett still _saw_ each other," I add. I guess I'm not above the snide comments either.

"Rose and I are just friends," Emmett responds. "She's been a great friend to me these past few months…probably my best friend. Rose has been seeing Royce King."

"Our history professor?" I ask in shock. Last spring we shared our one and only class together with Royce King. He is young for a professor, probably twenty-eight, and an all around good looking, well put together man.

"Which is history, since I took summer classes and graduated early."

"Oh? That's great, Rose. What are you doing now? Working?" Bella asks.

"I got involved with this charity called Fairy Godmothers. Their mission is to help underprivileged girls get prom dresses. I am in the midst of starting up the Seattle branch. After that, I may get sent to other cities to do the same."

"Wow, that sounds amazing," Bella comments sincerely.

"It is. I love to see the girls' faces when we find them the perfect dress." Rose turns to me, "Edward, I saw you got into pro-skateboarding. I was actually helping this girl who was gushing about you, showed me that skateboarding magazine with your picture and everything."

I shrug. "Medical school doesn't pay for itself."

"Neither does a baby," Rose adds.

I smile tensely at her attempt to goad me. "Nope."

Bella pulls me closer to her. "You were in a magazine?" she asks, keeping her voice low.

"Yeah, it was stupid. They just took a few pics with the board I designed and did a little bio. Nothing crazy."

"You have fans?" she asks, looking slightly impressed.

"Sure, I guess."

"I wanna see it. We should keep that stuff. It's a big deal. You might want to brag to your grandkids one day."

"Please shut up with words like grandkids." I am being playful, with a little bit of serious thrown in. Those words scare me.

Somehow the discussion shifts to Thanksgiving, which is only a few weeks away. "Bella, you are more than welcome to join us again," my mother offers.

"Um, actually, I...ah...I promised my mom I would come home this year. I was meaning to talk to Edward about it because I was hoping he would come to Arizona with me," she looks at me shyly.

My mother looks upset. She hates not having us home for the holidays. Emmett already said there is no way he can fly out even for the night.

"You don't have to come...but I promised her I would be home." I can tell by the tone of her voice that it's more important than she is letting on.

"No, that's fine. I want to see where you are from, meet your mom...fully dressed..." I trail off thinking about the one and only time I met her mother, in nothing but a towel.

Bella bursts out laughing. Everyone questions what I mean with the fully dressed comment, and we let them in on Renee walking around in Bella's apartment in nothing but her terry cloth towel. I swear I hear my mother mumble "classy."

"So, I guess it's just us three. Maybe we can go visit grandpa and grandma in Forks."

"Forks?" Bella almost laughs.

"It's where Mom grew up. She moved to Seattle for college, and then settled here. Her mother, Elizabeth, and father, Edward, still live there." I explain to Bella. "It's a small town, close to Canada, rains all the time. Lots of forest too. We used to love to walk the trails and Emmett liked to search for bears. He made Mom so nervous."

"Oh, I met them last year at Carlisle's birthday party," Bella says.

"Gosh, I can't believe it's been a year," Esme notes.

I can't believe how much life can change in a year. This time last year I was fucking my father's residents in his office. Now, I am living with a girl who wears my ring on her finger, have a baby on the way, a skateboarding contract, and a brother who can't stand to look at me. If only I could get my brother to forgive me, my life would be looking pretty good, even with Julian's unplanned arrival.

As much as I was scared, there was this occasional spark going off when I thought about his birth. It came at rare moments…when I felt like Emmett was attacking him…or when I saw Elise at her recital and remembered holding her as an infant…or when Bella said it was okay to feel joy.

I still felt more fear than joy because there is so much I don't know. I have never changed a diaper. When Elise was a baby and she got fussy, I handed her off to mom or dad. Feeding and nap schedules weren't even a blip on my radar. I wasn't ready for this at all, but I was trying my best to accept it. I have come a long way in a short amount of time, all thanks to Bella.

SS4DL

Later that night I'm curled up with Bella in our bed. She has her hands on my chest and rests her chin on top of them as she looks up at my face. "Can I tell you a secret?" she whispers so quietly I probably wouldn't have heard her if I wasn't looking at her.

"Anything," I tell her.

"My mom never really wanted me."

"She told you this?" I ask, because I am in shock. I can't believe any parent would tell a living, breathing child such a horrible thing

"Yeah. Over the years I've heard things here and there. My father was excited. He wanted me, but my mother just never got the whole parenting thing down. I know she loves me. But she just...doesn't know how to be a mother. She tries her best, so I don't hate her, but it's one of the reasons my father's death was so hard on me, and on her. She knew she wouldn't be enough. He was, though, and I know my father would have liked you. I don't want your son to ever feel about you like I feel about my mom. That would break my heart, because you are a lot like Charlie in the way that you love."

"Tell me how," I almost beg. I'm in dire need of some encouragement at this moment.

"He liked to tease," she laughs. "But I knew that he did it because he just wanted to see me smile. If I had a smile on my face, his job was done and done well. You do that, too. You try to make me smile just so you can see it.

"He was protective of me. He always pushed me to do my best. He'd love to know I had you in my life to challenge me now that he's gone."

"Dating a single dad is a huge challenge though," I tell her.

"No it's not. It's pretty easy if you love the guy."

"And it's easier to face when I have such an amazing girlfriend. Thank you, Bella." I lean forward to kiss her head and I tell her that I love her.

I may have picked her over family, but there is no doubt in my mind that I made the right choice in choosing her. I wouldn't be half the man I am without her in my arms.

* * *

**Review for teasers. Merry Christmas! See you in 2011! **


	21. Chapter 21 Someone Like You

**SM owns. **

**Thanks for being so patient and waiting for the update while the holiday's came and went. I workded. Yeah. Christmas Day and New Years day. And the $480 day for Christmas, not worth it. Just saying. **

**SO, must thank my girls. HippieStarr, PrettyKitty, Mo'Reading, and My2GalsPal. Thanks so much for doing all you do for me and encouraging the crazy idea's that pop into my head while I write then re-write. **

**People are aksing how long this is going to be...I really have no idea. I'll be surprised if I get to 30 chapters though. So it's close to ending. **

**Chapter 21: Someone Like You**

_My life in the rear view,  
I'm running from Jesus,  
Don't know where I'm goin' to.  
Got nothin' to lose, I'm fightin' my demons,  
Been lookin' for someone like you,  
I've been lookin for someone like you._

_So, sing me a song,_  
_I know all the words to,_  
_And I'll sing along,_  
_Could you be my savior?_

_Been out here too long,_  
_And I've just been lookin' for somewhere to belong_  
_they'll be holdin' on_

_So, can you save me now?_

_-_Boys Like Girls

**BPOV**

I'm a little weary of this trip home with Edward. For one, my mom doesn't know much about him. She doesn't know about his impending fatherhood. She doesn't understand the extent of his involvement in skateboarding community. She doesn't know my intentions to move with him to some unknown city upon his acceptance to medical school. I'm afraid all these things will make her worry.

The father thing though...that is what _I_ am worried about.

I try to be as supportive as possible about it all, even though it hurts. What else could I do? How else should I feel? Demonstrating frustration, anger, fear, or depression won't change the situation. They are all very valid emotions, and I do feel them all on occasion, but where would negativity get me in the long run? Nowhere. I'm not willing to end our relationship because of this, so I just have to be positive and support him. Be... whatever it is I will be to Julian.

That aspect has me freaked out, too. I'm not ready to take on any type of motherly role, and that's okay because I won't be his mother, or even his step mother for that matter. I won't be his aunt, or sister, or cousin, or…anything. Legally and in the eyes of our society, I won't be anything to him and that upsets me and scares me so much that I just push those thoughts down when they surface.

I don't plan to keep this information from my mother, but how do you say, 'oh by the way, my boyfriend's having a baby…with another woman.' I know she will tell me to walk away. I know she will tell me I am too young to get wrapped up in all of this drama. I can't walk away though, and I don't think she will ever grasp why.

When we find my mom's car sitting outside the airport, the greeting is awkward. None of us know what's appropriate. After some deliberation, I get a hug, and Edward gets a kiss on the cheek. Mom tells him how excited she is to meet him, obviously forgetting that they already met once. She does not, however, tell me how happy she is to see me. All she tells me is how much she hates the black nail polish I am wearing.

We quickly put our bags in the trunk and got into the car. It's then that my mother decides to bring up Jacob and how excited he is to see me.

"Jacob?" Edward questions.

"Bella's first love," Mom conveys with a mischievous smile.

"Hardly," I add with a roll my eyes.

The conversation dies with my words and I decided to close my eyes and focus on the warmth I missed over the past year. The sun is bright and warms my skin. "Gotta love that sunshine," I hum in contentment. Edward just looks at me and smiles.

"We can live somewhere sunny one day," Edward whispers, with a wink.

Edward was in a different world. He watched as we passed all the cattle farms around my small home town. He even called me farmer Bella and joked that we should dress up like the American Gothic painting while we were here. You know, the farmer couple with the pitchfork. Mom thought it was hysterical.

Before long, we pull up to the house. Edward takes my hand as we step out of the car in front of my childhood home. Unlike the Cullens' house, ours is nothing fancy, just a two bedroom bungalow. I suddenly realize how much I have missed the terra cotta roof, the cacti, and the red soil. I hadn't been home for a long time. Too long.

The house smells exactly the same as it used too. I do notice some new furniture, but there are no major changes. Mom tells me Phil moved in a few months ago and the furniture is his. I notice my father's recliner is no longer in the family room.

"Where is Dad's chair?" I question, looking around at the new leather sectional.

"That old checkered thing? We got rid of it, honey. It was beat." Her cavalier words sting. It wasn't just some ordinary piece of furniture; it was my father's chair. He came home and sat there every day after work. I remember curling up with him in that chair while he watched baseball and drank a few beers.

"Daddy loved that chair..." I mumble to no one in particular. My mother certainly doesn't care. Edward, sensing my distress, wraps his arms around me and gives me a quick squeeze. I smile up at him sadly.

"Why don't you go put your bags back in the guestroom," my Mom suggests.

I'm taken aback momentarily. "Guestroom? What about my room?"

"It's still your room whenever your home. I just re-decorated, got a bigger bed, gave it a fresh coat of paint. No big deal really. I thought you would be happy that you and Edward didn't have to squeeze into that twin bed."

"Edward doesn't have to sleep on the couch?" I question in surprise.

Mom chuckles and raises her eyebrows in disbelief. "Why? So he can sneak into your bedroom in the middle of the night? You are an adult, Bella."

"Right," is the only response I can muster. I turn to Edward and smile, grab his wrist, and pull him toward the guestroom. I shouldn't be upset that the room isn't really mine anymore. My true home is with him.

I lead Edward through the door and he kicks it shut with his foot. His hand wraps around my wrist and he jerks me toward him. His hands grasp my face and his mouth finds mine. His kiss is needy. He bites my bottom lip. My tongue slides against his. I can feel his mouth turn up into a smile. I break the kiss and lean my forehead against his.

"I'm making out with a boy in my bedroom. My father is rolling over in his grave right now," I laugh. Edward quickly joins in. This unguarded moment is nice after all the awkwardness since we arrived in Phoenix.

I pull away from Edward to look around the room. The new queen size bed is covered with a teal comforter accented in a white leaf pattern. The room is painted a chocolate brown and the furniture is white. The only thing that remains from 'my' room is a picture of my father and I that sits on the dresser. I smile, because honestly, it's the only thing important enough to stay. I don't miss my black and purple Roxy comforter, or the gray walls. I don't miss the posters of Green Day or my teen heartthrob, Leonardo DiCaprio.

"I'm a little disappointed. I thought I was going to get to see the room you grew up in," Edward explains, picking up the picture of my father and me.

"I know you would have loved to see my posters of Leo." I take the picture from his hands and trace over my father's face. I miss the way his mustache used to scratch my skin. I smile fondly, at the memory as I place it back on the center of the dresser.

Edward knows I don't want to dwell on my father right now. Thanks goodness he can read me so well. He always make me smile even when I want to cry. "I won't hold Leo against you, if you don't hold Britney against me," he says with a grin.

"Deal."

Later that evening we spend some time sitting on the front steps so we can enjoy the weather and have some time to ourselves. The sun has set and the temperature has cooled, but in reality it's still in the high sixties. Edward puts on his black beanie. I laugh and tell him he's silly. "It's not cold enough for a hat."

"I know. I just like it." he shrugs, offering me his newly lit cigarette as we sit together. "What am I going to tell your mom about everything?" he asks, tentatively.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean...I love you and plan to be with you for the long haul. I don't claim know how everything works, but I assume the impending birth of your live-in boyfriend's child isn't something you fail to mention to your mom."

I stay quiet for a long moment. I inhale and exhale a few times on the cigarette. I was already freaking about this because I know it's the truth. Mom already told me Edward was a hottie and that I should not let him go. When she knows about the reality of his life thought…let's just say, he won't be able to skate by on his looks alone. He needs to make her love him. This should be easy; he is Edward after all.

Edward's head drops into his hands and he rubs his eyes with the heels of his palms. "Fuck. It sounds like such a soap opera." Edward says breaking the silence. I laugh, and choke a little on the smoke before I give the significantly shorter cigarette back to him.

"I don't know, Edward. I'm sure we will figure out how to tell her. Just be your charming self and make sure she loves you," I add half joking as I bump my shoulder to his. He wraps his arm around me, holding me close. I feel his lips against my temple and I smile happily. I love the way he smells like smoke, honey, and leather.

Just then my mother peeks her head out to tell us that she and Phil just opened a bottle of rum. I smirk at Edward. He laughs and walks inside to make me a drink. He knows me so well.

I light another smoke from the half empty box of Camels and then expel the smoke above my head. I suddenly realize I hear footsteps close by. I look around and see a male form approaching through the darkness.

"Hey Bells! Didn't think you'd come and go without seeing me, did 'ya?" Jacob asks, as he steps into the small pool of light which shines through the glass in the front door.

"Of course not J-Cru," I smile up at him. He earned the nickname J-Cru because of his resemblance to a younger, buffer, taller version of Tom Cruise. He's taller than he was when I left almost four years ago. More muscular too.

He takes my hand and pulls me up off the step into a huge hug, lifting my feet off the ground, and holds me to him for what feels like forever. This isn't a "hey-it's-good-to-see-you hug. This is an I-missed-the-shit-out-of-you-and-never-want-to-let-you-go-again hug. This is not good.

"Babe, I got your dr-…" Edward's voice breaks mid-sentence as I hear the screen door click shut. Jake lets me go and I turn to Edward, taking one of the two drinks in his hand.

I decide introductions are in order. "Jake this is my boyfriend Edward. Edward this is Jacob." I sincerely hope Jacob caught the emphasis I placed on the word _boyfriend_. "Did you want a drink, Jake? I could get you something if you were going to hang out." I offer, trying to be polite.

"Yeah, sure. I'll take a drink," he accepts eagerly.

"Cool. Why don't we go inside? I know Mom really wants to see you."

Jake walks past me, then Edward. They both nod at each other. I haven't told Edward much about Jacob. Emmett knows all about it, but Edward? Not so much. The only thing he knows of Jake is what my mother told him earlier.

"Soooo…" Edward drags out, holding my arm to keep me from following Jacob inside.

"Soooo?" I repeat after him.

"That's Jake? The first love?" Edward questions.

"That'd be him," I confirm.

"He better not be giving you those looks all night."

"What looks?" I laugh.

"You know what looks. He looks at you like you belong to him. Like my title of boyfriend means shit. I saw the way he rolled his eyes when you introduced me as your boyfriend."

"Are you jealous? Of Jacob Black?" I ask in amusement.

"No, I am not jealous. I just don't like other guys trying to mark territory that doesn't belong to them by pissing all over my girl."

"You wouldn't call that jealousy?"

"No. Possessive. I'd call that possessive."

I lean up and give him a quick peck on the lips. "Let's get inside before the green-eyed monster gets you," I chide with a mocking shake of my head before taking his hand and leading him inside. As we walk in I hear Mom and Jake laughing about something.

The next hour is spent with Jake talking about the good ole days of Jake and Bella. I don't know if he is doing what Edward said, trying to stake his claim on me because of our past, but I don't like it. I also don't care for the fact that Jake and his father will be eating Thanksgiving dinner with us tomorrow either. I'm not sure how well I hid my shock when Mom dropped that information right out of the blue.

I was still contemplating that new information when Jake asked a question that I really didn't want to discuss with him. "Bells, your mom said something about you and Edward meeting because you were dating his older brother up there in Seattle?"

"That would be the short version."

Jake turns to look Edward straight in the eye. "Pretty shitty thing to do to your brother. Are you guys close?"

Edward takes a deep breath to control himself before answering. "We were very close. It hasn't been easy...but I love Bella. The whole situation is really complicated and not as black and white as it seems."

Jake takes a sip of his beer, ignoring Edward's explanation. "What are your plans after you graduate Bells? You moving back home?"

"Actually Jake, that was something I was going to discuss with my mother during this trip."

Mom's hand flies to her chest, covering where her heart would be. "Oh, Bella. Is that why you are upset about your room? We can change it back. I didn't think you'd want to move back here."

"I don't mom. I'm going with Edward." I turn to look at him. This isn't how I pictured this conversation, over drinks, instigated an ex-boyfriend, but there is no reason to hide.

"Where are you going Edward?" Mom asks.

"Medical school. I haven't gotten my acceptance anywhere yet so I won't know exactly where until February. I have...family in San Francisco, so I am hoping to get into Stanford in order to be closer."

"Now that you mention it, Bella did say you were going to be a doctor. That's wonderful. Who is in San Francisco?"

Edward takes a long sip of his drink before making eye contact with my mother. "My son will be."

Edward looks back down at his drink, and takes another sip.

"Son?"

"Yeah, Edward's ex-girlfriend is expecting in March," I clarify.

"Ouch," Jake blurts. "So Edward fucked over his pregnant girlfriend and his brother to be with you, Bella?

"They weren't that serious..." I respond, trying to defend Edward, but it only makes the situation sound that much worse. "I mean, it's not like he dumped his pregnant girlfriend for me. She didn't even tell him until September."

My mother's eyes widen as she looks from me to Edward. Jake is trying not to look too smug over all the shit that's currently hitting the fan.

"Bella," Edward says, placing one hand on my knee, "it's fine. Really." He clears his throat and begins to explain. "I meet Audrina on vacation. We kept in touch after I came home but it was hard to make things more serious with so much distance between us, but we did became close friends. She came up to visit in June, when I was fighting my feelings for Bella. I tried to convince myself I couldn't have Bella because she was with my brother. But then he left, and Aud left... and I couldn't fight my feelings for Bella any longer. I took a chance and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I just want her to be happy. It was a huge shock to me when Aud came up in September and told me the news. Bella has been amazing in the amount of support she has shown me."

I had trouble reading the situation and really didn't want to get into all of this at the moment, so I hopped up with my glass and asked, "Anyone need a refill?"

You know me: Bella Swan, aka The Avoider.

**EPOV**

What. The. Fuck? Did she just…did she get embarrassed and walk away like I didn't just lay myself on the train tracks in front of her mother? I didn't expect her to make excuses for me and try to protect me, but I didn't expect her to run away either. She is seriously asking if people want fresh drinks?

No way. She does not get to do this.

I push up from the couch and follow her into the kitchen, because I'm a man on a mission. I grab her arm. "What the fuck was all that about, Bella?" I ask, trying to whisper.

"Edward, I just really didn't want to do all this now…in front of Jacob."

"Are you ashamed of me?"

"What? Are you crazy?" She seems taken aback.

"I just shared a ton of personal shit with your family and you decide it's time to play cocktail waitress! You completely left me hanging out there."

"You don't know how my mom works, okay? She needs time to process all this. I didn't mean to make you feel like I didn't care. I'm sorry, but I know she has like a million questions and thoughts she wants to voice and that was my way of telling her not now. Not with Jacob in the room."

She walks toward me with a sad look on her face. She tells me she is sorry again and takes my hand. I close my eyes and take a deep, cleansing breath. I pull her into a hug and rest my chin on the top of her head.

When we walk back into the room her hand is in mine and she sits in my lap on the couch. We ignore Jake, her mother, and Phil. Her left hand goes to my face and she kisses me playfully with a big smile. Her forehead rests on mine for a moment before she pulls back to place her drink on the coffee table.

"That is a very nice ring, Bella," Renee comments warily.

Bella glances down at her hand and a smile lights up her face. "It was a gift from Edward." She looks up at her mother before turning her attention back to me. Most girls would gush and shove their new ring in everyone's face. Not Bella though. She isn't like most girls, and that's part of the reason I love her so much.

"That looks like a very expensive gift." You can tell by the tone of her voice that Renee is dying for more information.

"Mom, just because you worked in a jewelry store for five minutes doesn't mean you're qualified to appraise jewelry," Bella says as she rolls her eyes.

"It was five months, Bella, and I can recognize a quality piece of jewelry when I see one. That is a platinum ring with a sapphire surrounded by diamonds. I'm pretty sure it's not a twenty-dollar cubic zirconia from the department store, Bella."

"Mom, it's really impolite to talk about money like this."

"It's fine Bella. You are right, Renee. It wasn't an inexpensive gift, but Bella is worth every penny." I don't really want to get into how much I actually spent on the ring, mainly because Bella would flip out if she found out I spent over a month's worth of pay on it. I don't have to send Aud any money until Julian is actually here, and Bella deserves something great from me.

"Is there a meaning behind it?" Renee continues to dig, taking Bella's hand in hers to examine the ring more closely.

"I just want to make sure everyone knows my intentions when it comes to Bella. I want the best for her, I want her to be happy, and I want Bella to know she isn't just following me to medical school next September. I want her to know that she's important to me and that I want her in my life."

When Renee speaks I catch a change in her voice and a new emotion in her eyes. "That is very noble of you Edward. I'm sure Charlie would be very pleased to see Bella with a boy as concerned about her happiness as he was. They do say girls fall in love with men who are just like their fathers," Renee points out.

"How about those Seahawks?" Bella asks no one in particular. I laugh at her poor attempt to change the subject.

"We aren't in Seattle Bella, and Phil plays baseball," I point out.

"Yeah, well I love my father, but it doesn't mean I want to compare him to my boyfriend. It kinda skeeves me out. So yeah, how's baseball, Phil?" Bella continues to deflect.

Phil, Jacob, and I all get into a lengthy discussion about sports. Sports I don't really follow. I do know enough to get through a conversation though. After an acceptable amount of time shooting the bull I excuse myself and head into the kitchen to check the messages on my phone.

My new rep, Mike, has left me a text. He isn't happy about the time I am spending away from the warehouse and the mega ramp because there's only a week left until the competition. I assured him before I left that I had the mega ramp nailed, but he wants it nailed twice for the X-Games. I promised him I'd find some time to skate while I was here. Bella said she knew some places we could go for a few hours. I'm staring down at my phone, trying to think of what to text back to Mike when I feel a hand on my shoulder and Renee calls my name. I look up and give her a small smile.

"Do you think my daughter is ready for this life with you? I mean it's a lot for such young people to deal with."

"I think she is more ready for it than I am." I admit. Renee nods in what I assume is agreement, but it could just be resignation.

Her next question knocks the wind out of me. "If she wanted to leave...would you let her go?"

"Of course I would, if that is what she wanted. I'd never ask her stay if it was too much for her."

"I don't want Bella to miss out on life," she adds quietly.

"Like you did?" I immediately regret my hurtful comment and move to apologize before she can compose a response. "I'm sorry, that was out of line. Bella has a good head on her shoulders, you should trust her to make the right choices for herself."

"I know she does, Edward. I just want her to enjoy her youth."

"She is. My responsibilities are exactly that. Mine. I don't expect Bella to do anymore than she feels comfortable doing with my son."

"I just don't want my baby to get hurt."

"Neither do I." With that, I take my drink and walk back out to Bella. _My baby_.

When I reach the living room Bella says she is tired and ready for bed, but I ask her to wait ten minutes so I can finish my drink. Jacob finally leaves when we say goodnight and by the time we climb into the bed, I am so drunk that the room is spinning. I would usually say that's just a normal Thanksgiving Eve occurrence, but there was nothing normal about tonight. I wouldn't normally choose to spend the evening in the company of my girlfriend's mother and my girlfriend's ex who obviously still hold a flame for her.

Not that Jake threatens me, because he doesn't. After all, I'm the one with Bella in my arms tonight. Not him. He can suck it and keep reliving his glory days in high school it for all I care. I'm the one that's working toward a future with the girl.

"You okay?" Bella asks. My face must show the aggravation I'm feeling toward Jacob Black.

"You really dated that guy?" I ask. She laughs and shoves me.

"Shut up. He was cool in high school...he just peaked early. He really is a good guy and a close family friend. He just doesn't always think before he speaks."

I chuckle sarcastically. "Bella the guy is forever seventeen."

"I don't know why you are getting in attack mode." Bella runs her fingers through my hair in an attempt to help me calm down.

"He spent half the night trying to make our relationship insignificant."

"Because I'm the most significant person he has ever had a relationship with. It's hard for him to see me move on."

"I guess," I sigh. I kiss her head. Tell her I love her.

"Love you." she yawns against my chest.

The next morning I wake up to the smell of bacon and cinnamon. Renee is making breakfast. Cinnamon buns, Pillsbury not homemade. Bella says it's for the best.

"Wanna go skateboard with me?" I ask her over breakfast.

"Bella hasn't done that in years." Renee pipes in after swallowing a mouthful of cinnamon buns. The steam rises from the part she just bit.

"Actually, Edward's encouraged me to pick it back up," Bella informs her mother before taking a bite of crisp bacon.

"Oh? Well you should invite Jake. He still likes to do that from time to time too."

Bella attempts to squash that idea immediately. "Edward really has to practice, Mom. He isn't going to goof around."

"Wait a sec. Maybe it'd be good to have a little...competition. Is he any good?" I ask Bella.

"Better than me," she shrugs.

"Did you just start skateboarding Edward? Jacobs been doing it for years, he might be able to help you." Renee explains.

"No, no. I've been skateboarding for over ten years. I just have an event I need to prepare for. Bella will kill me if I get hurt," I explain with a wink at my girl.

Renee looks puzzled. "Event?"

"Edward just started pro-skating. He is going to the X-Games next weekend," Bella answers.

"I didn't even know they had professional skateboarders," Renee states.

Bella turns to me. "Mom has no idea about the X-Games," she says, apologetically.

"Oh, well the X-Games are an extreme sporting competition."

"Yeah, anything dangerous," Bella adds with a pointed look in my direction. I know she is worried, but I have been working my ass off making sure I am prepared and safe.

"I told you not to worry about me, babe. I'll be fine."

"Bella always worried. I was shocked when she told me she was riding on those skateboards," Renee says.

We finish breakfast while trying to explain pro-boarding to Renee. It's tedious because she asks a lot of questions. I start to imagine some childhood teacher telling her that no question is stupid, and that just isn't true.

After breakfast Bella and I meet up with Jacob at a local outdoor skate park. Jacob makes some stupid comment, hoping to get a rise out of me, about how he taught Bella everything she knows about skateboarding. I, being a dick, tell him that is no longer the case.

Skateboarding with Jacob Black becomes a pissing contest. He has no idea how good I am. I don't tell him. He challenges me to one up him on ground tricks. I feel like a pool shark. I act like he impresses me. That I can't top whatever he just did, then I do the same trick with mock surprise.

Bella nudges me and tells me to knock it off. "What?" I ask her innocently, with a peck to her lips.

Jacob looks at the half pipe and back at me. This is where I will really school him. He does some lame kick flip.

I go back and forth in the pipe to gain enough air and flip the board, do a one eighty spin and grind the top of the half pipe before I drop down.

Jacob's mouth is on the ground. I skate over to him and Bella. She looks a little upset at how I am showing off.

"Oh, didn't I mention I'm a pro-skater with Plan B?" I ask him a little of breath.

"No. No you didn't," he hisses at me.

"Do you like the board I designed for Bella? Did you show him, babe?" I ask with a wide smile.

Bella shakes her head at us in disgust. "I haven't had a chance since you two started this little show."

Jacob takes her board from her hand and examines it. "Just like your tattoo. I remember taking you for that tattoo," Jacob looks up at me.

"Are you two done yet?" Bella is annoyed. "I need to get back to help Renee with dinner before we have nothing edible for supper. So when you two are done pounding your chests or whatever it is you are doing, we can go."

SS4DL

The rest of the weekend wasn't so bad. Dinner was good. I took the time to call home to talk to my family. They went to Forks and I get to say hello to my grandparents. They say something about an exciting Thanksgiving and I can't imagine what's so exciting in Forks. They must just not be used to having Elise around. Grandpa Edward puts my mother on the phone.

"Are you having a nice time?"

"Yeah. It's like seventy degree's here."

"Did you and Bella go out for the big night?" she asks.

"Big night?" I question. I assume she is talking about Thanksgiving Eve and she is, but she has never asked me about it before.

"You know the biggest party night of the year. People like to get drunk and do foolish things."

"Bella and I just stayed in with her family."

"Your brother didn't," she states.

"So. He always parties," I respond with a shrug. Emmett never needed a reason to party. We are talking about a guy who thrived off living in a frat house.

"Well, late last night we got a very drunken phone call from him."

"What else is new?" I say sarcastically.

Suddenly Mom's voice is very reprimanding. "It's Thanksgiving, Edward. Your brother is spending it drunk and out of his mind. As a matter of fact, he was arrested for public drunkenness and things don't look good for him. Your brother has been very lost since that stunt you and Bella pulled."

I really thought we were past this so mom's words come as a shock. "Wait just a minute. Don't blame me or Bella for his drunken stupidity."

"I'm sorry, sweetie." I can hear the emotion in her voice. "This is just not how I pictured my son living his life. It isn't like him to act this way. He is a thinker, and obviously he hasn't been thinking clearly since his heart was broken."

"I'm sure he will work it out. It's not a big deal."

"One can only hope. He may very well be discharged."

"Wow." If what my mom said was true, then Emmett is really fucking up. Being a Marine was his dream and for him to be making such poor choices...well it scares me in a way I could never have imagined.

**Review for Teasers. I'm all shameless like that. **

**I want to rec a story that has been owning my ass. It's called We Were Here by Lola-pops. Its like 3 chapters so far, and if you are a fan of My So-Called Life, this fic will bring you back to 95 with this story. I swear. Rose is Rayanne. Edward is Jordan but smarter. I don't know if she even knows MSCL, but man it just brings me back. Tell her Robicorn sent you when you review! **


	22. Chapter 22 Crash and Burn

**SM Owns. **

**HippieStarr, PrettyKittyFF, Mo'Reading, and My2Galspal are the bomb. **

**Chapter 22: Crash and Burn**

_I wonder what it's like to be like you  
(I wonder what it's like to be like you)  
To never really care how bad it hurts  
(To never really care how bad it hurts)  
So go ahead and lie and keep moving on  
It's all about yourself and you're never wrong  
I'll watch you crash and burn_

_The day is gone_  
_It's cold out_  
_I walk alone as you fade out_  
_I don't know why I'm reaching out_  
_And now I know you won't come back_

-Simple Plan

BPOV

I remember watching the 1999 X games when Tony Hawk debuted his new trick, the nine hundred. He failed ten times trying to do that nine hundred degree aerial spin. Even though he went over the time limited, he won first place for best trick.

Edward is going for seven hundred and twenty. He isn't Tony Hawk and he hasn't been skateboarding in this capacity very long. It's not that I don't think he can do it, I just want him to stop and think, to realize that it is a huge undertaking. He says he doesn't have a choice though. Go big or go home is his motto.

Right now Edward and I are at the skate park before his event starts tonight. He is scheduled to be here for a certain amount of time and hang out with fans or whatnot. As a matter of fact, it's in his contract. He holds my hand as we walk through the grounds, drinking hot cocoa. We need the warmth because it's freezing. A few snow bunny type girls giggle and approach him. He smiles and happily poses for pictures. I bite my tongue and step aside because this is his job.

Some of the fans we have to put up with bother me more than the fact that Audrina is carrying Edward's baby. Some girls flirt with him even as he holds my hand. Some flirt despite the face that I stand here with his black and white checkered flannel that is his with the the black Plan B beanie with Cullen embroidered across the front. These girls…make me mad.

Some actually try to act like they care that I exist. 'Is this your girlfriend?" they ask. Edward always responds perfectly. He kisses my head and introduces me as "his everything." They all pretend to find it romantic and say things like "Awwww!" or "How sweet. You're so lucky." I always smile and agree. I am lucky.

I don't do fake though and all these girls are fake.

Edward laughs at my reaction when I spot Tony Hawk. Edward finds the time to introduce us a bit later. Tony is nice, even though I can't seem to form coherent sentences. He wishes Edward luck on his attempt to complete the seven-twenty on the mega ramp later that night, then asks why Edward isn't at the warehouse making sure he has the move down pat. Edward explains his three hour obligation to mingle. Tony thinks it's bull shit that Plan B has him out here when it's obvious he needs to be practicing. Edward laughs off the comments and appears confident. I can tell that in his mind, he already has it down pat.

As time wears on I decided to step back from the spotlight and I sit at the top of one of the half pipes on my skateboard. I idly roll side to side, drink my hot cocoa and watch my boyfriend skate with Tony Hawk, Shaun White, and Rodney Mullen. Everything seems so surreal.

"This seat taken?" a male voice asks.

I look up and almost spit out my hot chocolate. It's Ryan fucking Sheckler. I suddenly feel like such a fan girl. Sure I had a crush on Leo, but Sheckler was the guy I actually thought I might have a shot with…if I ever stalked him at the X games and flirted enough. Kind of like what these snow bunnies do all over Edward. He was the youngest pro skater ever, and at the young age of twenty-two has a lot of respect in the industry. I used to think he was the hottest skater, too...but Edward's totally better looking.

"No," I reply, trying to maintain my composure. I'm also trying really hard not to picture him shirtless. You know, like on the cover of ESPN.

He hikes up his baggy jeans, sits down beside me, and pulls the hood of his Etnies hoodie over his golden brown hair. He shakes his head to the side in some lazy attempt to get his long hair out of his hazy green eyes. His style is a lot more gangster than some others.

As I sit and gawk at one of my teenage crushes, he holds his hand out to me, I reach to shake it. "I'm Ryan," he says.

"I know," I reply with a blush. It was hard to speak to Tony Hawk, but not this hard. Tony is not this hot, and I feel guilty having that thought because Edward is right here. Right now.

He laughs at me. "And you are?"

"Bella. Sorry." I try to keep eye contact and be cool when what I really want to do is ask for a picture.

"Beautiful name for a beautiful girl," is his response.

Really? The boy I dreamed of during my high school years...is flirting with me. I don't see how he can find me attractive right now. My nose is red from the cold, my hair is hidden under this beanie with Edward's name on it, and I'm making quite the fashion statement in fingerless black gloves and an oversized flannel shirt with straight leg jeans.

"I guess," I say, raising my eyebrows at his comment but trying to remain calm.

"Cullen, huh?" he asks as he points to my hat.

"Yup."

After a brief pause he simple asks, "Want to hang out after the games tonight?"

I'm taken aback by his invitation because I figure it's pretty evident that I'm here with Edward. "Can't. You know...Cullen..." I trail off, pointing to Edward, skating with boarding legends.

Sheckler just shrugs my comment off. "I'm sure Cullen can find some other girl to follow him around for his big comeback. Can you even call it a comeback if you never really started?"

I get that he is full of himself, and it should turn me off, but he totally has the right to be full of himself. Plus his cockiness is kind of hot.

"Well, if I were just some girl looking to hook up with a random skater this weekend I would totally follow you. Since Cullen is my boyfriend and I don't really want to leave him, I'm going to have to pass."

"YO SHECKS!" Edward yells over at that moment.

"YO CULLEN!" Ryan yells back as Edward skates over.

Edward stops right in front of Ryan, cocks an eyebrow and asks, "Why not do something totally original this weekend and find your own girl instead of attempting to take mine?"

"Why do you always think I want your shit?" Ryan laughs and hops up to greet Edward with some complicated handshake followed by a quick guy hug. "How's the family?" he asks.

"Good. Thanks for asking. I see you meet my Bella," Edward says as he motions toward me with his outstretched hand.

"I did. Very nice," Ryan answers appreciatively.

"Hello. I'm standing right here," I point out. Edward reaches over and pulls me up into his side with a cute little chuckle.

The guys get involved in a conversation about how much they use to compete back in the day. It's also mentioned that Edward backing out of his deal was the best thing that ever happened to Ryan's career. Chances are had Edward been on the scene then, Ryan wouldn't have had all the undivided attention.

I back out of the discussion and watch Edward in his element. He is having fun messing around with the guys, while I sit on his board, proudly wearing his beanie. I smile as I take my bottom lip between my teeth. Because I'm not part of the conversation I decide to let my mind wander to the last night...

"_Hotels. I love staying at hotels." I say to Edward, walking out of the bathroom in my black lace bra and thong. _

_Edward pushes himself off the bed and stalks over to me like I was his prey. He doesn't touch me, just walks around me in a circle, hungrily looking over my body. _

"_What do you like about staying in hotels?" he asks. _

"_I don't have to make the bed," I answer. _

_He stops behind me and wraps his hands around my waist, moving his palms over my stomach and then up my ribcage. His places his warm lips on my neck and gently sucks. _

"_I guess that's a good reason." I can feel his smile against my skin as he speaks. I walk forward, he follows. I can feel his hardness pressing into my lower back. _

_He wouldn't give up his position of dominance behind me, and wastes no time encouraging me to get up on the king size bed, crawling up behind me. I move to turn over, but he stops me. "Stay like that for me," he whispers in my ear. _

_I hear his belt buckle clanking as he works to undo it. His hand ghosts over my ass cheeks, then up my back until he unclasps my bra and pushes it down my shoulders. _

_I look back at him kneeling behind me, shirtless, pants half undone. I lick my lips in appreciation, and move my ass closer to his crotch. _

"Babe? Are you there?" Edward laughs, his comments pulling me from reliving the amazing sex we had last night.

"Yeah, sorry. Just zoned out I guess."

He starts telling me about the plans he made to party after the games tonight, once he takes the Gold right out from under Shecks nose.

Boys.

The group is still laughing and trading good natured jabs at each other as we say goodbye. Edward's time here is done so we can finally leave. As we walk off Edward asks me what I was thinking about.

"Last night," I answer with a smug smile. God the sun was never so blinding.

Edward groans and nuzzles my neck. "It was a great fucking night."

"I want to do it again tonight," I smile and taunt in my sexiest voice.

"I want to do it again right now," Edward growls and squeezes my ass playfully. I am so in love with him in this moment. So proud of him.

Moments later he leaves me at the hotel lobby so he can get in a few hours of practice. As I watch him walk away I realize that all I want is him forever. I don't ever want to lose this feeling. I plop down in one of the red plush chairs to figure out how I can kill a few hours.

I pick up a magazine and start flipping through it when I nearly jump out of my skin when Ryan Sheckler jumps over the chair behind me.

"What's up, Bel-la?" Yeah he says my name in two distinct syllables.

I shrug and answer, "Just trying to figure out how to kill some time."

"I have an apportionment in a few minutes. Wanna join me?" he asks.

"What kind of appointment?" I question warily.

"I'm getting' inked."

"Oh? I love tattoos. Sounds like a great way to spend the afternoon."

"Cool." He stands up and offers his hand to help me up. As he walks toward the bank of elevators I wonder what he's up to.

"Where are we headed?" I question.

"Up to my hotel room."

I stop dead in my tracks at his answer. "I'll just wait here until you're ready to go then."

"No, that is where I'm ready to go." When I look at him in confusion he explains that the tattoo artist is waiting upstairs. "Don't be scared. It's just that my guy comes to me so it's more private."

With that assurance we continue on our way, but I'm still cautious. Once we reach his room he opens the door and holds it wide so I can peek in. Sure enough, a man waits inside with all his equipment set up: needles, guns, colorful inks and sterilizer. Ryan introduces me to the heavily tattooed man Nick. I keep my distance and wave with a smile.

"She want any work done?" Nick asks.

"I don't know. Bel-la, you want anything?" Ryan asks as he grabs the beanie off my head. I try and fix my hair as he tosses the hat down on the bed.

I look between the men, then down at my hat, and come up with an idea.

"Yeah?" My response sounds more like a question.

"Is that a yes?" Nick asks.

I look directly at him and answer with more confidence. "Yes."

Nick finishes his prep and goes to works on Ryan's forearm. Loud music blares through the room and I watch in fascination as the lines are laid down on the skin and then the design is filled in with color. I didn't expect Ryan's tattoo to take over an hour, and right in the middle of mine, Edward is blowing up my phone looking for me.

He's worried that I'm not at the venue yet. I tell him I've been working on a surprise for him. I can tell he's a bit distracted. He just wants me by his side before he makes his way to the top of the mega ramp. I assure him I wouldn't miss it for the world and end the call.

Ryan and I leave in a rush to get to the games. The side of my breast is tender and covered with plastic. We're in such a hurry that I didn't really have time to admire my new artwork, but I will later…with Edward, the inspiration for the whole thing.

Ryan and I enter the venue in rush and head straight down to the first level. He is running late, didn't practice at all today, and is still as cocky as ever. His Rep doesn't even care and security lets him right in.

My path is suddenly blocked though. "Pass, miss," a deep voice demands.

Fuck.

"It's cool, she's with us," Ryan explains to the guard while grabbing my wrist.

The beefy security guard sticks out his arm, blocking me from Ryan.

"I'm sorry. I need passes from everyone. No exceptions, no matter what."

"Shit! Just a minute, I have it." I am frantically searching through my bag but I can't find the stupid thing. I keep digging. Deeper. Deeper. What is all this useless junk; flyers, brochures, and tattoo aftercare instructions. Where the hell is my pass?

"AH HA!" I yell in delight as my hand finds the infernal pass. I hear an announcer call 'Edward Cullen on deck'. I triumphantly shove my pass in the guard's face and run as fast I can to Edward.

When I reach Edward I jump into his arms and he holds me close. The pressure hurts my new tattoo, but I don't care. I can't believe I almost missed him. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. I was worried, but you're here now." I hear the note of relief in his voice. "Look, I have to head up," he says, glancing up the huge ramp.

"I love you," I remind him with a smile and a wink. "Knock em' dead, gorgeous."

He kisses me hard and for some reason the crowd goes wild. The attendants are calling him to move up the steps of the sixty foot ramp. Edward smirks at me, as the announcer says something about a pretty girl distracting him. I look up at the big screen and there we are, kissing. I blush like a schoolgirl. Edward just chuckles, puts his finger under my chin to turn my attention back to him, and gives me one last peck on my lips before he heads off for his first of three possible attempts.

Edward picks up his board and yells "Love you, too," giving me his signature crooked grin, and jogs toward the steps. Turning back quickly he shouts, "Oh, and I can't wait to see your surprise when I'm done!"

"FOCUS!" I yell before he turns around to face the monster.

I look up at him, sixty feet in the air; I know the adrenaline is pumping through his veins. This has me on edge and I'm just watching. I almost forget how gravity will actually hold him to the steep ramp once he lets go.

I am only half listening as the announcers talk about him and the trick he will be attempting. My heart is in my throat as Edward drops the nose of his board and careens down the ramp. He lands the first run but doesn't get the seven-twenty. It was more like a five something and I can tell by the set of his jaw that he is pissed.

The second attempt goes much the same and suddenly, Edward is down to his last attempt.

One more chance.

On that last chance, when he spins forty feet in the air and lands a seven-twenty, the crowd goes completely wild. I'm cheering so loud I think I may lose my voice. My cheers die in my throat as I notice him getting squirly on the board. It's curving to the right and making him slide on his way back up the other side of the ramp. While the fans are still cheering, I cover my mouth and pray he just lets himself wipe out. I should have known better. I start breathing heavily while half the crowd is still clueless as to what is about to happen, and as he comes up the ramp he loses the board from under his feet.

"EDWARD!" I scream as I run as close to the gate as I can manage. His arms and legs flail as he free falls from forty feet in the air. I see it all as if I was watching in slow motion on mute…until he hits the ground. His body makes contact with the wooden ramp, feet first, with a sickening thud. The force sends his shoes flying from his feet. Sounds rush back to my ears and I can suddenly hear the announcers saying things like 'hardest hit I've ever seen' but everything else is deathly silent.

I stand frozen on the sidelines. The sight of medics rushing out to Edward as he lays unconscious on his stomach spur me into action.

"I have to get in there," I say to no one in particular. Then I turn to the closest security guard I can see. "Can I get in there?" I asked breathily.

He looks at me sympathetically and shakes his head no.

"Please," I beg. "I'm the only family he has here. Please!"

Mike, Edward's rep, comes up and takes my hand. Ignoring the guard, he pulls me out to Edward. I have no idea what I expect to see but I steel myself for the possibility of something gruesome.

When I finally see the site I notice there is a lot of blood. As I stand and watch them work over Edward I realize all the blood is coming from one small cut above his eye. I breathe a sigh of relief as I remember head wounds tend bleed heavily.

When they finally let me close I kneel by Edward's head. "Baby? Edward?" I croak out and hope for a response.

He groans and I take that as a good sign. I hope he hears me, that he is really with me.

My phone starts ringing. I wouldn't bother with it but I know his family was watching and it's probably one of them calling. I glance at the display and see Emmett's name. I really want to answer the call, but I can't focus on anything other than Edward at this very moment.

Just then his eyes open slowly, and he tries to get up. Several voices speak at once and hands move to keep him restrained. "Don't try and move. Can you tell us who you are? Do you know where you are? What day it is?" the voices ask on top of each other.

"Bella," is all he says and tries to reach out for me.

Right now, that is the sweetest word I've ever heard. "Don't move, sweetheart," I say through my tears and gently push his hair away from his face.

And wait.

**EPOV**

I clearly recall a time in my childhood when I was around thirteen or fourteen; that Emmett thought it would be funny to challenge me to a game of chicken. He was riding his bike and I was on my skateboard. I thought I was the shit so I couldn't back down. Well, we were both too stubborn to veer off course and let the other person be declared the winner. We didn't exactly collide, but it was only because he laid his bike into a low skid, which scrapped up his leg badly, and I jumped over him. Actually, I did a flip and landed hard on my back against the concrete. I ended up with seven staples in the back of head.

I thought that was the worst wipe out ever.

I don't know exactly what's going on but I hurt and I can hear Emmett's voice. This makes me wonder just how fucked up I actually am. The last time we spoke was right before my turn at the X games.

I was waiting for Bella when my phone rang out in the tone set specifically for Emmett. I was really excited he called me…until he started talking. He was completely drunk and acting like an idiot.

"_Em? Hey, what's up?" I ask cheerfully. _

"_How do you do it?" is the only greeting he offers._

"_What? Skateboard?" _

"_No," he responds with a dark chuckle. "How do you act like your life is perfect and that you didn't lose part of your family, because I miss my brother and shit ain't the same." _

_I'm almost happy when he admits that he does miss the relationship we had. "Life's not perfect for me, Em. I hurt too." _

"_It doesn't seem like it as I sit here and watch you on ESPN. Looks like your life moved on as if I never even mattered to you." _

"_Should I be in mourning? Should I stay the house until you have forgiven me? I don't get what you expect me to do, Emmett." _

_I hear nothing but disdain as he says, "I just want you to know what it feels like to be me." _

"_Aren't you doing what you wanted to, what makes you happy?" I question._

_He just laughs, and then the line is completely silent for a second. "I'm living," he finally says. _

"_Yet you are living your life. Why do you think I shouldn't do the same?"_

_My question sets Emmett off and he yells, "Because you are the one with the debt to pay. You owe it to me to be miserable for a while." _

_I can't believe we're back here so close to the time I'm supposed to compete in my first X Games. I try to move away from the crowd to get some privacy, but it's impossible, so I try to keep my voice calm and low as I respond. "This again? I'm hurt too, Emmett! Believe me!" _

_His last words hit me like a ton of bricks. "I hope you crash and burn." And with that, Emmett hangs up. _

That call took me out of my game mindset. I was already anxious as I waited for Bella, so I called her. Let me just say that I wasn't too pleased that she was with Shecks, but the idea of a surprise sounded nice and so did her promise to recreate the night before again tonight.

Right then I decided that I wasn't going to let Emmett's hostility take me out of this game. I had every right to move on with my life, as did he. If he wasn't going to be happy unless I was suffering then we both had a lot of shit to deal with.

When Bella ran towards me at the last second all my worries just melted away. It was just the two of us and a skateboard. Nothing else mattered.

I put Emmett and his negativity out of my mind. I was only thinking about each run ahead of me and what I had to do to land this trick. Then I did it, and let me tell you, I wanted to cheer for myself. Unfortunately, the board started sliding to the right. I thought I could recover and land the second trick if I tried hard enough. I was wrong though and I completely lost my footing mid air.

I remember thinking, "Oh, fuck." I know I kicked my legs and waved my arms and thought, "Can't stop this shit from happening, so just take it like a man." I tried to keep my legs together as my feet impacted with the ramp.

After that all I remember are Bella's brown eyes full of tears.

So, what's going on now? Am I dead? Maybe. Am I alive? That's a maybe too. I do know that I feel like death warmed over twice, so I assume I am alive. I figure I wouldn't be in this much pain in heaven.

Of course, this could be hell.

If I am alive, I have to be screwed after that fall. How screwed? Not sure. I can't move my legs but I can wiggle my fingers. Now I feel pressure on the fingers that I just moved. I can also hear Bella's voice but it sounds far away. I can tell that she is talking to me though.

I am scared to death right now because I can't really move. At all. I feel like my body is strapped down and like my head is stuck in a vice. I do remember hearing a lot of people tell me not to move right after my fall. I can't open my eyes, and even if I wanted to I don't think I would. I'm too afraid of what I would see.

What would I be faced with if I did open my eyes? Did I wipe out so badly that I ruined my future? Medical school...would that still be possible? Taking care of a kid...how well will I be able to do that?

I think a tear slides down my cheek as I think of Julian. Another when I think of Bella. How well can I love her? Make love to her? How much of a man will I be if I can't use my fucking legs?

Another squeeze of my hand. Talking. A new voice. Words like 'think'. 'Pain.' Coldness in my veins. Too murky to think. Trapped in my mind.

Then…warmth. My right hand feels warm. I move my thumb along skin that isn't mine. I want to turn my head to the side and look at Bella, because I know it's her, but I can't.

I'm not dead so I go ahead and open my eyes. There's my Bella, staring down at me. 'It's okay, babe,' she whispers softly. 'Guys, he is waking up!' she calls over her shoulder.

"What's...what's wrong with me?" My voice is so hoarse I wouldn't recognize it except for the fact that it says the words I'm thinking.

The faces of my family come into view. I can't move to see them so I only see the pieces of each face that are in my line of sight. I move my eyes to side to side and take inventory.

My Mom.

My Dad.

Emmett.

Back to Bella.

"Edward, you are in spinal traction," my dad starts to explain. "Do you remember what happened?"

"Ah…yeah."

"We don't know the extent of your injuries yet because your spinal cord is swollen. We call it spinal shock. From the impact of your fall...It seems you have some feeling in your legs, but you can't move them. We won't know the extent of nerve damage until the swelling goes down."

"I'm...paralyzed?" I choke out in a whisper.

"We don't know that yet. You have been given large doses of steroids to help with the swelling. We can't say anything for sure at the moment."

He's not giving me an honest answer so I push. "But I could be?"

"There are no tests to determine if any nerves were permanently damaged or if they just aren't able to function due to the swelling."

"You didn't answer my question, Dad," I say through clenched teeth.

"Yes, Edward. You may be paralyzed from the waist down."

Can't say I like what I hear but it's definitely an answer. Now I just need to wrap my head around it. I really want to scream. Throw shit. Sob. But I can't even turn my fucking head in this shit they have me hooked up to on the bed. This traction shit. All I can do is ask, "Can I have a minute?"

My family walks toward the door. Bella goes to leave too. "Not you," I manage to say, trying hard to reach out and grasp her fingers again.

We sit in silence while the room clears. Once the rest of my family is gone Bella strokes my face and whispers, "You scared the crap outta me."

I need to tell her what's going on in my head. "I'm freaking out," I manage before my voice cracks.

"Shhhh, don't. It will be fine. _You _will be fine," she reassures through her words and touch. She sounds so sure, so strong and confident.

Now I have to be strong. I don't want to say this but I need to let her know she has the option. "If I get stuck in a wheelchair...I wouldn't be mad if you moved on."

"Shut up," she replies immediately. "Now you're just being stupid. I'm not going anywhere. Don't you know you are stuck with me? I mean, if I were going to leave you it would have been when you told me about Audrina, or when you ditched me to snort coke all night...never for something like this. We aren't even sure we need to worry about that yet so stop borrowing trouble."

"I don't want you to miss out on shit because of me."

"We won't." Her use of the word 'we' is like a balm to my aching soul. How does she always know just how to sooth me?

"There are so many questions I want to ask and just as many that I don't want to ask, because everyone is so hesitant to label me paralyzed...yet...but if I am...will I be able to have sex? I mean will I be able to give you the things we talked about a few weeks ago? Kids at twenty-six-ish? Will you want the help of half a man to raise kids? What would happen if…."

"Stop," she interjects. "You would never be half a man. I don't know the answers to those questions or if they are problems we even need to worry about...but they do have solutions and I'm here to help you figure everything out. I'm with you, Edward, because you make me extremely happy and because I love you with my entire being. You really are jumping the gun, babe. Everything they see leads them to think you will be fine once the swelling goes down. They are hopeful and you should be too. It could be a lot worse."

I roll my eyes at the 'a lot worse' comment.

"You won the silver," she says with half a grin.

"At what cost?" I ask myself.

Bella kisses the top of my head. "You have a small cut here..." she brushes her fingers across my right eyebrow. "That is what scared me the most when I first saw you. There was a lot of blood."

"All I remember is your face."

She smiles. "Not one broken bone, Edward. It's a miracle you didn't break your legs."

"Nope, just can't move them. Some miracle," I mutter.

There is a small knock on the door and I try to look that direction before I remember I can't move my head. I do recognize Emmett's voice as he asks, "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"I'll just leave you two alone." Bella kisses my lips lightly before leaving. I listen as her feet carry her out the door. Next, I hear Emmett pull a chair up to the side of my bed. Since I can't move my head I can only see him out of the corner of my eye.

"I'm so sorry," he says quietly. "I feel like this is all my fault. I should never have called you and said those things. It was fucking awful."

I remain silent for a moment. "Remember the chicken episode? The staples to the back of my head?" I ask without acknowledging his apology.

"Yeah," he replies hesitantly.

"_That_ was your fault. This…not so much. This one is all me and my cocky attitude. I wanted to high five myself after I landed that seven-twenty, and I lost control. It wasn't anything you said. Trust me. I am way to self absorbed to let someone's words take me out of a game." We both chuckle briefly and it feels like a small weight is lifted from my immobile shoulders.

When Emmett speaks again I hear tears in his voice, even though I can't see them in his eyes. "I want my brother back. I don't want to fucking lose you, Edward."

"You haven't." I wish I could turn my head to see him. Maybe this is better. It's easier to be honest this way and it definitely sounds like he is crying now. I could never handle watching him cry.

"I was drunk when I called you. I wanted to call you back right after I hung up and say how sorry I was…just be fucking brothers again...but it was too late. You were already doing your first run. I was excited for you…wanting you to nail that stunt so I could call you and just say sorry and we could start moving forward from there. Then you did nail it...I jumped off the couch, so stoked for you...then you fuckin'...it was hard to watch but I couldn't look away...I thought I might never get the chance to have my brother back. I was such a jerk for so long."

"So was I," I admitted.

I didn't fucking care what brought us to this moment, just that he was here. I desperately wanted my best friend back.

It suddenly occurred to me that someone was missing. "Elise?"

"Mom called Grandpa and Grandma down from Forks to sit with her while they flew out. Mom ran out of the room when it happened, so she didn't see. You should see the replays in slow motion though." I can hear that he is smiling. I smile with him. I do kinda want to see that shit. I try to nod, but I can't.

Emmett reaches over and pats my hand. "Why don't you try to get some rest, Ironman?"

"Ironman?" I ask in confusion.

"Yeah, that's what they're all calling you. Ironman. A spill like that and not one broken bone."

"Nope, just spinal shock," I reiterate and roll my eyes. I'd much rather have the bones in my leg shattered and pieced back together with metal rods and pins than be paraplegic. Does everyone think they are making me feel better by telling me I didn't break any bones?

A bit later Bella tries to feed me some food, but I'm not really in the mood to eat. I want this shit off. I want to just get the fuck out of the bed and walk away. Want to but can't.

More time passes before some doctors come in and run some more tests. I can feel what they do to my legs, and it make me more hopeful. The docs think the prognosis is better now that I am lucid enough to actually respond.

Give it time they say. Just wait they say. It hasn't even been twenty-four hours since the accident, and they think things are already looking up.

Of course, they aren't the ones lying in bed wondering if they will ever walk again.

**Okay! So you know the deal, Reivew for Teasers. **

**I'm still over the moon for Catalanoward aka Tagward. Aka the Edward in We Were Here, if you didn't listen to be last week, listen to me this week. And Rose Arcadia made me happy by simply tweeting my name with Lola-Pops. That is all. Enjoy the Golden Globes. **


	23. Chapter 23 I Like You

**SM owns. As Always, cause if I owned it, Midnight Sun be complete, Jake would have died, and there would be 8 books all about E and B having babies. **

**I have to thank all the girls that help me with this story. You all know who you are, and I love you bunches. **

**I want to thank Lemonade Stand on blogspot for having me included in the weekly poll. SS4DL came in 3rd place against some pretty tough competion! First was Parachute, 2nd was Mr. Horrible. So, yeah thats a big deal to me! **

**Oh, and Nicole don't hate on Aud too much, k? k. **

**Chapter 23: I Like You**

_It's like a little piece of heaven  
When you stay  
You make me feel like it's all  
Okay  
And now I know that the sun  
Will only shine  
When the clouds go away  
Cause that's how you make me feel  
That's how you make me feel today_

_-_Christina Perri

**BPOV**

One of my favorite movies ever; Cocktail. Doug Coughlin introduced me to Murphy's Law which says that if anything that can go wrong, it will go wrong. That sums up my life. And Edward's life. Apparently even Emmett's life. Is it like karma biting us in the ass?

Why Emmett though? He didn't do anything to deserve this mess. I mean the guy just got dishonorably discharged from the Marines. It was not entirely because of his arrest either. They were reviewing the issue when Emmett went AWOL to be by his brother's side. That just put the nail in the coffin.

Edward is in a wheelchair. For how long? We don't know but we hope not forever.

Me? I just keep watching Cocktail over and over again. I don't know why. Maybe because it's such a pessimistic movie, that still ends well? I mean the part when Tom Cruise end's it with that Bonnie chick and she is all upset that it's ending badly. He tells her, "Everything ends badly, otherwise it would never end."

So is this the end…or will I be lucky enough to get some cheesy Hollywood ending...?

Esme gave us her blessing to live in the houseboat once we returned from the X Games. It was really the best environment for Edward after the accident. I mean the couch turns into a bed, and it's easy for Edward to avoid the steps. He has a physical therapist and an occupational therapist come out every day to work with him. Therapy helps keep him strong, show him how to do things for himself.

You'd think he would be a complete ass; all pissy and mad at the world. At first he was. All the guys from the X Games came to see him and brought his silver medal. Once they left, he seemed to change his attitude. I don't know what they said, or even if they said anything at all, but I am happy Edward isn't angry anymore. He is hopeful that the swelling will go away and he's working really hard to get back on his feet.

I am so proud of him.

It's me I'm not so proud of. I should be...at least thankful. Instead, I'm the one that is angry. Not at Edward. Just at the situation. Karma is a real bitch, and I'm just waiting for something else to happen to really screw up our lives.

Thankfully Edward is still getting a paycheck from Plan B. Any injuries sustained while skateboarding are covered in his contract. They really didn't try and screw him over, even though they gave him a shitty rep at first. Mike comes by everyday to see how he is.

Edward is crazy busy between therapy sessions and making up missed class work. During every free moment he has been immersed in books. I find myself falling behind, too. Edward is helping me. He swears it helps him too, but I don't know. I get the feeling he just says that to make me feel better. I don't care about my GPA though. While Edward needs to maintain his GPA, I just want to pass.

The physical therapist, Garrett, has just arrived. I let him in with a smile. Edward greets Garrett with a handshake and a big smile. Edward says he is ready to get to work, so I leave the room. I can't stand to watch them show Edward how to transfer from his wheelchair to the couch or wherever. I have trouble seeing Edward stuck in that chair. I keep expecting him to just...stand up. To walk.

I go outside, where it's freezing, but I don't bother with a coat. I light a smoke and try really hard not to cry. I haven't cried in three days, my longest streak since the accident. I hug myself against the cold and as I smoke my body shakes, trying to stay warm. I'm startled when I hear heels against the wooden deck that surrounds the house boat. I turn to see Emmett and Esme. Their hands are full. Emmett's are really full considering he holds a Christmas tree, while Esme just carries a few bags.

"I thought you two would like a Christmas tree. I love to decorate for the holidays," Esme smiles and offers by way of explanation. I can't help but smile back.

"That's great, Esme. Thank you so much," I reply as I open the door for them. I let them know that Edward is inside with the therapist and that I'll be in shortly.

A moment later, Emmett comes back out with a coat. He drapes it over my shoulders and stares at me.

"Thanks," I say, exhaling smoke with my word.

"What's the matter Bella?" he deadpans.

I roll my eyes at myself. It really is stupid.

"Come on, you can tell me." Emmett smiles warmly, placing his hand on my shoulder. I glance through the glass behind me and into the room beyond. Esme is unpacking the bags full of Christmas decorations, and Edward is scowling out at me and Emmett.

"I'm angry. Like _really_ angry that all this is happening. I-I..." I stop myself and whisper the next part. I'm afraid to say it out loud, as if I'd be tempting fate or something. "Karma is a real bitch, Em. I'm afraid we brought this all on ourselves."

"Life is a bitch, Bella. It's not karma, it's just life, and life ain't always good, ya know? Bad things happen to good people, but good things also happen to bad people. It's all about the way you handle the shit life throws your way. You could spend your days angry, or drunk like me, and lose everything you dreamed of, or…shit, I never thought I'd say this...but you could be like Edward and just try to make the best of the situation."

I let out an exasperated sigh. "It's just so hard," I whine.

"I know," Emmett commiserates.

I have to ask the tough question, but I'm not afraid to because it's Emmett. "Do you want to drink?"

"Every day. But why succumb to the thing that doomed me? Why let it swallow what I have left?"

"You like the AA meetings?"

He chuckles, but doesn't really seem amused. "Ya know, it works if you work it, or whatever," he answers with a shrug. Then he grabs my cigarette and takes a long drag.

"Give up one addiction for the other?" I ask, as he hands it back, but he doesn't answer.

"I miss the simple things, Emmett."

"Like?"

I don't even have to think before I answer. "Climbing on his back. Hugs that lift my feet off the ground. Running with him. Walking hand and hand. I know I shouldn't care about not having those things right now, because I have him...so then I get angry at myself."

Emmett wraps one arm around my shoulder for a hug. "He will get better, Bella. It won't be like this forever."

"I know," I nod and talk into his chest. He holds me for a minute longer before Esme comes out. She sounds a bit uncomfortable when she asks Emmett to put the tree up.

"Sure thing, Ma."

I put out the cigarette and go inside with him. I offer to put on tea or coffee. I know Edward wants hot chocolate as soon as Garrett leaves so I make him and Emmett some with big marshmallows. I hand Edward the mug and he grabs my wrist as I was turning away to go help with the tree. I look down at him. I try not to think about that because it makes me sad, and I smile at him instead.

"Come here," he says, setting the mug on the end table. I step towards him and he places his hands on my hips to pull me into his lap. He likes me on his lap. He says he can feel my weight and that helps him remember he has a good chance to walk again. I know I shouldn't be so angry.

Esme walks off to help Emmett, giving us a bit of privacy. "I should help with the tree," I whisper to Edward as he puts his lips on my neck.

"What was going on with you and Emmett outside?" he asks softly.

"Nothing, really. He was just telling me about AA and stuff."

Is omitting the same as lying? Yeah. I thought so.

I give him a peck on his lips. He smiles. By now, the tree is up and he wheels us over. We start putting on the ornaments Esme bought while Emmett puts on the star.

Sensing that things were too serious, Edward decides to throw tinsel at me. I respond by draping some over his head. He just shrugs and leaves it there. He mouths 'I love you' to me and then he pops a wheelie in his chair.

"Edward, stop that!" Esme scolds.

It makes us all laugh which makes Edward do it again.

SS4DL

"Show it to me."

Edward asks me this every night. There has been no sex. Edward avoids the whole topic, saying as soon as he is on his feet again it's going to be the best sex ever.

So until then, I do this for him.

Every night.

I pull off my shirt, tossing it over his face. Next goes my bra. That lands on top of his head. He pulls me to straddle his waist on the couch, and then lifts my left breast slightly to see where it says 'Edward' in pretty black cursive. The tattoo I got the day of the accident.

I didn't show Edward until we got settled at the houseboat. I asked him if he remembered my surprise. Of course he did, but he was afraid to bring it up. That was the first time I took off my shirt and showed him the mark he left on my soul. Deep enough for me to permanently mark myself with his name. He kissed me, like really kissed me, for the first time since the accident on that day.

Right now, I feel his fingers move along the script. His neck stretches and he takes my nipple in his mouth. My hands go to his hair. I rock my hips, surprised to feel hardness beneath me. I pull away and look at him in surprise. He looks down and smiles at this accomplishment. I wonder if this is this how guys feel when they take Viagra?

"Can you do anything else?" I ask. He doesn't say anything for a minute. It seems he is concentrating.

"Check out my toes." I look down and sure enough, they are moving.

"Wow."

A stunned wow is all I can manage. The doctors said movement and feeling may gradually come back as the swelling decreases. We just have to give it time.

His hands work to push down my flannel pajama pants. I stand to make it easier. He doesn't even bother to take off his basketball shorts. He just pulls out his dick, pulls me down to him, and kisses me harder than he's ever kissed me before as I sink onto him. His hands grip my hips as I move up and down. My back arches and I put my hands on his knees to steady myself. His thumb moves to circle my clit. The sensation is too much and I come undone. I close my eyes from the brightness this moment holds. He steadies my quivering body with his strong hands and I feel him pulse inside me.

He pulls me to him, holding me so close. So tight I almost can't breathe. I don't care. I want him to hold me tighter. Our breathing is labored as he reaches out to smooth my hair. "I love you, so much Bella."

"I love you."

SS4DL

Edward continues to make progress and I can't hide my smile the day he stands with a walker. I don't feel the need to leave the room anymore. Edward needs to start going to the physical therapy gym now. The special equipment available there will help him regain his strength. Emmett offers to drive him those days.

Despair isn't even on my radar these days.

Emmett came over to take me to the apartment and pack some stuff. He has decided to take over the lease now and Edward and I will stay at the houseboat until we find out where he got accepted into med school.

"Thanks for helping me get this stuff, Em."

"Not a problem, Bella," he answers with his winning smile.

I thought it might be weird...to be back in this bedroom with Emmett. We shared so much here. He comments about how much it's changed. Half of the space belongs to Edward now. I ask him to get Edward's stuff packed, while I get mine.

Emmett comments on how I seem to be doing better. Part of me wishes it wasn't because of Edward's improvement, that it was just me being a stronger person.

"Stop being like that Bella," Emmett says while tossing a pillow at me. I catch it and throw it right back at him.

"Like what?"

"You know." Unfortunately I know exactly what he means but just roll my eyes in response. He turns away and continues packing things.

Eventually everything is packed in boxes and ready to be taken down. I'm leaving the big furniture for Emmett, so all we have are boxes. Emmett thinks it will all fit in his jeep but I'm skeptical. I do end up with a box on my lap, but we don't have to make two trips.

When we get back to the houseboat I grab the box from my lap and head for the door. I kick the door open and immediately drop the box when I'm confronted with the sight of a very pregnant Audrina. She is bringing Edward a bottle of water from the kitchen.

"Shit!" I exclaim, dragging my eyes from her to get the box on the floor. Emmett walks in behind me, places his boxes on the floor and helps me gather the contents of my spilled box. Luckily it was nothing fragile.

"Babe? Everything okay?" Edward calls.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Box just slipped out of my hands," I call back. "Thanks." I mumble to Emmett as we scramble to pick things up off the floor.

"You okay?" he whispers.

"She's pregnant," I hiss.

"We know this."

I nod and swallow. I do know this. That doesn't mean I was prepared for this moment.

I do manage to say a quick hello before running for the bedroom. I am trying my hardest not to cry. I really don't want to cry. I stand by the window looking out over the water, fighting my gut reaction. I don't want to feel this way over Audrina and especially not the baby.

I don't hear him enter the room but I do feel him, smell him. As his body comes flush against my back, I close my eyes. I let out an unsteady breath, and allow myself to sink into his strong chest. He rests his hands rest on my forearms. After a moment, I turn slowly and bury my head in his chest.

"It's okay, Bells," he reassures.

"Is it?" I ask, looking up at him.

He wipes my tears, holds my face, and looks at me adoringly. His thumb strokes my cheek. His palm holds my chin. His face moves toward to mine.

Closer.

Closer.

Until his lips touch mine.

"Emmett, stop," I say as I push him away. "This isn't right."

"I'm sorry," he whispers before leaving the room.

**EPOV**

I wheel around to see if everything is alright. I want to help, but I'm not sure how to help. It can be fucking frustrating in this chair but I know it's not forever. Shit I was up on my feet just today.

Emmett and Bella are kneeling together on the floor, whispering. Emmett stands and gives Bella his hand to help her up too. She smiles, and then brushes her hand off on her ass.

I wheel over, "Everything okay?" I ask.

She bends over and kisses my cheek. "Fine."

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to come over unannounced," Audrina apologizes.

Bella dismisses the apology with a wave of her hand. "It's fine. W-what brings you around, Audrina?" I notice the stutter which means she is upset. I look over at Audrina and see what Bella must see. A round stomach, filled with a life. It makes my stomach queasy, anxious and nervous so I can just imagine how my girl feels right now.

Audrina looks sheepishly at Bella. "I watched the games to see Edward. I couldn't believe that happened. I just wanted to come out and show some support. I hope that's okay."

Bella smiles like the polite hostess she is. "Of course. That is really nice of you. Can you excuse me for a minute?" Bella asks. Aud and I both nod and Bella hustles up the stairs.

I was just as surprised to see Aud on our doorstep. She explained why she was here and I told her she didn't need to come all this way because I was fine. She said something about being friends, placed her hands on her round belly and told me we were linked forever. I stared at her stomach for what felt like forever. Too long actually. It was not because I was amazed, though. It was more like having the wind knocked out of me.

I turn back around and watch Emmett as he greets Aud with a hug and then we head back toward the living area. On the coffee table are a few 3D ultra-sound pictures of Julian. Emmett picks them up and yells "Fuck, Edward! He totally has your jaw."

"Aud, had those done a few days ago. She was just showing me before you and Bella came back." The shots are interesting. In them he is sucking his thumb, sleeping, and evidently moving all over the place as a few of the pictures are pretty blury.

I can tell Aud is really proud because she is always smiling when she talks about him. I'm just trying not to throw up because knowing and seeing are not the same.

Emmett looks at me from the corner of his eye. "The kid looks like you from the womb," he mutters.

"I'm aware," I respond aggressively. I'm clearly not a proud parent. I mean, I want to be a good father, but I'm beginning to think I will never be ready for fatherhood.

Emmett puts the pictures down, and I do a wheelie in my chair as Emmett excuses himself. I notice him jog up the stairs, I guess to check on Bella.

There hasn't been much small talk since Audrina got here and what there was pretty much centered on Julian. We did talk about how it would work if I ended up going far away for school. We tentatively agreed that I would get Julian once a month for a week. Aud offered to fly him every month, because her father is a pilot for Delta. Ideally I get into a school close to her, and I can take him on the weekends. She started talking about how things would change once he started school. I stopped her there, because that is still a good five years away.

The fact that I can't even walk right now is an issue for all of two seconds. I assure her I will be out of this fucking chair by the end of the month, and back on a skateboard a day later.

Bella finally comes back down the stairs, looking like her cheerful self, but her smile is forced. I'm not sure if Emmett and Audrina can tell, but I can. Her eyes are actually sad.

"How long are you staying, Audrina?" she asks.

"Oh, just a few days. I have to get back to work. I still have a ton of things to get before the little man comes," Audrina answers, rubbing her stomach.

I take Bella's wrist and pull her towards me. I like when she sits on my lap and I think she could really use the assurance right now so I pull her down to me.

"Have you gotten him a lot?" Emmett asks.

"No, nothing yet," Audrina admits.

"You will get a ton at your baby shower," Bella says.

"I'm not counting on it. I only have my mom and dad. Since I lived in Mexico the past few years, most of my friendships are there. I don't want to burden you anymore Edward, but I was hoping maybe you would be able to help me out...ya know, in getting him some things?" Audrina trails off.

"Right," I answer. "Just let me know what you want me to get or whatever." That's the right thing to do right?

"Thanks, so much."

"Don't thank me...it's just as much my responsibility as it is yours," I mumble.

"You might want to pick up some clothes and stuff too, for here. Maybe like a small crib and stuff for the weeks he is with you." Audrina looks around the boat, I don't know, maybe imagining it full of baby stuff.

"Don't worry. I'll set up the other bedroom for him." In reality, I hadn't even thought about needing anything for a baby until now. I'm sure my mother won't have a problem if I take the bed out of the room and use it for the baby until next September when I leave for med school.

Suddenly, everything hits me like a ton of bricks. I won't be leaving with just Bella. I will be leaving with a kid. I won't be looking for a one bedroom place; it will have to be two. For a week every month I will have another mouth to feed, another life to care for, all while studying to be a doctor. Will his weeks with me even be worth it for him? Will I be leaving him with Bella to care for most of the time? I can't do that to her. Julian is my responsibility, not hers. I don't want to make her feel like she's gone from girlfriend to babysitter. Obviously, Bella and I still have a lot to discuss.

Bella shifts on my lap, and then, almost as if she can read my mind, quietly says, "I'll help." The offer is very reassuring so I lean in and softly kiss her shoulder.

Bella is quiet on my lap while the rest of us all talk. To be honest, it's mostly Aud and Emmett talking.

Eventually, Bella gets up. I am about to ask her where she is going, but after a quick glance at the clock I already know the answer. She's going to get my five o'clock medications. I'm still taking something to help reduce swelling in my spinal cord, plus some pain medicine to help control the shooting pains I sometimes get in my legs.

Fortunately, Plan B can't drop my contract because I got hurt while boarding. That also means I can't ignore all the media outlets that want to talk to me about what happened. Sports Illustrated wants to follow my progress, all the way until the day I get back on a mega ramp.

Which I have every intention of doing someday. Skateboarding is part of me, in the very marrow of my bones. I won't give up. I know there are other things in my life, but I can't just stop boarding because I got hurt.

"Edward, he's kicking! Do you want to feel it?" Aud asks, bringing me out of my thoughts.

I can't really say no, can I? "Ah, yeah." She walks over and takes my hand, resting it on her stomach. It takes just a moment before I feel the kick. It's indescribable. The pride I see in Audrina spreads through my body like wildfire.

I don't even ask, I just take Bella's hand and put it where mine was. Her eyes grow wide and a smile appears across her face. I want her to be a part of this. The more I see Audrina, and the ultra-sound pictures, and now that I feel the baby more...the more my heart fills with that pride I see in Aud. The pride leaves less room for the fear.

"Wow," Bella says in awe.

"Emmett, want to feel your nephew? Well, if that's okay with you, Aud?" It appears that I have momentarily forgotten that even though the baby may be mine, the body he's in belongs to Aud.

"Totally. I love that he is going to have all of you," she smiles, and waves her hand around the room.

"Dude, that is so cool. Do you remember feeling Elise?" Emmett asks.

"Yeah. I didn't really grasp the enormity of the situation back then...or maybe..." What I want to say is that maybe it's different now because I created him. Maybe it's so incredible to me because this is my son.

Is he though? I really can't picture Audrina lying to me about this, but I've been wrong about people before.

I actually think it'd be worse to find out he wasn't mine at this point.

SS4DL

Bella is outside on the deck, wrapped in one of my hoodies, smoking. It's just us now. I pull the sliding glass door open and roll out.

She turns to look at me, "You need a jacket. You are going to freeze."

"Nah, I'm fine. I'm actually concerned about you. You okay?" She has been so quiet since Aud showed up.

"Yeah."

"Liar."

She turns and glares at me. "You're right. I'm not fine, okay?"

"Talk to me."

"Go get in bed and wait for me." I nod, and wheel back in the house. I use my upper body strength to get from the chair to the side of the couch bed. It sucks. Moving my legs with my hands sucks, too. Sometimes I forget that they just won't move themselves.

I finally get situated and I am propped up with pillows under the blankets, waiting for her. I hate sleeping on the pull out couch, but it isn't so bad with Bella in my arms.

I hear her come in. I watch her peel off the sweatshirt, and then take off her black yoga pants. I swallow back my desire for her soft body. She sleeps in a wife beater and underwear every night, and every night I feel like a pubescent teenager. Finally, she climbs under the blankets and cuddles next to me and I remember that she is mine.

After a quiet moment, she sits up next to me. She looks down at the blankets, not at me, when she begins to speak. "Don't hate me," she whispers so quietly I barely hear it.

"I could never hate you, Bella." I push some hair back behind her ear. I want to try and get a read on what is going on, but she won't look at me.

"Seeing her...Aud...all pregnant and stuff..." she pauses, and shakes her head, "was really hard for me today."

"It was a reality check, huh?"

"I don't want to feel this way about it though," she says with a sigh.

"What way?" I really hate when she generalizes her feelings or thoughts, like they aren't valid or important.

"Jealous." She finally looks up into my eyes.

I take her chin in my hand so she can't look away. "You know I'd never leave you for Aud."

"I'm not jealous of Aud in that sense...I'm jealous that she has _him_. I mean I want to be the only woman lucky enough to carry your kids...and I just need to stop and tell you how freaked out I am saying those words, but it's true. I am jealous that she shares that with you and I don't."

"Well climb on and I can impregnate you right now." I'm half joking. I don't want one kid, let alone two, but if it would make Bella feel better, I'd give it to her in a heartbeat.

"Yeah, because that's the best reason to have a kid, Edward. Let's get to it. I'll stop the birth control right away."

"All kidding aside, I don't know how to make it okay for you. I mean...you are the one I will someday choose to have a family with. Aud is some fluke, but you...you are the one I am going to make love to one day with every intention of creating a life." I don't really know what else to say to convince Bella that she is my world.

"I feel like an awful person for feeling this way," she admits.

"You are only human, babe."

Just when I think the conversation should be winding down Bella looks away and bites her lip. "There is more," she says shakily.

"Okay."

"I don't want things to get messed up again..."

"What do you mean?"

"Emmett...we...I was upset upstairs and he kissed me. It was like a second and I pushed him away. He said he was sorry afterward." She's talking so fast that I have trouble understanding her. Then I suddenly understand everything she said. Now I want to freak out, and I can't even move. I do take my arm from around her, close my eyes and try to breathe evenly.

"It was stupid."

"It wasn't stupid, Bella. He knew exactly what he was doing," I say through clenched teeth. "Emmett...what does he think? He can just...be my brother, be all supportive and helpful and then move in on you?"

"Is that what you thought?" she asks.

I jerk my head up to look at her. "If you want to be with him, Bella, I'm not holding you hostage here."

"I don't..." she whispers.

I try not to flip out. I try to pull back my desire to call Emmett and give him a piece of my mind. Bella really knew what she was doing by asking me to get in bed. I can't even make it to my phone if I did decide to call him.

"You guys just started talking again and I don't want you to go back to square one."

"Then why did you tell me?" I ask her.

I see her shoulders shrug slightly. "No secrets. Can you trust me to handle this?"

I chuckle darkly. "How?" I ask.

"I am just going to distance myself form him...talk to him. Make sure he knows my heart is with you."

"Is it?" I ask her snidely. Because a few months ago when I kissed her, she pushed me away too.

"Of course."

"It might be easier with him, you know. You wouldn't have to worry about other women giving birth to his kid or deal with him being in a wheelchair."

"Shut up," she says abruptly, with a cold, no nonsense tone. So I do. I shut up and listen to what she has to say. "I don't want Emmett and I don't want you to start another war with him. I just want you to know what's going on. Now, if you'd like for me to go because of Aud, or the accident…if you have some speech about how I'd be better off without you, then give it to me and I'll be gone."

She stares dead on. Dead serious. When I say nothing, she goes on. "But don't try and use me being honest with you as an excuse to not give me that speech."

I reach up to caress her cheek. I need her to know how I honestly feel. "I don't want you to go."

Her features soften again as she tells me, "I wouldn't be better off without you."

"Glad we cleared that up..." I trail off.

I'm pissed at Emmett. I really thought we were done with all of this. What do I do now though? Do I ignore things and let Bella handle it like she asked me to? Do I talk to him and ask if he is putting on an act to get even with me? I just want my brother back and I really hate these games.

When it comes right down to it, you don't play games. They play you.

**Review please! I will try to send teasers...I just don't have much of the next chapter written yet..forgive me if it takes more like 10 days to get the next chapter out. I'm working on it now though. Swear. **


	24. Chapter 24 The Cave

**SM Owns. **

**Lots of amazing woman help me with this, I love them all. **

**I love you all! All of you for waiting so patiently for this. RL threw me an ironic curve ball – my husband cheated on me. So yeah, writing this story is kinda hard, but I'm trying my best. Bear with me, I won't give up. I still need to write chapter 25, so I am aiming for 2 weeks to update again. Then I hope to be back on track with weekly updates, but this should be wrapped up in 2 to 3 chapters. **

**My theme song during this whole thing... Fuck you – yeah. And fuck her too. **

**Chapter 24: The Cave**

_But I will hold on hope  
And I won't let you choke  
On the noose around your neck_

_And I'll find strength in pain_  
_And I will change my ways_  
_I'll know my name as it's called again_

_So come out of your cave walking on your hands_  
_And see the world hanging upside down_  
_You can understand dependence_  
_When you know the maker's land_

-Mumford and Sons

**BPOV**

God, she is so beautiful. Perfect even. I roll my eyes and I laugh at myself as I examine the situation. I brought her into our lives. I kissed her first. Now a piece of Edward has taken life inside her.

"I know this must be hard for you, Bella," Audrina states. Well, there's one flaw. She has a knack for stating the obvious.

"It's..." Is hard the right word? "Yeah, hard works."

"I just want to make sure we all communicate well and get along. I know you are going to be a big part in Julian's life, so I want to make sure we can be friends."

"We are friends, Aud. It just...stings a little," I admit.

"I can't even imagine. Sometimes it stings to think my son will have another 'mom'," Audrina admits.

"No, I'm not...I mean, I don't…" I stammer before Audrina places her hand on my arm reassuringly.

"You will be, Bella. You are his father's live in girlfriend. I'm pretty sure you are going to be the one watching him if Edward has class or whatever. It's an awkward thing but I try to think positively. I mean, how lucky is he going to be to have three parents to love him?"

I'm thrilled that we are finally talking about some of the hard topics. "I do want to make sure he always feels loved and wanted but actually seeing you," I gesture toward her swollen abdomen, "it threw me off. I really want to be happy but it's like an open cut that hurts when it gets wet."

"I just want you to know that it isn't easy for me either, Bella. Julian is coming and I want to make sure our issues effect him as little as possible."

"That's all I want too, Aud."

She leans in to hug me and while we're pressed together I feel the baby kick against my stomach. There is no way I can hold all this against Julian. I'm going to give him the love he deserves because he is a part of Edward. It can't be wrong to love a child so that is exactly what I promise Aud that I will always do. This isn't about doing what's best for me anymore. Being with Edward means doing what is best for Julian, too.

Edward gives Audrina a check so she can shop for baby stuff when she gets back home. She leaves a few ultrasound pictures that find a home on the fridge. We wrap up our conversation as Audrina's cab arrives to take her back to her hotel so she can pack and get a good night's sleep before her late afternoon flight home the next day.

As we hug goodbye, she invites me to be in the delivery room for the birth. I tell her I'll think about it. I never really wanted to see my own kid being born, let alone hers. Then I look at Edward and realize I do want to be there to see him though. I run my fingers through his hair, and he smiles at me.

Once she leaves he pulls out the laptop and opens up to Babies R Us. "We can just go to the store," I tell him. "It's not that far."

"Yeah? And how would you like me to load everything? This way they can just deliver it." I would suggest Emmett, but if there is another way right now it's probably better.

Edward finds a small black crib that turns into a day bed. Then he gets annoyed because he can't find any skateboard crib bedding. "Oh, no boarding, but they have surfing." he huffs as he clicks through the site. He finally settles on camouflage, deciding that he will decorate the walls with skateboarding stuff. "Maybe even some graffiti," he smirks.

"Don't go overboard here at the houseboat. We might not end up being here much longer," I point out.

"What if we did?" he asks. "You like it here, right?"

"You know I love it on the houseboat."

He hooks his finger in the loop of my jeans and pulls me closer. "What else do we need?"

"Ah...car seat? Maybe one of those bouncy seats? Rocking chair would probably be good, ya know for when he needs to be put to sleep..." I don't really know what I'm talking about but baby things just start to come to me. I rattle off bottles, bibs, a diaper bag and a dozen other odds and ends.

Edward fills the online cart, spending close to two thousand dollars when everything is said and done.

"Thirteen more weeks?" Edward says it like it's a question, but he knows.

"Yup, thirteen."

His hands move up and down my sides, then trail over my ass. He looks up at me with that amazing smirk of his. His works to unbutton my pants as I weave my fingers into his hair. He pushes my underwear down with my jeans. As they fall to my ankles Edward moves his fingers to rub along my slit. It feels so good that I gasp and pull his hair.

"You know I like it when you pull my hair," he growls before kissing my stomach. His finger slides in and out of me while his other hand anchors around my hip to pull me closer. He curls his fingers inside me to find that perfect spot. He knows when he finds it because I pull his hair again.

He suddenly pushes me back and says, "Take your pants all the way off and sit on the stool." I don't even pause to question him. I sit my bare ass on the wooden stool and he wheels over. His hands spread my knees apart and he is eye level with my pussy. He hooks his arms around my legs to pull me closer to him. My elbows hold me up on the counter behind me. Edward looks up at me with that devilish grin for just a second before his mouth attacks me. His tongue moves in and out. Up and down. It moves roughly against my clit before he sucks on it. His teeth graze the sensitive skin, causing my hips rock toward his mouth.

"You taste so good," Edward says breathily against my skin. "You like this, Bella?"

"Ah-huh," is all I can muster.

"Tell me what you like," he urges.

"When you...eat my pussy," I pant in pleasure just before I come. It's always so bright. So hot.

I look down at him and chuckle as I take in that smirk of his that I dearly love. I slide off the stool onto his lap and kiss him for what could have been hours.

**SS4DL** .

The next day, I kiss Edward's cheek and tell him I am going out for a run. He hates that I go by myself, but I can't live in fear of this serial rapist. I do try to wait and run later in the mornings.

As I come down the stairs I notice Emmett in the kitchen. "Heading out for a run? I can go with ya, Bells," he offers.

"No, thanks Emmett. I'm good," I answer with a smile.

"Bet you'd like that, wouldn't you?" Edward mumbles.

"Edward..." I warn.

"You told him?" Emmett questions with a surprised look. I just nod. "Ed, it was stupid of me..."

"Look," Edward stops him. "She isn't held here against her will. If she wants to leave and come find you she can. I won't like it, but that's her choice. On the other hand, if you are trying to get revenge or even the score...then we have problems, brother."

"It was a mistake. I don't want revenge, Edward. I just want you and Bella to be happy."

"You still love her, though," Edward states, looking Emmett right in the eye.

"Yeah, I still love her," Emmett admits. He glances at me, then directs his eyes to the ground.

"There isn't anything wrong with having feelings for someone. You just...you two are so much alike. You both act on your feelings before checking with the other person, usually me. And Emmett," I walk over and place my hands on either side of his face so he has to look at me. "I know what it's like to love you, to be loved by you, and it's amazing. You are an incredible man. My feelings for you didn't vanish, but what I found with Edward…it's like, blinding. One day, you are going to find someone that makes me pale in comparison and I will be so happy for you."

I drop my hands and Emmett nods, but doesn't really make eye contact. I kiss Edward again, and pat Emmett on the back. "Play nice, boys," I call out before leaving for my jog.

I really want to stop and find a few Christmas presents before I run. Edward hates going out these days. He thinks it's a hassle. It's easier now that he can bear weight on his legs, but he has been doing most of his shopping online this year. I'm running out of time for that though. I decide to take Edward's car and drive to downtown Seattle where I can shop. All I brought was cash so I won't get everything done, but it will still be something.

I pick up a few games for Elise because I know Edward got her a DSI. Edward told me not to worry about his parents. What he bought can be from both of us. I pick out a bunch of stuff for Edward, mostly clothes and shoes. He loves sneakers.

When I am fresh out of money, I load the bags and my phone into the car and make sure it's locked before starting my jog. It's not so easy with the busy sidewalks and streets, but I manage to make it to the park where I can run along the less trafficked trails.

Running helps clear my head of all the drama, of everything that has or can go wrong. I find my silver lining when I run free. It's during these times that the cheesy Hollywood ending doesn't seem so far off.

**EPOV**

Emmett apologizes one more time. He says he won't do it more than once. It's one of his new rules, to say sorry once and mean it. He can't be responsible for whether he actually receives forgiveness.

I suck it up and give him that forgiveness. People fuck up, I should know, and at the end of the day he is my brother. I refuse to lose any more time with him.

Even if Bella chose him, which I know she won't, I wouldn't hate either of them.

"How's Rose?" I ask, trying to make small talk.

"Good," Emmett answers. "Royce is an ass. She doesn't' see it though."

"Maybe that is the girl you should be kissing." I point out. I can see how much he cares for her. Plus, Rose is a good girl. She just didn't do much more than annoy me for some reason.

Emmett rolls his eyes. We decide to mess around with the Xbox and I kick his ass in Madden.

"What are you going to do now that you don't have the Marines?" I know it's a sore subject, but he has to figure out what the hell he is going to do with his life.

"Well, with my degree in Political Science I can do a lot of stuff. I could go to law school, into teaching, possibly immigration officer...I don't know yet. I just have to clear up that arrest first. First Dad's lawyers are working on that, then I'll decide which direction I want to go."

We lose track of time, and I suddenly realize that Bella should have been back by now. She jogs for about forty minutes so she should be back within an hour. It's now going on two.

I call her cell. No answer.

I text her. Nothing.

Emmett tries to get me to calm down, but I can't. Why isn't she answering? I can feel my heart race with worry. "Let's go look for her."

"Maybe she just doesn't hear her phone. I bet she left it on silent, Edward. Let's just give her some more time," Emmett tries to reason.

I bury my hands in my hair and try to answer without biting his head off. "More time might be the last thing she needs. That fucker is still out on the loose!"

Emmett places his hand on my shoulder. "She is okay," he assures me.

I turn off the Xbox, too upset to even focus. Maybe I am overreacting. Then, right on channel three, there's an announcement for breaking news in downtown Seattle. As watch the television, I realize what I'm seeing. There, before my eyes, is the street I jogged everyday with Bella. Then I notice the silver Volvo in the background and I know it's mine.

"EM!" I shout. He comes over and takes in the scene. Ambulances. Cops. Fire trucks.

The announcer's voice breaks through. "The latest victim of this serial rapist has yet to be identified. All we know is she is a young brunette. All other information is being held at this time. She is being taken to Washington Hospital."

"Bella," I gasp.

"It's not Bella, E. There are thousands of young brunette's in Seattle," Emmett attempts to convince me.

"Fuck! Can we..." I don't even know if I want to go down there or just straight to the hospital. If it isn't Bella, and she is close to that, she could be freaking out. Possibly having a panic attack. I don't know everything that could be happening but I know she must have been in that area because I saw my car.

As I'm worrying about everything that could have happened, the doorbell rings. My heart falls into my stomach, as I can feel that things are about to go really bad. Emmett answers the door to find two police officers. Emmett lets them in and deals with introductions as I can't even focus on the pleasantries they go through before they get down to the reason for their visit.

"There was a woman raped this morning..."

"Oh fuck..." If I could have fallen to the ground I would have. "Bella..."

"Sir, we don't have any information other than a piece of paper with this address written on it."

"What else do you know about her? I mean it might not be Bella," Emmett pipes up.

"Did she have any tattoos? Under her breast or on her hip?" I ask.

"No, sir. She was about twenty-seven weeks pregnant though."

"Bella wasn't pregnant," Emmett explains with a shake of his head.

Then the reality hits me like a ton of bricks. "Aud. Audrina was twenty-seven weeks pregnant. Where did you say was?"

"She is at Washington Hospital. We don't know much about her condition. Do you know this woman?" They hold out a Polaroid picture. The woman's face is bloody and bruised. Almost swollen beyond recognition. Almost.

I swallow down the bile before I answer. "Yeah. She's my ex girlfriend. She just came up to visit and talk about the baby before he was born." I feel like I might throw up.

"Do you have the information we might need to get in contact with her family?" one of the officers asks.

"Sure, just let me get it." I find her address but all I have is her cell phone number. They tell me it is enough and offer condolences.

Once the police officers leave, Emmett and I hurry to get to the hospital. Bella finally calls me on the drive. "Are you okay? You were gone so long and then you didn't answer your phone. I was freaking out, babe."

She sounds okay as she responds. "I'm a little freaked out, but they caught him, so that's good. The poor girl. I could hear her screaming. It was hard to get out of the area, but I'm on my way back to the houseboat so I'll see you soon."

"No, I'm on my way to the hospital," I say without thinking.

"Why?" Bella asks, panic clear in her voice.

I'm afraid what will happen when I tell her who the girl was. "It was Audrina, Bella."

"Oh, shit!" Bella cries. "I'm on my way. I'll meet you there. I love you, Edward."

Emmett has been on the phone with Dad as we rush to the hospital. Dad tells us to come right up to ICU, where he will be waiting for us.

Bella is waiting in the lobby when we arrive. Once she's close enough I grab her arm and pull her down into a tight hug her. I am so happy it wasn't her. I don't know what I'd do if it had been. From the lobby, we rush to the elevators and up to the ICU.

None of the rooms are very private. All of the interior walls are made of glass and the doors open wide open. My father stands outside Audrina's room writing notes in a chart. He must sense us approaching because he looks up from the chart then quickly puts it away before coming to give me a supportive hug.

"What's going on?" I ask as I pull away and peek into the room. I can see she is still round with life, thankfully, but is also attached to a machine that is breathing for her.

"The attack was brutal and caused extensive brain damage. Her prognosis is not good."

"And Julian?"

"Is stable," Dad reassures me. "We do have one problem though. She has a will in which she declares that she doesn't want any heroic measures to keep her alive. Of course, we didn't know this until we reached her parents. Son, we're going to have to take her off the life support."

"What? But those are the things keeping Julian alive!" I yell in frustration.

My father nods and places a hand on my shoulder. "Why don't we take this conversation somewhere private?" Dad says, as he points to the door of a small conference room. I think he realizes I'm about to lose my cool.

Once were all seated around a small table behind closed doors Dad continues the conversation right where we left off. "We can deliver Julian by c-section, Edward."

"That isn't the issue, Dad. He isn't old enough! The chances of him being healthy enough to survive are slim!" Bella takes my hand in hers. I look at her and shake my head. "No, she wouldn't want that! Aud would stay hooked up to those machines for him! She would do that to make sure he had the best chances!"

"Audrina can't tell us that right now, Edward, but what she did tell us was no breathing tubes, no ventilators, and no tube feedings. We can keep her alive like that, but it's not what she wants according to her will."

I'm beside myself with worry now. I just need to buy him some more time, somehow. "No. There has to be some way to fight this! Some appeal process, right? I mean, you are risking my son's life. All I'm asking for is ten more weeks. Just enough time to make sure he's as healthy as possible. Please, Dad."

Dad looks me in the eye. I can see that he is conflicted. "As much as I would like to, there is nothing I can do to change this. Her parents will be in tonight, though. They want to say goodbye, but they also have the power to give Julian the time he needs. You should talk to them first, before we try any formal proceedings."

I have no idea how Audrina's parents will receive me. I didn't exactly treat their daughter well during this whole situation. I really hope they won't hold that against my son now but I need to know what happens if they won't hear me out. "And if they won't listen to me?"

"Then we will start an IV steroid push to help his lungs develop faster," Dad answers authoritatively. "Let's not worry about that right now. Just know that we will do everything we can to make sure Julian is as healthy as possible when he enters this world."

"What about what I want?" I ask desperately. "Doesn't it matter that _I_ am Julian's next of kin?"

"Honestly, Edward...no." His answer dashes a bit more of my hope. "You aren't married to her and you have no rights over him unless you take a paternity test."

Paternity test. That I can do. "I want to get one. I'll go get one right now. Can we get a judge to sign off on that? I need to have some control over this..."

"Calm down, Edward. Let's take things one step at a time."

I know my father is trying to comfort me, but I'm really beyond that at this point. I've asked him before how he can be so calm in situations like this. He told me that it's part of the job; to detach, even when it's your own blood. I wonder if I will ever be able to do that.

"Can I go in the room?" I ask. I'm so sick of hospitals but I know that I need to be here for my son. Dad just nods before rising to open the door back into the hall.

Once I'm in the room, I place my hand directly on Aud's stomach and feel Julian moving almost immediately. My relief is short lived as I realize his mother is dying, is _going_ to die. Based on what my father said, she's already gone. My son will never know this woman who was so determined to bring him safely into our world.

Now that I've felt Julian I take a moment to really look at Audrina. Her face looks like hell. It sickens me to see what that monster did to her. I gasp when the nurse comes in to adjust the fetal monitors on her stomach and even that is covered in bruises.

"Are they sure the baby is okay?" I ask.

"They did an ultrasound and everything is fine," the nurse assures me.

I watch the monitor as his heartbeat hovers around one hundred and fifty six beats per minute. I won't let them do something that could hurt him. Twenty-seven weeks is not far enough along and I will fight for my son.

**SS4DL**

In a matter of hours her parents rush into the room, my father close behind. Her mother is sobbing as her father holds her up. It's so hard to watch these people come undone. Cry for their daughter. Collapse. Cry out to God and ask why. I feel like I'm intruding so I look to Bella, who silently nods as if she can read my mind, and wheels me from the room. I don't think they even know we are there because they are so lost in their own grief.

Bella takes me outside but we try to stay close. Time is of the essence, but is there a guideline as to how long one needs to mourn for their child before I can interrupt? Do I say something yet? My father answers my question as he pulls the curtain to give them more privacy.

I bury my face in my hands and I cry. I've been here before and this is all too familiar. I've seen it all before with Makenna. I saw her parents as they battled their emotions for months, become ghosts because of the loss of their daughter. I didn't know what to do for them either.

When I become aware of my surroundings I notice Bella on her knees in front of me, trying to get me to calm down, encouraging me to stay strong. I'm just not sure I can be in this situation again.

With Bella's help, I get myself under control and patiently wait for Audrina's parents. When they finally appear they look pretty worse for wear. Her father's salt and pepper hair is disheveled, his eyes red, and his nice suit is wrinkled. Even though her mother's pain is written clearly across her face, I can tell that this woman and Audrina share the same eyes and other facial features. She dabs at those swollen eyes with a tissue as her husband holds her close, then tries to smooth out her floral skirt and adjust her button down jacket before making eye contact with me.

"I assume you are Edward?" she asks, extending her hand.

I take it gently. "Yes, ma'am. I'm so sorry..." I trail off. I know for a fact nothing I can say will be good enough. They introduce themselves as Linda and Jack Saunders.

Her father reaches down and shakes my hand. "They gave us the belongings she had on her..." he says, handing me a small plastic bag. The only thing inside is the check I gave Audrina, covered in blood.

"Thanks," I tell them nervously taking the bag. I take a deep breath before I begin to speak again. "I don't want to be callous, but I need to know if you plan to take Audrina off the life support?" I ask, looking at the floor. I look up, feeling the need to state my case. "I mean, Julian doesn't have much of a chance without her...and I think she'd want to give him the best chance possible..."

Audrina's mother holds up her hand to stop me. "Edward, there are two lives hooked up to the machine. As much as Audrina would not want to be kept alive like this, you are right. She would do whatever it took to ensure Julian had a healthy life."

Relief floods through my body at her words. I am so happy to hear we are all on the same page. We all want to make sure Julian doesn't lose any more than he already has. I actually feel tears of gratitude prick at my eyes.

"You all understand that there are no guarantees in this situation," Dad reminds us. "As long as Julian doesn't show any signs of distress, we will keep him where he is until it's safer for him to be delivered. Audrina's body could start to deliver him at any time as well, so please, just be prepared for what may come."

This was a rude awakening. It is time to leave behind the cave I am in. Although it nice, there is too much denial there. Too much I am hiding from. My life is changing so much. It only took seconds for that rapist to set his sights on Audrina and change everything. His one choice...changed the lives of so many. Her parents. Myself. Bella. Our son. We are all impacted by the choice and actions of one man.

There are suddenly new questions that need to be addressed.

I look over at Bella standing by my side. Is she ready for this? My mind wanders back to a private conversation Audrina and I had the day before. Aud said she could not have picked a better woman than Bella to be in Julian's life. I'm nervous because I know motherhood isn't exactly part of Bella's plan at the moment. I can't ask her to do something she isn't ready to tackle.

I also have to do what's best for my son. He comes first. I am going to be a father, and although this isn't news, the part of me wanting to protect him…that is. I am ready to fight to the death for him.

And a fight was exactly what I had on my hands when Audrina's parents informed me that they wanted custody. I was shocked.

"How is that better for him? I'm his father!"

"Are you though?" her father questioned with an arch of his eyebrow. I was stunned to say the least that he was implying his daughter was...well a slut.

So we're hitting below the belt, huh? "Yeah, I am. Did you see those ultrasound pictures? I'm pretty sure he is my kid! I'm positive it was your daughter I fucked in June!"

I hear Bella gasp at my harsh words. "Edward!" my father chastises. At this point, I don't even care that I am being crass about their daughter who was as good as dead. Jack Saunders already was.

I take a deep breath to calm myself before I speak again. "Look, he is my son and I'm going to take care of him."

"How? You can't even walk," Audrina's mother points out.

I'm furious and I don't even stop to think as I put my hands down on the wheelchair arms and push up with all my strength. My legs are shaky but I still stand by myself and manage to take two steps before I collapse into my father's arms. Bella wheels the chair into position so I can sit down, panting heavily. "This is not permanent, but even if it were it doesn't get in the way of being a good parent!" I exclaim in frustration.

"Edward you need to calm down. We will figure this out," Bella whispers.

"Oh, will we?" I glare up at her. "This isn't your fight Bella. What do you care?" The look on her face tells me I've taken things too far.

"I care Edward! How dare you ask me that when I'm the one that made you pull your ass out of your head for that child! Not my fight? Everyday it's been my fight!" She shakes her head at me and moves her gaze to Audrina's parents. "I'm really sorry about your daughter. I know there's nothing I can say that will make things better, but I spoke with her yesterday about Julian. I made a promise to her to love him like my own and I have no intention of breaking that promise. That child is Edward's and you won't take parental rights away from him."

"Bella..." I start.

"Shut up," she growls through gritted teeth.

"I can't...you can't..."

"Edward. Shut. Up."

So I do. I hate that she is willing to change her life for me. So willing to adapt her world for me and for my son.

So despite our fears and our faults, Bella and I will hold on hope.

**REVIEWS always make me smile! I love you all. And Come on over to Facebook where SueSoxCullen made a group BEGGING me to kill Aud. I didn't kill her because of the group – that has always been the plan. But really she was a good girl, and this is sad right?**


	25. Chapter 25 No Air, Part One

**SM Owns. Not me. **

**I had little help with this, Mo'Reading helped catch some mistakes. Nicole and Khristen over on FB pre-readers. It's only Bella POV, hence the part one. I just don't want to make you guys wait forever **

**I hope to have more for you soon. This is my top priority, I promise you I will finish. I keep the document open on my laptop always...it just sits there taunting me to write. **

**Sorry if it's not up to par. I am missing My2GalsPal and HippieStarr to RL issues. **

**PrettyKittyFF – Is around, I just fail and didn't send it to her in time. Forgive me bb? **

**Chapter 25 Part One: No Air**

_Got me out here in the water so deep  
Tell me how you gon' be without me?  
If you ain't here I just can't breathe  
There's no air, no air_

**BPOV**

I make Edward drive back to the houseboat with Emmett. I am livid. Emmett  
silently holds the door open for Edward as he wheels himself in. Then awkwardly  
says goodbye. It's no secret that I am pissed as I pace the length of the living  
room.

Edward comes closer to me, he looks like a teenager who misbehaved. "Bella..."  
he starts. His voice is weak, I hold my hand up to silence him.

"No. No." I stop and shake my head. I point my finger at him, "You don't get to  
speak right now." I turn my finger to myself, "ME. I get to speak, and you," my  
finger travels back to him. "YOU, get to listen." I take a breath and he nods.  
"Would you like to think for me? Speak for me? Tell me what's best for me? Or do  
you think I am capable of doing those things for myself?" I give him second to  
answer, he remains quiet.

Good boy.

"Good. So I should pack my shit and leave. I really should. What you just did to  
me at the hospital...Fuck...I don't even know what to think. You want to protect  
me? From what? Helping the man I love and want to spend my life with raise his  
son? Is that such a horrible thing? Cause I don't think it is."

"I know you aren't ready to be a mother at twenty-two..."

"I said you get to listen!" I yell at him in frustration. "Stop fucking telling  
me what I'm ready for. You aren't ready either! We are suppose to be a couple!  
Stick together! If Julian scared me so much...I would have been gone months ago.  
Why in the world you won't hear the words...you know what really pisses me off?  
That you don't SEE it. I shouldn't even have to say I am here for you...you  
should see it EVERYDAY, that I am here. That I haven't left. That I always,  
always support you."**  
**

I start to walk away. Then I stop. "If you don't want that support tell me to  
leave. But question it one more time Edward...one more..." I don't finish the  
threat but he knows. I know it's time for him to take medicine but he can do it  
himself today.

I slowly climb the stairs, and shut the bedroom door behind me.

As I sit on the bed my phone chirps with a text. I pull it out, "Do I get a turn  
to speak?" Edward's text reads.

"Depends" I send back.

"On?" he questions me back immediately.

"What you have to say..."

"Guess you won't know if you stay holed up in that bedroom."

I sigh, and stand up. When I start making my way back down the steps, I try to  
keep up the tough girl act. Seeing Edward weakens me and makes me overlook all  
the times he has acted shitty since this started.

He can't keep doing and saying stupid things and I can't keep letting him. I  
cross my arms, and look at him. With my eyes I let him know he should speak.

"I feel bad. It's my fault your in this situation with me, and if you want to be  
the great supportive girlfriend that you are and do this with me, I'm a fool to  
push you away. I push you away because I feel guilty. Like it's too much to ask  
from you..." he looks down, then looks back at me. "You are right. I am an  
ass...you are more than capable of making decisions about the direction you want your life to go, and if it's with me and my son, well...we must be the luckiest  
men in the world."

I relax my stance. I walk over to him and kneel in front of him. He takes my  
head in his hands, "Forgive me?" he smiles.

"Always." I smile back. He pulls my face closer and kisses my lips. One soft  
kiss. Two. Three. Until he overtakes my mouth and moves his tongue against mine.  
He pulls back and stares at me.

"I love you."

"I love you."

**SS4DL**

Time passes in a blur. Christmas comes and goes. I can't even tell you what we  
did or how we spent the time. New Years is just another day. We spent the night  
inside with his family, sober with Emmett.

Edward gets stronger and stronger as the weeks go by physically. One day he is  
in his wheelchair the next he is on his feet with the aid of a walker. I almost  
want to laugh, but I contain myself. Until Edward laughs at himself. I call him  
my old man.

Before we know it, it's February. Letters start coming in the mail from all the  
schools Edward applied to. None of them are good news. All of them are  
rejections. Edward is taking it all in stride. Holding on to hope. "There is  
still Stanford," he sighs opening the ninth rejection.

"They'd be idiots not to accept you." I tell him with a kiss. "Plus, it would be perfect for us there I think. With Monterrey Bay Aquarium, I would love to work there."

"Don't get your hopes up..." Edward is down and out. His legs are working. But  
his dreams of becoming a doctor seem to slowly be evaporating, along with the  
hope he had that Audrina's parents would come to their senses regarding Julian  
and what is best for him.

Carlisle hired a lawyer for Edward, and right now, after I handed him the  
rejection from University of Pennsylvania, I have to hand him this letter  
that the lawyer Mr. Jenks dropped off earlier.

Edward takes it, and peels it open. His eyes move along quickly, and then I jump  
because of how loud he yells over whatever the letter says.

"This is fucking bullshit!" Edward yells, shoving a paper across the counter. I  
pick it up and begin to read. The paternity test isn't safe to perform with  
Audrina clinging to life, and the judge will not force Audrina's parents to  
consent. "I'm not fucking mad that we can't do the test until he is born,  
because, fine I don't want to risk anything...but the Saunders aren't playing  
fair!"

"Edward calm down, please," I urge him. I know why he is so upset. Once the baby  
is delivered, they get to take him. "They won't have him long."

"It just...pisses me off. He's my son! I want him here with us!"

"Edward, they are in a really hard place right now...they lost their daughter  
and now they are afraid they will lose their grandson."

"I never told them they couldn't be in his life! I would never take that from  
them. It's pissing me off that they are trying to do it to me!"

"The courts want the child with their parents Edward, once the paternity test  
comes out with the truth, the Saunders won't have a choice, and they will have  
to hand Julian back to you."

"You think? You think they are going to hand him over to a single father who  
is a pre**-**med student?"

"Over his aging grandparents? Yeah I know they will. Just calm down. You heard  
what the lawyer said, they have to prove you unfit, and you are not unfit." I  
try so hard to calm him. I know he is worrying. Two months ago, he didn't even  
want Julian, and well now, he spends most of his time stressing over the entire  
situation.

He runs his hands over his scruffy face, and sighs. "I know." I rest my forehead  
against his. My fingers slide down his jaw, he pushes his mouth onto mine gently  
and pecks my lips with his. I smile. He smiles. He presses his mouth harder to  
mine then nibbles on my bottom lip as his hands travel over my ass.

"Be good." I warn him. "I have class." I back away.

**SS4DL**

When I get home from class, Edward is nagging me. Help me do this. Grab that.  
Move this. Can you go get something for dinner?

I sigh and finish helping him with everything. I am about to walk away when his  
words stop me.

"One more thing..." he is trying to hide a smile and I find it irresistible.

"Yes?" I question, letting him pull me. He pulls open the drawer to the end  
table in the living room and pulls out a thick white envelope.

"This came today...from Stanford..."

I feel my eyes go wide. "Thick is good right?" I can't help the smile spreading  
across my face.

"So they say."

"Are you going to open it?"

"Yeah...I just...I didn't want to do it without you."

I want to tell him how much I love him. How much it means to me that he wants to  
share these important moments with me.

We fight, way too much sometimes, and I won't lie and say it makes me wonder if  
I made the right choice, being with him. My relationship with Emmett was so  
easy. We hardly ever argued. I was content.

But I never felt the need to share things with him. I never felt ignited inside.  
It feels amazing to share Edward's joy...even his pain.

"Why are you still waiting?" I ask anxiously, placing a peck to his lips.

He laughs, looks down at the envelope and shakes his head. "I don't know," he  
begins to open the package, and read the words on the paper that sits atop the  
pile. "Dear Mr, Cullen..." he begins. As soon as he says the part about being  
pleased to announce his acceptance into the program, he drops the papers and he  
pulls me into his strong arms. His legs strong enough to hold himself up, my  
feet leave the floor.

"God, I missed this," I whisper against his neck. His arms tighten around me.

"I needed this," he states, placing me down.

"We. We needed this." I clarify. What's his is mine. His pain is my pain. His  
happiness is my happiness. We are intertwined, we are one.

That's how I know I made the right choice.

**SS4DL **

My life has been...a rollercoaster. For as long as I can remember, I've always  
carried some imperfection or problem on my shoulders. The last time I truly felt  
carefree, I must have been like ten. When I didn't realize the burden I was on  
my mother. When my father wasn't sick. When I wasn't left orphaned when he died.

My mother never disowned me, but it was never in her to nurture.

When I moved to Seattle for college to explore the ocean, I felt some sense  
of...freedom.

Alice asked me why the ocean. Why I loved something I hardly ever saw growing  
up. I always chalked it up to the few summers we vacationed in the gulf and I  
spent hours with my father on big fishing boats in the sea. I always thought we  
were so far out. In the middle of nowhere. I never understood the vastness the  
ocean held. The depths. The warmth. The ice.

The life that exists without the need of breathing...I think Edward's become my  
air. The bright colors of the coral and plant life. It's like another world,  
amongst us that I don't think many people truly take the time to appreciate.

I can't for the life of me, figure out why the world continues to pollute as if  
it isn't vital to our own survival.

I have this huge paper due about the pollution, and I can't focus with the way  
Edward keeps glancing at me with his undeniable smirk. Being like my own  
personal ocean that I want to explore. I want to know everything in the depths  
of his soul.

"Stop," I tell him, not looking up from my book. "I need to finish this, before  
Alice gets here."

"What am I doing?" he asks all innocent.

"You know what you are doing." I shoot him a knowing look.

"You and Alice haven't talked much since..." I know. He doesn't have to say it.  
Since we put on the shoes of cheaters.

Jasper can't even talk to Edward. Even though Emmett is. Alice explains that  
Jasper doesn't want to invest time into friendships with anyone that could be so  
selfish. It's not that he hates Edward or me. It's not like he even has anything  
to forgive us for. We lied. We cheated. We were selfish.

I won't argue that point, and I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to  
make anyone else feel comfortable around us, if they feel that much negativity  
being around us...

Is he judging us? Maybe. I can't make him respect Edward, or me.

It strains things with Alice and I though. My best friend. She helped me when I  
needed it. Something my life had been lacking since my father passed. She was a  
shoulder, always there.

I know that things shifted when I met Emmett. They shifted even more once I gave  
into my feelings for Edward.

I miss her though. Edward isn't the only fish in my ocean, and if I don't stop  
acting like that. I will be one lonely girl.

There is already the impending arrival of a little fish that is going to take a  
lot of time, patience, and energy to raise.

I need more than one other fish for my survival. Even if Edward is essentially  
my air.

When he smiles at me again, I see the brightness.

I'm so screwed.

I could never forget he is also my sun.

**Thanks again for all the patience, and hope I don't keep you waiting forever for the next part of EPOV. **


End file.
